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Why You Should Teach Your Kids How To Learn Instead Of What To Learn

Why You Should Teach Your Kids How To Learn Instead Of What To Learn

The public education system, characterized by rigid guidelines and intense focus on examinations, has had a long history of notoriety and conspicuous shortcomings.

So much so that Mark Twain publicly vowed: “I’ll never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

Even Albert Einstein was incredulous about the formal education system and observed that, “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” Einstein went on to say: “It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.”

Children today go through an education system that largely imparts skill-sets based on what jobs were most in demand in the 1980s, not what is most applicable today or what might be applicable in 2030. But, jobs have shifted from manufacturing to the service sector and are now mostly linked to technology.

In the 1980s, industries ruled, personal computers were still fairly young and the Internet as we now know it was only the dream of sci-fi writers like William Gibson. We had no idea what the world had in store for us. Unsurprisingly, we still don’t know what the future holds for us.

Learning to adapt to an unpredictable, changing world

Modern society continues to create new ways of doing things and adopt new technologies for getting things done. Yet, despite our great strides in technology and advancements in science, we’re still not good at predicting the future, and probably won’t be for a long time. So, raising and educating our kids as if we have any idea what the future will hold, or as if the world is not changing, or as if the world has not changed one bit, is not a wise move.

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Instilling a passion for learning, however, is one of the best gifts you can give kids. By teaching children to love learning, you teach them to be flexible, open-minded and adaptable. You help them become problemsolvers and prepare them appropriately for anything by not preparing them for anything specific. Kids become more adept to deal with the challenges of an unpredictable, ever-changing world.

Of course, teaching kids how to learn instead of what to learn is a wild frontier that not many trod, but which can help kids not only survive today, but also thrive in the future. Here are some practical suggestions you can use to teach your kids how to learn instead of what to learn.

1. Turn learning tasks into fun-to-do activities.

When you make activities fun and turn boring tasks into interesting ones, those activities become enjoyable and feel effortless. Children can easily pick them and enjoy doing them. For example, a child who discovers playing soccer is fun may practice her dribbling skills endlessly. Similarly, a child who is fascinated by superheroes may read comic books voraciously.

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Be playful, use humor, let kids explore when learning. This playfulness will arouse curiosity and help the child discover learning can be fun. And when your child discovers learning can be fun, she’ll have intrinsic motivation to learn more even when no one’s watching.

2. Emphasize making an effort more than talents.

Stanford University’s Carol Dweck Ph.D., a pioneering researcher in the field of motivation and author of the immensely enlightening book Mindset, reveals that praising kids for effort, rather than their natural abilities makes them more willing to take on challenges. So praise your child for making an effort to learn and encourage him to employ effective study strategies. For example, when studying for a mathematics test, stress that actively doing math problems works better than passively glancing over notes. Focusing on effort and strategies places your child on a path toward competence.

3. Clarify instructions and guidelines.

If your child tends to jump into tasks without reading and understanding instructions or guidelines, go over the instructions together with her before she begins work. It’s discouraging for children to try hard at something and then hear, “You skipped an important part!” or “You did it all wrong!” Clarifying instructions beforehand can prevent wasted effort and bitter tears. Encourage your child to underline or circle key instructions and also to check off completed parts so that nothing gets missed. It will help her greatly.

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4. Provide a proper rationale for learning.

When your child understands why he needs to do things, it becomes easier for him to do those things. If your child doesn’t understand why he needs to do something, you will often hear complaints, such as “Why do I have to learn this boring stuff that I’m never going to use?” Therefore, give your child a proper rational for learning that makes sense to him. For example, you could tell him he needs to learn stuff because it gives him a chance to practice skills he’ll use throughout his life, such as getting work done efficiently, getting information to stick in his head and working well with others.

