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6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak

6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak

When you end a long term relationship the fallout can be devastating. You are forced to change every aspect of your life. From something as simple as changing the place you get your coffee to heavier things like moving out of a neighborhood you like, losing friends you have had for a long time and basically starting over as a single person. When you are used to acting as a unit with someone and overnight you become single, it is tough to bounce back.

With time you heal and as you start bouncing from the heartbreak, these amazing things will happen to you:

1. You become happier than you have been in a long time .

Sometimes when you get caught up in a relationship you don’t realize when it stops making you happy. You don’t over analyze things because deep down you know that the relationship is no longer fulfilling. Eventually when it cannot be ignored any more and you have to split ways the pain can be unbearable.

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However something happens to you when you are not in the relationship anymore. When you start bouncing back from the heartbreak you start to see things as they are. You stop making excuses. When you have gone through the angry phase you wake up one day and you realize you have moved on and you are happier than you have been in a long time. Why? Because you are finally free of something you did not even know was making you unhappy.

2. You have hope that there is something better in your future.

When you leave the past behind and you heal from the heartbreak you realize something has changed about you. You have hope. You are hopeful that the future that seemed so bleak has so much potential now. You have learnt your lessons and you are wiser now. You know you will make better choices for your future which gives you hope that something better is coming.

A person who is hopeful is easy to spot. They are excited about life and there is a confidence about them you can’t explain. When you start bouncing back from a heartbreak you can’t help but be hopeful that good things are coming your way. It cannot get worse, it can only get better.

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3. You get stronger.

Heartbreak forces a person to go into survivor mode. You dig deep to appear normal. Just because your personal life feels like it ended doesn’t mean that you don’t get to get up, dress up and show up for your responsibilities every day. You will notice that as you are bouncing back you are tougher than you were before.

Things that would have elevated your stress levels before are easier to handle. Hard times build character and a heartbreak is right up there when it comes to dealing with difficult situations.

4. You become wiser.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! Once you start bouncing back you are smarter with your feelings. You are more picky with the time you invest in people. You can now spot the signs faster and with more ease. After a few conversations with someone you can differentiate between someone who is wasting your time and someone who might be worth more exploration.

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As you bounce back from a heartbreak you realize that you don’t fall for the same lies as you did before. Experience is the best teacher when it comes to matters of the heart and you have been there and you are not willing to go back knowingly. You are more careful with the people you trust.

5. You become more independent.

When you bounce back from heartbreak not only does it make you stronger it makes you realize you don’t need people. This is not necessarily a bad thing. A broken relationship can often force mutual friends to pick sides which causes even more heartbreak. People you expected to be there for you are no longer dependable.

This is one of the hardest things a person can go through. It forces you to rely on yourself. But you also become more open to the possibility of forming new relationships, which can be tough. However before all of this happens you first go through the process of developing the strength to stand on your own two feet.

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6. You choose your circle more cautiously.

The people you surround yourself with become so important as you bounce back from a heartbreak. You not only become closer to the people who give you the most support but you also choose your support system more cautiously. Your circle will become smaller as you deal with a heartbreak because you can now easily spot the people who were there for you when things got tough.

As you start bouncing back you will find yourself reaching out to specific people because they are trustworthy and you know they will be there when you need them the most.

Featured photo credit: Kelly by JohnONolan via imcreator.com

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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