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The Real Outcomes of Self-Development

The Real Outcomes of Self-Development

Things change when you start working on yourself. Some things that you expect to be too clichéd actually do happen, and others take you by surprise. Here are some things that arise when you spend time being the real you.

Haters gonna hate

No matter how well off you are or how well you have it together, there will always be people who will criticize you. The trick is not to buy into the number one lie: “You are lacking.”

Some will do it out of jealousy, some will do it out of spite, and others will do it to push you. But they all tell themselves “I’m not being nasty” or “I’m trying to help them grow.” Only some of them will actually turn the criticism into something constructive for you to work on. The reason being, it’s not about what you’re lacking—you already have everything to make the most out of your life—it’s about which parts you can make better. Constructive criticism will show you those parts.

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Friendship masks fall to the floor

As people start seeing you for who you are, you start seeing them for who they are. Sincerity increases beyond value. People who genuinely want to know you are intrigued and go out of their way to discover more about you, from you. You’ll find yourself in a position of authentic friendships, the ones that don’t use you as a time or space occupier, or to fill an emotional void. Instead of blowing their own horn and forcing you to blow yours to make a masked friendship work, you’ll find yourself in the presence of people who keep you accountable to your own standards and priorities. These are friends that add value to your life and you to theirs.

Self-inflicted drama becomes childish

When you know yourself better, you know the way you tick. You understand what sets you off on an emotional rollercoaster and what it looks, sounds, and feels like when the internal furnace starts to boil. Because you know this, you know when to walk away before it blows over, you eliminate plenty of embarrassment, moments of apologies, and a lot hurt for yourself and those around you. You become really good at seeing the outcomes of your own actions before they’ve taken place.

Drama becomes child’s play and stays in your childhood—where it belongs.

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There will always be moments where the unpreventable happens, but when those moments occur, you’re also better equipped to handle them in a more dignified manner.

Opportunities are a-knockin’

All of a sudden, you find yourself living in a world where there are an influx of invitations, chances, opportunities, and challenges. A lot of them will be super exciting, some of them terrifying and daunting, others tedious and boring, and others still weird and whimsical. But you’ve extended the thoughts of your own limitations and now have the ability to test new waters. As you make decisions by sifting through these new prospects, you’d think the opportunities would slow down, but they just keep on coming, and they get better with time.

You stick to your guns

After a while, you will have learned your basic daily routine and have it pretty much down pat. When you go to embrace a new opportunity or habit, you’re able to draw from what you’ve already learned about yourself; your reactions, how long it takes you to form a habit, how you think, what you need to do to overcome it and keep motivated. Your stamina becomes one of your greatest assets.

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It becomes more than a stale habit—it’s an attitude and a lifestyle change.

Having the stamina to do the little tedious things, even when you don’t feel like it, makes it easier to strive for newer and greater things. Stamina isn’t what makes you start something, but it’s what keeps you going (#Stamina2Strive) and it’s one of the most powerful skills you will master to succeed every day.

You’re actually happier

Everywhere you go, people start commenting on how happy you are. Your attire, your posture, your attitude and mood—they all reflect joy in unison. Your actual presence starts radiating exuberance, and the people around you feel it. You become so comfortable in who you are because you know your strengths and you use them to the max. But equally, you embrace your weaknesses for where they’re at, look forward to where they’re going, and enjoy the process. In becoming the best version of yourself, you actually like who you are without having to be fake.

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You’re rocking being real, and the world digs that.

The world can no longer convince you of who you are, because you already know. When all the hard work pays off, the best bit is this:

You’re not even trying anymore!

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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