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Why “Be Yourself” Is Advice You Shouldn’t Truly Believe

Why “Be Yourself” Is Advice You Shouldn’t Truly Believe

We often hear the advice “be yourself” when it comes to personal and professional situations, but how much should we really show our true colors? Authenticity and showing our honest thoughts and feelings are seen as a positive thing so why is the advice to “be yourself” not entirely appropriate or true?

The Art of True Authenticity and Sincerity

The advice to be yourself isn’t about manipulation, as well as showing your true thoughts and personality at the right times, while taking into consideration and respecting others. It’s a fine balance of keeping your authenticity and using it in an appropriate manner.

Authenticity is all about our ability to be self-aware. It’s about knowing who we truly are, as well as knowing our values, emotions, and our competencies. It’s also about how we come across to others and having the self-knowledge to act in a certain way that shows tact and diplomacy.

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In the workplace, being authentic takes on the notion of being completely honest even if that means being ruthless. The problem with this is that there is such a thing as being too honest. Furthermore, this can harbor your ability to be an effective leader and influencer. True authenticity goes beyond showing your true personality as there are so many varieties of personality that don’t necessarily match with good leadership. Imitating the person we want to be is a more effective way to pursue success, but we also need to keep a sense of sincerity.

The Risks of Being Yourself

1. Losing credibility with others. If we show our true feelings there will undoubtedly involve fears; however, revealing your fears to others can lead them to lack confidence in you. Being yourself means being transparent in your thoughts and even worries which can have a negative effect on morale. It’s important to think about how your influence ultimately affects others. Fear is the number one honesty factor that devalues ourselves in the minds of other people. As a manager, if you make a decision but mention your fear for the outcome; while being honest about it, there is a danger that a lack of confidence will prevail in your team.

2. You create a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. Being our true self is abstract because we evolve according to our experiences. Acting in a way that shows our “true self” keeps us in a fixed mindset with a sense of introspection which stops us from evolving and growing as a person. A growth mindset is how we ultimately gain new perspectives and become a more worldly, rounded person. So, by sticking to being yourself, you are hindering your growth and staying in your comfort zone.

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3. There’s a chance you could make bad decisions. Acting by your values is important but sometimes this will lead you to make choices based on emotion rather than true information and data. By doing this, you are potentially open to making bad decisions without fully taking on all sides and perspectives. We are governed by past experiences and opinions that may not always be supportive in the here and now. While you are being authentic, in a way that may not fully fit with current important decisions. For example, not taking a certain path because you’ve had a bad experience with something similar in the past will cut off any potential success.

How To Be Effectively Authentic and Sincere

1. Allow yourself to grow. Adopting a growth mindset means accepting that your opinions and thoughts will change over time through experiences. Acting in ways that help you flourish in all areas of life will help towards making better informed decisions while staying authentic and genuine. Anything that gets you out of your comfort zone and the ability to see other perspectives will go towards better judgement.

2. Timing and relevance. Being self-aware and understanding the importance of timing and tact is key when dealing with others. Being yourself can lead to opinions that may not be relevant or just bad timing. When we’re being ourselves, we are essentially self-promoting and can sometimes deflect from the task at hand. Make sure your timing is in line with your aims and question, whether it is relevant to the outcome of the task or not. Personal information should be kept to a minimum. Ask yourself if what you’re saying is a benefit to the job.

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3. Understand contexts. We need to adapt to different cultures because we are all different. It’s important to acknowledge and respect each other’s actions and opinions. Understanding this, and making decisions while taking into account cultural contexts, will help you become more successful and generate more respect from others. Do your homework before working or talking with people from different countries so as not to accidentally offend.

4. Don’t get personal. By this, I mean don’t disclose too much personal information or emotion. While this can help you bond with others, if you don’t know the person (or people) yet, this can cause you to come across as trying too hard, being awkward, or even needy. Your aim might be to break the ice but this can backfire, so disclose personal stories or information for when you have established more of a relationship.

Conclusion

While being yourself is important, be careful with the amount of information and opinions you express around others. Be mindful of different perspectives, ideas, and cultures. Think about tact and timing. This isn’t about being fake or being insincere, it’s about showing a tactful intelligence that demonstrates a willingness to grow and evolve as a person and as a leader. Being aware of how you come across brings success on both a personal and professional level.

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Featured photo credit: Daria Nepriakhina via stocksnap.io

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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