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8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

What is self-confidence? Is it an over-inflated sense of self, the ability to smooth-talk, and the arrogance that you’re always right? Is it self-esteem from the opinions of others?

Or is it the ability to handle any situation–including failure–because of a positive mindset, keen self-awareness, and willingness to ask for help?

Genuinely confident people develop confidence naturally through practiced effort and self-discipline, with the knowledge that adversity is inevitable, and with a single-minded focus to help others.

I used to be very socially awkward. Then I started to work on my public speaking skills, through speaking organizations, training, books, practice, and speech contests. Eventually, others asked me for help. Through this process of hard work and mentoring others to be successful, I became much more confident.

You can’t create confidence out of thin air. It’s the process of authentic self-improvement and helping others that leads to confidence.

With that in mind, here are 8 mistakes that truly, amazingly confident people never make.

1. They don’t care what others think

Positive Mindset Optimism

    Truly confident people frankly don’t give credence to the judgment of others. That’s not to say they don’t listen to advice or feedback. On the contrary. Confident people seek out legitimate, constructive feedback.

    But confident people derive their pride, satisfaction, and happiness from within. They’re confident in the stoic, inner pride sort of way, not the “look how great I am” glory-hounding external-validation sort of way.

    Part of this discipline comes from an ability to destroy negative thoughts (limiting beliefs) that are often centered on what we think others feel about us. Confident people don’t compare themselves to others.

    You are who you are at this moment, and if you’re taking action and doing your best to provide value to the world, it doesn’t matter how you measure up to everyone else.

    Confident people give the same leeway to others, avoiding judgment in favor of recognizing that everyone has expertise to bring to the table.

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    2. They don’t think they’re always right

    Write Brothers First Flight

      A big ego leads to false confidence. It’s a house of cards waiting to collapse at the first sign of adversity. False confidence leads to taking vastly miscalculated risks that ultimately lead to catastrophe affecting everyone around you.

      Genuine confidence comes from the process of learning, which naturally assumes you don’t know everything.

      Wilbur and Orville Wright, the pioneers of flight, were extremely curious. They also lacked a college education. This gave them the confidence to reject the “expertise” of the time by questioning and testing everything. At every turn, the Wright brothers knew they didn’t have an answer, so they constantly engaged in discussions and experiments to learn.

      The Wrights were only “right” about knowing that they didn’t know everything.

      Truly confident people put the truth first, which sometimes means being proved wrong. And that’s a good thing.

      3. They don’t talk more than they listen

      Listen Actively

        Confident people don’t have a chip on their shoulder. There’s no need to prove yourself, because the most important part about interacting with others is the process itself.

        Every interaction is an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is to listen!

        Truly confident people cultivate the skill of active listening, and they listen much more than they talk. When you’re always talking, you’re always pushing. The irony is that people will want to hear what you have to say if you’re seen as helpful.

        Coach Michael Burt calls this being a Person of Interest:

        It’s about having something so valuable that makes other people want a piece of you and it. It is about being perceived as the expert by what you project to the world…People want to buy you a cup of coffee, pick your brain, spend 30 minutes with you on a webinar, and hear what you have to say.

        In other words, confident people–rather than talking and selling–instead offer something so compelling that others are willing to come to them. They listen, learn, and form deep, meaningful connections.

        This gives them knowledge, genuine likability, and authentic confidence.

        4. They don’t go it alone

        Stokpic

          Genuinely confident people don’t succumb to the “Superhero” fallacy–that success only comes from going it alone.

          Instead, they are keenly self-aware of their own flaws and specifically seek out experts to address these known shortcomings.

          Confident people ask for help. This shows respect for the other person, authentic humility, and wisdom.

          There are lots of ways to get help from others. Let’s say you want to mentor others but get nervous speaking. You could join a group like Toastmasters to learn from other speaking experts. Want to start a business? Join a mastermind of small business owners or attend local Chamber of Commerce events. Seek a mentor. Hire a coach.

