Advertising
Advertising

15 Things Introvert Moms Want You To Know

15 Things Introvert Moms Want You To Know

Nothing can really prepare you for parenthood. And when you’re an introvert, there’s nothing in the world that can get you ready for the constant struggle you’ll face between being “on” all day and figuring out how to sneak in a little bit of solitude. Introverts need alone time to recharge but as an introvert mom, alone time is often the last thing we get to have. We all know that being a parent means our love of being alone will constantly be challenged but for introvert mothers, the impact is greater than you know. Here are 15 things fellow introvert mothers will only understand.

1. Pregnancy is when the privacy invasion really begins.

When you’re pregnant, people want to talk to you about it…all the time. And if you run into other mothers? Then it’s almost guaranteed they’ll share details about things you’d never discuss with someone you barely know – like bowel movements, graphic labor stories and even more graphic breastfeeding trials and tribulations. Not to mention the awkwardness we feel about our bodies acting as a vessel for the next nine months.

2. Introvert moms feel awkward asking for help.

We tend to be self-sufficient and embarking on the journey of parenthood often means depending on others for help. Let’s face it, when your water breaks in the middle of the night and we need to wake our partners up for that midnight hospital run, we’re the only ones who will feel slightly bad for disrupting his sleep. Even if only for a moment.

3. Even though we love our new families, it means there’s always someone around us.

Forget the long stretches of solitude you had before you became an introvert mom – one of the things about parenting people often forget to tell you (because it’s implied) is that kids are with you all the time. So is your partner and your mom and even some new mommy friends. So someone is always around you.

Advertising

4. Nap time means so much more to an introvert mom.

Alone time recharges us so the peace and quiet that nap time allows literally means everything to us. We could sleep while the kids sleep but it doesn’t refuel us quite the same as some solitude does, so you’ll rarely find us gazing upon our sleeping baby or even worse, waking our kids up on purpose.

5. Our need for alone time will make us wonder if we love parenting less than other mothers.

There’s a constant battle that introverts face – we need alone time to recharge, that’s just how we’re wired. But when you become a mom, you’re inundated with messaging that tells us that we should love our children unequivocally, and always want to be around them. So when we crave to be away, mommy guilt kicks in and we wonder if we’re actually just being selfish. The short answer is: no.

6. Drop offs and pick ups can be really straining for us.

Introverts don’t like to make small talk. It’s really just not our thing. So you can imagine how hard daycare drop offs and school pick ups can be when other parents make you feel obligated to say something to them.

7. Busy parks bring us anxiety.

We love our one on one time with the kids but when we head to the park and it’s jammed pack of kids and parents, we secretly hope that other parents won’t notice we’re there. The last thing we want to do is be in a situation where we may be forced to mingle and fail miserably at small talk.

Advertising

8. When your kid shares your introversion, you’ll feel unnecessarily guilty.

We are products of environment, so it’s inevitable that your child will pick up some introvert traits. But in a world built for extroverts, feeling guilty for having a “shy” child happens from time to time – even though it shouldn’t.

9. When your kid is an extrovert, parenting is more draining than you’d like it to be.

Parenting is a roller-coaster for everyone, regarding of their personality type. But an introvert mom with an extrovert child means you’re on, all the time. Heeding to every beck and call, showing interest in every single thing they do in a day, being fully present and attentive all day long means that when bedtime rolls around, you’re exhausted and only have enough energy to crawl into bed.

10. When our jobs involve a lot of face time, our tank can already be empty by the time we get home.

We’re all a little drained by the time 5 PM rolls around but if you’re an introvert mother and your day job involves a lot of face time, then you know that your energy reserves are pretty much depleted by the time you get home.

11. We’re often the only moms who don’t really feel guilty about putting our kids in daycare.

I can speak from experience on this one – as much as I worried about my daughter’s first week at daycare, I also really enjoyed the space. The time away gave me time to think about her and miss her. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Advertising

12. A kids’ birthday party invitation is bittersweet.

Introverts don’t necessarily hate parties but when a birthday party invitation gets sent home, we can ‘t help the feeling of dread that ensues. And if it’s not a drop off and pick up party? Then we run the risk of being seen as distant or unfriendly because we’re merely content keeping to ourselves around the other parent attendees.

13. We want to be good moms, just like everyone else.

Our constant need for downtime probably raises a few brows from other moms. We love our kids as much as anyone else. And while we want to lovingly watch every move our children make, we also want to take care of ourselves too – and that often means getting in that little bit of energizing downtime.

