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Pregnancy At Week 31

Pregnancy At Week 31

Week 31 Pregnancy – How Is Your Baby Doing?

At your 31st week of pregnancy, you will be excited to know that your little baby now weighs just under three and a half pounds. Not only this, but they are now between sixteen and eighteen inches long – very close to their birth length. What they need to do now is grow another three to five pounds before they are ready to be born. In the last thirty one weeks, your little darling has grown from the size of a nut to the size of a coconut!

You may have noticed that your baby is resting every now and then. This is just the baby’s way of preparing for their routine once outside the womb. They will sleep for a few hours and then look for food and play. No need to panic if the kicking stops for a few hours – now you know why.

coconut

    You may be surprised to know that as your baby’s organs mature, they are now able to pass urine from their bladder (getting good practice for the outside world!). And if you’re wondering how on earth they are passing the time in there, get this: They are hiccuping, making faces, sucking their thumb, kicking, pedaling, and even waving and smiling as scan footage has shown us recently.

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    The Mothers Body at Week 31 Pregnancy

    Just as there is quite a lot going on with your baby, there is also a lot changing with your own body this week.

    Colostrum

    You may notice colostrum leaking from your breasts. This just means the body is getting ready to nurse and is no big deal, although many of us have been left red-faced the first time it happens. Not to worry – nursing pads are excellent for soaking up colostrum and they are very discreet. Don’t worry if there is no sign of colostrum. This can happen and it’s not a big deal. You will still have plenty of milk when you need it if you decide to breastfeed.

    You may also want to buy a nursing bra at this point. Try to get one a cup size too big as you will need this space when the milk comes in.

    Shortness of Breath

    Your uterus is pushing up well past your navel by now, squishing your other organs as it grows. Feeling shortness of breath is normal under these conditions. Things will go back to normal as soon as your baby is born. Take it easy – don’t be too hard on yourself. Gentle exercise is fine. It’s important to know when to stop exercising for both yourself and your baby.

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    Leaking Urine

    Some pregnant ladies find that when they cough, sneeze, or laugh that they lose urine. This can be very frustrating or embarrassing and is caused by the baby putting pressure on your bladder. The best thing to do is to wear a pad and make sure you completely empty your bladder when you use the toilet. Do this by bending forward as far as you can when you urinate.

    Common Symptoms this Week

    Each week of pregnancy poses new problems for you to solve. Some of them hang around until the end of the pregnancy, while others tail off and are forgotten about. You may find that you have some of these difficulties on week 31 of pregnancy:

    Sleep Problems

    Sleep problems during pregnancy occur for several reasons. Constant bathroom breaks are at the top of the list, while worrying can also cause problems, especially for inexperienced mothers. After you empty your bladder at the toilet, have another go and see if you can empty it again. This is called double voiding and will help ensure that your bladder is completely empty. Worrying is common during pregnancy, so don’t get caught up in a cycle of anxiety. Instead, have a chat with your midwife about what’s bothering you. And remember that most of what we worry about turns out absolutely fine in the end.

    Pregnancy Brain Fog

    Yes, it’s true. You may find it difficult to concentrate from this point on. We shouldn’t beat ourselves up, though. This is something that’s completely out of our control. Instead, we should get clever and put some measures in place to limit damage. Use your phone as a tool to remember pieces of information, or write everything down in a little book you carry around with you. In the workplace, this can be very frustrating and can damage your self esteem. Don’t be hard on yourself – you can only do your best. Your workmates will understand, and hopefully your boss will be compassionate too.

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    Varicose Veins

    These veins are a result of the uterus putting pressure on blood vessels, pregnancy hormones, and increased volumes of blood. It’s best to do small amounts of low key exercise when you can – the more often the better.

    Backache

    Your back arches under the pressure of the growing uterus, leaving many women in terrible pain. Consider some gentle stretching exercises to help with flexibility – yoga would be a good option. Also make sure you have a maternity pillow, which is vital for comfortable sleep.

    Awkwardness

    Even a pregnant ballet dancer will suffer from some degree of clumsiness at this point in the pregnancy. It’s difficult to gauge how much space you take up, so you bump into things and knock stuff over. That’s okay, not to worry. Just be careful when cooking and using the bathtub or shower.

    Tips this Week

    Start by making a list of everything you need to bring to the hospital and gather it all up now. Of course, you shouldn’t expect to be there anytime soon – it’s simply good to be prepared.

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    Don’t bother with a bumper for your crib – they look cute but they could cause your baby to suffocate. The same goes for pillows and cuddly toys. There will be plenty of time for them later.

    Best of luck over the coming weeks, this is a truly wonderful time. Never mind all the little discomforts – they will be worth it in the end.

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    Published on December 20, 2019

    Is Authoritarian Parenting Good or Bad for Your Child?

    Is Authoritarian Parenting Good or Bad for Your Child?

