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Psychologist Says We Must Accept Who We Are In Order to Change

Psychologist Says We Must Accept Who We Are In Order to Change

Now I understand we all naturally dislike change because honestly we are not used to it. Change can be scary or intimidating to those who are way too comfortable in their comfort-zone. Some people might even say that they don’t want to change because frankly it is not who they are or it just doesn’t feel right.

But Why Doesn’t Change Feel Right?

The reason why it doesn’t feel right is because we are creatures of habit. Once we get out of our daily routine, it starts to feel uncomfortable and weird. It’s like writing with your left hand when you are a righty. It just feels all weird and uncomfortable and you just want to go back to your old habits.

Is It Necessary To Be Constantly Changing In Your Life?

However it is a necessity to be constantly changing in your life because you have the adapt to your own unique situation.

Charles Darwin said it best.

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“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change” – Charles Darwin

What Do We Have To Do Before We Can Change?

Before we can even change ourselves, we must accept who we actually are, since we need a starting point. It’s like using a GPS or Google Maps. First, we have to figure out where we are now (or who we are now) and then figure out where we want to go (or WHO we want to become)

And the first step is always figuring out where you are now (or who you realistically are now) and confirming your location (or accepting who you are). Once you figure out who you realistically are and accept who you are, then you are READY for change.

Carl Roger once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Roger

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And FYI, Carl Roger was considered to be one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy research and was honored for his pioneering research with the Award for Distinguished Scientific Contributions by the American Psychological Association.

Basically Carl Roger Knows What He’s Talking About

Now to help you figure out and accept who you are, try to generally describe who you think you are at first. Try to look at yourself like a scientist observing a specimen. A scientist just gets the facts straight.

Remember be honest no one here is judging you! After you describe who you think you are, try to find events in the past that prove your own description. For example let’s say Steve is shy. Steve knows that he is shy and has proof from past experience. In the 8th grade he remembered he couldn’t bring himself to ask out his crush Vicky on a date. Even in his senior year of high school he was terrified during group presentation.

Now I don’t want you to feel bad or anything like that. I just want you to figure out who you are with evidence from your past experience.

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Now What Do You Do After You Accept Who You Are?

Now that you figured out and accepted who you realistically are, you have to figure out who you want to become. Imagine who you want to become. Imagine this amazing version of you that can accomplish all your goals in life. Now if you think only imagining your new amazing self won’t do any good, thankfully you are wrong. Don’t ever underestimate your brain!

There has been research done on how your imagination affects the brain. They tested 3 groups of basketball players.

  • 1st group was told to do nothing.
  • 2nd group was told to imagine successfully shooting the ball in the basket from the free throw line.
  • 3rd group was told to practice shooting the ball from the free throw line

The 1st group showed no improvement. (Obviously)

However the 2nd and 3rd group had similar improvement results even though the 2nd group only imagined successfully shooting the ball in the basket. And it’s not only for basketball. It has been proven in other activities such as playing the piano. So imagine who this version of you is and get to really know that “new you.”

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The more you ACT like the “new you”, the more you BECOME that person. Basically what you are doing is replacing an old habit (or old behavior) with a new habit (or new behavior). The easiest way to get rid of old habits (like smoking) is to form new ones that are more fun and beneficial for you.

One Last Note

If you are doing everything right and are starting to change, people around you will start to notice. Don’t pay attention to what they say because when you start changing people can’t label you anymore.

Featured photo credit: Change = Progress = Happiness via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

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It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

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3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

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Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

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6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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