14. When we finally get that coveted alone time, sometimes we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

This feeling isn’t exclusive to introvert moms – all moms crave downtime and when we finally get it, there are times where we’re just not sure what to do with ourselves.

15. Sometimes we don’t realize that we’re introverted, so we end up thinking we’re just failing as parents.

One of my favorite times of the day is when my little one is tucked away in bed and sound asleep. I used to beat myself up for rejoicing when I said my final ‘good night’ – until I realized it was because I was introverted and just naturally hardwired to refuel from being alone. There were many days I feared I didn’t love parenting as much as the next mother.

Advertising

As mothers, we already have a hard enough time letting ourselves off the hook for not being perfect. As an introvert mother, our guilt is tenfold since we crave more alone time than our extrovert counterparts. Society tells us that we need to savor every moment with our children but many introvert moms struggle to do this. Just know that it’s okay to want alone time – we need it after all to be the best mom we can be.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

More by this author

Jennee Rasavong

Freelance Content Marketer

5 Healthy New Year’s Resolutions That Don’t Involve Losing Weight (And Are Actually Achievable) productivity tips for working parents 7 Productivity Tips for Working Parents…So You Can Leave Work at 5PM Guilt-Free smartphone in bed Science Explains Why We Should Stop Using Smartphone In Bed Science Says Working Moms Have More Successful Daughters Introvert Mom 15 Things Introvert Moms Want You To Know

Trending in Motherhood

1 5 Ways to Ease Back to Work Without Nanny Anxiety 2 5 Survival Tips Parents Can Use to Successfully Navigate Through The “Terrible Twos” 3 9 Unforgettable Things My Mother Taught Me 4 10 Prom Tips from One Mom to Another 5 When Should Your Teenager Start Dating?

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on September 10, 2020

How to Be a Better Parent: 11 Things to Remember

How to Be a Better Parent: 11 Things to Remember

Two of the most challenging jobs in the world are raising a human being and being the best parent possible for them. Raising a child without implementing specific rules is not enough, however. The job has to be done in such a way that when you’re “done,” you’ve already created a loving, responsible, self-sufficient, kind-hearted, thoughtful, empathic, and respectful persona. Hence, it is ideal to lower the bar a little and start learning how to be a better parent.

Don’t get me wrong; mistakes will be made along the way. You won’t be perfect, regardless of how hard you try.

And no matter how great a job you do, your child may have issues beyond your control. Remember, they will be born with a will of their own that may conflict with yours. Nevertheless, carrying out the following tips will provide you with the best chance to create a fantastic human being of whom you can be proud.

1. Listen

I knew a couple who had a daughter. She was smart, sweet, and as cute as a button, but her parents were old school. They believed the adage that a child should be seen and not heard. She might as well have been a doll in a curio cabinet. Unfortunately, this little girl had a lot of exciting ideas and things to say. I knew this because she would share them with me on the occasions that we were alone.

Children are interesting, funny, and curious, and they look upon you — their parent — as a hero. They have a wealth of knowledge and a great perspective on life. Listening to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can offer. They will feel valued and grow up knowing that they matter.

It’s not always easy to listen. Sometimes, children will carry on without saying anything profound. But if they believe you’re listening, they will feel important and provide you with amazing nuggets of information.

Note: Make a real and honest effort when you are listening to your children. Don’t listen while multitasking and muttering, “Hmm, that’s nice, dear!”

Sadly, I’ve seen lots of parents on their phones, their heads buried in Facebook or Instagram feed, while their child tries unsuccessfully to get their attention. In his book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck, M. D., wrote, “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time. True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love.”

2. Provide Unconditional Love

I knew a mother who loved her son so much, but her love came at a high price. When he behaved as she expected him to — getting recognition for being a star athlete or academic achievements — she showered him with love. In truth, she bragged and put up framed newspaper articles of her son’s accomplishments.

That same boy, though, went through a rough patch when he was a senior, becoming unruly and hostile. Down came the framed article, and up came the silent treatment.

Providing unconditional love creates a secure bond and a healthy person. Knowing you have your parent’s love no matter what makes a fantastic anchor for the child. They know they can mess up and still be loved. They know they can come to you with their worst offenses, and while you might get upset, your love will remain intact.