    Kate sits down to the dinner table and is eager to be a good girl and eat her dinner like her Mom and Dad want her to do. She is a sweet girl who wants the approval of her parents very much. It is not always easy though. During dinner, she stands up and starts to leave the table because she has to use the bathroom. Her Dad yells at her to sit back down. He tells her “we don’t just get up from the dinner table, we wait and ask to be excused after everyone is finished eating.” She begins to protest, wanting to explain that she needs to use the bathroom. Her father becomes more upset with her and yells at her that she is now talking back and she is not allowed to say another word at the dinner table until everyone is finished eating and then she can be excused.

    Unfortunately for Kate, she can’t hold it, and she has a little accident because she is too fearful to say a word to her Dad. She doesn’t want to get yelled at anymore. She also knows that in her home, kids don’t have a say. What Mom and Dad say is like words carved into stone. They are strict beyond reason and they will not bend their rules. Therefore, Kate felt that she had no choice in the matter and when she could no longer hold it. There was nothing she could do about it.

    Kate’s parents are an example of authoritarian parenting. They are strict, they are not emotionally engaged with their children, and they have very high expectations for their children. This type of parenting style leaves children feeling disconnected from their parents.

    Kate wanted to communicate to her parents that she had to use the restroom, but she couldn’t even get her words out because her parents have such strict rules and demands of her. They did not care to hear what she had to say, because upholding their rules was more important to them. In their household, a child’s opinions and feelings do not matter.

    This kind of strict parenting is not helpful for children. It can damage a child and leave them with low self-esteem, mental health issues, and doing poor academically among other problems cited by research in Parenting Science.[1]

    What Does Authoritarian Parenting Look Like?

    In the 1960’s, a researcher and theorist by the name of Baumrind established the well known theory of parenting styles. Those four parenting styles, which are well known today, are authoritarian, authoritative, passive, and neglectful. For proactive parents that are trying hard to be good parents, they will usually lean toward either authoritarian or authoritative.

    Authoritarian parenting involves strict parenting and high expectations for children. This can sound reasonable and even like good parenting. However, the strict parenting is often characterized by lack of compassion toward the child, little to no flexibility in rules, and complete control sought over the child’s behavior.

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    Parents who use this parenting style believe it is their job to control the will and behavior of their children. An article in Psychology Today explains how authoritarian parents operate:[2]

    Authoritarian parents believe that children are, by nature, strong-willed and self-indulgent. They value obedience to higher authority as a virtue unto itself. Authoritarian parents see their primary job to be bending the will of the child to that of authority—the parent, the church, the teacher. Willfulness is seen to be the root of unhappiness, bad behavior, and sin. Thus, a loving parent is one who tries to break the will of the child.

    For example, Jake has authoritarian parents. He wants to stay out past curfew on a school night because he has an opportunity to play in a jazz ensemble. He has been playing the saxophone for years and his ambition is to play in a college jazz ensemble.

    With Jake still being in high school, his parents have a curfew. On school nights, it is 8:00 pm. This rule is instituted because his parents believe they need to ensure that Jake gets his school work done each night and that he needs to be well rested for school the next day. However, they don’t explain the why of their rules to him, they simply tell him that those are their rules. The jazz ensemble is practicing at 8:00 pm on a Thursday night and they have invited Jake to come play with them. It is a well known group and a huge opportunity for Jake.

    Unfortunately, his parents say no. Their authoritarian parenting style is unwavering. He wants to discuss the opportunity and its importance, but his parents will not even entertain the conversation. They stop him mid-sentence and go over their rules again. There is no flexibility.

    If Jake’s parents had been authoritative, they would have taken the time to hear out his case and would likely have granted him a later curfew for that one instance. They would see that, although they have a curfew, there are some instances when an opportunity is worth bending the rules. They would ask that he has his homework done before going to play with the group, and that he come home as soon as the practice was finished.

    Authoritative parents have rules, but they are also flexible based on reasonable requests for exceptions. The authoritative parents are interested in how their children are thinking and feeling. Conversely, authoritarian parents are not likely to be interested in hearing their child’s thoughts and feelings, because they want to control the will of their child, not come to some middle ground.

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    Here are some characteristics of authoritarian parenting:

    • They have strict rules that are unyielding and unwavering. This is often called “heavy handed parenting.”
    • They do not want input from the child about rules. They also feel that the child’s opinion does not matter, because they are the parent thus are the supreme authority over the child.
    • There are severe punishments when rules are broken.
    • There is an emotional disconnection between parent and child, because the parent is not interested in what the child thinks or feels. They are more interested in controlling the behavior of the child and having the child be compliant to their rules.
    • Children are expected to listen to their parents and follow the rules, there are no exceptions. A child that voices their objections will likely be punished for doing so.
    • The parents have high expectations, especially when it comes to compliance of their rules.
    • Parents expect that their child will be obedient and they do not need to explain the “why” of their rules and expectations. Compliance is expected out of sheer obedience, not because the child understands the reasons why the rules are set. Parents do not feel the need to explain why they set their rules.
    • There is a failure to have attached relationships between parent and child because of the overly dominant nature of authoritarian parents and their unwillingness to allow their children to have their own voice or free will.

