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How You Deal With A Problem Largely Reflects Who You Are

How You Deal With A Problem Largely Reflects Who You Are

In life, problems occur every day. Some problems are easy to solve, such as a simple math problem while others are big, such as a failing relationship. The ability to effectively solve problems leads to success in life and in business. Problem solving affects who we are and how others perceive us in our daily lives.

How you deal with problems largely reflects who you are, what you’ve learned in life, and it also reveals insights about your true personality. Below you’ll find common ways that people deal with problems and what these behaviors reveal about your true personality.

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If you blame others for problems, it reveals that you’re a manipulator

Those who blame others for problems are simply shifting responsibility of a problem to a target and effectively wiping their hands of it. If you’ve ever been the target of blame at home or the workplace, you understand that it’s uncomfortable and not an effective problem-solving technique. Thus, finger pointing negatively affects personal and professional relationships. Blame-shifting is a common personality trait of those who are manipulators. If you find that you’re never a source of a problem and you shift the blame and problem solving to others, it might be time to look at your situation and problems with more objectiveness.

If you assume responsibility for problems, it reveals you’re a leader that takes charge

When you assume responsibility for a problem, you’re admitting that you might be involved in the creation of the issue. Or, you’re a leader for a group that created a problem, and you understand that you must take the lead to help resolve it. This is a mature approach to problem solving, and is one of the first steps in making the right moves to getting the issue resolved. If you’re someone who takes responsibility for issues and tackles them head on, congratulations. You’ve learned that problems occur every day, and you know how to define problems and build a plan to ensure they’re solved. You’ve reached a higher level of leadership that many aspire to possess.

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If you deny that a problem exists, it reveals that you oppose the solution

If you deny that a problem exists, it reveals that you simply want to avoid the steps that are necessary to solve the problem and this might be due to strong political, religious or other beliefs and core values. As an example, perhaps your spouse has been unfaithful, but you deny the problem exists because you strongly oppose the solution of divorce because of your past experience with a breakup of your family or religious beliefs. It’s an admirable trait to have strong beliefs; however, you must look at situations objectively in order to devise an appropriate plan. In this example, you might continue to deny that the indiscretions exist and become blocked from finding an appropriate solution that matches your beliefs, such as marriage counseling.

A study by Duke University confirms that denial occurs when we’re not satisfied with the prospective solutions to problems. In the study, researchers studied three serious problem areas — climate change, crime and air pollution. They examined why some republicans denied the existence of climate change. The researchers found that the republicans who denied climate change were adverse to the proposed solution, which was increased government regulation. Hence, we can conclude that those with strong beliefs that lead them to oppose a solution, might deny that the problems exists altogether.

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If you ignore problems, it reveals that you are overly busy or emotionally sensitive

Ignoring problems could signal that you’re highly sensitive and controlling negative emotions might be difficult for you. Perhaps in the past, you were criticized by the way you solved a problem. As a result, you harbor fear of rejection, failure and criticism. Fear and other negative emotions can block you from moving forward and finding logical solutions to problems.

If you find solutions for problems, it reveals that you think logically, objectively and creatively

When you think objectively, you solve problems based on facts and logic. Your personal biases and emotions are removed from the picture. You can emotionally detach yourself from the situation and look at the problem from a different perspective. However, objectiveness is not the only personality trait that makes us successful at problem solving. Creativity also plays a part. One of the most famous stories of a creative solution to a complex problem is the legend of Alexander the Great untying the Gordian Knot. In this story, Alexander the Great was challenged with untying an impossible knot that was tied by King Gordias. Alexander sliced through the knot with his sword. Hence, to this day “cutting the Gordian knot” represents logical, out-of-the-box and creative problem solving.

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Those who combine logic with objectivity, creativity and imagination have truly discovered and successfully utilized the art and science of problem solving. They use both sides of their brains and are experts at untying the Gordian knot.

How do you become a better problem solver?

As mentioned, we solve problems every day. They can be routine or they can be whoppers. If you’re ready to move past the easy solution of ignorance, denial or blame-shifting and you want to take responsibility to solve problems, check out this helpful article about problem solving on Lifehack.org.

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Marilyn Rogers

Marketing Consultant | Content Strategist | Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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