3. Teach by Example

Children watch and listen to you very closely. You may think that they’re not paying attention, that they’re in the other room, playing with their Legos, but they are listening.

If you want to teach your child, lead by example.

For instance, if you want them to eat healthy foods, eat healthy foods. If you don’t want them to pick up bad habits, like smoking, don’t smoke. If you don’t want them to be violent, be peaceful. If you wish to raise a trustworthy child, keep your word.[1]

If you want to teach your child how to communicate, speak kindly and listen with an open heart. Whatever you want your child to learn, be willing to do it yourself. You are the best teacher for the job!

Advertising

4. Spend Time Together Often

Life is full of work, errands, get-togethers, appointments, etc. It’s easy to get lost in all the hustle and bustle and not leave enough time for your children. I know busy parents who set their children down on the couch to watch TV or play with an iPad while they’re working.

Occasionally, that isn’t a bad thing. But regularly, it can create a gap between you and your child.

You can avoid being an absentee parent by spending time with your children every day. Talk to them about anything; ask about their day. If you can, allow them to help you with household chores. E.g., cleaning, folding laundry or stacking dishes in the dishwasher.

They’ll feel good when they know you need them, and you can use this as a family bonding opportunity.

5. Follow Through

Follow through creates trust in your child. They will believe that what you say you’re going to do will genuinely be done.

Children are very perceptive. Let me reiterate: they are always watching and listening.

For instance, I was on a walk one afternoon with my granddaughter and her parents. The little girl was asked if she wanted to ride the stroller, and she replied, “No, I want to walk.”

My daughter-in-law responded, “Okay, but if you get tired, I’m not carrying you! Understood?”

After about 15 minutes, my granddaughter complained that her legs hurt. She started whining and complaining. When my daughter-in-law picked her up, she commented, “I thought you said you weren’t going to pick me up?”

My daughter-in-law did not follow through, and her daughter knew it. She was only four years old.

You see, when parents say things and end up not doing them, they become empty threats — words without any back-up.

Following through is critical in raising a responsible adult. You need to be kind, clear, and concise.

The child has to know that you mean business. If you tell them they’re not having a sleepover unless their homework is done, then the homework better be done. If it’s not, there will be no sleepover.

It doesn’t matter if you had plans with your friends or a date with your husband. Just make sure that whatever the consequences are for your kids’ bad behavior, you can back it up with action.

6. Focus on Positive Qualities

There is an old American proverb that says, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease/oil.” It is used to communicate the notion that the most clamorous problems are the ones that will more than likely get noticed.

Advertising

If your child is well-behaved and minding their own business, you might be tempted to let them be. On the other hand, if they are acting out and making a raucous, they may get a lot of attention.

This sends the message that the kids have to misbehave before you focus on them. Bad attention, after all, is better than no attention.

Positive attention is paramount. If you only pay attention to your child’s negative behavior while ignoring their positive qualities, you are robbing them the chance of being their best selves.

Simply notice all the things you love about your kids and minimize the criticisms. That’s especially essential when you have children between the ages 0 and 5. Since they are impressionable, whatever you say often will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Here are more ideas on how to think positively despite the circumstance: Turn to the Bright Side: 10 Ways to Encourage Post-Incident Positive Thinking

7. Apologize When Necessary

We all make mistakes. There are some parents, however, who don’t apologize no matter how many mistakes they make with their children. They incorrectly assume that apologizing is a sign of weakness.

Well, nothing could be farther from the truth. As we have learned before,[2]

“Apologizing to your child is a sign of respect for the overall relationship you have with him.”

Making mistakes is human. I guarantee you that your child will not think less of you. If you fail to apologize, you miss out on a teachable moment about the importance of taking responsibility. After all, you want your child to apologize when they do something wrong.

If the kids lie, lash out at another child, or break something of value, you want them to own up to it and apologize for what’s happened. It is during these moments that you teach your child that an apology is the right course of action. If you don’t do the same thing, what exactly are you teaching them?

You may find it difficult to apologize because you feel superior or fear losing your authority. In truth, your child will see you as a human, and they may feel closer to you than ever.

Show your kid that no one is perfect, that you all make mistakes in life. Apologies can correct so many wrongs. Just a few simple words can cure the worst transgressions.

A word for the wise: put your ego aside. Say you’re sorry and move on. If you can do that, you will be building a strong relationship — one based on love and respect — with your children.

