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Step-By-Step Guide To Arguing With An Irrational Person

Step-By-Step Guide To Arguing With An Irrational Person

It can be very difficult to deal with irrational behaviour. Irrational people often choose to ignore reason and logic because they are focused on making a certain point, and they don’t want anything to get in the way of that. Sadly, most people have at least one irrational person in their lives. However, unless they have issues with mental health, you can always bring an irrational person back to reality. You can use certain techniques to communicate with irrational people – you can even find common ground with each other.

If you want to be able to communicate effectively with an angry, irrational person, follow our step-by-step guide below.

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1. Avoid intentionally pushing their buttons

If you know the person well, it is likely that you know exactly how to push their buttons and wind them up. This tactic should be totally avoided; choosing to wind someone up is childish, petty and offensive. It can also validate the other person’s irrational behavior. Keep the argument civil by only bringing up relevant comments.

2. Use evidence

Evidence is essential to win an argument – especially with an irrational person. Proof is difficult to deny, so back up your points with reliable and specific evidence. Consider what kind of evidence the irrational person is most likely to trust; are they very logical, or emotional? Some people are more likely to be swayed by a scientific study, and others are more likely to trust a magazine article.

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3. Point out logical fallacies

Irrational people often warp logic so that it works in their favor – don’t be afraid to call this behavior out. For instance, the logic “silence fallacy” is the idea that if there is no evidence for something, it must not exist, such as germs, God or aliens. Often people think they are being logical until someone points out the flaw in their thinking.

4. Argue about your ideas (not each other)

An argument is a good chance to discuss different opinions and see other perspectives. Do not call the other person stupid for their opinions; people are much more likely to become defensive (and more irrational) if you do. Instead focus on the subject of the argument to help resolve the situation.

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5. Use ‘we’ rather than ‘You’ or ‘I’

Language is very important during an argument. Saying ‘you’ and ‘I’ creates an unnecessary divide that will further drive you apart, but using ‘we’ shows you both as a single unit, encouraging the irrational person to see your point of view.

6. Respect their points

Treat others as you wish to be treated; If you are rude and disrespectful to someone during a fight, they will probably behave the same way. Remember that arguments are two-sided, and it is fine to disagree with their point, but to completely dismiss it makes the whole argument pointless.

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7. Apologize when you are wrong

Sometimes people say things during fights that are hurtful without realizing it. If you are arguing with an irrational person and you hurt their feelings, acknowledge it, apologize and move on. Irrational people often struggle to let go of certain things, and without an apology it is unlikely that they will try to understand your point of view.

8. Know when to drop the argument

It can be tough to let an argument go, but sometimes it is for the best. People rarely change their mind during a fight, but often they will go home and reflect on it, and slowly their opinion will change.

If you refuse to let the fight go even when the other person is upset or angry, you may be the irrational person. Respect that everyone has different opinions and you cannot make everyone think like you do. End the argument kindly by saying “I think we have very different opinions on this subject, which is fine. Hopefully we both learned something new today.”

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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