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6 Things You Want to Know BEFORE Becoming a Parent

6 Things You Want to Know BEFORE Becoming a Parent

Being a new parent is the most joyful, frustrating, heart opening, messy, happy thing a person can ever experience. Yet unlike being a fireman or a doctor there is very little real guidance offered by society on what to expect, what pitfalls to avoid, etc. Usually family and friends will tell new or expecting parents some imagined to be important things to help them along their way, like what to expect during labor (as if anyone can predict that), what kind of classes might help with the birthing process (as if all birthing processes are the same), what the best deals you can find for baby food are, information about baby clothes and who the best pediatrician in your neck of the woods is.

Truth is though, that information is already all over the internet, including opinions about whether to vaccinate, when to vaccinate and of course the ultimate question of all: whether or not to circumcise if the child happens to be male. This white noise about what parents should do or not do, as well as the mass of information today’s parents are expected to know actually deflects from some very basic practical advice that can be helpful.

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Since being a new parent already leads to amnesia due to lack of sleep, and being an expecting parent holds levels of anxiety reminiscent of being in a dentist chair while getting a root canal, it’s important to keep this kind of advice simple and easy, so here are 6 things you want to know BEFORE becoming a parent:

Be prepared to get no sleep!

How long that will be depends on the kindness of that stranger who is now your baby, their emotional whims and feeding habits, none of which anyone can predict. Plan your life accordingly for the indefinite future in line with the fact that you will not be getting any sleep. And if you do get sleep, cherish it because there is no guarantee that the lovely baby who sleeps all night at 9 weeks will not become like a shark in a feeding frenzy every 90 minutes from 8pm to 7am when they are 12 weeks or older. Growth spurts, room lighting, smells, even the astrological transits of the baby’s birth chart can be studied until the end of time and still there is no formula to accurately predict when a new born will sleep or not. So, get used to being sleep deprived, or at least accept the possibility that it may happen to you.

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Get a glider chair for Mom!

Comfort for the mother is of utmost importance in the days and weeks after childbirth. A mother of a newborn child needs time for her body to recover from the rigors of giving birth, and also being sleep deprived means that it is much easier to breastfeed or bottle feed while sitting in a cozy glider chair that rocks back and forth. This small investment is worth it! If you risk not getting one be prepared for the mental anguish which will ensue, as well as the massage bills, chiropractic bills and other activities that will need to happen to offset the lack of comfort that is now part of this new mother’s world. Be kind! Make getting a glider chair a top priority, right up there with buying diapers and baby clothes.

It is natural for every adult you ever meet from the moment your child is born to want to give you advice.

That’s what adults do, we pretend to know stuff even if we don’t. In past generations it was the case that most adults had children, often many children, and so any advice given was usually from the place of real life experience. But in today’s world that is not the case, so learning how to deflect advice from those who have no idea what being a parent is like is a real and important skill.

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Also, it is often the case that these non-parents make huge assumptions based on their non-existent parenting experience and say things which can be offensive to anyone who is actually raising a newborn child. One simple technique is to ignore unrequested and potentially offensive advice entirely, which often works because you are so obviously sleep deprived people think you simply didn’t hear what they just said. Another technique is to turn the advice back on the person who asked it. If they recommend you breastfeed, or which side of the vaccine coin flip you should be on, ask them what they did when raising their own children. Oh yeah, they don’t have kids. Let the awkward silence pass as you both digest this moment similar to someone who has never driven a car trying to telling you how to drive.

Be prepared for your friendships to change!

As with any major life change, being a parent can have many unexpected results. Some people love children and others have no idea how to relate to children, especially a newborn child. You might expect a congratulations from someone who you have thought a dear friend only to rarely hear from them again once you have announced the birth of your child. The opposite is also true, someone who you knew only casually might shower you and your baby with gifts, offering to be helpful such as cooking food for you and helping you do chores that were once easy but now a challenge, such as clean your house while watching a newborn.

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The bright love that comes through with these new friendships usually outweighs that sense of hurt that happens when someone decides to no longer be your friend because you now have a child. When you do lose friends because of your baby know it is simply an initiation, a hazing from the universe for you to join this age old society of parents, and not something to take personally or go into therapy about. Embrace the new friendships, and simply let the old ones go.

Babies make people do crazy things.

