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How Misconceptions about Self-Care Get in the Way of Taking Care of Yourself

How Misconceptions about Self-Care Get in the Way of Taking Care of Yourself

“You have to take care of yourself.”

“You should schedule a spa day!”

“Have you tried yoga?”

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“Do you know what a gratitude journal is?”

You know self-care is important but if the thought of a hot yoga class or a daily mediation journal sends you running in the opposite direction, you might start to think that the whole self-care thing isn’t for you.

In all of the messages about relaxation, stress management, and healthy living an important message has largely been ignored: While self-care is about taking care of ourselves, that may mean different things to different people.

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Some people may find the respite they need inside a spa.  Someone else might find their reprieve inside a racquetball court. Still another may find rejuvenation at 2 a.m. inside a standing-room only rock concert in a small concert venue.

Self-care, when done right, nurtures our souls, feeds our spirits, and helps us tune into our passions and pleasures. It doesn’t always look and sound the way we’re told it does. If you’re struggling to fit self-care into your life, it might be because your version of self-care doesn’t fit the mold.

Try asking yourself these questions:

  • What’s something that gets you excited?
  • What’s something that when you do it, you lose track of time?
  • When do you feel the most alive?
  • Is there anything in your life that brings you pure, child-like glee?
  • What do you wish you had more time for?
  • What’s something you love so much that you’ve created a ritual around it?
  • What are your guilty pleasures?

Answering these questions, you might find that you’re already doing a pretty good job of taking care of yourself. If you’re looking at these questions and drawing a blank, it’s likely that you haven’t made time for real self-care in a while.

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Some might guess or suspect that a lack of time is the culprit. After all, we certainly hear that often enough: “I would get to that exercise class if I could but I just don’t have the time. I have to get my daughter to soccer.”

While a lack of time is certainly an obvious factor, the real reason more people aren’t committing to self-care practices more regularly is that it feels indulgent and selfish to do so when our self-care practices aren’t on the culturally approved list of ways to take better care of ourselves.

While you’ll never find me inside a yoga class, you will find me in a weekly boxing class at a mixed martial arts gym. I won’t ever write in a gratitude journal but I really enjoy writing articles, even though that looks like “work” to other people.  While getting those 8 hours of sleep in sounds like a fine idea, I’d much prefer getting up early with a good cup of coffee and watching my favorite TV show on demand. I watch football, am an avid foodie, and can easily kill an hour listening to YouTube artists singing covers of my favorite songs.

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It’s not easy saying I take care of myself by wearing my Patriots jersey and watching a three hour football game on a Sunday afternoon because people have a lot of opinions about football these days and even more opinions about people who sit and watch TV for a three hour sitting.

If we really want people to start taking better care of themselves, it’s important that we stop defining for them what that looks like and how to do it. Maybe if we let everyone decide for themselves what self-care is and isn’t, we’d find more people willing to do it.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory/Stokpic via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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