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What To Do With A Girl On a First Date (So There Will Be A Second One)

What To Do With A Girl On a First Date (So There Will Be A Second One)

I’ve been on a lot of first dates. Some were successful, others not so much. A first date can determine the possibility of a second date, as well as the fate of a potential relationship.

The first date sets the tone and proposes the type of relationship you’re looking for. Is it a casual fling, or something more serious? Are you looking for a deep connection or a good time? The way you treat a girl on a first date says a lot about who you are as a person, how you approach life and what you want from it.

And if you are, in fact, looking for a second date, this is what to do.

1. Bring her somewhere unexpected and new to eat.

Where you bring a girl to eat should reflect who you are and what your style is. There are so many hidden gems and eclectic restaurants out there to help you surprise a girl and let her know that you yourself are interesting and original.

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In other words, don’t bring her to Olive Garden. Chain restaurants are boring and overrated. That type of atmosphere won’t help you two feel comfortable.

If you’re going out to eat, which is a great way to bond, you should pick a place that has a lot of stimulation, but isn’t too loud. While you definitely want to hear each other speak, you don’t want to sit in complete silence.

2. Ask her engaging questions.

The worst thing you can do on a first date is talk too much about yourself. Don’t give too much personal information, especially if it causes negativity. There’s a time and place to reveal the darker aspects of your life. A first date usually isn’t appropriate. Keep the mood light and fun.

Sometimes it’s a bit hard to come up with the topics to talk about with a girl. I want to make sure the conversation is an equal exchange. If you’re lucky, words will flow easily, but it might be helpful to have a few questions prepared just in case. Here are a few icebreaker questions for a first date:

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  • What motivates you? What is your greatest passion?
  • What do you like to do on your days off?
  • Where is the best place you’ve ever been?
  • If money were no object, what would you do?
  • Where would you go?

3. Pick a fun, non-challenging activity.

One of my favorite first dates involved dinner and drinks, then walking to a bowling alley with dueling pianos. The dueling piano players provided some awesome entertainment and set an exciting, upbeat environment to bowl in. Even though the girl I invited wasn’t great at bowling, she had so much fun dancing and listening to the music that it didn’t even matter.

Other fun activities might include going to a carnival, museum or an art gallery, walking through a park, going to the beach or attending a concert. While I’ve never had any personal success in mini golf, you might. Make sure that you come up with an unique date idea, she will appreciate that!

No matter what you do, if you both enjoy recreational drinking, I suggest you meet for a drink first. In fact, this could be the activity itself if you’re not feeling ambitious. Having a couple of drinks on a first date will loosen you up, as long as you stop before you get too drunk. You don’t want to get or give a false impression of yourselves. You also don’t want to do something you’ll regret later.

Regardless, a bar has the laid back atmosphere you’re probably looking for.

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4. Do not go to the movies.

Going to the movies should be saved for the fourth or fifth date. Sitting in a movie theater not only prevents you from getting to know a girl, it can feel really awkward for multiple reasons.

First of all, the movie genre you choose might be too heavy or too intimate for a first date. Comedy might be too crude, and romantic might be too corny. Besides, let’s be honest, neither of you are actually paying attention. Instead, you’re thinking about where to put your hands and how much money you just spent on stale popcorn.

Go to the movies after you’ve already held hands and had your first kiss. You’ll thank me later.

5. Have a plan and feel confident about it.

The most important thing to do on a first date is to be confident. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t nag her about whether or not she likes the food, or is having fun. If she’s not having fun, you’ll know it.

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Confidence is the most attractive quality you can have. Taking the reigns on a first date and showing your girl an original, exciting and spontaneous time is key.

If you do these things successfully, you’re guaranteed a second date. Maybe even a third.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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