“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt
I hate getting bad news, don’t you? You work so hard day in day out and some jerk comes along and ruins your day with a blast of his inconsiderate tongue. Maybe you’ve been demoted or worse you got your marching orders from a job that you love.
That’s rough for sure. But what’s important here is how you handle this let down. Are you confident enough to handle yourself with grace and come out on top?
Confident people deal with bad news in a very constructive way. Lets take a look at what you can do to confidently handle this sort of bad news.
1. Stand Up For Yourself
Don’t let anyone accuse you of something you didn’t do. Voice your opinion and do it with certainty.
Confident people aren’t afraid to defend themselves if they are accused in the wrong. They will find a way to address each situation in a a diplomatic way ensuring all parties involved are clear about their point of view.Advertising
Confident people never hide away in a corner and let a situation spiral out of their control. That said people who are confident are not afraid to be wrong and don’t mind admitting as much if this is the case.
2. Embrace Every Opportunity
Look for the opportunity, the diamond in the rough. It’s there if you look. If you’ve lost your job, maybe this is an opportunity to set up your own business.
Those who are sure of themselves will see opportunities arise from bad situations. They don’t let these opportunities pass them by. Instead they find small accomplishments within this opportunity and their confidence grows with each small step.
Never deterred, the confident person grabs onto life in a very powerful and impressive way and never looks back.
3. Take Action
Make that call, get researching those agencies. Buy a new diary and start making to-do lists. You are the creator of your own destiny now.
Have you every seen someone struggle to take action? They procrastinate and avoid. They hesitate and fumble. Anything to avoid taking action. This is down to a lack of confidence. The opposite is true of the confident person. They will embrace every opportunity with great gusto. They take control, research, plan, organize and take action.Advertising
They don’t fear the consequence of their actions as they are confident in their ability to do well. More importantly they’re confident in their ability to pick up the pieces should they not do well.
4. Remain Optimistic
Make a list of all the positives that have come out of this situation and write down how grateful you are for them. Do this every day.
In the face of bad news many people go through a period of self-pity. Unlike the average Joe, Mr.Confident will always feel positive about his situation no matter how terrible it may seem to others.
These kind of people will always see the silver lining and the glass will always be half full.
5. Stay Calm and Composed
Make some time for yourself when you can meditate, walk in nature or listen to inspiring music. This is a time for gentle reflection.
The confident person is not only very relaxed about their present problem whatever that may be, but they are also unmoved by the the outcome.Advertising
Under those conditions they are able to remain calm and composed – not worrying about the present or the future. In fact they don’t bother with worrying at all.
6. Treat Feedback Objectively
Thank all the people who have been supportive to you in this difficult time and simply ignore the rest.
The person who is sure of themselves doesn’t get all in a tizzy over someone else’s negative appraisal of them. If someone is justified in making those comments the confident person will admit the error of their ways – apologize even. But they will not entertain unwarranted accusations or comments.
For the confident person, happiness comes from themselves. They don’t need the approval of others to be content and productive. Instead they function just fine by reassuring themselves.
7. Remain Focused on What’s Important
Set one medium term goal and a few short term goals. Tick each one off as you achieve them – your confidence will grow each time.
Confident people have a clear vision of what’s possible and they know that this is within their reach. They don’t allow the opinions of others to taint their progress as they work towards their goal.Advertising
As a rule they keep their eye on each small victory they achieve, celebrating as they go. Each step is a step closer to their goal.
8. Let Go of Bad Feelings
Sit quietly for a few minutes and think of those who have wronged you. Make a resolution to forgive them and then focus on all of the good things that have come out of their actions.
The truly confident know that the only way that they can move forward productively is to let go of all ill feelings towards those who may have wronged them.
This takes strength of character and a willingness to forgive. This is also the healthiest way to handle receiving bad news of any kind. Let it go, so that you can grow.
Developing confidence is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight, but confidence is definitely not something that is set in stone.
Our life experiences since childhood and beyond shape and mould our levels of confidence to what they are today.
Volunteering for new experiences will help our confidence to grow no matter what age we are. The more exposure we get the more confident we will become.
Believe in yourself that you can do this and you’ll get off to a flying start.
Published on April 7, 2021
6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of
Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.
While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.
1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda
Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?
If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.
In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.
2. They Make Everything Transactional
Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.
For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.
Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.
A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.
Some statements to be wary of include:
- “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
- “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
- “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
- “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)
3. They Criticize Everything
One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.
However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.
Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:
- Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
- Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
- Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
- Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs
4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them
We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.
For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.
This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.
5. They Socially Isolate You
Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.
Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.
This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.
In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.
6. They’re Emotionally Abusive
It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.
Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.
Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:
- Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
- Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
- Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
- Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)
It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.
More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person
- How to Recognize a Controlling Relationship and What to Do About It
- 10 Habits Of Manipulative People
- Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself
Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com