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8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

What is self-confidence? Is it an over-inflated sense of self, the ability to smooth-talk, and the arrogance that you’re always right? Is it self-esteem from the opinions of others?

Or is it the ability to handle any situation–including failure–because of a positive mindset, keen self-awareness, and willingness to ask for help?

Genuinely confident people develop confidence naturally through practiced effort and self-discipline, with the knowledge that adversity is inevitable, and with a single-minded focus to help others.

I used to be very socially awkward. Then I started to work on my public speaking skills, through speaking organizations, training, books, practice, and speech contests. Eventually, others asked me for help. Through this process of hard work and mentoring others to be successful, I became much more confident.

You can’t create confidence out of thin air. It’s the process of authentic self-improvement and helping others that leads to confidence.

With that in mind, here are 8 mistakes that truly, amazingly confident people never make.

1. They don’t care what others think

Positive Mindset Optimism

    Truly confident people frankly don’t give credence to the judgment of others. That’s not to say they don’t listen to advice or feedback. On the contrary. Confident people seek out legitimate, constructive feedback.

    But confident people derive their pride, satisfaction, and happiness from within. They’re confident in the stoic, inner pride sort of way, not the “look how great I am” glory-hounding external-validation sort of way.

    Part of this discipline comes from an ability to destroy negative thoughts (limiting beliefs) that are often centered on what we think others feel about us. Confident people don’t compare themselves to others.

    You are who you are at this moment, and if you’re taking action and doing your best to provide value to the world, it doesn’t matter how you measure up to everyone else.

    Confident people give the same leeway to others, avoiding judgment in favor of recognizing that everyone has expertise to bring to the table.

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    2. They don’t think they’re always right

    Write Brothers First Flight

      A big ego leads to false confidence. It’s a house of cards waiting to collapse at the first sign of adversity. False confidence leads to taking vastly miscalculated risks that ultimately lead to catastrophe affecting everyone around you.

      Genuine confidence comes from the process of learning, which naturally assumes you don’t know everything.

      Wilbur and Orville Wright, the pioneers of flight, were extremely curious. They also lacked a college education. This gave them the confidence to reject the “expertise” of the time by questioning and testing everything. At every turn, the Wright brothers knew they didn’t have an answer, so they constantly engaged in discussions and experiments to learn.

      The Wrights were only “right” about knowing that they didn’t know everything.

      Truly confident people put the truth first, which sometimes means being proved wrong. And that’s a good thing.

      3. They don’t talk more than they listen

      Listen Actively

        Confident people don’t have a chip on their shoulder. There’s no need to prove yourself, because the most important part about interacting with others is the process itself.

        Every interaction is an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is to listen!

        Truly confident people cultivate the skill of active listening, and they listen much more than they talk. When you’re always talking, you’re always pushing. The irony is that people will want to hear what you have to say if you’re seen as helpful.

        Coach Michael Burt calls this being a Person of Interest:

        It’s about having something so valuable that makes other people want a piece of you and it. It is about being perceived as the expert by what you project to the world…People want to buy you a cup of coffee, pick your brain, spend 30 minutes with you on a webinar, and hear what you have to say.

        In other words, confident people–rather than talking and selling–instead offer something so compelling that others are willing to come to them. They listen, learn, and form deep, meaningful connections.

        This gives them knowledge, genuine likability, and authentic confidence.

        4. They don’t go it alone

        Stokpic

          Genuinely confident people don’t succumb to the “Superhero” fallacy–that success only comes from going it alone.

          Instead, they are keenly self-aware of their own flaws and specifically seek out experts to address these known shortcomings.

          Confident people ask for help. This shows respect for the other person, authentic humility, and wisdom.

          There are lots of ways to get help from others. Let’s say you want to mentor others but get nervous speaking. You could join a group like Toastmasters to learn from other speaking experts. Want to start a business? Join a mastermind of small business owners or attend local Chamber of Commerce events. Seek a mentor. Hire a coach.

          The key is to surround yourself with supportive people who are also experts in areas that you’re deficient in. Chances are you will be able to reciprocate with expertise of your own.

          Not only do confident people lean on others all the time, they accelerate this process by absorbing knowledge at a rapid pace through books, podcasts, videos, courses, and tons of other sources.

          In fact, reading at least 1 hour per day can put you in the top 1% of experts and income-earners.

          Don’t be afraid to ask, “can you help me?”