5. Hone your child’s problem-solving skills.

Ask your child calmly, and in the most appropriate moments by your own judgment, “What do you think would help you get this done?” This question will jolt your child’s instinct and arouse her problem solving skills. You may have to be persistent to encourage her to move beyond complaints toward making a concrete plan. Once a child’s beyond complaints, you’ll both find the best solutions to the problem as lack of motivation for learning often comes from children themselves.

6. Highlight your child’s progress.

Kids generally want to please their parents so don’t be stingy with your approval. Appreciate effort and highlight progress. When a child sees his own progress, he feels capable and encouraged to keep learning. Break down big tasks into smaller, more manageable action-steps to help him see progress toward a goal. Remind your child how he initially struggled with a problem and then triumphed. This can be a big motivator that etches in the child’s psychic, proving invaluable in the future.

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7. Introduce a role model for your child.

Sometimes all it takes for a child to imagine what she wants to become, or visualize how she wants her life to turn out is having a role model she can look up to. A beloved teacher, parent, relative or even sibling can inspire a child to study hard and enjoy learning. Supportive friends can also lighten the load of learning. Even just sitting next to someone she looks up to while studying can minimize avoidance and boost love for learning. Warmth, encouragement and support are vital to cultivate a habit of learning.

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on January 12, 2021

Signs of Depression in Children (And How to Help Them to Overcome It)

Signs of Depression in Children (And How to Help Them to Overcome It)

Children, just like adults, can be depressed. Sometimes seemingly normal children with no major life issues can become depressed. It is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes clinical depression to occur. There are specific signs that you should recognize in your child if they are depressed. Getting them help and treatment is crucial to their mental wellness.

In this article, we will look into the signs of depression in children and how parents can help them to overcome it.

Signs of depression in children

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder) is the widely accepted instruction guide that professionals utilize for diagnosing mental disorders. The DSM characterizes a Major Depressive Episode as depressed behaviors that consistently last for two weeks or longer. Therefore, if your child has been “down in the dumps”, feeling hopeless or having sadness for more than two weeks, it should be cause for concern and investigated.

Below are signs of depression according to the DSM manual. The individual must have at least five of these behaviors present for a period of two weeks or longer to be officially diagnosed as having MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). Below is a summary/generalization from the DSM manual:

  • Feelings of deep sadness or depressed mood that last most of the day (for two weeks or more). For children they can present as irritable rather than sad.
  • Diminished interest in activities (again majority of the day or all the time).
  • Significant weight loss (not through dieting), or a decrease in appetite. In children, they fail to make expected weight gains while growing.
  • Difficulty sleeping (insomnia).
  • Either a slowing of psychomotor abilities/actions or an apparent agitation of these psychomotor abilities. This means that they either have moments that lack purpose and seem to be done because of agitation and tension or there is a significant slowness/retardation of their speech and physical actions.
  • Fatigue and loss of energy.
  • Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt every day.
  • Difficulty thinking, making decisions, or concentrating every day. This may be reflected in their grades.
  • Preoccupation with death and dying or suicidal thoughts.

Please note that if your child is suffering from the loss of a loved one and is processing through the stages of grief, it is normal to have these signs of depression. If they seem to be stuck in the depression stage, then it is time to pursue grief counseling to help them along in the grieving process.

However, if they are not suffering from a bereavement or a medical condition that would cause the above symptoms, then they should be taken to a professional for possible diagnosis and treatment of MDD (Major Depressive Disorder).

How to help your child with depression

Depression is not to be taken lightly. Especially if suicidal thoughts are present. The child’s feelings and emotions are real and must be taken seriously. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), suicide is the number two cause of death for individuals between the ages of 10 and 34.[1]

Professional help is recommended if you believe your child fits the criterion for MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). You can take your child to their paediatrician for an evaluation and referral. Depending on the severity of the symptoms, they may benefit from medication such as anti-depressants.

Most professionals do not dispense medication as the first remedy for depression. Instead therapy is the first line of defense against depression, with medication being paired with therapy if the therapy is not enough or the symptoms are severe enough.

