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8 Truths That “Moms Of Boys” Realize (Sooner Or Later)

8 Truths That “Moms Of Boys” Realize (Sooner Or Later)

Moms of boys are a different breed and they have different rules. Having raised three boys of my own, I have learned a few things in the past 25 years that was never in the “what to expect” books when they were little. There is just something different in a house full of testosterone and non-stop activity. Maybe that child’s nursery rhyme about what “little boys are made of” had a little truth in it after all.

The mothers of sons and only sons quickly learn these 8 truths…whether they want to or not.

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1, You will have broken things in your house.

Sometimes, you will hear it and know about it right away. Then the finger pointing begins and you need to decipher which one is less apt to tell a fib. Other times, you will be dusting the mantle and notice the glass missing from one of the picture frames. Only after an intense “question and answer session” will you learn that the picture was knocked down after playing football in the house. Who knows how long ago…don’t ask. You really don’t want to know.

2. You will have to start the conversation.

Never ask a question that will allow them to give you a one word answer . “How was school?” will typically be answered with what I heard time after time “Fine.” and I still didn’t learn when I asked, “What did you learn?” which was followed up by it’s partner, “stuff.” Boys do not like all of the details –  they don’t care to store worthless information like girls do. Get used to it…it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise if you have any other men in your life. Let’s just say, the apple doesn’t fall too far and leave it at that.

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3. You will have to show them how to clean a bathroom.

Girls are a different kind of messy – from hair in the sink and tub to the countless bottles of hair products all over the counter. Boys will continue to fill the trash can, as long as it is all in the trash can. Even leaning against the wall counts as in the waste receptacle. Somehow, the mirror seems to get toothpaste plastered all over it and don’t even get me started on the biggest mess of all: the toilet. All three of the boys denied making “the mess” around the toilet and I politely reminded them I know it wasn’t me – I can’t miss.

4. You will not know everything you want to know.

Those boys are in fact brothers. When they are young, getting the other one in trouble gives them a sense of “one upping” the other, but as they age, the are steadfast secret keepers. They will defend, protect, and stand fast against anyone that threatens their brother, regardless of the reason why. Teach them when they are young that you may not catch them the first time, but you will catch them. But it is always fun to remind them that although they may not know someone, chances are someone knows them so it is like having eyes everywhere. I love it.

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5. You have to break up your share of fist fights.

Boys group up being rough and tough. You will break up your share of fist fights over the silliest of things (in my house, it was over the cartoon, “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer”) and you won’t even need to ask why. Because it won’t make sense. Ever. But the good news is that some day, that same fist fight becomes something they actually treasure and laugh about later. Don’t even get me started on “who broke who’s leg” either. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story.

6. You have to teach them how to date.

Believe it or not, the last thing your son wants to hear is about what his parents did when they were dating. Yuck. Whenever my boys were going to a dance, there were two rules that were not up for discussion: You get her a wrist corsage and you match her dress. Chances are she will pick more than that (like where you are going to dinner and what time) because she has to get her nails and hair done. We need to show them how to show how to care, how to be thoughtful, how to love someone else.

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7. You will never be told “I need you, Mom.”

My three sons are all grown and in college or living on their own and the worst thing they could ever say is “I can’t do this on my own.” We raised them to be independent, smart young men and for the most part that is exactly who they are. But they still don’t have all of the answers yet. But they don’t want you to worry, so they phrase questions that sound more “hypothetical” in nature. Like you just fell off the truck yesterday. When they are sick and tell you they don’t need anything, it means they don’t want you to worry. Deep down, they still need you…they just don’t want you to know it.

8. You will see “adjusting” going on — no matter what.

Okay…let’s go there. We all know it happens. Living with four males for the last 25 years has taught me one thing: “it” has to be adjusted multiple times a day. I don’t understand it. Most women I know neither. But we never talk about it. But if we are talking about truths, there it is. No shame in being real, right ladies? It happens. No lie.

There you have it – the 8 truths every mom of sons will learn at some point. And no matter how old those boys get or how far they move away, we can turn on “Mama Bear” in an instant, especially when our baby boys are hurt. Maybe these truths are a little more than we bargained for, but this is better than nothing. One of the most simplest of truths I have heard about moms of boys is “Mothers of boys work from son up to son down.”

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Michelle A. Homme

Author, Speaker, Quote Writer, Empowerment Coach

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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