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Why “Be Yourself” Is Advice You Shouldn’t Truly Believe

Why “Be Yourself” Is Advice You Shouldn’t Truly Believe

We often hear the advice “be yourself” when it comes to personal and professional situations, but how much should we really show our true colors? Authenticity and showing our honest thoughts and feelings are seen as a positive thing so why is the advice to “be yourself” not entirely appropriate or true?

The Art of True Authenticity and Sincerity

The advice to be yourself isn’t about manipulation, as well as showing your true thoughts and personality at the right times, while taking into consideration and respecting others. It’s a fine balance of keeping your authenticity and using it in an appropriate manner.

Authenticity is all about our ability to be self-aware. It’s about knowing who we truly are, as well as knowing our values, emotions, and our competencies. It’s also about how we come across to others and having the self-knowledge to act in a certain way that shows tact and diplomacy.

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In the workplace, being authentic takes on the notion of being completely honest even if that means being ruthless. The problem with this is that there is such a thing as being too honest. Furthermore, this can harbor your ability to be an effective leader and influencer. True authenticity goes beyond showing your true personality as there are so many varieties of personality that don’t necessarily match with good leadership. Imitating the person we want to be is a more effective way to pursue success, but we also need to keep a sense of sincerity.

The Risks of Being Yourself

1. Losing credibility with others. If we show our true feelings there will undoubtedly involve fears; however, revealing your fears to others can lead them to lack confidence in you. Being yourself means being transparent in your thoughts and even worries which can have a negative effect on morale. It’s important to think about how your influence ultimately affects others. Fear is the number one honesty factor that devalues ourselves in the minds of other people. As a manager, if you make a decision but mention your fear for the outcome; while being honest about it, there is a danger that a lack of confidence will prevail in your team.

2. You create a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. Being our true self is abstract because we evolve according to our experiences. Acting in a way that shows our “true self” keeps us in a fixed mindset with a sense of introspection which stops us from evolving and growing as a person. A growth mindset is how we ultimately gain new perspectives and become a more worldly, rounded person. So, by sticking to being yourself, you are hindering your growth and staying in your comfort zone.

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3. There’s a chance you could make bad decisions. Acting by your values is important but sometimes this will lead you to make choices based on emotion rather than true information and data. By doing this, you are potentially open to making bad decisions without fully taking on all sides and perspectives. We are governed by past experiences and opinions that may not always be supportive in the here and now. While you are being authentic, in a way that may not fully fit with current important decisions. For example, not taking a certain path because you’ve had a bad experience with something similar in the past will cut off any potential success.

How To Be Effectively Authentic and Sincere

1. Allow yourself to grow. Adopting a growth mindset means accepting that your opinions and thoughts will change over time through experiences. Acting in ways that help you flourish in all areas of life will help towards making better informed decisions while staying authentic and genuine. Anything that gets you out of your comfort zone and the ability to see other perspectives will go towards better judgement.

2. Timing and relevance. Being self-aware and understanding the importance of timing and tact is key when dealing with others. Being yourself can lead to opinions that may not be relevant or just bad timing. When we’re being ourselves, we are essentially self-promoting and can sometimes deflect from the task at hand. Make sure your timing is in line with your aims and question, whether it is relevant to the outcome of the task or not. Personal information should be kept to a minimum. Ask yourself if what you’re saying is a benefit to the job.

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3. Understand contexts. We need to adapt to different cultures because we are all different. It’s important to acknowledge and respect each other’s actions and opinions. Understanding this, and making decisions while taking into account cultural contexts, will help you become more successful and generate more respect from others. Do your homework before working or talking with people from different countries so as not to accidentally offend.

4. Don’t get personal. By this, I mean don’t disclose too much personal information or emotion. While this can help you bond with others, if you don’t know the person (or people) yet, this can cause you to come across as trying too hard, being awkward, or even needy. Your aim might be to break the ice but this can backfire, so disclose personal stories or information for when you have established more of a relationship.

Conclusion

While being yourself is important, be careful with the amount of information and opinions you express around others. Be mindful of different perspectives, ideas, and cultures. Think about tact and timing. This isn’t about being fake or being insincere, it’s about showing a tactful intelligence that demonstrates a willingness to grow and evolve as a person and as a leader. Being aware of how you come across brings success on both a personal and professional level.

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Featured photo credit: Daria Nepriakhina via stocksnap.io

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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