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8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

8 Mistakes That Amazingly Confident People Never Make

What is self-confidence? Is it an over-inflated sense of self, the ability to smooth-talk, and the arrogance that you’re always right? Is it self-esteem from the opinions of others?

Or is it the ability to handle any situation–including failure–because of a positive mindset, keen self-awareness, and willingness to ask for help?

Genuinely confident people develop confidence naturally through practiced effort and self-discipline, with the knowledge that adversity is inevitable, and with a single-minded focus to help others.

I used to be very socially awkward. Then I started to work on my public speaking skills, through speaking organizations, training, books, practice, and speech contests. Eventually, others asked me for help. Through this process of hard work and mentoring others to be successful, I became much more confident.

You can’t create confidence out of thin air. It’s the process of authentic self-improvement and helping others that leads to confidence.

With that in mind, here are 8 mistakes that truly, amazingly confident people never make.

1. They don’t care what others think

Positive Mindset Optimism

    Truly confident people frankly don’t give credence to the judgment of others. That’s not to say they don’t listen to advice or feedback. On the contrary. Confident people seek out legitimate, constructive feedback.

    But confident people derive their pride, satisfaction, and happiness from within. They’re confident in the stoic, inner pride sort of way, not the “look how great I am” glory-hounding external-validation sort of way.

    Part of this discipline comes from an ability to destroy negative thoughts (limiting beliefs) that are often centered on what we think others feel about us. Confident people don’t compare themselves to others.

    You are who you are at this moment, and if you’re taking action and doing your best to provide value to the world, it doesn’t matter how you measure up to everyone else.

    Confident people give the same leeway to others, avoiding judgment in favor of recognizing that everyone has expertise to bring to the table.

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    2. They don’t think they’re always right

    Write Brothers First Flight

      A big ego leads to false confidence. It’s a house of cards waiting to collapse at the first sign of adversity. False confidence leads to taking vastly miscalculated risks that ultimately lead to catastrophe affecting everyone around you.

      Genuine confidence comes from the process of learning, which naturally assumes you don’t know everything.

      Wilbur and Orville Wright, the pioneers of flight, were extremely curious. They also lacked a college education. This gave them the confidence to reject the “expertise” of the time by questioning and testing everything. At every turn, the Wright brothers knew they didn’t have an answer, so they constantly engaged in discussions and experiments to learn.

      The Wrights were only “right” about knowing that they didn’t know everything.

      Truly confident people put the truth first, which sometimes means being proved wrong. And that’s a good thing.

      3. They don’t talk more than they listen

      Listen Actively

        Confident people don’t have a chip on their shoulder. There’s no need to prove yourself, because the most important part about interacting with others is the process itself.

        Every interaction is an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is to listen!

        Truly confident people cultivate the skill of active listening, and they listen much more than they talk. When you’re always talking, you’re always pushing. The irony is that people will want to hear what you have to say if you’re seen as helpful.

        Coach Michael Burt calls this being a Person of Interest:

        It’s about having something so valuable that makes other people want a piece of you and it. It is about being perceived as the expert by what you project to the world…People want to buy you a cup of coffee, pick your brain, spend 30 minutes with you on a webinar, and hear what you have to say.

        In other words, confident people–rather than talking and selling–instead offer something so compelling that others are willing to come to them. They listen, learn, and form deep, meaningful connections.

        This gives them knowledge, genuine likability, and authentic confidence.

        4. They don’t go it alone

        Stokpic

          Genuinely confident people don’t succumb to the “Superhero” fallacy–that success only comes from going it alone.

          Instead, they are keenly self-aware of their own flaws and specifically seek out experts to address these known shortcomings.

          Confident people ask for help. This shows respect for the other person, authentic humility, and wisdom.

          There are lots of ways to get help from others. Let’s say you want to mentor others but get nervous speaking. You could join a group like Toastmasters to learn from other speaking experts. Want to start a business? Join a mastermind of small business owners or attend local Chamber of Commerce events. Seek a mentor. Hire a coach.

          The key is to surround yourself with supportive people who are also experts in areas that you’re deficient in. Chances are you will be able to reciprocate with expertise of your own.