Testing

There are assessment tools that professionals can utilize to help in properly determining whether your child is depressed. The three tools used in assessing depression in children are:

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  • The Children’s Depression Rating Scale (CDRS)
  • Children’s Depression Inventory (CDI)
  • Clinical Global Impression (CGI)

Taking your child to a professional mental health counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist can help ensure proper testing and assessment occurs.

Therapy

There are many types of therapy available today. It is important to find a professional that specializes in childhood depression and the treatment of such.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the leading therapy methods in treating childhood depression. For younger children, play therapy is useful in treating childhood depression as children are often able to better communicate through play than conversation alone.

What parents can do at home to help their depressed child

Besides seeking for professional help, there are a couple of things that parents can do at home to help their depressed child:

1. Talk with your child about their feelings in a compassionate and empathetic manner.

It can feel high pressure to sit face to face and ask your child about their feelings. However, going on a walk, playing a board game or playing alongside your child (chose whichever is age appropriate for your child) can allow them to relax and open up about their feelings.

Ask your child open ended questions that require more than a simple yes or no to engage in more meaningful conversations. Never judge while they are being open and honest with you because it will inevitably cause them to shut down and move away from being open with you.

It is okay to allow for periods of silence during the conversations because sometimes the child is processing their thoughts and emotions during your time together. You don’t have to fill the space and entire time with talking as silence at times is helpful.

2. Provide activities that help them relax and de-stress.

For smaller children, there are simple ways to help them relax.

Provide play opportunities that they find relaxing such as coloring, painting, working with Play-do or clay, or playing with sand and sand toys. Again, find activities that interest your child and are age appropriate are helpful in making them relaxed.

3. Limit screen time.

Technology is not helpful in making your child less depressed. It can often be an escape that keeps them from further opening up about their feelings and emotions.

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Limit time in front of the TV, laptop, smart phone, video games and tablets, etc. Any electronics that seem to prevent your child from face to face interactions should be limited. Ask Dr. Sears cites that researchers have found kids who have higher levels of screen time are at greater risk for anxiety and depression.[2]

Provide alternate activities to replace the screen time such as hiking, crafting, drawing, constructing, biking and playing outside, etc. Some children may be so dependent on their screen time as their source for entertainment that they may need you to participate in alternate activities alongside them in order to get engaged in the activities.

You can’t simply tell your child to go outside to play if they are suffering from depression, lack friends and are used to sitting down and playing video games each day after school. Go outside with your child and do a nature hike or take your child to a playground and have fun together to get them engaged in these alternate activities.

4. Promote outdoor time and physical activities.

Encourage your children to take part in activities that especially involve nature such as nature hikes. Do these activities with them to help them engage in the activities. Again this is an opportunity for open conversations to occur and quality time to take place.

5. Help your child when problems and difficult tasks arise.

Assist them by helping them break down the task into smaller and more manageable parts. Children with depression often have difficulty taking on large problems and tasks and find them overwhelming. Helping them by breaking down the task into smaller and more manageable tasks will assist in helping raise their confidence when the small tasks are mastered.

Small tasks mastered lead to bigger tasks being mastered over time. It is a process over time, patience and a willingness to work alongside your child. This does not mean doing the task or taking on the problem solely yourself. Many times all the child needs is for you to break down the larger task into smaller more manageable tasks and for you to patiently talk your child through the completion of these smaller tasks.

6. Help your child reduce life stress.

When children are depressed, they have greater difficulty handling life activities in general. Cut back on activities that cause stress to increase and look for ways to help reduce stress in your child’s life.

7. Foster a positive home atmosphere.

Reduce or eliminate negative attitudes, language and conversations. Also avoid raised voices, passive aggressive behaviors and any form of physical violence in the home.

Make your home a safe haven for your child instead of an atmosphere that is ever volatile (in words, emotions or physically). Make it a calm environment that makes your child feel safe and secure mentally, emotionally and physically.

