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4 Smart Ways for Single Dads to Balance Work and Life

4 Smart Ways for Single Dads to Balance Work and Life

As if anyone didn’t already know this, America’s esteemed Pew Research Center relates that half of working parents find balancing work and life responsibilities either “very difficult” or “somewhat difficult.” Even sadder, 46 percent of fathers in the study report they spend “too little” time with their children.

Fathers need time with their children in order to feel whole and full in their family relationships. Time spent with children is one of the most entertaining and enriching activities available to us. As Speaker of the House Paul Ryan told his hometown paper, The Jaynesville Gazette, this past summer, his time at home with family is “his oxygen,” the thing that both drives and centers him.

We wholeheartedly encourage fathers to devote as much time to their children as possible. It’s good for everyone, including the ex-spouse. Use these ideas seasoned single dads rely on to balance work and life.

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1. Create a schedule and share it with your boss and coworkers.

While creating your parenting plan with your co-parent, share your options with your boss and coworkers and ask them to approve ideal hours for you. Once the parenting plan is in place and running, make sure to stick to it from the beginning. If the boss says you need to be at a meeting outside of these hours, mention that you’re fully available from 8:30 to 5:30 only.

Soften the blow by offering to get the meeting notes from another person on your team or have other options on the ready. Plan the scenario and your response in your mind so it flows naturally when the situation comes up. Setting these limits early on helps everyone adjust.

2. Make your identity as an involved father clear at work.

In an interview with NPR, working dad Corey Dade laments the fact that people don’t really ask about his children at work. He’s seen women get phone calls during meetings and leave with no repercussions. He wouldn’t feel as comfortable doing that.

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To make your role as a father plain, find opportunities to discuss what your children are doing; share what they showed you on YouTube or even the struggles of parenting. When coworkers and supervisors get used to your parental responsibilities, the occasional work-from-home sick day or early departure due to a recital goes over more smoothly.

This said, however, don’t fall into the trap of portraying yourself as dad-the-martyr. Don’t jockey for praise about being an involved dad. Most dads these days handle their share of the parenting duties because their ex-partners work part- or full-time, and because they want to have an involved hand in raising their children. Single parenting men and women sometimes present themselves as long-suffering, and it only turns colleagues and bosses off. Be positive about your parenting duties, but don’t paint yourself as a hero for carrying them out.

3. If your job isn’t going to work with a reasonable parenting schedule, find a new job.

In their book The Irreducible Needs of Children: What Every Child Must Have to Grow, Learn and Flourish, pediatricians and long-time child advocates Drs. Berry Brazelton and Stanly Greenspan lay out seven needs that parenting gurus and parents cannot explain away. Number one is the need for on-going, nurturing relationships. Number five is the need for limit-setting, structure and expectations. Number seven is the need for stable, supportive communities and cultural identity.

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While all seven require substantial time investment, just listing these three should convey the energy and time children require. Discipline is exhausting, as any parent will tell you. Setting limits requires creation of those limits and the application of consequences when they are crossed. And yet, children need it and even crave it. Setting up a reasonable discipline program is one of the best things you can do for a child.

Creating friendships in the community and cultural identity involves significant time spent socializing and planning. Friendships wither and die when not tended to. A 60 to 70 hour workweek does not mesh with a parenting style and schedule that provides a child’s basic needs.

This means that fathers determined to be an active presence in their children’s lives may consider down-sizing their job. Some fathers move from work as a partner in a busy law firm to being the in-house counsel at a smaller business. Teachers go to job sharing. Sales people with 100,000 yearly airline travel miles switch to in-office positions or even marketing or customer service. There is no shame in letting others “get ahead” for a few years while you raise decent and happy human beings. Besides going to the zoo and on hikes is fun and expands you as a person.

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4. Find sources of help.

When the divorce first occurs, friends and family draw close asking if there’s anything they can do. Too many single fathers put on a brave face and say, “we’re going to do just fine on our own.” While this is a great message to send the children, keep in mind that many friends, relatives and even acquaintances, may want to play a larger role in your and your children’s lives. A little outside help does not indicate weakness. It shows you’re working to take care of your children’s needs in a responsible way.

If you don’t have friends and relatives close by and/or willing to pitch in, you will need to build your support community. The good news is that America is moving into “the sharing economy,” where community is valued over the size of the house or job title. There’s even a non-profit working to move Americans to more of a focus on family and community rather than material possessions.

The Center for a New American Dream’s Collaborative Communities program helps people engage in their neighborhoods to share resources and tackle projects together. Swapping your availability to take a neighbor child to her soccer game every other weekend could win you a ride home from school and babysitting for the afternoon from a part-time working parent. Kids need to get together and play outside, using their large motor skills anyway. Connecting via video games is one way to be social, but the cul-de-sac basketball pick up game is just as fun.

