Advertising
Advertising

6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak

6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak

When you end a long term relationship the fallout can be devastating. You are forced to change every aspect of your life. From something as simple as changing the place you get your coffee to heavier things like moving out of a neighborhood you like, losing friends you have had for a long time and basically starting over as a single person. When you are used to acting as a unit with someone and overnight you become single, it is tough to bounce back.

With time you heal and as you start bouncing from the heartbreak, these amazing things will happen to you:

1. You become happier than you have been in a long time .

Sometimes when you get caught up in a relationship you don’t realize when it stops making you happy. You don’t over analyze things because deep down you know that the relationship is no longer fulfilling. Eventually when it cannot be ignored any more and you have to split ways the pain can be unbearable.

Advertising

However something happens to you when you are not in the relationship anymore. When you start bouncing back from the heartbreak you start to see things as they are. You stop making excuses. When you have gone through the angry phase you wake up one day and you realize you have moved on and you are happier than you have been in a long time. Why? Because you are finally free of something you did not even know was making you unhappy.

2. You have hope that there is something better in your future.

When you leave the past behind and you heal from the heartbreak you realize something has changed about you. You have hope. You are hopeful that the future that seemed so bleak has so much potential now. You have learnt your lessons and you are wiser now. You know you will make better choices for your future which gives you hope that something better is coming.

A person who is hopeful is easy to spot. They are excited about life and there is a confidence about them you can’t explain. When you start bouncing back from a heartbreak you can’t help but be hopeful that good things are coming your way. It cannot get worse, it can only get better.

Advertising

3. You get stronger.

Heartbreak forces a person to go into survivor mode. You dig deep to appear normal. Just because your personal life feels like it ended doesn’t mean that you don’t get to get up, dress up and show up for your responsibilities every day. You will notice that as you are bouncing back you are tougher than you were before.

Things that would have elevated your stress levels before are easier to handle. Hard times build character and a heartbreak is right up there when it comes to dealing with difficult situations.

4. You become wiser.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! Once you start bouncing back you are smarter with your feelings. You are more picky with the time you invest in people. You can now spot the signs faster and with more ease. After a few conversations with someone you can differentiate between someone who is wasting your time and someone who might be worth more exploration.

Advertising

As you bounce back from a heartbreak you realize that you don’t fall for the same lies as you did before. Experience is the best teacher when it comes to matters of the heart and you have been there and you are not willing to go back knowingly. You are more careful with the people you trust.

5. You become more independent.

When you bounce back from heartbreak not only does it make you stronger it makes you realize you don’t need people. This is not necessarily a bad thing. A broken relationship can often force mutual friends to pick sides which causes even more heartbreak. People you expected to be there for you are no longer dependable.

This is one of the hardest things a person can go through. It forces you to rely on yourself. But you also become more open to the possibility of forming new relationships, which can be tough. However before all of this happens you first go through the process of developing the strength to stand on your own two feet.

Advertising

6. You choose your circle more cautiously.

The people you surround yourself with become so important as you bounce back from a heartbreak. You not only become closer to the people who give you the most support but you also choose your support system more cautiously. Your circle will become smaller as you deal with a heartbreak because you can now easily spot the people who were there for you when things got tough.

As you start bouncing back you will find yourself reaching out to specific people because they are trustworthy and you know they will be there when you need them the most.

Featured photo credit: Kelly by JohnONolan via imcreator.com

More by this author

10 Habits of Likable People That You Can Learn to Make More Friends 6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak 30 Things I Realized About Life Before Turning 30 7 Truths About Marriage That I Need My Daughter Know

Trending in Communication

1 Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself 2 12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude 3 How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up 4 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 5 The Importance of Self Improvement No Matter How Old You Are

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 17, 2018

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Have you ever wanted to say something at work, but a little voice of doubt crept in and said, “what if you are wrong”?

Maybe you wanted to apply for that promotion or ask that special someone on a date, but something kept you from taking action. When you think you’re not good enough, you tend to fear the outcome and lack faith in your abilities. That is why it is vital you discover how to believe in yourself so you can accomplish your goals and create your dream life.

Whatever your situation, the fears and self-doubt your false beliefs create will always stop you in your tracks. Identifying the beliefs that cause you to sabotage your life is the first step to removing them.

Self-doubt causes inaction, and inaction leads to regret. When you are not following your passion and living your dream life, you are left with a lot of questions:

  • What if I took a chance on myself?
  • Could I have had a better life if I took more risks?
  • Am I be satisfied with the legacy I am leaving behind?
  • What could I have accomplished if I did not settle for less?

So why would you think you’re not good enough?

1. Parenting

The perception you have of yourself is based on your past experiences. There are studies that show children mimic everything from their parents ability to regulate emotions, to their parents belief about money.[1]

I have had clients who did not believe they were good enough because they did not receive any positive reinforcement as a child. When they were young, their parents were extremely overprotective.

Think of your childhood challenges like dragons you had to slay. Each obstacle you overcame was another dragon you successfully removed from your life. As you slay more dragons, your self-esteem and confidence increase. When someone has overprotective parents, their parents end up slaying the dragons.

Advertising

As a result, the child builds more confidence in their parent’s abilities, while still doubting their own.