          The key is to surround yourself with supportive people who are also experts in areas that you’re deficient in. Chances are you will be able to reciprocate with expertise of your own.

          Not only do confident people lean on others all the time, they accelerate this process by absorbing knowledge at a rapid pace through books, podcasts, videos, courses, and tons of other sources.

          In fact, reading at least 1 hour per day can put you in the top 1% of experts and income-earners.

          Don’t be afraid to ask, “can you help me?”

          5. They don’t take things too personally

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          Self Tied Pink Bowtie On Man With Blue Jacket

            It’s easy to take offense when someone criticizes you. But if confident people don’t care what others think, and admit when they’re wrong, it makes sense that they also recognize that the process is more important than allowing others’ judgment to amplify personal negative feelings and self-doubt.

            Confident people have feelings of course, but they deal stoically with adversity as a problem to be solved, not a personal indictment.

            You won’t always succeed, but if you’re confident in yourself despite what others say or do, you can at least cope with any situation.

            This mental strength comes from an inner sense of accomplishment, faith in your own abilities, sense of humor, sense of curiosity, and positive approach to people and situations.

            Have fun with the process!

            6. They don’t expect certainty

            Confident Parasailing Embrace Uncertainty

              Put another way, confident people embrace uncertainty, knowing that although you can’t predict the future, you can be prepared knowing that obstacles are inevitable.

              Truly confident people expect failure and adversity, but they are ceaselessly optimistic about the future. No matter how bad things are, always look for one positive to use as a compelling source of inspiration.

              Helen Keller once said, “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

              In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes that “obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph.”

              Expect uncertainty. Embrace the inevitable failures. Learn from them!

              7. They don’t make others look bad

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              Help Others

                Truly confident people work extremely hard on making others successful. The more you help others, the more they will look to you for guidance and expertise, and the more successful and confident you will become.

                It’s a positive self-reinforcing cycle that contrasts sharply with the short-term approach of Machiavellian scheming that falsely confident people use to take advantage of others.

                Think about the typical workplace. When you make your boss and team members look good, everyone benefits. And this leads to new opportunities, people that trust you as a team member, and ultimately greater confidence. The most inspiring leaders are those who give credit to the team for all of the hard work.

                Ask yourself the same question Benjamin Franklin did every morning: “What good shall I do this day?” Confident people focus on how to make others look good, which naturally and authentically increases their own value and inner self-worth.

                8. They don’t seek the approval of just anyone

                Supportive Friends

                  Earlier, we talked about how amazingly confident people don’t care what others think. But that’s not the whole story.

                  Confident people do care about what the closest, most supportive people in their lives have to say. It is this handful of truly important people in your life whose trust and support mean so much that you actively seek their feedback.

                  This goes back to the idea of asking for help and not going it alone.

                  If you cultivate only supportive people in your life, eliminating the nay-sayers, you know that these people always have your back.

                  Whereas attention-mongers seek the approval of thousands of Twitter followers and Facebook friends, truly confident people focus on quality over quantity. They know what matters.

                  Think about the people you hang out with on a daily basis. Do they have your back? Can you share your dreams and ideas with them without getting shot down? If not, think about working on only the best relationships if you want to be truly confident.

                  If you were inspired, share this article!

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                  Last Updated on January 16, 2020

                  12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

                  12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

                  The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

                  However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

                  “Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

                  Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

                  1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

                  When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

                  Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

                  2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

                  That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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                  Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

                  3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

                  If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

                  For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

                  People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

                  This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

                  4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

                  Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

                  Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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                  Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

                  Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

                  “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

                  5. Crack a smile.

                  If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

                  Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

                  6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

                  Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

                  And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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                  7. Groom yourself.

                  This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

                  A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

                  8. Dress nicely.

                  Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

                  While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

                  9. Do activities you enjoy.

                  Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

                  You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

                  10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

                  Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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                  Why?

                  Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

                  Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

                  Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

                  11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

                  Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

                  Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

                  12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

                  Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

                  The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

                  Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

                  Reference

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