The good news is that the Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends reports also found that Fathers have nearly tripled their time with children since 1965.  If you make your children a priority and are willing to shift your life around, you can find the right balance for you, and your kids.

Featured photo credit: Shutterstock via image.shutterstock.com

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Peter Mueller

Founder of Father's Rights Law Center

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Published on March 13, 2019

What Makes A Great Place to Work Whilst Pregnant

What Makes A Great Place to Work Whilst Pregnant

Among women who had their first child in the early 1960s, just 44% worked at all during pregnancy. The latest figures show that 66% of mothers who gave birth to their first child between 2006 and 2008 worked during their pregnancy.[1]  It also showed that about eight-in-ten pregnant workers (82%) continued in the workplace until within one month of their first birth which has vastly increased from 35%. It is clear to see form the statical trends that more women are choosing to continue working through, and late into, pregnancy.

Unlike other developed world countries, the USA does not mandate any paid leave for new mothers under federal law,[2] though some individual employers make that accommodation and it is mandated by a handful of individual states. Finding what makes a great workplace whilst pregnant can alleviate stress and provide more stability for you and your family. 

In this article, you will discover exactly the best places to work whilst pregnant.

How Difficult Is It to Work Whilst Pregnant?

Many people strive to find and attain good jobs. For pregnant women, however, that process is often especially challenging. After all, you’ll face extra obstacles that are unique to expectant mothers.

If you are pregnant and need a job, then you’re definitely not alone. You are also not alone if you’re already employed and want to find a new job that is more family-friendly. Changing jobs while pregnant is something that many women consider, especially when they realise that their current positions may not be suitable for pregnancy or offer the benefits or flexibility that they’ll soon need. 

Getting a job while pregnant may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but it is possible.

You can look for employment opportunities that don’t require too much physical exertion and that won’t cause you much emotional stress. Also, look for jobs that come with the chance to work flexible hours, offer good medical benefits, allow you to take time off as needed, and don’t require a long commute. In addition, it’s obviously wise to consider avoiding jobs that may expose you to toxins, people with communicable illnesses, or other physical hazards.

The Pre-Natal Mamma’s Needs

During pregnancy, there are many mental and physiological changes that a woman will go through. In understanding those changes, it is more clear which types of jobs and workplaces are more suited to you as a pregnant woman. 

During pregnancy, the birth of your baby and the postnatal period, changes in the hormones in your body can have an effect on your emotions during pregnancy. These hormones and the changes can cause joy, fear, surprise and anxiety all of which can be assisted with necessary support and talking. 

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The physiological changes are more varied according to each trimester:

1st Trimester (0-13 weeks)

In the first few weeks following conception, your hormone levels change significantly. Your uterus begins to support the growth of the placenta and the fetus, your body adds to its blood supply to carry oxygen and nutrients to the developing baby, and your heart rate increases.

These changes accompany many of the pregnancy symptoms, such as fatigue, morning sickness, headaches, and constipation. During the first trimester, the risk of miscarriage is significant.

2nd Trimester (13 – 27 weeks)

While the discomforts of early pregnancy should ease off, there are a few new symptoms to get used to. Common complaints include leg cramps and heartburn. You might find yourself growing more of an appetite, and your weight gain will accelerate. 

3rd Trimester (28 weeks – birth)

Travel restrictions take effect during the third trimester. It’s advised that you stay in relatively close proximity to your doctor or midwife in case you go into labor early. The baby is growing bigger and stronger; the kicks can be quite powerful and your abdomen is becoming larger and heavier.

Stretch marks may develop if they haven’t earlier in the pregnancy. Braxton-Hicks contractions- which are usually perceived as painless tightening can be felt. Lower back pain is very common and there may be more pelvic pressure and with this more frequent urination. 

Swollen legs and feet are very common as are increased fatigue, interrupted sleep and a reduced ability to eat a full meal at one sitting.

4th Trimester (Post birth onwards)

Your baby’s fourth trimester starts from the moment she’s born and lasts until she is three months old. The term is used to describe a period of great change and development in your newborn, as she adjusts to her new world outside your womb. There are many adaptations, recovery and rest that you and your baby need through this trimester whether you have a natural or c-section birth.

All of these considerations need to be in mind when looking to find a great workplace whilst pregnant — whether you’re looking to ask for more support from your current workplace, find a new job or enter employment. 

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Next, let’s look at the factors that would define the opposite; somewhere you shouldn’t look to work whilst pregnant.

How to Spot The Worst Workplaces to Work Whilst Pregnant

1. Non-Negotiable Heavy Lifting

Do you have to lift, push, bend, shove, and load materials all day? If you do, many experts believe you should ask for a job reassignment or quit by the 20th week of pregnancy.

