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8 Truths That “Moms Of Boys” Realize (Sooner Or Later)

8 Truths That “Moms Of Boys” Realize (Sooner Or Later)

Moms of boys are a different breed and they have different rules. Having raised three boys of my own, I have learned a few things in the past 25 years that was never in the “what to expect” books when they were little. There is just something different in a house full of testosterone and non-stop activity. Maybe that child’s nursery rhyme about what “little boys are made of” had a little truth in it after all.

The mothers of sons and only sons quickly learn these 8 truths…whether they want to or not.

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1, You will have broken things in your house.

Sometimes, you will hear it and know about it right away. Then the finger pointing begins and you need to decipher which one is less apt to tell a fib. Other times, you will be dusting the mantle and notice the glass missing from one of the picture frames. Only after an intense “question and answer session” will you learn that the picture was knocked down after playing football in the house. Who knows how long ago…don’t ask. You really don’t want to know.

2. You will have to start the conversation.

Never ask a question that will allow them to give you a one word answer . “How was school?” will typically be answered with what I heard time after time “Fine.” and I still didn’t learn when I asked, “What did you learn?” which was followed up by it’s partner, “stuff.” Boys do not like all of the details –  they don’t care to store worthless information like girls do. Get used to it…it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise if you have any other men in your life. Let’s just say, the apple doesn’t fall too far and leave it at that.

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3. You will have to show them how to clean a bathroom.

Girls are a different kind of messy – from hair in the sink and tub to the countless bottles of hair products all over the counter. Boys will continue to fill the trash can, as long as it is all in the trash can. Even leaning against the wall counts as in the waste receptacle. Somehow, the mirror seems to get toothpaste plastered all over it and don’t even get me started on the biggest mess of all: the toilet. All three of the boys denied making “the mess” around the toilet and I politely reminded them I know it wasn’t me – I can’t miss.

4. You will not know everything you want to know.

Those boys are in fact brothers. When they are young, getting the other one in trouble gives them a sense of “one upping” the other, but as they age, the are steadfast secret keepers. They will defend, protect, and stand fast against anyone that threatens their brother, regardless of the reason why. Teach them when they are young that you may not catch them the first time, but you will catch them. But it is always fun to remind them that although they may not know someone, chances are someone knows them so it is like having eyes everywhere. I love it.

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5. You have to break up your share of fist fights.

Boys group up being rough and tough. You will break up your share of fist fights over the silliest of things (in my house, it was over the cartoon, “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer”) and you won’t even need to ask why. Because it won’t make sense. Ever. But the good news is that some day, that same fist fight becomes something they actually treasure and laugh about later. Don’t even get me started on “who broke who’s leg” either. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story.

6. You have to teach them how to date.

Believe it or not, the last thing your son wants to hear is about what his parents did when they were dating. Yuck. Whenever my boys were going to a dance, there were two rules that were not up for discussion: You get her a wrist corsage and you match her dress. Chances are she will pick more than that (like where you are going to dinner and what time) because she has to get her nails and hair done. We need to show them how to show how to care, how to be thoughtful, how to love someone else.

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7. You will never be told “I need you, Mom.”

My three sons are all grown and in college or living on their own and the worst thing they could ever say is “I can’t do this on my own.” We raised them to be independent, smart young men and for the most part that is exactly who they are. But they still don’t have all of the answers yet. But they don’t want you to worry, so they phrase questions that sound more “hypothetical” in nature. Like you just fell off the truck yesterday. When they are sick and tell you they don’t need anything, it means they don’t want you to worry. Deep down, they still need you…they just don’t want you to know it.

8. You will see “adjusting” going on — no matter what.

Okay…let’s go there. We all know it happens. Living with four males for the last 25 years has taught me one thing: “it” has to be adjusted multiple times a day. I don’t understand it. Most women I know neither. But we never talk about it. But if we are talking about truths, there it is. No shame in being real, right ladies? It happens. No lie.

There you have it – the 8 truths every mom of sons will learn at some point. And no matter how old those boys get or how far they move away, we can turn on “Mama Bear” in an instant, especially when our baby boys are hurt. Maybe these truths are a little more than we bargained for, but this is better than nothing. One of the most simplest of truths I have heard about moms of boys is “Mothers of boys work from son up to son down.”

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Michelle A. Homme

Author, Speaker, Quote Writer, Empowerment Coach

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Published on October 7, 2019

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

Can a person really be toxic? Well, a toxic person does not refer to those who are affected by the virus or toxic. To be precise, toxic people are those who are very unsupportive, abusive and unhealthy in nature. Their behavior is filled with venom and you will not feel any sort of gentle breeze in their words.

In this article, you will learn how to spot out a toxic person, and what you can do to deal with them.

Signs of Toxic People

To make it more obvious, I have added some signs of toxic people below.

Manipulative Behavior And Fabricated Mind

Toxic people are unable to deal with the bitter truth firmly. If you are going to blurt out their fabrications with proof, they will try to change the whole matter with their manipulative behavior. They will titillate you with sensitive words or they will try to frighten you to get rid of the problems.

Inhuman And Merciless in Nature

We know that sharing our thoughts with friends will keep us in good mental state. But, if you are not getting fruitful outcomes, you have to understand that you are spending time with toxic friends.

Toxic people do not know how to put themselves in other’s shoes. They just put on a mask of simplicity. But, in reality, they don’t have feelings for you. Therefore, you should stop sharing your valuable time with them as you will get nothing except annoyance and silence.

Hypocrisy at Its Best in Their Nature

Toxic people have a great hunger for respect, adoration, and fidelity. After dignifying them with these valuable elements, you will get nothing; you will be cheated, manipulated and criticized by them. And, if you are not willing to listen to them, you will be controlled by guilt-tripping.