          Not only do confident people lean on others all the time, they accelerate this process by absorbing knowledge at a rapid pace through books, podcasts, videos, courses, and tons of other sources.

          In fact, reading at least 1 hour per day can put you in the top 1% of experts and income-earners.

          Don’t be afraid to ask, “can you help me?”

          5. They don’t take things too personally

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          Self Tied Pink Bowtie On Man With Blue Jacket

            It’s easy to take offense when someone criticizes you. But if confident people don’t care what others think, and admit when they’re wrong, it makes sense that they also recognize that the process is more important than allowing others’ judgment to amplify personal negative feelings and self-doubt.

            Confident people have feelings of course, but they deal stoically with adversity as a problem to be solved, not a personal indictment.

            You won’t always succeed, but if you’re confident in yourself despite what others say or do, you can at least cope with any situation.

            This mental strength comes from an inner sense of accomplishment, faith in your own abilities, sense of humor, sense of curiosity, and positive approach to people and situations.

            Have fun with the process!

            6. They don’t expect certainty

            Confident Parasailing Embrace Uncertainty

              Put another way, confident people embrace uncertainty, knowing that although you can’t predict the future, you can be prepared knowing that obstacles are inevitable.

              Truly confident people expect failure and adversity, but they are ceaselessly optimistic about the future. No matter how bad things are, always look for one positive to use as a compelling source of inspiration.

              Helen Keller once said, “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

              In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes that “obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph.”

              Expect uncertainty. Embrace the inevitable failures. Learn from them!

              7. They don’t make others look bad

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              Help Others

                Truly confident people work extremely hard on making others successful. The more you help others, the more they will look to you for guidance and expertise, and the more successful and confident you will become.

                It’s a positive self-reinforcing cycle that contrasts sharply with the short-term approach of Machiavellian scheming that falsely confident people use to take advantage of others.

                Think about the typical workplace. When you make your boss and team members look good, everyone benefits. And this leads to new opportunities, people that trust you as a team member, and ultimately greater confidence. The most inspiring leaders are those who give credit to the team for all of the hard work.

                Ask yourself the same question Benjamin Franklin did every morning: “What good shall I do this day?” Confident people focus on how to make others look good, which naturally and authentically increases their own value and inner self-worth.

                8. They don’t seek the approval of just anyone

                Supportive Friends

                  Earlier, we talked about how amazingly confident people don’t care what others think. But that’s not the whole story.

                  Confident people do care about what the closest, most supportive people in their lives have to say. It is this handful of truly important people in your life whose trust and support mean so much that you actively seek their feedback.

                  This goes back to the idea of asking for help and not going it alone.

                  If you cultivate only supportive people in your life, eliminating the nay-sayers, you know that these people always have your back.

                  Whereas attention-mongers seek the approval of thousands of Twitter followers and Facebook friends, truly confident people focus on quality over quantity. They know what matters.

                  Think about the people you hang out with on a daily basis. Do they have your back? Can you share your dreams and ideas with them without getting shot down? If not, think about working on only the best relationships if you want to be truly confident.

                  If you were inspired, share this article!

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                  Published on September 23, 2020

                  6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

                  6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

                  I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

                  If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

                  What is Negotiation?

                  First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

                  Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

                  In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

                  Places We Negotiate

                  I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

                  1. Work/Business

                  This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

                  When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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                  In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

                  Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

                  2. Personal

                  I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

                  I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

                  Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

                  3. Ourselves

                  You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

                  I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

                  Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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                  Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

                  Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

                  We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

                  My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

                  If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

                  As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

                  6 Negotiation Skills to Master

                  Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

                  Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

                  1. Preparation

                  Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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                  It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

                  For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

                  After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

                  2. Clear Communication

                  The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

                  If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

                  3. Active Listening

                  Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

                  If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

                  4. Teamwork and Collaboration

                  To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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                  If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

                  When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

                  5. Problem Solving

                  Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

                  Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

                  From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

                  There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

                  6. Decision-Making Ability

                  Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

                  Conclusion

                  There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

                  Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

                  More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

                  Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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