You may have taken classes before the birth in Baby CPR, Breastfeeding, and watched numerous videos to help you cope with the challenges of being a parent. What to do when complete strangers ask to hold your beautiful child is the one issue no book or video ever dares to mention. As a society, we like to pretend this will never happen but it actually happens quite often. The request is rarely even verbal. The assailant simply stands in front of your newborn child, and reaches their arms out towards the child, perhaps pouting too as if regressing into their own babyhood form of consciousness. This form of non-verbal communication is almost an act of violence to some parents. What to do? Simply smile at them, hold your baby tight, and walk away.

Why is it worth it in spite of all this madness?

Don’t let this article scare you into deciding against having a baby. Having a child stare into your eyes, drool on you, and pee all over you when you try to change their diaper is an experience not to be missed. Seeing the odd behaviors, the nuances of a baby’s personality emerge, is probably the closest thing you’ll ever know to wondering what the Divine Creator must have felt when the universe was first created, a feeling kind of like Wow, I did this? Lots of problems yet somehow still perfect! The lost friends, the idiotic advice, the lack of sleep, the bills for baby’s needs and of course the glider chair, and even the weirdos who try to grope at you like linebackers in a Superbowl game where you are the quarterback and your baby is the football itself– none of this can compare to the magical sense of love that happens, as if the universe lit a match in the darkest areas of your heart and declared let there be light.

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Published on August 8, 2018

How Guided Meditation for Kids Can Boost Learning and Social Skills

How Guided Meditation for Kids Can Boost Learning and Social Skills

Do you want the best for your kid? Of course you do!

Boosting your kid’s learning ability and social skills in less than 20 minutes a day? That’s where guided meditation for kids comes in.

You have probably heard a lot about meditation the last couple years. As there’s more and more research in the area of meditation, a lot of people finally start to see the benefits.

A subject that’s not talked about too much is that meditation can also help kids grow incredible learning and social skills.

Meditation for kids is becoming more popular every day as parents want their kids to see the benefits too.

What is guided meditation for kids?

First things first, what exactly is the guided meditation for kids that is talked about in this article?

We can define meditation with the help of Headspace:[1]

Meditation is about training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective. You’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. And eventually, you may start to better understand them as well.

And according to GuidedMind, guided meditation is:[2]

Guided meditation is when you are guided, by a narrator, to elicit a specific change in your life. You are first guided to relax your body and mind, to help you reach a deep meditative state before going on a journey, in your mind, to reach a specific goal.

If you want to get into guided meditation, read this:

The Guided Morning Meditation for Beginners (That Will Change Your Day)

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As you may know, there are a lot of variations on meditation. This includes:

  • Mindfulness, focusing on the breath while accepting everything that’s happening (thoughts, sounds, etc.).
  • (Guided) Visualization, visualizing a particular event, environment, feeling, etc.
  • Heart Rhythm Meditation (HRM), focusing on the breath and the heart while feeling at one with everything. A focus on downward energy flow within the body.
  • Transcendental Meditation (TM), this technique is literally about transcending the negative through internal mantras.
  • Qi Gong, this is a form of meditation that is done through specific movement patterns while focusing on the breath.
  • Kundalini focuses on the upward flow of energy within the body. Focusing on that energy with your breath gives you a higher sense of consciousness.
  • Zazen, sitting with a back straight while focusing on deep breaths.

You can find out more about different forms in this article:

17 Types of Meditation (Techniques and Basics) to Practice Mindfulness

All these forms of meditation can be done individually or guided. Guided meditation for kids is the best choice because it will make it easier for them to follow and understand.

The benefits of meditation for kids

There are a lot of benefits meditation has to offer, but the most important benefit is that it relieves stress. In this time and age, this becomes more important than ever.

(Post-)millennials are dealing with a lot of stress due to the amount of work pressure, opportunities (decision making) and student loan debt (which results in wanting early financial success).[3]

Making sure children are stress resistant is of high importance for the future of their lives.

Of course, there are way more benefits to meditation. So, to convince you further; here follow more benefits to meditation.

There are precisely 76 benefits to meditation which are scientifically proved.[4] But the main benefits of meditation are:

  • Improved concentration[5]
  • Increased happiness[6]
  • Slows down the aging process[7]
  • Increased immunity[8] and cardiovascular health[9]
  • Improved mood and brain power

Here I’m going to look into some of meditation’s benefits that parents care about most:

Boost learning ability

The question is: ‘How does meditation for kids improve learning ability?’

