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8 Truths That “Moms Of Boys” Realize (Sooner Or Later)

8 Truths That “Moms Of Boys” Realize (Sooner Or Later)

Moms of boys are a different breed and they have different rules. Having raised three boys of my own, I have learned a few things in the past 25 years that was never in the “what to expect” books when they were little. There is just something different in a house full of testosterone and non-stop activity. Maybe that child’s nursery rhyme about what “little boys are made of” had a little truth in it after all.

The mothers of sons and only sons quickly learn these 8 truths…whether they want to or not.

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1, You will have broken things in your house.

Sometimes, you will hear it and know about it right away. Then the finger pointing begins and you need to decipher which one is less apt to tell a fib. Other times, you will be dusting the mantle and notice the glass missing from one of the picture frames. Only after an intense “question and answer session” will you learn that the picture was knocked down after playing football in the house. Who knows how long ago…don’t ask. You really don’t want to know.

2. You will have to start the conversation.

Never ask a question that will allow them to give you a one word answer . “How was school?” will typically be answered with what I heard time after time “Fine.” and I still didn’t learn when I asked, “What did you learn?” which was followed up by it’s partner, “stuff.” Boys do not like all of the details –  they don’t care to store worthless information like girls do. Get used to it…it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise if you have any other men in your life. Let’s just say, the apple doesn’t fall too far and leave it at that.

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3. You will have to show them how to clean a bathroom.

Girls are a different kind of messy – from hair in the sink and tub to the countless bottles of hair products all over the counter. Boys will continue to fill the trash can, as long as it is all in the trash can. Even leaning against the wall counts as in the waste receptacle. Somehow, the mirror seems to get toothpaste plastered all over it and don’t even get me started on the biggest mess of all: the toilet. All three of the boys denied making “the mess” around the toilet and I politely reminded them I know it wasn’t me – I can’t miss.

4. You will not know everything you want to know.

Those boys are in fact brothers. When they are young, getting the other one in trouble gives them a sense of “one upping” the other, but as they age, the are steadfast secret keepers. They will defend, protect, and stand fast against anyone that threatens their brother, regardless of the reason why. Teach them when they are young that you may not catch them the first time, but you will catch them. But it is always fun to remind them that although they may not know someone, chances are someone knows them so it is like having eyes everywhere. I love it.

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5. You have to break up your share of fist fights.

Boys group up being rough and tough. You will break up your share of fist fights over the silliest of things (in my house, it was over the cartoon, “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer”) and you won’t even need to ask why. Because it won’t make sense. Ever. But the good news is that some day, that same fist fight becomes something they actually treasure and laugh about later. Don’t even get me started on “who broke who’s leg” either. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story.

6. You have to teach them how to date.

Believe it or not, the last thing your son wants to hear is about what his parents did when they were dating. Yuck. Whenever my boys were going to a dance, there were two rules that were not up for discussion: You get her a wrist corsage and you match her dress. Chances are she will pick more than that (like where you are going to dinner and what time) because she has to get her nails and hair done. We need to show them how to show how to care, how to be thoughtful, how to love someone else.

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7. You will never be told “I need you, Mom.”

My three sons are all grown and in college or living on their own and the worst thing they could ever say is “I can’t do this on my own.” We raised them to be independent, smart young men and for the most part that is exactly who they are. But they still don’t have all of the answers yet. But they don’t want you to worry, so they phrase questions that sound more “hypothetical” in nature. Like you just fell off the truck yesterday. When they are sick and tell you they don’t need anything, it means they don’t want you to worry. Deep down, they still need you…they just don’t want you to know it.

8. You will see “adjusting” going on — no matter what.

Okay…let’s go there. We all know it happens. Living with four males for the last 25 years has taught me one thing: “it” has to be adjusted multiple times a day. I don’t understand it. Most women I know neither. But we never talk about it. But if we are talking about truths, there it is. No shame in being real, right ladies? It happens. No lie.

There you have it – the 8 truths every mom of sons will learn at some point. And no matter how old those boys get or how far they move away, we can turn on “Mama Bear” in an instant, especially when our baby boys are hurt. Maybe these truths are a little more than we bargained for, but this is better than nothing. One of the most simplest of truths I have heard about moms of boys is “Mothers of boys work from son up to son down.”

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Michelle A. Homme

Author, Speaker, Quote Writer, Empowerment Coach

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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