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Why Your Partner May Be Cheating

Why Your Partner May Be Cheating

Okay, so your partner is cheating on you. What do you do now? If you’re being cheated on the future of your relationship is not only in jeopardy, it may as well be over. People have caught on to this fact, and over half of marriages end within the first five years. If you’ve ventured beyond that point it’s safe to assume that you will last, but have you been cheated on already?

Knowing about the infidelity is half of the battle

Your willingness to leave may be one the keys factors in your significant other’s decision to cheat. But let’s not blame you completely, some people have a sort of sexuality that allows them to have sex with many partners and have no emotional attachment to them. If you have one of these for a spouse or are in a relationship with one you need to leave. They won’t change no matter how much you foster a sense of morality in them. In fact, with people like this you can’t be sure that they are emotionally invested in you at all. They likely have another relationship while they are with you and would soon move on to the next person when you leave, or even before. It isn’t your fault that this type of person has cheated on you, if you’ve encountered one you shouldn’t feel bad about what happened.

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Knowing about it is half the battle, and if you know you can end the relationship if you think your partner may be cheating. A sign to your partner that you are willing to do this is not a bad thing. If you are willing to do everything for this person like support them, take care of all their needs, and do whatever they wish then you have shown them no matter what you will be there for them. If there are no repercussions for their actions then why wouldn’t they explore the wide world of other partners?

Insecurities can turn them away

If you are the jealous type this may result in someone cheating. Did they cheat first or did you start getting jealous first? We could argue all day about which came first, the chicken or the egg. To that question I could answer that the egg came first. The first non-chicken bird had a mutation that made their young be born with a calcium deposit surrounding it. This faulty gene that produced the shell was fostered and replicated because it gave the chicken in the egg and evolutionary advantage. Now we eat the chickens and their eggs. But who represents the egg and who represents the chicken? This is another argument that I’m sure you two are having right now. If you were to yell at your wife about her cheating even when she didn’t, what’s to say that she won’t go out and cheat because she will get yelled at about it anyways? This is a rationalization that many cheaters use.

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Your insecurities helped you pick the right mate for this never ending jealous argument. You overcompensated because you thought that you needed a perfect or overly sexy mate so that you could display your sexual prowess to the world. And now they cheat on you because that’s just what they do. Choosing a moderate or conservative mate would have helped and this may ensure that you have a safer future. You however, have chosen a sexy mating strategy that will ensure the spread of your genetic material because of your mate’s promiscuity. Congratulations you’re now a grandfather/ grandmother before you’re 40! All joking aside these two mating strategies may not be something you choose consciously.

That’s a funny algorithm

I ran across a fun algorithm that is psychological based and deals with cheating: self gratification > intimacy = cheating. To explain this you have to understand what the terms mean. Self gratification deals with not only masturbation but things like indulging in chocolate and over eating at a buffet. Intimacy involves the need to be loved and love in return. If your partner’s desire to gratify themselves is greater than the need for them to love and be loved by you then they are likely to cheat. If they have a bad drinking problem or they do drugs in excess, that may be an indicator. This isn’t always true but if they have a strong desire to gratify that could outweigh — your relationship. Someone who doesn’t care for love will not care if they hurt someone who loves them.

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If you’re wondering if you should leave your partner and have no evidence of any recent infidelity you have to ask the one question that you should have asked them already. Have they done it before? There are many ways to help the situation other than ending it. You can go to counselling or just make your partnership better. But if they did it once they might do it again. Your partner may be cheating on you for many other reasons than these. Therapy or relationship counselling may help you reveal together what has caused it.

Featured photo credit: Mitya Ku from Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 2, 2019

10 Powerful Ways to Stop Worrying and Start Living Today

10 Powerful Ways to Stop Worrying and Start Living Today

Plato knew that the body and mind are intimately linked. And in the late 1800s, the Mayo brothers, famous physicians, estimated that over half of all hospital beds are filled with people suffering from frustration, anxiety, worry and despair. Causes of worry are everywhere, in our relationships and our jobs, so it’s key we find ways to take charge of the stress.

In his classic book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie offers tools to ditch excessive worrying that help you make a worry-free environment for your private and professional life.