    Authoritarian parents are driven by a belief that they need to control their children. This means controlling their children’s behavior to an extreme. They are inflexible and don’t take into account the child’s desires, emotions, or well-being as being as important to enforcing rules to get the desired outcome. Authoritative parents on the other hand, seek to guide and direct their children instead of control. There is a distinction.

    The Problems of Authoritarian Parenting

    Authoritarian parenting has many negative consequences to children. Children who are raised in homes with extreme authoritarian parenting are more likely to become dependent on drugs and alcohol, have lower academic performance, and increased mental health issues according to Parenting for Brain.[3] Children who are raised with authoritarian parents are also more likely to have lower self esteem, inability to make decisive choices, and have social skills that are lacking.

    When a child is raised to be taught day in and day out that their voice does not matter, then that child will likely be ingrained with that belief. They will not value their own opinions because they have been taught that what they think does not matter and is of no value. This leads to poor self-esteem and low self-worth.

    If a child doesn’t believe that their thoughts matter, then what they think about themselves overall is going to be affected. They will not think highly of themselves or believe that what they think, say, or do is of value. This will contribute to low self-esteem long term.

    Social skills will suffer because a child who comes from an authoritarian home will be trained to believe that nobody wants to hear their opinion and that relationships are based on compliance.

    For example, Judy is raised in an authoritarian home. She is now 18 years old and has her first boyfriend. Anytime that he asks something of her, even if she internally disagrees, she feels that she is supposed to comply and do what he says in order for him to like her and continue wanting to be with her.

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    He wants to have sex. She does not feel that she is ready, but she will not voice this to her boyfriend because she doesn’t think that her opinion will matter or that he will want to listen to what she is feeling. She goes along with sex in their relationship to be compliant. She doesn’t want to be punished by disagreeing with not having sex. He says that they are ready for that next step in the relationship and she fears that the consequence of saying no would be that he ends the relationship.

    Therefore, she doesn’t even voice her thoughts or feelings on the situation because she doesn’t think they have value or will be heard anyway.

    She has been taught by her parents that her opinions and feelings don’t matter. She has learned from the past 18 years with her parents that what matters most is that she is compliant. She gets along with her parents best when she is doing exactly what they want her to do. This is why she feels the need to do the same with her boyfriend.

    Going along with his decisions, being compliant, and not voicing her feelings will keep the relationship going and avoid conflict or punishment. The ultimate punishment in her mind would be that he ends the relationship.

    With her opinions never being valued by those who she has loved the most (her parents), she has learned that she should not voice her opinion if she wants to keep the other person in the relationship happy. In her mind, because of how she has been raised, compliance overrides all else, and her opinion is meaningless.

    However, her boyfriend is not her parents. He is understanding and would want to know how she feels. He wants a long term relationship with her and he loves her so much. His true desire is for her to be happy. He would never want her to have sex if she wasn’t feeling the same way that he was feeling. He would gladly wait and would want to hear what she thinks and feels about taking their relationship to the next level.

    Authoritarian parenting methods can inflict great harm on a child. The child becomes emotionally damaged because they grow up believing that their opinions, thoughts, and feelings do not matter. Instead they are taught that compliance and being obedient supersedes all else.

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    The Solution

    The solution is to move from authoritarian parenting methods to authoritative parenting practices.

    Authoritative parenting has been deemed as the best parenting method by researchers, according to Psychology Today. Parents who use authoritative parenting methods have rules for their children, but they are not looking for blind compliance. They recognize that having a relationship with their child is of great importance and therefore valuing the child’s voice, opinions, and thoughts is important.

    Authoritative parents seek to guide and direct their children, but they do not seek to control the will of their child.

    Parenting Coach Plan explains the foundation of authoritative parenting as the following:[4]

    Authoritative parenting can be described as a style of parenting that combines firm limits and clear boundaries with fair and consistent discipline. Authoritative parents are also nurturing, highly-involved, and willing to speak openly with their child regarding expectations and the consequences for failing to meet those expectations. Rules are enforced and fair consequences are put in place for when those rules are broken.

    Children raised in authoritative homes follow the rules because they understand the “why” of the rules. They are also bonded to their parents because they are able to talk to their parents openly. This bond helps nurture a positive home environment and a two-way relationship that can last a lifetime.

    To learn more about how to be an authoritative parent and how to discipline a child using this parenting method, check out my article:

    How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

    Featured photo credit: Xavier Mouton Photographie via unsplash.com

    Reference

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