“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” — Barbara de Angelis
There is a deeper level of love that only some know about.Advertising
We all know the feelings of love, lust, desire, flirtation. We all know what how it feels to want another human being. But do we ponder enough what it means to be in a relationship? To enter a formation of two people together, learning and growing with each other? No bond between two people is like any other. This makes all relationships incredibly unique and powerful. But are we looking at our relationships with true love.
Life coach Garrison Cohen speaks about a theory for relationships using pitted fruit as a metaphor. He refers to the phrase “It’s the pits,” meaning that something is worthless and holds no meaning when talking about the stone inside the delicious exterior. As humans, and as is the same in nature, we are all one — we are drawn in and excited by the sweet, juicy flesh of the fruit, the outer layer. It is delicious and satisfying and we devour it. Yet, when we reach the pit inside, we throw it away. We deem it useless and toss it to the ground. What we do not appreciate is that it actually can be potted back into the earth and will again grow life. It is the source of life, and yet we treat it as if it is useless because it does not give us instant gratification. We do not wait to see what life grows from it.Advertising
Imagine your relationship is like this fruit. We enter the honeymoon phase and devour the sweetness of each other, we satisfy our cravings by enjoying each other’s wonderful exterior — the fresh sweetness we are initially drawn to. But then, perhaps, things don’t go so sweetly. Perhaps the two of you reach a point in a discussion where you don’t agree. Things may not run so smoothly as both of you are afraid of what is happening. Maybe one of you or even both of you run away from the rising tension rather than confronting it. There are valid reasons why people leave relationships, but how often are we culprits of leaving too soon? How often do we leave because we are afraid of the pit, and not because of any other reason?
When we have devoured all the ripe fruit, we find the seed and sometimes we decide to go no further. We do not always take the time with each other to see what else will grow when we nurture the inside of us — the parts of us that are perhaps not so juicy and sweet.Advertising
The pit represents the breakdowns, the flaws as such, that are a real and inevitable part of every human being. The pit is as much a part of the fruit as anything else, and its role is just as important. And if we give time to the breakdowns, to the pits, if we accept them for what they are and embrace them with honesty, we give ourselves the potential to grow. We can look at the darker sides of ourselves, the selfish parts, the scared parts. We all have them. No soul is perfect, and we are all doing the best we can with what we have. But if we look at ourselves as a whole, we might find that we can dig a little deeper, with richer rewards. We can give each other the potential to further our relationship, to understand that we can evolve with nurture and care. We can always find something beautiful in the breakdowns.
This is not to say to sit “down in the dumps,” but it is wise not to resist being “in the pits.” We can appreciate the hard times and just sit with them, knowing it is reality, that it is part of life and part of you. We cannot avoid breakdowns and hardships — they are how we appreciate the good things in life, they are a part of the balance. We could not have summer without winter first. And we cannot have the fruit without the seed.Advertising
In relationships, we have the potential to go on an incredible journey and adventure with another person. If we don’t run away when things get tough, we allow ourselves to learn, to love, and to grow. In this respect we enjoy a far richer life than those who skim the surface, who only eat the good parts and throw away the rest. So consider the pit next time you enjoy your favourite (pitted) fruit. Take a moment to consider the life inside it, and toss it somewhere you know it will grow into beauty.
Featured photo credit: Puuung via facebook.com
Last Updated on January 21, 2020
How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them
If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.
Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.
So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.
Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”
“Why do you want to do that?”
“What makes you so excited about it?”
“How long has that been your dream?”
You need this information the help you with the following steps.
This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”
4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be
After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.
This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.
6. Ask How You Can Help
Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.
7. Follow Up
Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.
By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …
Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!
More on Motivation
- Why Is Internal Motivation So Powerful (And How to Find It)
- 9 Types of Motivation That Make It Possible to Reach Your Dreams
- No Motivation? 7 Great Ways To Overcome Loss Of Motivation
Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com