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Why Empaths Feel Drained Around Fake People

Why Empaths Feel Drained Around Fake People

Humans with heightened emotional sensitivity were officially identified in 1991 by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron. She discovered that between 15-20% of our population could be classified as Empaths. She even proposed that their brains process sensory inputs differently to others and emotion regulation functions differently.

Empaths are far more sensitive to emotion and behavior than many others. They are natural-born listeners, genuine, and are often very giving to others. But as they are so finely tuned to the environment, they can often see straight through fake personas and behaviors. They thrive on deep, honest relationships with others and they literally can’t stand dealing with pretentious characters.

Why Are Empaths Drained By Fake People?

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    As an empath interacting with someone disingenuous, you can’t help but see straight through these shards. It’s not a case of simply being able to ignore and glaze over this fact — it actually triggers a state of discomfort. Symptoms are both mental and physical, such as tiredness, frustration, clammy hands, or increased heart beat.

    But it’s not an outright dislike for fake people that pains you, it’s understanding that these personas are a protective smokescreen to hide their own pain. However, playing along with them is not something you can feel at all comfortable with.

    Behaviors And Situations That Trouble Empaths

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      Common examples of behaviors that trigger the alarm bells for an empath:

      • Giving out disingenuous compliments to others just to receive their acceptance
      • Embellishing stories or truths to gain the approval of others
      • Acting rough and tough to mask true feelings of vulnerability
      • Counseling jealously or resentment with false niceties
      • Easily compromising oneself in to gain acceptance from others
      • Forgoing one’s natural personality to try and act in another way

      Empaths’ Common Responses And Reactions

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        As an empath dealing with the mentioned behaviors, your instinctual reactions may include:

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        • Avoiding the person altogether due to the bad vibrations you feel when you are around them
        • Feelings of dread and uneasiness that are only lifted once you distance yourself from the source
        • Struggling to form sentences, answer questions about yourself, or even slurring speech
        • Experiencing feelings of guilt for not wanting to be around said person
        • Feeling physically nauseous after long interactions with fake people
        • Unwillingness to talk or contribute to the conversation any further
        • Wanting to simply drop everything and leave the situation as soon as possible

        The Best Ways To Deal With Fake People As An Empath

        It’s an inevitable fact of life that you will have to deal with fake people from time to time. As an empath, simply running away from these situations is not an option. Instead, you should use these 3 key principles to maintain your composure and avoid negative reactions when dealing with fake people.

        1. Always Speak Up For Yourself

        We often find ourselves in a conflicting situation: as a sensitive person, how can we speak up if we know it may hurt others? Well for a start, simply saying no to a request doesn’t make you the bad one. Agreeing against your better judgement only to let them down later is only going to make things worse for both of you!

        If it’s good for you, it’s good for others, and vice versa. Never be afraid to speak up for yourself and say no when needed. Others should control their emotions no matter your response, so it’s not your fault if they are upset.

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        2. Remember To Follow Your Own Path

        Another common mistake is getting carried away with trying to help everyone we can. While it’s great to help others, you must draw a line where it begins to cut into your own hopes and dreams. Otherwise, you will be left unfulfilled, empty, and unable to continue helping others.

        Instead, you need to be bold and follow your heart. Don’t let others stand in your way and remember that you can’t save the whole world. Don’t neglect self-improvement and the importance of following your own path.

        3. Understand You Can’t Please Everyone

        Being a people-pleaser may seem innocent enough, yet it can actually be highly detrimental to yourself. If you’re always going against yourself to please others, your own needs will get put on hold. Eventually, you will be left feeling drained, exhausted, and unable to please anyone.

        You would benefit from raising your self-esteem, and remember: your needs must be fulfilled before you can tend to others properly.

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        Last Updated on August 6, 2020

        How to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic

        How to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic

        Let’s be honest. When you’re going through a difficult time in life, doesn’t it drive you crazy when someone says, “just be optimistic”?

        Everyone has that one overly-optimistic “Positive Pam” friend who sees the good in everything. Trying to find anything to be happy about when you’re struggling feels unrealistic.

        The question remains: “Why is it difficult to pull upon happy thoughts when everything in life feels like it’s falling apart?”

        Well, the root of the problem lies in the brain. Your brain isn’t designed for happiness because its focus has always been on promoting survival, it saves the happy chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin) for opportunities to meet a survival need.[1]

        While all of this is true, it is still possible to train your brain to be optimistic so that you can find the silver lining amidst life’s greatest adversities.

