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Why Your Partner May Be Cheating

Why Your Partner May Be Cheating

Okay, so your partner is cheating on you. What do you do now? If you’re being cheated on the future of your relationship is not only in jeopardy, it may as well be over. People have caught on to this fact, and over half of marriages end within the first five years. If you’ve ventured beyond that point it’s safe to assume that you will last, but have you been cheated on already?

Knowing about the infidelity is half of the battle

Your willingness to leave may be one the keys factors in your significant other’s decision to cheat. But let’s not blame you completely, some people have a sort of sexuality that allows them to have sex with many partners and have no emotional attachment to them. If you have one of these for a spouse or are in a relationship with one you need to leave. They won’t change no matter how much you foster a sense of morality in them. In fact, with people like this you can’t be sure that they are emotionally invested in you at all. They likely have another relationship while they are with you and would soon move on to the next person when you leave, or even before. It isn’t your fault that this type of person has cheated on you, if you’ve encountered one you shouldn’t feel bad about what happened.

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Knowing about it is half the battle, and if you know you can end the relationship if you think your partner may be cheating. A sign to your partner that you are willing to do this is not a bad thing. If you are willing to do everything for this person like support them, take care of all their needs, and do whatever they wish then you have shown them no matter what you will be there for them. If there are no repercussions for their actions then why wouldn’t they explore the wide world of other partners?

Insecurities can turn them away

If you are the jealous type this may result in someone cheating. Did they cheat first or did you start getting jealous first? We could argue all day about which came first, the chicken or the egg. To that question I could answer that the egg came first. The first non-chicken bird had a mutation that made their young be born with a calcium deposit surrounding it. This faulty gene that produced the shell was fostered and replicated because it gave the chicken in the egg and evolutionary advantage. Now we eat the chickens and their eggs. But who represents the egg and who represents the chicken? This is another argument that I’m sure you two are having right now. If you were to yell at your wife about her cheating even when she didn’t, what’s to say that she won’t go out and cheat because she will get yelled at about it anyways? This is a rationalization that many cheaters use.

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Your insecurities helped you pick the right mate for this never ending jealous argument. You overcompensated because you thought that you needed a perfect or overly sexy mate so that you could display your sexual prowess to the world. And now they cheat on you because that’s just what they do. Choosing a moderate or conservative mate would have helped and this may ensure that you have a safer future. You however, have chosen a sexy mating strategy that will ensure the spread of your genetic material because of your mate’s promiscuity. Congratulations you’re now a grandfather/ grandmother before you’re 40! All joking aside these two mating strategies may not be something you choose consciously.

That’s a funny algorithm

I ran across a fun algorithm that is psychological based and deals with cheating: self gratification > intimacy = cheating. To explain this you have to understand what the terms mean. Self gratification deals with not only masturbation but things like indulging in chocolate and over eating at a buffet. Intimacy involves the need to be loved and love in return. If your partner’s desire to gratify themselves is greater than the need for them to love and be loved by you then they are likely to cheat. If they have a bad drinking problem or they do drugs in excess, that may be an indicator. This isn’t always true but if they have a strong desire to gratify that could outweigh — your relationship. Someone who doesn’t care for love will not care if they hurt someone who loves them.

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If you’re wondering if you should leave your partner and have no evidence of any recent infidelity you have to ask the one question that you should have asked them already. Have they done it before? There are many ways to help the situation other than ending it. You can go to counselling or just make your partnership better. But if they did it once they might do it again. Your partner may be cheating on you for many other reasons than these. Therapy or relationship counselling may help you reveal together what has caused it.

Featured photo credit: Mitya Ku from Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

5 Fixes For Common Sleep Issues All Couples Deal With

5 Fixes For Common Sleep Issues All Couples Deal With

Sleeping next to your partner can be a satisfying experience and is typically seen as the mark of a stable, healthy home life. However, many more people struggle to share a bed with their partner than typically let on. Sleeping beside someone can decrease your sleep quality which negatively affects your life. Maybe you are light sleepers and you wake each other up throughout the night. Maybe one has a loud snoring habit that’s keeping the other awake. Maybe one is always crawling into bed in the early hours of the morning while the other likes to go to bed at 10 p.m.

You don’t have to feel ashamed of finding it difficult to sleep with your partner and you also don’t have to give up entirely on it. Common problems can be addressed with simple solutions such as an additional pillow. Here are five fixes for common sleep issues that couples deal with.

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1. Use a bigger mattress to sleep through movement

It can be difficult to sleep through your partner’s tossing and turning all night, particularly if they have to get in and out of bed. Waking up multiple times in one night can leave you frustrated and exhausted. The solution may be a switch to a bigger mattress or a mattress that minimizes movement.

Look for a mattress that allows enough space so that your partner can move around without impacting you or consider a mattress made for two sleepers like the Sleep Number bed.[1] This bed allows each person to choose their own firmness level. It also minimizes any disturbances their partner might feel. A foam mattress like the kind featured in advertisements where someone jumps on a bed with an unspilled glass of wine will help minimize the impact of your partner’s movements.[2]

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2. Communicate about scheduling conflicts

If one of you is a night owl and the other an early riser, bedtime can become a source of conflict. It’s hard for a light sleeper to be jostled by their partner coming to bed four hours after them. Talk to your partner about negotiating some compromises. If you’re finding it difficult to agree on a bedtime, negotiate with your partner. Don’t come to bed before or after a certain time, giving the early bird a chance to fully fall asleep before the other comes in. Consider giving the night owl an eye mask to allow them to stay in bed while their partner gets up to start the day.

3. Don’t bring your technology to bed

If one partner likes bringing devices to bed and the other partner doesn’t, there’s very little compromise to be found. Science is pretty unanimous on the fact that screens can cause harm to a healthy sleeper. Both partners should agree on a time to keep technology out of the bedroom or turn screens off. This will prevent both partners from having their sleep interrupted and can help you power down after a long day.

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4. White noise and changing positions can silence snoring

A snoring partner can be one of the most difficult things to sleep through. Snoring tends to be position-specific so many doctors recommend switching positions to stop the snoring. Rather than sleeping on your back doctors recommend turning onto your side. Changing positions can cut down on noise and breathing difficulties for any snorer. Using a white noise fan, or sound machine can also help soften the impact of loud snoring and keep both partners undisturbed.

5. Use two blankets if one’s a blanket hog

If you’ve got a blanket hog in your bed don’t fight it, get another blanket. This solution fixes any issues between two partners and their comforter. There’s no rule that you have to sleep under the same blanket. Separate covers can also cut down on tossing and turning making it a multi-useful adaptation.

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Rather than giving up entirely on sharing a bed with your partner, try one of these techniques to improve your sleeping habits. Sleeping in separate beds can be a normal part of a healthy home life, but compromise can go a long way toward creating harmony in a shared bed.

Featured photo credit: Becca Tapert via unsplash.com

Reference

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