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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Will Happen When You Surround Yourself With Positive People?

What Will Happen When You Surround Yourself With Positive People?

Ever since Norman Vincent Peale wrote his classic book The Power of Positive Thinking, many people have worked hard to harness the power of positivity. But one of the greatest challenges to maintaining positivity is that we live in a world focused on negativity. The news, social media, the office gossip, and pretty much everywhere else is filled with terrible events and complaining people.

The truth is you can’t have a life of positivity while spending a lot of time with people who drag you down. The good news is that there is a simple solution! Surround yourself with positive people. When I started this habit I had some nearly immediate results…and some that will pay off further down the road. Here are 8 amazing things that will happen when you surround yourself with positive people.

1. Your Attitude Will Change

I love spending time with my positive friends! I get energized and excited. My attitude becomes one of confidence and peace. You will enjoy the same results.

Time with negative people will affect your attitude negatively, but time with positive people will allow you to move through circumstances with a smile on your face.

2. You Will Accomplish More

I mentor a group of runners. I do my best to exude positivity whenever we are together. Do you know that those wonderful people will run longer and faster because they are being encouraged? They accomplish more than they thought possible because they are taught to believe they can. So will you!

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Having people who tell you that you can do more will make it so you actually will do more!

3. You Will Make More Friends

Think about your current group of friends. Out of all of them, which one has the most friends in their life? I’ll bet you’ll discover that your positive friends have way more friends than the negative people.

Most of us love spending time with the person who is the life of the party…who is (not coincidentally) highly positive. Want more friends? Hang around positive people!

4. You Will Make More Money

Here is a practical effect of spending time with positive people. It’ll make you more money!

As noted above, being with positive people makes you more positive. According to the Wall Street Journal, positive people make more money than average, but they make a LOT more than negative people.[1] The difference? 40%! That’s right, happy, positive people make around 40% more than negative people. Be positive to make more money.

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5. You Will Be Consistently Happy

I want to note here that happiness is truly an internal attitude. This internal attitude is very manageable.

Most of us go through life letting circumstances dictate our happiness. We live on autopilot, and our autopilot is usually negative. However, frequent exposure to positivity will move your default state toward the side of happiness.

If you make a conscious change to keep positive people nearby as much as possible then you will be consistently happier.

6. You Will Become a Magnet for Success

You may have seen this before, but it’s so very true:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

When you spend time with positive people, you become more positive. The result is people will want to spend more time with you. This becomes a snowball in your success.

When people see how excited and enthusiastic you are about your business or work they will want to be a part of your vision. Your positivity will attract success like a magnet!

Find out more about The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You.

7. You Will Become More Generous

Examples from my positive friends inspire me to be more generous. So many of them have helped me that I want to give back. I love helping people with running, writing, speaking, improving their jobs, and becoming entrepreneurs. I love writing articles like this one. I write tens of thousands of words to help others because it’s just so much fun!

When you are positive, helping people just becomes part of your nature. You will want to give and share, it won’t be an option, you’ll have a burning need to be generous.

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8. You Will Live Longer

This is a big one. Your positive friends will rub off on you and help you live longer. According to Dr. David R. Hamilton, studies have shown that positive people live seven or more years longer than negative people![2]

Positive people have fewer chronic health problems and are better at fighting off diseases. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this: positivity affects how long you live.

Final Thoughts

Don’t just dump all of your negative friends, family and co-workers. That may be neither practical nor kind. But do make a conscious effort to limit time with them while increasing time with people who have a positive outlook. How much you help others, your success and even the length of your life are at stake.

More Tips About Building Positive Relationships

Featured photo credit: Austin Blanchard via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] The Wall Street Journal: It Pays to Be Happy
[2] HuffPost: Do Positive People Live Longer?

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Troy Stoneking

Troy is a coach and speaker who helps people develop amazing relationships and love their work.

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Final Thoughts

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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