There are, of course, multiple answers but there’s one simple answer; concentration. As you read earlier on in this article, meditation improves the ability to concentrate.

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If the ability to concentrate increases, it will lead to an increased attention span which is one of the factors that affect learning.

By implementing guided meditation into your kids’ life; he/she will become a better learner.

Another reason to increase the attention span of your child beside learning is that our average attention span per person is decreasing exponentially because of all the distractions that we have around us.

The more we let distractions in, the less easy it becomes to really focus on something. This is because it takes us 23 minutes to get into something after being distracted.[10]

Improve social skills

The way meditation for kids improves the social skills of the meditator is through the sense of presence it creates.[11] Being present in a conversation is more important than you may think.

Do you know those people who are just way up in their head which makes it hard to have an in-depth conversation with?

They probably don’t meditate.

By being present in a conversation, you can better understand the person you’re talking to. Not being carried away by your thoughts makes it easier to process the information the other is providing. Including non-verbal signs, you may never have noticed if you weren’t present.

Meditation for kids also improves charisma because of the loving nature that grows from meditating. Especially the kindness and gratitude focused forms of meditation for kids. By being more kind and grateful; your kid will increase in charisma and feeling of interconnectedness which will improve social skills.

Last but not least, implementing guided meditation for kids in the form of guided meditation by you (the parent) will likely improve the relationship between you and your child.

This creates the opportunity to educate your child on specific social skills you’ve picked up and the other way around. Also, a child is very dependent on its environment.

By increasing social skills yourself, you will improve the social skills of your child.

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How to get started with guided meditation for kids

Below follows a step-by-step process on how to implement guided meditation for kids into your kids’ life.

Step 1: Do it yourself first

Have you ever tried learning Spanish from someone who doesn’t speak Spanish? No, because it doesn’t make sense!

This is the same for meditation for kids. If you want to teach your kid how to meditate, you will first have to do it yourself.

Pick a form of meditation for kids you think would work best and get the hang of it. Follow guided meditation via YouTube or any platform you like.

Suggestions: Visualization meditation, body scan meditation or simple mindfulness.

There’s an easy guide on meditation you can do anywhere at any time:

The 5-Minute Guide to Meditation: Anywhere, Anytime

Step 2: Expose your kid to the practice

By exposing your kid to the practice without him/her knowing, its intention will raise their curiosity. This makes it easier to convince them afterward.

Meditate in the presence of them; put your earplugs in and start meditating while they are around. When they talk to you or touch you while you’re meditating, keep meditating until they walk away.

When you’re done, you can explain what you were doing and why you were doing and ask to do it together. Explain it in a way, so they understand it.

Here’s an article that will help you explain mindfulness to your kid:

Mindfulness: What it is and How to Explain it to Kids and Adults

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Tip: Make it sound like it’s very special (which it is) so that they’ll grow their curiosity and excitement even more.

Step 3: Do it together

Now that you have the interest of your child and know the essence of meditation you can finally do it together. Guide them through the meditation or put on the meditation you followed before.

Make it a fun and enjoyable experience for your child at first while keeping the essence of meditation in mind.

As you and your child progress you may want to make it more serious.

Step 4: Let your child express himself/Herself entirely

You will get a lot of insights about your feelings and thoughts through meditation. Your child will also experience these things and may want to express it.

Ask your child after the meditation what he/she experienced or felt. Let them get rid of everything that’s bothering them.

Step 5: Be consistent

As you do it more frequently; you will build a habit for you and your kid that will benefit you both. Reward them after each meditation.

Make it a fun experience instead of something they must do. Don’t push it.

Step 6: Be calm and let it be

Again, don’t push it and don’t expect anything. You want to get your child into meditation for kids so he/she can benefit from it in the long run. But you can’t decide for your kid if he/she wants it or not.

You will have to educate yourself first before you can train your child. Read books or articles about meditation for kids and try your best.

Conclusion

Here’s a summary of the key points you have learned by reading this article:

  • You now know what (guided) meditation for kids is.
  • You know why it’s so important to include (guided) meditation into your and your kids’ life.
  • You know how (guided) meditation for kids helps improve the learning ability of your kid.
  • You know how (guided) meditation for kids helps improve the social skills of your kid.
  • You have the steps you can follow to implement meditation for kids into your kids’ life.

Good luck and start meditating with your kids!

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

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