        You Can’t Be Positive All the Time

        Before I talk about how you can do this, you must realize that you aren’t expected to be positive 100% of the time. You’re human and life happens.

        Have you ever had a solid plan in place, and then life comes along and says, “Let’s explore rock bottom for a while instead?!” You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, or negative sometimes.

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        However, the trick is making sure that you don’t live in this place for too long. Disempowering emotions serve their purpose in the short-term but can become destructive to your overall quality of life in the long-term.

        When it comes to thinking positively, I think a lot of people have a skewed understanding of what positivity should look like. You don’t have to sing in the rain or smile 24/7 to be deemed a positive person.

        Appreciating the smallest of things can work wonders for your mindset, such that, over time, you start wiring your brain to seek out and expect more positives. This speaks to the power of having an attitude of gratitude.

        Research has shown that gratitude can improve general well-being, increase resilience, strengthen social relationships, and reduce stress and depression.[2]

        The more grateful you are, the happier you are.

        So, what does all of this mean? Well, happiness won’t always be your automatic response. Rather, it’s a choice that you have to make every single day.

        3 Ways You Can Train Your Brain to Be Positive

        Similar to any habit, your brain conditions itself to think and behave in certain ways through repetition. Thus, if you engage in daily rituals that enhance your positive thinking, over time you will rewire and train your brain to become more positive.

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        Let’s talk about 3 ways that you can train your brain to be positive:

        1. Challenge Negative Thoughts

        Your mind is a powerful tool – you can either fill it with positive thoughts or negative ones. The average person has thousands of thoughts per day, 80% of which are negative, and 95% of which are exactly the same thoughts as the day before.[3]

        If you’re like most people, you probably spend a lot of time in your head. This is where your inner critic loves to hang out and try to convince you of all the reasons why you’re not good enough or why things won’t work out.

        Not surprisingly, if you play this disempowering record over and over again in your head, eventually you will start believing it.

        People get into trouble when they define who they are based on how they think. You are not your thoughts, so don’t believe everything that you think. This is why it’s so important to practice challenging your negative thoughts.

        The next time that you have a thought that doesn’t serve you, stop and reflect upon whether or not that thought is accurate. Once you determine where the fallacy is in your thinking lies, step back and ask yourself, “Is this thought building me up or tearing me down?” If it’s the latter, reframe the negative thought to a more empowering one.

        The fastest way to change your life is to change your narrative. Small shifts in your mindset can trigger a massive shift in how you perceive yourself, others, and the world.

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        2. Surround Yourself With Positive People

        Your success in life is determined, in large part, by your environment. If you want to be an optimistic person, you have to surround yourself with optimistic people. End of story.

        As Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

        Take a moment and think about your close circle of friends. Are they inspiring and driven people who uplift and empower you? Or are they lazy, negative, and toxic?

        If it’s the latter, I hate to break it to you, but it’s time to find new friends.

        When you surround yourself with positive people, you’re more likely to adopt empowering beliefs and see life as happening for you instead of to you.[4]

        Decide who you want to be and find people who embody those traits. When you raise your standards, your circle will change and so, too, will your life.

        3. Make Your Mental Health and Well-Being a Priority

        The COVID-19 pandemic has given rise to a drastic increase in mental health issues. The isolation, fear, uncertainty, and economic turmoil that people are facing around the world is a breeding ground for psychological distress.[5]

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        Given the current state of our world, there has never been a more important time for us to make our mental health and well-being a priority.

        The question remains, “How do you stay positive when everything sucks?”

        It’s all a matter of perspective.

        We know that the mind and body are connected. If you ignore one, the other one suffers equally as much. Research has found that taking care of ourselves physically and mentally can influence our happiness and train our brains over time to be more positive.[6]

        Looking after your mind and body means creating a daily self-care ritual, consisting of eating healthy foods, exercising, meditating, doing yoga, staying connected with friends, journaling, reading, and practicing affirmations, to name a few.

        Anything that helps you manage your stress and connect with the present moment is key. Even in the most challenging of times, it is always possible to find something to be grateful for. By choosing to focus on what is good in your life and what makes you happy, you will grow stronger in the face of adversity.

        Now Is the Time to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic

        Your mindset is everything. Thinking positively is as important as your skills or talents. We cannot always control our outer world, which is why it’s imperative to cultivate a strong inner world.

        How you respond to adversity will determine your success in life. Have faith, trust in yourself, and believe in what is possible. When you think positively, positive things will happen.

        More Tips on How to Be Optimistic

        Featured photo credit: Dayne Topkin via unsplash.com

        Reference

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