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How to Say More by Talking Less

How to Say More by Talking Less

He who does not know how to be silent will not know how to speak. – Ausonius

Talking less has always been a struggle for me. As a child, those close to me constantly chastised me for my need to stir the air with incessant chatter. As I grew older, their comments made me feel as though none of my words were worthy of being heard. Ironically, one of the people who made those comments the most is someone who, to this day, is incapable of sitting in silence with others. That individual must fill the void of silence with the most arbitrary (and oftentimes, annoying) nervous banter. To the point where I would wince with each word.

Talking less can bring you closer to those you love

When my daughter was very small, I was a single mother and worked multiple jobs to support us. Some days, my daily responsibilities left me both emotionally and physically exhausted, and I just wanted to sit in silence. (Two decades later, I still have those days.) My sweet little angel would sit beside me and chatter at a mile-a-minute pace, excitedly telling me about her day—or even what Barney The Dinosaur did to inspire her. Although I loved my alone time with her, and adored hearing her stories, there were some days that I was on overload. Since I knew how I was stung by people’s words when I was a child, I did not want to do the same to her; so instead of telling her to be quiet, I simply said, “Sweetheart, mommy’s ears are tired tonight.”

My vivacious little girl would then turn to me and say, “Okay mommy. We can just sit and ‘nuggle.” And with that, we sat in silence and cuddled on the couch or worked on a coloring book together. Even at a young age, my daughter was not intimidated by talking less.

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Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. – Max Ehrmann

Talking less is how leaders are made

I am certainly guilty of being a talker. I am also guilty of not being the best listener. I recognize those traits in me, and do my best, on a daily basis, to be better balanced in those areas. I was always the person who only half listened, as I waited for my chance to throw in my two cents. From time to time, I still catch myself doing it, but have learned to recognize my anxious inner voice and cast it away.

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. – Bryant H. McGill

Parents and supervisors are some of the biggest offenders of not recognizing the strength of talking less. I’m sure everyone has either done this, or experienced it. The person asks a question and, if the reply does not occur almost immediately, they begin feeding the answer to the other. Here are a couple examples:

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  • Parent to child: “Billy, why did you cry when grandpa touched your teddy bear?” Insert momentary pause. “Is it because you thought he hurt Mr. Bear? Or because you don’t like sharing? Is it because grandpa smells funny?”
  • Employer to staff: “I’d like to know why no one made contact with our supplier regarding the discrepancy in the order.” Insert five seconds of silence. “Did everyone think someone else was going to do it? Did you think that it was an insignificant loss? Do you just not care about this company’s success?”

In both of those examples, they should have asked the question and then sat silently, rather than feed their audience a selection of multiple-choice answers from which to choose.

A silent mind is a productive and healthy mind

Luminita Saviuc at Purpose Fairy wrote an article about the positive results that come with talking less. She confirms in The Wisdom of Silence: Learning to Talk Less and Say More that we have permission to just breathe. She reminds us that in the wake of our silence, we will not find ourselves in danger, but might actually experience clarity. When our mind is still, we can help our body purge itself of the stress of our day.

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. – Plato

I want to be a wise woman. I am learning more and more how to be that wise woman.

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Fear not the silence around you

As technology takes a stronghold on us, we now replace our silence with the “noise” of turning to our mobile devices. I have witnessed many couples or groups in public, whose devices appear the moment there is a pause in conversation. The only sounds you hear are their fingers tapping on tiny keyboards. Why are we so afraid to be still?

Let’s not misunderstand this focus on talking less though—excited chatter, banter, and conversation have a place in all of our lives.

Talking less does not mean that there is nothing left to say

My husband and I carpool to work each day, and a couple years ago, the silence in the car was almost deafening for me after we had finished exchanging our anecdotes of our workday. I thought, “Have we run out of things to talk about? Do we know everything we know need to know about each other?”

I was panicking as I thought of all the years we talked endlessly about anything and everything while on our path of getting to know one another. Instead of sounding my emotional alarms, I should have been appreciative to simply share that space with him, and realize how comfortable we both are just being together—even in silence.

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Although, my genetic circuitry still pushes me to the chatter zone, as I grow, and learn, I do my best to circumvent those urges and let my mind and soul be still.

Featured photo credit: Shh/Amickman via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

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