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8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

What is self-confidence? Is it an over-inflated sense of self, the ability to smooth-talk, and the arrogance that you’re always right? Is it self-esteem from the opinions of others?

Or is it the ability to handle any situation–including failure–because of a positive mindset, keen self-awareness, and willingness to ask for help?

Genuinely confident people develop confidence naturally through practiced effort and self-discipline, with the knowledge that adversity is inevitable, and with a single-minded focus to help others.

I used to be very socially awkward. Then I started to work on my public speaking skills, through speaking organizations, training, books, practice, and speech contests. Eventually, others asked me for help. Through this process of hard work and mentoring others to be successful, I became much more confident.

You can’t create confidence out of thin air. It’s the process of authentic self-improvement and helping others that leads to confidence.

With that in mind, here are 8 mistakes that truly, amazingly confident people never make.

1. They don’t care what others think

Positive Mindset Optimism

    Truly confident people frankly don’t give credence to the judgment of others. That’s not to say they don’t listen to advice or feedback. On the contrary. Confident people seek out legitimate, constructive feedback.

    But confident people derive their pride, satisfaction, and happiness from within. They’re confident in the stoic, inner pride sort of way, not the “look how great I am” glory-hounding external-validation sort of way.

    Part of this discipline comes from an ability to destroy negative thoughts (limiting beliefs) that are often centered on what we think others feel about us. Confident people don’t compare themselves to others.

    You are who you are at this moment, and if you’re taking action and doing your best to provide value to the world, it doesn’t matter how you measure up to everyone else.

    Confident people give the same leeway to others, avoiding judgment in favor of recognizing that everyone has expertise to bring to the table.

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    2. They don’t think they’re always right

    Write Brothers First Flight

      A big ego leads to false confidence. It’s a house of cards waiting to collapse at the first sign of adversity. False confidence leads to taking vastly miscalculated risks that ultimately lead to catastrophe affecting everyone around you.

      Genuine confidence comes from the process of learning, which naturally assumes you don’t know everything.

      Wilbur and Orville Wright, the pioneers of flight, were extremely curious. They also lacked a college education. This gave them the confidence to reject the “expertise” of the time by questioning and testing everything. At every turn, the Wright brothers knew they didn’t have an answer, so they constantly engaged in discussions and experiments to learn.

      The Wrights were only “right” about knowing that they didn’t know everything.

      Truly confident people put the truth first, which sometimes means being proved wrong. And that’s a good thing.

      3. They don’t talk more than they listen

      Listen Actively

        Confident people don’t have a chip on their shoulder. There’s no need to prove yourself, because the most important part about interacting with others is the process itself.

        Every interaction is an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is to listen!

        Truly confident people cultivate the skill of active listening, and they listen much more than they talk. When you’re always talking, you’re always pushing. The irony is that people will want to hear what you have to say if you’re seen as helpful.

        Coach Michael Burt calls this being a Person of Interest:

        It’s about having something so valuable that makes other people want a piece of you and it. It is about being perceived as the expert by what you project to the world…People want to buy you a cup of coffee, pick your brain, spend 30 minutes with you on a webinar, and hear what you have to say.

        In other words, confident people–rather than talking and selling–instead offer something so compelling that others are willing to come to them. They listen, learn, and form deep, meaningful connections.

        This gives them knowledge, genuine likability, and authentic confidence.

        4. They don’t go it alone

        Stokpic

          Genuinely confident people don’t succumb to the “Superhero” fallacy–that success only comes from going it alone.

          Instead, they are keenly self-aware of their own flaws and specifically seek out experts to address these known shortcomings.

          Confident people ask for help. This shows respect for the other person, authentic humility, and wisdom.

          There are lots of ways to get help from others. Let’s say you want to mentor others but get nervous speaking. You could join a group like Toastmasters to learn from other speaking experts. Want to start a business? Join a mastermind of small business owners or attend local Chamber of Commerce events. Seek a mentor. Hire a coach.

          The key is to surround yourself with supportive people who are also experts in areas that you’re deficient in. Chances are you will be able to reciprocate with expertise of your own.

          Not only do confident people lean on others all the time, they accelerate this process by absorbing knowledge at a rapid pace through books, podcasts, videos, courses, and tons of other sources.

          In fact, reading at least 1 hour per day can put you in the top 1% of experts and income-earners.

          Don’t be afraid to ask, “can you help me?”

          5. They don’t take things too personally

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          Self Tied Pink Bowtie On Man With Blue Jacket

            It’s easy to take offense when someone criticizes you. But if confident people don’t care what others think, and admit when they’re wrong, it makes sense that they also recognize that the process is more important than allowing others’ judgment to amplify personal negative feelings and self-doubt.

            Confident people have feelings of course, but they deal stoically with adversity as a problem to be solved, not a personal indictment.

            You won’t always succeed, but if you’re confident in yourself despite what others say or do, you can at least cope with any situation.

            This mental strength comes from an inner sense of accomplishment, faith in your own abilities, sense of humor, sense of curiosity, and positive approach to people and situations.

            Have fun with the process!

            6. They don’t expect certainty

            Confident Parasailing Embrace Uncertainty

              Put another way, confident people embrace uncertainty, knowing that although you can’t predict the future, you can be prepared knowing that obstacles are inevitable.

