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10 Reasons Why Your Dad Doesn’t Actually Want Your Father’s Day Gift

10 Reasons Why Your Dad Doesn’t Actually Want Your Father’s Day Gift

Planning to gift your dad flashy things like neckties, football tickets, world’s best dad mugs, or a bottle of his favourite alcohol this Father’s Day? Well, you might have to drop the idea of surprising him. Forget gift shop promotions. Go for a real present that he actually wants. After all, it’s his day; shouldn’t he get to celebrate on his terms?

A recent survey by Deal News shed light on the fact that catching up over a cup of coffee, talking on the phone, playing a video game together, or a hug is more valued by dads than any sort of material gift.

Instead of scouring different websites and inundating yourself with ads espousing the perfect Father’s Day gift, consider the things that represent the close bond in your relationship with him this year. Here are a few reasons why most dads would rather skip gifts on Father’s Day.

1. Because he doesn’t want you to burn your budget

No surprises here. An invite to an expensive restaurant or a 10-dollar greeting card from one of the hippest places in town is not what most dads want. They would prefer a handmade card or a cheap coffee date. They value shared time more than material possessions.

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2. Because he is not fond of surprises

Men, in general, and fathers in particular, do not like surprises. They prefer to plan everything ahead of time so that they know exactly what is going to happen and when. Remember that they prefer to have control over the situation before you start planning a big surprise for Father’s Day. Think back to the times you’ve surprised dad with unpleasant moments; that fender bender, a failing grade on a report card, or an unpopular personal decision.

Give him control over the day, or at least inform him of your plans ahead of time!

3. Because he values family time more

Research has shown that two-fifths of dads feel that spending quality time with their families on a holiday is worth far more than a wrapped gift, sporting event ticket, or new fashion accessory.

4. Because expensive gadgets are often of no use to him

Often, children present their fathers with expensive, trendy gadgets for Father’s Day.

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While these gadgets may seem necessary to you at the time, your dad might think otherwise. Even though some gizmos can be useful, most usually end up at the back of some shelf or drawer.

Children should consider asking before buying electronics for their fathers. This way, you ensure that your purchase will be useful to dad, rather than just a waste of money.

 5. Because he prefers to be acknowledged verbally

Today’s dads don’t want their kids to feel indebted to them. All the things they did to provide a good life for their family were due to the responsibility they feel they have as a father.

But that doesn’t mean fathers don’t want to hear about how their sacrifices impacted you personally. According to Eckhart Tolle, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” This Father’s Day, your dad would love to hear your thoughts on how he impacted your life. Sharing a fond memory and creating new ones is what dad loves most.

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6. Because a small thing like a phone call is enough to tell him you care

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that a phone call can say it all. Could a phone call really replace an expensive gift? Well, in your dad’s universe, a meaningful phone call beats an expensive gift every time.

7. Because he is a true believer in practicality

Have you ever asked your dad: “What do you want for Father’s Day?”

A pair of socks or underpants were probably pretty high on his list. Dads love spending money on things that are useful to them, regardless of it being an everyday thing.

8. Because he still thinks of you as a child

While you might feel all grown up, your dad still sees you through the lens of a loving parent. That’s one reason some dads actually give their children a present on Father’s Day. It’s about looking after a child and giving them every opportunity in life.

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9. Because he wants appreciation in the truest sense

The stereotypical father is emotionally hardened and stern. That tough exterior is covering a warm and sensitive dad that’s emotionally attached to his kids.

Take the opportunity this Father’s Day to really open up and share with your dad how he makes you feel. Talk about the good times, the bad times, and just be emotionally honest. It’s okay to let your guard down for 24 hours out of the year. Seriously, he’ll love it.

10. Because he believes every day is Father’s Day

It might just be that your father does not believe in the idea of a special day for dads. For him, every day might be Father’s Day. He might prefer that you show your gratitude year-round with something more practical, like performing well in school or helping out around the house.

Don’t be alarmed if his response to your gift on Father’s Day is lukewarm. He’s proud to be your dad, and he celebrates it in his own special way every day. Let’s all raise a toast to the dads out there that make the world a better place!

Featured photo credit: kumasi via flickr.com

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Ahmed Raza

CEO of Samurais.co

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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