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Why “Be Yourself” Is Advice You Shouldn’t Truly Believe

Why “Be Yourself” Is Advice You Shouldn’t Truly Believe

We often hear the advice “be yourself” when it comes to personal and professional situations, but how much should we really show our true colors? Authenticity and showing our honest thoughts and feelings are seen as a positive thing so why is the advice to “be yourself” not entirely appropriate or true?

The Art of True Authenticity and Sincerity

The advice to be yourself isn’t about manipulation, as well as showing your true thoughts and personality at the right times, while taking into consideration and respecting others. It’s a fine balance of keeping your authenticity and using it in an appropriate manner.

Authenticity is all about our ability to be self-aware. It’s about knowing who we truly are, as well as knowing our values, emotions, and our competencies. It’s also about how we come across to others and having the self-knowledge to act in a certain way that shows tact and diplomacy.

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In the workplace, being authentic takes on the notion of being completely honest even if that means being ruthless. The problem with this is that there is such a thing as being too honest. Furthermore, this can harbor your ability to be an effective leader and influencer. True authenticity goes beyond showing your true personality as there are so many varieties of personality that don’t necessarily match with good leadership. Imitating the person we want to be is a more effective way to pursue success, but we also need to keep a sense of sincerity.

The Risks of Being Yourself

1. Losing credibility with others. If we show our true feelings there will undoubtedly involve fears; however, revealing your fears to others can lead them to lack confidence in you. Being yourself means being transparent in your thoughts and even worries which can have a negative effect on morale. It’s important to think about how your influence ultimately affects others. Fear is the number one honesty factor that devalues ourselves in the minds of other people. As a manager, if you make a decision but mention your fear for the outcome; while being honest about it, there is a danger that a lack of confidence will prevail in your team.

2. You create a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. Being our true self is abstract because we evolve according to our experiences. Acting in a way that shows our “true self” keeps us in a fixed mindset with a sense of introspection which stops us from evolving and growing as a person. A growth mindset is how we ultimately gain new perspectives and become a more worldly, rounded person. So, by sticking to being yourself, you are hindering your growth and staying in your comfort zone.

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3. There’s a chance you could make bad decisions. Acting by your values is important but sometimes this will lead you to make choices based on emotion rather than true information and data. By doing this, you are potentially open to making bad decisions without fully taking on all sides and perspectives. We are governed by past experiences and opinions that may not always be supportive in the here and now. While you are being authentic, in a way that may not fully fit with current important decisions. For example, not taking a certain path because you’ve had a bad experience with something similar in the past will cut off any potential success.

How To Be Effectively Authentic and Sincere

1. Allow yourself to grow. Adopting a growth mindset means accepting that your opinions and thoughts will change over time through experiences. Acting in ways that help you flourish in all areas of life will help towards making better informed decisions while staying authentic and genuine. Anything that gets you out of your comfort zone and the ability to see other perspectives will go towards better judgement.

2. Timing and relevance. Being self-aware and understanding the importance of timing and tact is key when dealing with others. Being yourself can lead to opinions that may not be relevant or just bad timing. When we’re being ourselves, we are essentially self-promoting and can sometimes deflect from the task at hand. Make sure your timing is in line with your aims and question, whether it is relevant to the outcome of the task or not. Personal information should be kept to a minimum. Ask yourself if what you’re saying is a benefit to the job.

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3. Understand contexts. We need to adapt to different cultures because we are all different. It’s important to acknowledge and respect each other’s actions and opinions. Understanding this, and making decisions while taking into account cultural contexts, will help you become more successful and generate more respect from others. Do your homework before working or talking with people from different countries so as not to accidentally offend.

4. Don’t get personal. By this, I mean don’t disclose too much personal information or emotion. While this can help you bond with others, if you don’t know the person (or people) yet, this can cause you to come across as trying too hard, being awkward, or even needy. Your aim might be to break the ice but this can backfire, so disclose personal stories or information for when you have established more of a relationship.

Conclusion

While being yourself is important, be careful with the amount of information and opinions you express around others. Be mindful of different perspectives, ideas, and cultures. Think about tact and timing. This isn’t about being fake or being insincere, it’s about showing a tactful intelligence that demonstrates a willingness to grow and evolve as a person and as a leader. Being aware of how you come across brings success on both a personal and professional level.

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Featured photo credit: Daria Nepriakhina via stocksnap.io

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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