          5. They don’t take things too personally

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          Self Tied Pink Bowtie On Man With Blue Jacket

            It’s easy to take offense when someone criticizes you. But if confident people don’t care what others think, and admit when they’re wrong, it makes sense that they also recognize that the process is more important than allowing others’ judgment to amplify personal negative feelings and self-doubt.

            Confident people have feelings of course, but they deal stoically with adversity as a problem to be solved, not a personal indictment.

            You won’t always succeed, but if you’re confident in yourself despite what others say or do, you can at least cope with any situation.

            This mental strength comes from an inner sense of accomplishment, faith in your own abilities, sense of humor, sense of curiosity, and positive approach to people and situations.

            Have fun with the process!

            6. They don’t expect certainty

            Confident Parasailing Embrace Uncertainty

              Put another way, confident people embrace uncertainty, knowing that although you can’t predict the future, you can be prepared knowing that obstacles are inevitable.

              Truly confident people expect failure and adversity, but they are ceaselessly optimistic about the future. No matter how bad things are, always look for one positive to use as a compelling source of inspiration.

              Helen Keller once said, “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

              In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes that “obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph.”

              Expect uncertainty. Embrace the inevitable failures. Learn from them!

              7. They don’t make others look bad

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              Help Others

                Truly confident people work extremely hard on making others successful. The more you help others, the more they will look to you for guidance and expertise, and the more successful and confident you will become.

                It’s a positive self-reinforcing cycle that contrasts sharply with the short-term approach of Machiavellian scheming that falsely confident people use to take advantage of others.

                Think about the typical workplace. When you make your boss and team members look good, everyone benefits. And this leads to new opportunities, people that trust you as a team member, and ultimately greater confidence. The most inspiring leaders are those who give credit to the team for all of the hard work.

                Ask yourself the same question Benjamin Franklin did every morning: “What good shall I do this day?” Confident people focus on how to make others look good, which naturally and authentically increases their own value and inner self-worth.

                8. They don’t seek the approval of just anyone

                Supportive Friends

                  Earlier, we talked about how amazingly confident people don’t care what others think. But that’s not the whole story.

                  Confident people do care about what the closest, most supportive people in their lives have to say. It is this handful of truly important people in your life whose trust and support mean so much that you actively seek their feedback.

                  This goes back to the idea of asking for help and not going it alone.

                  If you cultivate only supportive people in your life, eliminating the nay-sayers, you know that these people always have your back.

                  Whereas attention-mongers seek the approval of thousands of Twitter followers and Facebook friends, truly confident people focus on quality over quantity. They know what matters.

                  Think about the people you hang out with on a daily basis. Do they have your back? Can you share your dreams and ideas with them without getting shot down? If not, think about working on only the best relationships if you want to be truly confident.

                  If you were inspired, share this article!

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                  Last Updated on April 23, 2019

                  13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

                  13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

                  Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

                  Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

                  My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

                  To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

                  You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

                  Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

                  “I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

                  “I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

                  “I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

                  “I don’t deserve happiness”

                  EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

                  Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

                  Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

                  This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

                  If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

                  1. Happy People Put Happiness First

                  Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

                  Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

                  To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

                  The happy person asks,

                  “What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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                  “Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

                  They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

                  If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

                  Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

                  If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

                  2. Happy People Embrace Pain

                  I know what you are thinking –

                  “No one is ALWAYS happy”

                  or …

                  “Even happy people get in bad moods”

                  and …

                  These statements are absolutely accurate.

                  Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

                  Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

                  Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

                  Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

                  When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

                  3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

                  We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

                  The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

                  How are you currently defining yourself?

                  For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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                  When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

                  When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

                  Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

                  Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

                  If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

                  4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

                  The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

                  Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

                  Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

                  They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

                  5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

                  Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

                  However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

                  We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

                  If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

                  What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

                  Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

                  They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

                  What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

                  These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

                  6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

                  Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

                  Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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                  Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

                  A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

                  A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

                  7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

                  Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

                  Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

                  We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

                  In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

                  8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

                  What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

                  What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

                  Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

                  When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

                  9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

                  Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

                  It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

                  Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

                  Negativity is NOT normal.

                  The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

                  Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

                  In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

                  10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

                  The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

                  They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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                  The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

                  Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

                  If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

                  11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

                  Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

                  Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

                  It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

                  Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

                  12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

                  Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

                  It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

                  Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

                  13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

                  When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

                  Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

                  Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

                  In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

                  If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

                  I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

                  It starts with one decision – happiness.

                  The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

                  Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

                  Reference

                  [1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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