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What To Do With A Girl On a First Date (So There Will Be A Second One)

What To Do With A Girl On a First Date (So There Will Be A Second One)

I’ve been on a lot of first dates. Some were successful, others not so much. A first date can determine the possibility of a second date, as well as the fate of a potential relationship.

The first date sets the tone and proposes the type of relationship you’re looking for. Is it a casual fling, or something more serious? Are you looking for a deep connection or a good time? The way you treat a girl on a first date says a lot about who you are as a person, how you approach life and what you want from it.

And if you are, in fact, looking for a second date, this is what to do.

1. Bring her somewhere unexpected and new to eat.

Where you bring a girl to eat should reflect who you are and what your style is. There are so many hidden gems and eclectic restaurants out there to help you surprise a girl and let her know that you yourself are interesting and original.

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In other words, don’t bring her to Olive Garden. Chain restaurants are boring and overrated. That type of atmosphere won’t help you two feel comfortable.

If you’re going out to eat, which is a great way to bond, you should pick a place that has a lot of stimulation, but isn’t too loud. While you definitely want to hear each other speak, you don’t want to sit in complete silence.

2. Ask her engaging questions.

The worst thing you can do on a first date is talk too much about yourself. Don’t give too much personal information, especially if it causes negativity. There’s a time and place to reveal the darker aspects of your life. A first date usually isn’t appropriate. Keep the mood light and fun.

Sometimes it’s a bit hard to come up with the topics to talk about with a girl. I want to make sure the conversation is an equal exchange. If you’re lucky, words will flow easily, but it might be helpful to have a few questions prepared just in case. Here are a few icebreaker questions for a first date:

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  • What motivates you? What is your greatest passion?
  • What do you like to do on your days off?
  • Where is the best place you’ve ever been?
  • If money were no object, what would you do?
  • Where would you go?

3. Pick a fun, non-challenging activity.

One of my favorite first dates involved dinner and drinks, then walking to a bowling alley with dueling pianos. The dueling piano players provided some awesome entertainment and set an exciting, upbeat environment to bowl in. Even though the girl I invited wasn’t great at bowling, she had so much fun dancing and listening to the music that it didn’t even matter.

Other fun activities might include going to a carnival, museum or an art gallery, walking through a park, going to the beach or attending a concert. While I’ve never had any personal success in mini golf, you might. Make sure that you come up with an unique date idea, she will appreciate that!

No matter what you do, if you both enjoy recreational drinking, I suggest you meet for a drink first. In fact, this could be the activity itself if you’re not feeling ambitious. Having a couple of drinks on a first date will loosen you up, as long as you stop before you get too drunk. You don’t want to get or give a false impression of yourselves. You also don’t want to do something you’ll regret later.

Regardless, a bar has the laid back atmosphere you’re probably looking for.

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4. Do not go to the movies.

Going to the movies should be saved for the fourth or fifth date. Sitting in a movie theater not only prevents you from getting to know a girl, it can feel really awkward for multiple reasons.

First of all, the movie genre you choose might be too heavy or too intimate for a first date. Comedy might be too crude, and romantic might be too corny. Besides, let’s be honest, neither of you are actually paying attention. Instead, you’re thinking about where to put your hands and how much money you just spent on stale popcorn.

Go to the movies after you’ve already held hands and had your first kiss. You’ll thank me later.

5. Have a plan and feel confident about it.

The most important thing to do on a first date is to be confident. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t nag her about whether or not she likes the food, or is having fun. If she’s not having fun, you’ll know it.

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Confidence is the most attractive quality you can have. Taking the reigns on a first date and showing your girl an original, exciting and spontaneous time is key.

If you do these things successfully, you’re guaranteed a second date. Maybe even a third.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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