2. Toxic Environments

The list of jobs that involve dangerous substances is miles long. Consider the artist who works with paint and solvents all day, the dry cleaner who breathes in cleaning fumes, the agricultural or horticultural worker who works with pesticides, the photographer who uses toxic chemicals to develop pictures, the tollbooth attendant who breathes in car and truck exhaust, or the printer who works with lead substances.

3. Proximity to People with Communicable Illnesses

Working with or exposure to certain bacteria, viruses, or other infectious agents could increase your chances of having a miscarriage, a baby with a birth defect, or other reproductive problems.  Some infections can pass to an unborn baby during pregnancy and cause a miscarriage or birth defect. Infections like seasonal influenza (the flu) and pneumonia can cause more serious illness in pregnant women.

4. Extended Hours of Standing

Cooks, nurses, salesclerks, waiters, police officers, and others, have jobs that keep them on their feet all day. This can be difficult for a pregnant woman, but it might be downright dangerous for her unborn baby. Studies have found that long hours of standing during the last half of pregnancy disrupt the flow of blood.[3]

Key Factors Creating a Great Workplace whilst Pregnant

1. Flexibility

You might feel tired as your body works overtime to support your pregnancy — and resting during the workday can be tough. Having an employer or job that provide care and is understanding to your needs is hugely beneficial.

A compassionate and empathetic employer will understand morning sickness; they will facilitate changes in working hours to accommodate your energy and assist with the smells from the work kitchen. 

They will also enable you to remain flexible to snack as and when you want to – crackers and other bland foods can be lifesavers when you feel nauseated. Nad eating small frequent meals are similarly saving you as your meal quantity decreases.

2. Compassion

More employers are learning that the idea that pregnant women are willing and necessary contributors to the economy and are capable of adding long-term value to their organizations. 

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Employers that follow good practice in maternity can improve the experience of pregnant employees and new mothers and encourage them to return to work following maternity leave.

A good relationship between a pregnant employee and her line manager is essential to the successful reintegration of the employee following maternity leave.

3. Stress Reduced

Stress on the job can sap the energy you need to care for yourself and your baby.

To minimize workplace stress, take control. Make daily to-do lists and prioritise your tasks. Consider what you can delegate to someone else — or eliminate. 

Talk it out. Share frustrations with a supportive co-worker, friend or loved one. 

Practice relaxation techniques, such as breathing slowly or imagining yourself in a calm place. Try a prenatal yoga class, as long as your health care provider says it’s OK.

4. Adaptable

As your pregnancy progresses, everyday activities such as sitting and standing can become uncomfortable. Remember those short, frequent breaks to combat fatigue? Moving around every few hours also can ease muscle tension and help prevent fluid buildup in your legs and feet. 

Using an adjustable chair with good lower back support can make long hours of sitting much easier — especially as your weight and posture change. If your chair isn’t adjustable, use a small pillow or cushion to provide extra support for your back.

Elevate your legs to decrease swelling. If you must stand for long periods of time, put one of your feet up on a footrest, low stool or box. Switch feet every so often and take frequent breaks.

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Wear comfortable shoes with good arch support. Consider wearing support or compression hose, too.

5. Financial Support

Financial strain is one of the leading causes of peri & post natal depression. Employers can support employees by offering them benefits beyond the statutory minimum, for example training mechanisms to help them cope with balancing work and family commitments. 

The employer should conduct a performance review with the employee prior to her maternity leave to boost her confidence and encourage her to consider how parenthood and work will fit together.

Key Take-Aways

If you’re working while you’re pregnant, you need to know your rights to antenatal care, maternity leave and benefits. 

If you have any worries about your health while at work, talk to your doctor, midwife or occupational health nurse. You can also talk to your employer, union representative, or someone in the personnel department (HR) where you work. 

Once you tell your employer that you’re pregnant, they should do a risk assessment with you to see if your job poses any risks to you or your baby. If there are any risks, they have to make reasonable adjustments to remove them. This can include changing your working hours. 

If you work with chemicals, lead or X-rays, or in a job with a lot of lifting, it may be illegal for you to continue to work. In this case, your employer must offer you alternative work on the same terms and conditions as your original job. If there’s no safe alternative, your employer should suspend you on full pay (give you paid leave) for as long as necessary to avoid the risk.

Look for employment opportunities that don’t require too much physical exertion and that won’t cause you much emotional stress. Also, look for jobs that come with the chance to work flexible hours, offer good medical benefits, allow you to take time off as needed, and don’t require a long commute. 

Your current employer may need to offer you different types of work or a change to your working hours. If your employer can’t get rid of the risks (for example by finding other suitable work without any reduction in pay for you), they should offer you suspension on full pay.

Featured photo credit: Alicia Petresc via unsplash.com

Reference

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