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Emotional Outburst And Pathological Excuses

Toxic people always want to see themselves in the positive end. Therefore, to get their job done, they always have an emotional outburst and emotional excuse to make an impulsive impression upon you.

We do mistakes and it is our duty to accept those mistakes. But, toxic people have their own rules, they have a tendency to present themselves rationally even after committing a mistake. If someone tries to expose themselves with facts, they show no embarrassment and use emotional excuses as a shield.

Play with Your Emotion And Gradually Erode It

Toxic people always try to condescend you with critical jokes and when you try to elicit your thoughts, they just burst out laughing. Teasing becomes an important element in your relationship with toxic person. They even give you backhanded compliments to belittle you.

Thus, using their toxic mindset, they just gradually diminish your abilities as well as intelligence. And you will have nothing left in your hand other than putting up with these things to maintain the silence.

Well, you probably might have not seen all these signs in one person as there are different types of toxic people roaming around you.

4 Types of Toxic People

To understand it better, I’m mentioning the different types of toxic people here.

1. Conversational Narcissist

There are some toxic people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves but never ask you about your condition; they will only recall you when they need you or they are facing some sort of problems.

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2. Emotional Vampires

These vampires do not suck your blood but dissipate your emotion. They always talk negatively about everyone and compel you to think in the same pattern that they follow. They mask themselves in such a way in front of you that you gradually start giving importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from them.

3. Monsters with Green eyes

As discussed earlier, toxic people will give you backhanded compliments. Basically, these are called monsters with green eyes. These monsters feel happy when you feel sad. Therefore, they will always try to belittle your achievements, intelligence, and strengths. Along with it, they give compliments with some negativity in it.

4. Black-Eyed Cats

These cats always do mew-mew and try to control everything around them. They love to be pampered but, they do not like if someone goes against them.

If you are in a relationship with such persons, you will be nagged until you are giving them complete satisfaction. In a nutshell, it must be said that you have to align yourself with them if you want to live with them. But, ultimately, you will lose your mental, conversational and emotional freedom.

How to Deal with Toxic People

Living with problems is more convenient than living with toxic people. But, toxic people are parasites and therefore, you will see these monsters rambling around you wherever you go.

However, if you know how to deal with them, it would be very helpful for you and your life would be much easier to live. We have added some tips to assist you, just check these out.

Get Rid of Intermittent Reinforcement

We are very optimistic in nature and over the time, this optimism has reached to such a level that we can happily put up with the ‘close losses’ instead of trying to catch the ‘near wins’.

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B.F Skinner once did an experiment with three rats. He put them in different cages attached with levers. The lever delivered food when it was pressed. In the 1st cage, the lever always delivered food when the rat pressed it. In case of the 2nd cage, food was never delivered by the lever even after pressing it, therefore, the rat understood the lesson and never tried to get food. But, in the third cage, the lever delivered food randomly and as a result, the rat was completely hooked and fixated. He constantly pushed it but didn’t get the food always.

Well, this is called intermittent relationship and the same thing happens in human relationships where toxic people give you intermittent reinforcement and your heart gets pumped up with optimism. As a result, you will be hooked and your life will be fixated at some point with toxic people.

You should learn to move on without them and live your life happily because random happiness cannot bring permanent relief.

Never Make Too Many Allowances And Pardons

Well, sympathetic attitude is very good and it is also a fact that sometimes toxic people suffer from genuine depression, physical as well as mental illness. But, you have to set a boundary and you cannot allow people to get away with anything so easily.

If you make too many allowances as well as pardons, it would not be good for you in the long-term. Yes, there are some people who are facing extreme hardships and they are not even toxic in nature. But, all you can do is show some genuine compassion keeping yourself within the boundaries.

Always Try to Ignore Their Toxic Traps

Demotivational words are the primary weapon that they frequently use in their implications to detract you. Along with this, they throw words in such a way that you start feeling guilty. Well, you must understand that these are just toxic traps and you should not step on it.

Always remember that you will have full access to freedom if you stop taking things personally. They not only do this with you but also with everyone. You just have to keep in mind that these toxic words are not based on truth but on their own mental reproduction. So, you just have to ignore this and focus on your work.

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Show Them Your Beautiful Smile Not the Curves on Your Forehead

Toxic people have an aptitude to attack mentally, mock disgracefully and diminish shamefully. But, you will not be affected if you don’t surrender yourself. Show them that you are not getting belittled or insulted.

We all have our problems and we also know that we are capable of solving these problems. Therefore, the matter entirely depends upon us and if we don’t allow these vampires to enter into our life or play with our emotions, they cannot suck our happiness. So, I’d suggest you show your beautiful smile when they buzz around you.

Don’t Suppress Yourself

Toxic people will intimidate, bully, pass guilt, and forcefully take money from you to get their job done. They know very well that they are doing wrong and at the same time, they are acquainted with the concept that we are incapable of doing anything against them.

Most of the time, we keep ourselves quiet until someone speaks up. And because of this suppressive mindset, we are gradually being dragged into their mind games.

Well, we have to change this concept as it infuses courage into them. We need to obstruct them with firm minds and make them realize the negative consequences of their behavior.[1] If they are upsetting you, just tell them directly. Your direct statement might open a new gate of opportunity that will allow you to help them if they are suffering from genuine problems.

So, why are you still tolerating these toxic people? Follow the tips mentioned above and deal with them in the right way.

Featured photo credit: Devin Avery via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Tips for Grooming: Change Your Fixed Negative Belief

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