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6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak

6 Things Will Happen When You Start Bouncing Back From A Heartbreak

When you end a long term relationship the fallout can be devastating. You are forced to change every aspect of your life. From something as simple as changing the place you get your coffee to heavier things like moving out of a neighborhood you like, losing friends you have had for a long time and basically starting over as a single person. When you are used to acting as a unit with someone and overnight you become single, it is tough to bounce back.

With time you heal and as you start bouncing from the heartbreak, these amazing things will happen to you:

1. You become happier than you have been in a long time .

Sometimes when you get caught up in a relationship you don’t realize when it stops making you happy. You don’t over analyze things because deep down you know that the relationship is no longer fulfilling. Eventually when it cannot be ignored any more and you have to split ways the pain can be unbearable.

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However something happens to you when you are not in the relationship anymore. When you start bouncing back from the heartbreak you start to see things as they are. You stop making excuses. When you have gone through the angry phase you wake up one day and you realize you have moved on and you are happier than you have been in a long time. Why? Because you are finally free of something you did not even know was making you unhappy.

2. You have hope that there is something better in your future.

When you leave the past behind and you heal from the heartbreak you realize something has changed about you. You have hope. You are hopeful that the future that seemed so bleak has so much potential now. You have learnt your lessons and you are wiser now. You know you will make better choices for your future which gives you hope that something better is coming.

A person who is hopeful is easy to spot. They are excited about life and there is a confidence about them you can’t explain. When you start bouncing back from a heartbreak you can’t help but be hopeful that good things are coming your way. It cannot get worse, it can only get better.

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3. You get stronger.

Heartbreak forces a person to go into survivor mode. You dig deep to appear normal. Just because your personal life feels like it ended doesn’t mean that you don’t get to get up, dress up and show up for your responsibilities every day. You will notice that as you are bouncing back you are tougher than you were before.

Things that would have elevated your stress levels before are easier to handle. Hard times build character and a heartbreak is right up there when it comes to dealing with difficult situations.

4. You become wiser.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! Once you start bouncing back you are smarter with your feelings. You are more picky with the time you invest in people. You can now spot the signs faster and with more ease. After a few conversations with someone you can differentiate between someone who is wasting your time and someone who might be worth more exploration.

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As you bounce back from a heartbreak you realize that you don’t fall for the same lies as you did before. Experience is the best teacher when it comes to matters of the heart and you have been there and you are not willing to go back knowingly. You are more careful with the people you trust.

5. You become more independent.

When you bounce back from heartbreak not only does it make you stronger it makes you realize you don’t need people. This is not necessarily a bad thing. A broken relationship can often force mutual friends to pick sides which causes even more heartbreak. People you expected to be there for you are no longer dependable.

This is one of the hardest things a person can go through. It forces you to rely on yourself. But you also become more open to the possibility of forming new relationships, which can be tough. However before all of this happens you first go through the process of developing the strength to stand on your own two feet.

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6. You choose your circle more cautiously.

The people you surround yourself with become so important as you bounce back from a heartbreak. You not only become closer to the people who give you the most support but you also choose your support system more cautiously. Your circle will become smaller as you deal with a heartbreak because you can now easily spot the people who were there for you when things got tough.

As you start bouncing back you will find yourself reaching out to specific people because they are trustworthy and you know they will be there when you need them the most.

Featured photo credit: Kelly by JohnONolan via imcreator.com

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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