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How To Start A Conversation With Anyone Without Awkward Silence

How To Start A Conversation With Anyone Without Awkward Silence

Have you ever cautiously approached a table full of fellow professionals at a lunch meeting, petrified to introduce yourself and chat them up? Or walked tongue-tied into a social gathering, facing a sea full of unfamiliar faces? Don’t fret, because we have some proven ways to break the ice and be that smooth talker who befriends strangers anywhere he or she goes.

What To Say First?

The easiest way to drum up the courage to start a conversation with a stranger is by simply introducing yourself. Social life expert David Morin says a straight forward “Hi, I’m David. How are you doing?” will work wonders in enticing the other person to engage in a friendly chat.

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Make An Observation

You can extend a compliment about the social event you’re at, the person’s outfit, hair, the guest speaker at the lunch meeting, whatever compliment you think would be pleasant and well received by anyone, Morin noted. But don’t go overboard with your praise. Do not use subjective words that aren’t appealing to everyone.

Inquire About The Person’s Presence There

You can ask how the person knows other people present and why they’re attending the event, but don’t come across as nosy. Are they employed by a business that is in the same industry as others at a lunch meeting? Are they friends with the host of a party? Morin recommended keeping the conversation flowing with this subject.

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Focus On Your New Friend

Be sure to not only start a conversation with genuine questions, but to keep the focus of the conversation two-thirds on your new acquaintance and one-third about yourself. Ask him or her where the person lives, if they like it, etc. You never know, you just might find some common ground with this subject. But don’t worry if you don’t share a lot of similarities; it isn’t necessary to narrow the window of newness between you and this stranger. Also, be sure the conversation doesn’t sound like a job interview with you grilling your new acquaintance, Morin said. Keep the tone conversational, light and casual, where it flows easily between the two of you. Be sure to share snippets about yourself to counterbalance this person’s bits and pieces he or she is offering to the conversation.

Work Or School

This is usually a great subject to start a conversation with, Morin emphasized. Strangers often will chat quite a bit about where they work, what they do, how much they enjoy their job or career, or where they attend school and what they’re studying. Don’t focus too much of the conversation on careers, though, unless you’re at a work function, because that line of conversation can dry up quickly. But you might find mutual interests and speaking about something familiar often puts people at ease.

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Avoid Current Events

While some individuals enjoy chatting up the latest happenings and big news, some people aren’t comfortable talking about these heavier subjects. Morin said it also can cause a conversation to take a wrong turn if a controversial or sensitive subject crops up.

How About Hobbies?

If you start a conversation revolving around a stranger’s interests and hobbies, you may tap into a vein that starts him or him talking for some time. Morin said there’s potential for more gently prodding questions, such as “How did you get started?” and “How do you do that?”

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So the next time you find yourself in a room of strangers, find someone who looks open and friendly, walk up, extend your hand for a handshake and simply say, “Hi! We haven’t met yet.” Then confidently steer the flow of conversation between the two of you. You just might find yourself networking with a key player in your profession or making a new friend.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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