If you are never encouraged to slay your own dragons, you start to doubt whether you can. It is only natural for a child to conclude their parents are always helping them because they think they need it. This child ages into an adult who still believes they are not good enough. They seek the help and confirmation of others, and they rarely stand-up to opposition.

Solution: Slay Your Dragons!

If you want to believe in yourself, you are going to have to take steps to rebuild your trust in yourself. Start by keeping your word to others and arriving on-time. By showing yourself that others can (and do) trust you, you are going to feel more comfortable trusting yourself.

As you move onto larger and more challenging tasks, you have built a foundation of trust in your ability to keep your word. Next, you are going to want to reclaim your sword from others. At first, you may want to confide in whoever it is currently slaying your dragons.

Understand if it is your parent or someone who loves you, they want the best for you and mean well. You are simply going to tell them that you want to do the work, and will ask them for their thoughts in the planning phase. Feel free to check in with them and give them updates on your progress, while making sure they understand you are wanting to do the work yourself.

Then when the task is completed, let them know so you can celebrate together. Now that you have slayed your own dragon, you can start to reclaim your confidence. By you utilizing them as your guide, you get the added bonus of someone you respect and admire, telling you how amazing you are.

Think of it like a symbolic passing of the torch. Now, you are both dragon slayers. Which means all the positive attributes you attributed to them slaying your dragons, now belong to you.

2. Over-Exaggerating and Oversimplifying

Your past experiences may involve you or someone close to you failing. When you experience failure, you can lose your desire to continue. This has less to do with whether you are brave or scared, and more to do with the fact that your mind does not like failure.

Advertising

No one enjoys participating in events in which they under-perform. Outside of the usual reasons of embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of failure – it is simply not fun.

Who wants to play baseball if they strikeout every time it is their turn? Would you enjoy singing in front of an audience if you were booed off the stage every time you performed? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

The thing about those two examples is no one really strikes out “every” at-bat. It is also unlikely someone could be booed off the stage “every time” they performed in-front of an audience.

What ends up happening is you oversimplify and exaggerate your past experiences and then your mind believes you. If you believe you are not good enough to ask someone on a date because they “always” tell you no, then do not be surprised you never muster the courage to do so.

If you want to overcome these feelings of inadequacy, start by changing your beliefs. This exercise does not need to be complicated. If you believe you strikeout every time it is your turn, I want to you to go to a batting cage and keep swinging until you hit the baseball.

When you experience success, I want you to take a mental note, write it down, or have someone video it. This is your proof that you do not always strike out. Then, whenever your belief that you are not good enough resurfaces, you are going to replay that video.

Regardless of the situation, you can find a successful experience that you are overlooking.

Solution: Read About the Failures of Others

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but reading about the failures of other successful people will improve your confidence. In a study conducted by Columbia University, they found that teaching students about the failures of great scientists encouraged them to do better.[2]

Advertising

When you are battling fear and self-doubt, you tend to over-exaggerate the abilities of others and diminish your own by comparison. You start to believe the successful are successful because they are courageous risk-takers, who do not take no for an answer. You tell yourself, they are meant to succeed, while you on the other hand are not.

When you are able to relate to the successful, you start to realize they have the same struggles and challenges you do. The only difference is they kept going.

Now it is not a question of whether you can succeed, it is a question of whether you want to succeed.

3. Undervalue Yourself

What is the main difference between someone who believes they are good enough and someone who does not? The person who believes they are good enough understands they are a person of value.

What I mean by this is if you do not believe you are worth being listened to, you will not have anything to say. If you do not believe you are good enough to be respected and treated as such, you will accept and rationalize all kinds of mistreatment.

There is an old saying that we are treated as we allow ourselves to be treated. When someone has the confidence and self-esteem that commands respect, they will not accept being treated any kind of way. However, if someone does not see themselves as worthy, they will remain in toxic situations because they do not believe anything better is on the horizon.

Dr. Jennifer Crocker, who worked on a series of self-esteem studies, found in her latest research that:[3]

“College students who based their self-worth on external sources–including appearance, approval from others and even their academic performance–reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, and had higher levels of drug and alcohol use and symptoms of eating disorders”

Solution: Internalize Your Self-Worth

Instead of valuing yourself based on the awards, recognition, and accolades of others, you need to search internally. By basing your perception of yourself on your core values, you can regain control over self-image.

Instead of focusing on things that are outside of control, keep your mind on what it is that makes you special. You are not defined by your job, relationships, religion, or education. Rather, you are defined by the manner in which you participate in these things. You may be a creative, hard-working, and compassionate person; and that shows up in every thing you do.

Understand that you do not need to be creative, hard-working, and compassionate all the time to consider yourself these things. You are not trying to be perfect, but you are trying to connect with your true self.

By understanding the similarities in which you tackle objectives, you will build a consistent and powerful self-worth that stands apart from external confirmation.

Final Thoughts

Do not allow your past experiences do dictate your future success. You do not want to look back on your life and have a lot of questions and regrets.

Build trust in yourself by taking action today. This will help you build the confidence you need to believe in yourself and your ability to become the champion of your life.

More Inspiration About Motivation

Featured photo credit: Riccardo Mion via unsplash.com

Advertising

Reference

Read Next