“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” — Barbara de Angelis
There is a deeper level of love that only some know about.Advertising
We all know the feelings of love, lust, desire, flirtation. We all know what how it feels to want another human being. But do we ponder enough what it means to be in a relationship? To enter a formation of two people together, learning and growing with each other? No bond between two people is like any other. This makes all relationships incredibly unique and powerful. But are we looking at our relationships with true love.
Life coach Garrison Cohen speaks about a theory for relationships using pitted fruit as a metaphor. He refers to the phrase “It’s the pits,” meaning that something is worthless and holds no meaning when talking about the stone inside the delicious exterior. As humans, and as is the same in nature, we are all one — we are drawn in and excited by the sweet, juicy flesh of the fruit, the outer layer. It is delicious and satisfying and we devour it. Yet, when we reach the pit inside, we throw it away. We deem it useless and toss it to the ground. What we do not appreciate is that it actually can be potted back into the earth and will again grow life. It is the source of life, and yet we treat it as if it is useless because it does not give us instant gratification. We do not wait to see what life grows from it.Advertising
Imagine your relationship is like this fruit. We enter the honeymoon phase and devour the sweetness of each other, we satisfy our cravings by enjoying each other’s wonderful exterior — the fresh sweetness we are initially drawn to. But then, perhaps, things don’t go so sweetly. Perhaps the two of you reach a point in a discussion where you don’t agree. Things may not run so smoothly as both of you are afraid of what is happening. Maybe one of you or even both of you run away from the rising tension rather than confronting it. There are valid reasons why people leave relationships, but how often are we culprits of leaving too soon? How often do we leave because we are afraid of the pit, and not because of any other reason?
When we have devoured all the ripe fruit, we find the seed and sometimes we decide to go no further. We do not always take the time with each other to see what else will grow when we nurture the inside of us — the parts of us that are perhaps not so juicy and sweet.Advertising
The pit represents the breakdowns, the flaws as such, that are a real and inevitable part of every human being. The pit is as much a part of the fruit as anything else, and its role is just as important. And if we give time to the breakdowns, to the pits, if we accept them for what they are and embrace them with honesty, we give ourselves the potential to grow. We can look at the darker sides of ourselves, the selfish parts, the scared parts. We all have them. No soul is perfect, and we are all doing the best we can with what we have. But if we look at ourselves as a whole, we might find that we can dig a little deeper, with richer rewards. We can give each other the potential to further our relationship, to understand that we can evolve with nurture and care. We can always find something beautiful in the breakdowns.
This is not to say to sit “down in the dumps,” but it is wise not to resist being “in the pits.” We can appreciate the hard times and just sit with them, knowing it is reality, that it is part of life and part of you. We cannot avoid breakdowns and hardships — they are how we appreciate the good things in life, they are a part of the balance. We could not have summer without winter first. And we cannot have the fruit without the seed.Advertising
In relationships, we have the potential to go on an incredible journey and adventure with another person. If we don’t run away when things get tough, we allow ourselves to learn, to love, and to grow. In this respect we enjoy a far richer life than those who skim the surface, who only eat the good parts and throw away the rest. So consider the pit next time you enjoy your favourite (pitted) fruit. Take a moment to consider the life inside it, and toss it somewhere you know it will grow into beauty.
Featured photo credit: Puuung via facebook.com
Last Updated on October 9, 2018
27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down
Who has never gone through some ups and downs in the life? But some people can feel better in a quicker way than others because they’ve found their own remedies to heal the bad feelings.
If you haven’t found yours, these ways will help you instantly feel better and ditch that negative self talk when you’re feeling bad about yourself:
- Listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university, this will recall you of the old good times.
- Write something. Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone.
- Draw something. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.
- Read the postcards or letters your friends or family sent you before, remind yourself there are people who always remember you.
- Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed and try to recapture that very first feeling. Was it the day of your graduation? The moment you traveled with your loved one?
- Take out your photo albums and go over your childhood photos.
- Cry when you feel like doing so. There’s nothing wrong with crying; cry out all your fear and stress and just face the truth after crying.
- Sing loudly like no one can hear you. Do you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?
- Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family.
- Read your previous diary entries and look at your great memories.
- Dress up nicely to feel happier.
- Don’t stay in your bed! Get your laptop or a book and sit in a coffee place.
- Take a walk outside and feel the fresh air.
- Sweat yourself! Go jogging or play some sports.
- Pick up the musical instrument you used to play a lot and start to play it.
- Tidy up your desk or wardrobe, you’ll feel good that you’re being productive and actually doing something.
- Watch some funny videos, sure you can find a lot of them on Youtube.
- Eat something you like, be it a chocolate cake, or an ice-cream. Just please yourself with the flavour you like.
- Re-read your favorite book and write down the sentences or passages that you love.
- Watch a new movie, there must be a movie which you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch it.
- Do something nice that no one will notice, say picking up a rubbish in the street and throw it to a trash bin.
- Call your best friend and just talk whatever you want! Human beings are social animals after all, connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.
- Do voluntary work and help people in need, you’ll feel happy and satisfied.
- Get drunk with your close friends at home – a safe place for you to get drunk and get crazy. Let loose and have fun with your very close friends.
- Write an email or a note to a friend who you care about.
- Get out of your routine life and meet new friends. Get out of your comfort zone! Meeting new people can give you new inspirations in life.
- Look into the mirror and smile. Act like today’s already a wonderful day. How we act affects how we feel. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. — Epictetus
If you want to feel better, change what you’re doing because obviously what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy!
Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com