These are the top 10 tips to grab worry by the horns and wrestle it to the ground:

1. Make Your Decision and Never Look Back

Have you ever made a decision in life only to second-guess it afterwards? Of course you have! It’s hard not to wonder whether you’ve done the right thing and whether there might still be time to take another path.

But keep this in mind: you’ve already made your decision, so act decisively on it and dismiss all your anxiety about it.

Don’t stop to hesitate, to reconsider, or to retrace your steps. Once you’ve chosen a course of action, stick to it and never waver.

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2. Live for Today, Package Things up in “Day-Tight Compartments”

You know that feeling: tossing, turning and worrying over something that happened or something that might, well into the wee hours. To avoid this pointless worrying, you need “day-tight compartments”. Much as a ship has different watertight compartments, your own “day-tight” ones are a way to limit your attention to the present day.

The rule is simple: whatever happened in the past or might happen in the future must not intrude upon today. Everything else has to wait its turn for tomorrow’s box or stay stuck in the past.

3. Embrace the Worst-Case Scenario and Strategize to Offset It

If you’re worried about something, ask yourself: “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Could you lose your job? Be jailed? Get killed?

Whatever the “worst” might be, it’s probably not so world-ending. You could probably even bounce back from it!

If, for example, you lose your job, you could always find another. Once you accept the worst-case scenario and get thinking about contingency plans, you’ll feel calmer.

4. Put a Lid on Your Worrying

Sometimes we stress endlessly about negative experiences when just walking away from them would serve us far better.

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To make squashing that worry easier, try this strategy, straight from stock traders: it’s called the “stop-loss” order, where shares are bought at a certain price, and then their price development is observed. If things go badly and the share price hits a certain point, they are sold off immediately. This stops the loss from increasing further.

In the same manner, you can put a stop-loss order on things that cause you stress and grief.

5. Fake It ‘Til You Make It – Happiness, That Is

We can’t directly influence how we feel, but we can nudge ourselves to change through how we think and act.

If you’re feeling sad or low, slap a big grin on your face and whistle a chipper tune. You’ll find it impossible to be blue when acting cheerful. But you don’t necessarily need to act outwardly happy; you can simply think happier thoughts instead.

Marcus Aurelius summed it up aptly:

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

6. Give for the Joy of Giving

When we perform acts of kindness, we often do so with the expectation of gratitude. But harboring such expectations will probably leave you disappointed.

One person well aware of this fact was the lawyer Samuel Leibowitz. Over the course of his career, Leibowitz saved 78 people from going to the electric chair. Guess how many thanked him? None.

So stop expecting gratitude when you’re kind to someone. Instead, take joy from the act yourself.

7. Dump Envy – Enjoy Being Uniquely You

Your genes are completely unique. Even if someone had the same parents as you, the likelihood of someone identical to you being born is just one in 300,000 billion.

Despite this amazing fact, many of us long to be someone else, thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But living your life this way is pointless. Embrace your uniqueness and get comfortable with who you really are: How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

8. Haters Will Hate — It Just Means You’re Doing It Right

When you’re criticized, it often means you’re accomplishing something noteworthy. In fact, let’s take it a step further and consider this: the more you’re criticized, the more influential and important a person you likely are.

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So the next time somebody talks you down, don’t let it get to you. Take it as a compliment!

9. Chill Out! Learn to Rest Before You Get Tired

Scientists agree that emotions are the most common cause of fatigue. And it works the other way around, too: fatigue produces more worries and negative emotions.

It should be clear, therefore, that you’ve got to relax regularly before you feel tired. Otherwise, worries and fatigue will accumulate on top of each other.

It’s impossible to worry when you are relaxed, and regular rest helps you maintain your ability to work effectively.

10. Get Organized and Enjoy Your Work

There are few greater sources of misery in life than having to work, day in, day out, in a job you despise. It would make sense then that you shouldn’t pick a job you hate, or even just dislike doing.

But say you already have a job. How can you make it more enjoyable and worry-free? One way is to stay organized: a desk full of unanswered mails and memos is sure to breed worries.

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Better yet, rethink about the job you’re doing: What to Do When You Hate Your Job but Want a Successful Career

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Featured photo credit: Tyler Nix via unsplash.com

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