8. Help your child see the positive in life situations.

Point out the positives in a situation rather than the negatives. Help them see the bright side of any situation.

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Be a model of seeing the positive in life by speaking words that are uplifting, encouraging and positive. Resist the temptation to voice negative thoughts that come to mind as your child can feed off your emotions and words.

9. Believe your child when they talk about how they are feeling.

Listen to them patiently and take their words seriously. Do not discount or minimize their feelings. Express empathy and compassion when they do open up about their feelings. Help them utilize “I feel” statements in expressing their emotions.

10. Keep watch for suicidal behaviors.

Such behaviors include your child/teen researching this topic online, them giving away their possessions and a preoccupation with death.

Seek professional help immediately with the presentation of suicidal behaviors or thoughts. Keep this number on hand and use it when in doubt: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number 1-800-273-8255.

11. Keep all prescriptions, alcohol, drugs and weapons locked and away from children and teens.

This is a given for all children, but even more imperative for children who are depressed as they have an increased likelihood to abuse drugs and alcohol. They also have an increased likelihood to attempt suicide. So keep weapons and tools such as ropes and knives that can used for suicide out of the child’s ability to use.

12. Spend quality one-on-one time with your child.

Make the time during your day, every day, to spend quality time with your child. You may have limited time and cannot provide an hour or more a day to dedicate to one-on-one time with your child, but you should provide a minimum of 20 minutes a day with your child spending quality one-on-one time together. Try the suggested activities listed in point #3.

13. Be an encouragement and supporter of your child.

Show love and not frustration or anger because of the situation and your child’s condition. Help keep your attitude positive so your child can also see the positive.

Provide daily words of affirmation that are not based on end results (such as a grade or a win) but instead praise the effort they put forth. If you praise the outcome, they will be disappointed when their efforts don’t pan out. If they are praised for their efforts regardless of the outcome, their confidence is built based upon something that they can control (the effort they put into things).

14. Help your child to live a healthy lifestyle.

Sleep is a very important factor in your child’s mood. Not getting enough sleep can cause an entire day to be upset. According to Sleep Aid Resource, children between the ages of 3 and 18 need between 8 and 12 hours of sleep each night:[3]

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    Ensure your child is eating a healthy and balanced diet, getting physical activity/exercise daily and plenty of sleep time.

    15. Help your child foster positive relationships and friendships with their peers.

    Set up play dates for your younger child and encourage older children to invite friends over to your home.

    16. Talk about bullying.

    It can be one of the causes of your child’s depression, so discuss their life outside of home and their interactions with their peers. Help them recognize bullying and discuss how to handle bullying properly.

    17. Help your child follow the treatment plan outlined by their doctor, counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist.

    Make sure you know the treatment plan that your child’s health care professional has outlined for child. This may include counseling session recommendations, medications and recommendations to follow through with in the home. Completing the plan will help provide optimal results for your child in the long run. A plan doesn’t work unless it is followed.

    18. Recognize that professional treatment takes time to show results.

    Don’t expect results for the first few weeks. It may take a month or longer, so be patient and understanding with your child.

    Depression in children is curable

    Depression in children can happen for a variety of reasons. It is quite treatable.

    Professional help is recommended if your child can possibly be diagnosed with a depressive episode. There are interventions that can be implemented in a professional setting, at home and at school. The key is having a plan of action to help your child.

    Ignoring the problem or hoping the depression will just go away is not a good plan. Treatment is imperative to curing depression in children.

    The first step is talking to your child’s paediatrician to get the ball rolling. He or she will refer you to specialists in your area that can help your child overcome and conquer their depression one day at a time. With you by their side, each step of the way you will get through it together and it is quite possible for your relationship with your child to be strengthened in the process as well. That can be your silver lining or positive outlook on the situation at hand.

    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] National Institute of Mental Health: Suicide
    [2] Ask Dr. Sears: It’s a Virtual World: Setting Practical Screen Time Limits
    [3] Sleep Aid Resource: Sleep Chart

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