              Truly confident people expect failure and adversity, but they are ceaselessly optimistic about the future. No matter how bad things are, always look for one positive to use as a compelling source of inspiration.

              Helen Keller once said, “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

              In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes that “obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph.”

              Expect uncertainty. Embrace the inevitable failures. Learn from them!

              7. They don’t make others look bad

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              Help Others

                Truly confident people work extremely hard on making others successful. The more you help others, the more they will look to you for guidance and expertise, and the more successful and confident you will become.

                It’s a positive self-reinforcing cycle that contrasts sharply with the short-term approach of Machiavellian scheming that falsely confident people use to take advantage of others.

                Think about the typical workplace. When you make your boss and team members look good, everyone benefits. And this leads to new opportunities, people that trust you as a team member, and ultimately greater confidence. The most inspiring leaders are those who give credit to the team for all of the hard work.

                Ask yourself the same question Benjamin Franklin did every morning: “What good shall I do this day?” Confident people focus on how to make others look good, which naturally and authentically increases their own value and inner self-worth.

                8. They don’t seek the approval of just anyone

                Supportive Friends

                  Earlier, we talked about how amazingly confident people don’t care what others think. But that’s not the whole story.

                  Confident people do care about what the closest, most supportive people in their lives have to say. It is this handful of truly important people in your life whose trust and support mean so much that you actively seek their feedback.

                  This goes back to the idea of asking for help and not going it alone.

                  If you cultivate only supportive people in your life, eliminating the nay-sayers, you know that these people always have your back.

                  Whereas attention-mongers seek the approval of thousands of Twitter followers and Facebook friends, truly confident people focus on quality over quantity. They know what matters.

                  Think about the people you hang out with on a daily basis. Do they have your back? Can you share your dreams and ideas with them without getting shot down? If not, think about working on only the best relationships if you want to be truly confident.

                  If you were inspired, share this article!

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                  Last Updated on October 18, 2018

                  50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

                  50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

                  Life is filled with highs and lows —happiness and struggles that will test your resilience and integrity, push you to overcome challenges and leave you with lessons that will make you even stronger on your way up.

                  It’s the way you feel and think about yourself, including your expectations and beliefs about what is possible to you, greatly determines everything that happens to you.

                  It all starts with your thoughts. When you change your thoughts, you transform the quality of your life. (Right, Nancy’s story is a typical example!)

                  Below is a list of the best motivational quotes to inspire you to start your day with a blast:

                  Quotes for self-assurance

                  1. Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality, upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.

                    2. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

                      3. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

                        4. The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others

                          5. You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want great, then be great.

                            6. It’s not who you are that holds you behind, it’s who you think your are not.

                              Quotes about positivity

                              7. Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.

                                8. You should never regret anything in life. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it is experience.

                                  9. Falling down is an accident, staying down is a choice.

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                                    10. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.

                                      11. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

                                        12. Don’t be afraid to give up the good and go for great.

                                          13. Remember that life’s greatest lessons are usually learned from worst times and from the worst mistakes.

                                            Quotes for work and success

                                            14. Don’t talk, just act. Don’t say, just show. Don’t promise, just prove.

                                              15. Never stop doing great just because someone doesn’t give you credit.

                                                16. Discipline is doing what needs to be done, even if you don’t want to.

                                                  17. Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream.

                                                    18. The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.

                                                      19. Never apologize for having high standards, people who really want to be in your life will rise to meet them.

                                                        20. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.

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                                                          21. Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it, time will pass anyway.

                                                            22. Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.

                                                              23. A hill is just another opportunity to leave your competition behind.

                                                                24. Don’t quit. You’re already in pain. You’re already hurt. Get a reward from it.

                                                                  25. Hustle until you no longer need to introduce yourself.

                                                                    26. You didn’t come this far only to come this far.

                                                                      27. Be selective in your battles for sometimes peace is better than being right.

                                                                        28 If we keep doing what we are doing, we’re going to keep getting what we’re getting.

                                                                          29. You will never know your limits until you push yourself to them.

                                                                            30. Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.

                                                                              31. The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.

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                                                                                32. If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.

                                                                                  33. If you can’t handle stress, you won’t manage success.

                                                                                    34. Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.

                                                                                      35. Don’t mistake silence for weakness. Smart people don’t plan big moves out loud.

                                                                                        36. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

                                                                                          37. Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe dedicated.

                                                                                            38. You become who you spend your time with.

                                                                                              39. Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.

                                                                                                40. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.

                                                                                                  41. If you don’t build your dreams, someone else will hire you to build theirs.

                                                                                                    42. Between stimulus and response is our greatest power –the freedom to choose.

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                                                                                                      43. What comes easy won’t last, what lasts won’t come easy.

                                                                                                        44. Don’t limit your challenges, challenge your limits.

                                                                                                          45. Work until your idols become your rivals.

                                                                                                            Quotes about money

                                                                                                            46. Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune.

                                                                                                              47. I create new enemies every day, it’s called business.

                                                                                                                48. When you have a Million Dollar vision, don’t surround yourself with 1 cent minds.

                                                                                                                  49. You can’t get rich thinking poor.

                                                                                                                    50. Doing what is comfortable is rarely profitable.

                                                                                                                      51. If you can count your money, work harder.

                                                                                                                        If you find yourself feeling lost and frustrated, it’s never too late to change things up. Check out this guide:

                                                                                                                        How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

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