8. Allow Kids to Be Who They Want to Be

My maternal grandfather, Pánfilo D. Camacho, was a lawyer and author in Havana, Cuba.[3] He expected my uncle, Jorge Camacho, to follow in his footsteps.[4] My uncle, however, wanted to be an artist and fulfill his dreams in Paris, France.

At the time, my grandfather did not see art as a “real job” or something that could provide security. Despite knowing how his father felt, my uncle met with him and explained that his goals. Thankfully, my grandfather thought about it and gave his only son his blessing. He also helped with all the necessary expenses to get my uncle to Paris and study with the best of the best.

Advertising

My uncle became a very celebrated artist in France. Jorge Camacho’s amazing surrealist art is still sold today.

This scenario could have played out quite differently if my grandfather dug in his heels. He could have forced my uncle to become a lawyer just like him.

Fortunately, he realized that allowing my uncle to be who he wanted to be was the right thing to do. And it was. My uncle was grateful and made a name for himself. My grandfather was proud, and their relationship grew strong.

Allow your child to be who they want to be, not who you think they should be. After all, it is their life — their journey. You’re just there to watch and provide guidance whenever necessary.

9. Grow Along With Your Children

Children grow and evolve, just like us. It’s important to grow with them and adjust the way you discipline and talk to them.

For example, if your 4-year-old misbehaves by bending the truth or whining, you may ignore their antics and stay calm with regards to the lying. This is common for this age group.

If you’re dealing with an 8-year-old, your child understands the difference between right and wrong and looks to you for guidance.[5]

Meanwhile, teens need to be addressed in another way. That is a difficult and challenging age group — one that deserves great care and attention. You cannot talk to your 16-year-old as if they were still 9!

10. Validate Their Feelings

While growing up, lots of things that generate a multitude of feelings happen. As a parent, you want to take the time to validate your child’s feelings. Don’t be dismissive and act like their feelings are not important.

The other day, my 8.5-year-old granddaughter came over. I could see that she’d been crying. When I asked if she was, she looked at me with sad eyes. My granddaughter informed me that she missed her best friend whom she hadn’t seen for almost six months since the community quarantine began.

I didn’t say, “Don’t worry about it; you’ll see her someday! Now, run along.” Nope. I looked her in the eye and said, “It must be so tough not to see your best friend for such a long time.”

My granddaughter’s eyes welled up with tears as she nodded. I validated her feelings, and she felt heard. As it turned out, her little friend was allowed to visit the next day. She came over to my house again, but this time, she exclaimed, “This is the happiest day of my quarantine!”

If you do not validate your child’s feelings, they will think that their feelings are unimportant and learn not to share them at all. You don’t want that, of course.

You want to have your finger on the pulse of their emotions. You need to make sure they come to you in the future when heavier things come down the pipe.

Here’s an example of WHAT NOT TO SAY: Your teenage daughter comes to you and utters, “Richard broke up with me. I’m devastated!” Then, you reply, “Don’t worry about it! There is plenty of fish in the sea — probably even better ones. You’re too young anyway.” You might as well have stabbed her in the heart.

Advertising

Instead of doing that, try saying, “That is heartbreaking. You must really be hurting. If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”

Listen and communicate with compassion.

11. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Whenever I used to pick up my 16-year-old grandson from school, I’d make the mistake of asking, “How was school today?”

You can probably guess the answer. It was always the same, “Good!” Just one lonely word.

So, I decided on another approach: asking open-ended questions. The next time I picked him up, I asked, “So, what was the best part of your day?”

It was impossible for my grandson to just reply, “Good.” He was forced to stop and think about some incidents that already happened. It doesn’t matter what they tell you; the key is to get them to talk. That’s how you learn what’s going on in their lives.

This not only works with children but also with adults. For example, when you ask someone, “Do you like your job?”, they may answer yes or no. But if you say, “What do you like or dislike about your job?”, you’ll get a lot of information.

Open-ended questions are the key to getting more information than you’ll know what to do with!

Final Thoughts

Being a good and responsible parent can be one of the most rewarding tasks in the world. It is not effortless, however. It takes a lot of work and patience.

Implementing the above-mentioned 11 suggestions won’t guarantee a perfect family, but you will have a solid base to build and grow upon.

Your child is a reflection of you. What do you wish them to reflect?

Learn how to be a better parent and help produce a legacy of outstanding humans.

More on Improving Your Parenting Skills

Featured photo credit: Gabe Pierce via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next