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What To Say To Yourself To Be Happier And More Successful

What To Say To Yourself To Be Happier And More Successful

Do you have negative beliefs about yourself? Statements you tell yourself before you try something new and potentially rewarding?These negative self-talk scripts are convenient excuses to avoid change. They serve as limiting beliefs, naysayers in our heads – mental myths.

Sometimes we don’t even realize the influence they have on our mindset and decisions.

You may be quick to say to yourself, “I’m shy, introverted, and socially awkward. There’s no way I’ll ever speak in front of a crowd.”

But because of this, opportunities can pass you by. And it is up to you to flip this script around to destroy the negative thoughts, turning them into positive self-talk script.

Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who believed in self-responsibility and self-discipline, was an early proponent of positive self-talk:

“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”

Think about your limiting beliefs and how you can flip them around to become positive self-talk scripts. Smash through your mental myths and use these positive scripts to guide your behavior.

Then, talk in the second-person (“you”) instead of the first-person (“I”). Psychologists in this study found that – counter-intuitively – using the second-person increases your chances of success.

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To inspire you, here are 10 positive self-talk scripts from successful people.

1. “You are enough.”

Before going on stage, actress and singer Demi Lovato tells herself: “I am enough.”

She uses this to silence her limiting beliefs about both her achievements and her body image. For Lovato:

“‘I am enough’ means being comfortable with your body, with what you have achieved — and with what you haven’t. It means accepting who you are without caveats. It means rising to the bar you’ve set for yourself instead of conforming to the outlandish expectations of others. It translates to a confession of self-acceptance, and it’s something we could all stand to say to ourselves more often.”

2. “You make it happen.”

Aarthi Ramamurthy, founder of Lumoid, borrows this self-talk script from a Michael Jordan quote: “Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.”

It’s simple as that. Tell yourself to go out and take action.

3. “You give of your talents freely, and you are wonderfully blessed financially.”

This script is from the classic book The Power of the Subconcious Mind by Dr.Joseph Murphy.

The idea is to assume that success is inevitable, especially if you constantly help others using your talents. Wealth is a by-product of your effort to provide value in the world.

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4. “You are possible.”

Actress Audrey Hepburn was quoted as saying, “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”

Except where it violates the laws of physics, anything is often possible. But most people wait until they’re “ready”.

Instead, tell yourself “You are possible” and take the first step. Then the second. Don’t let perfection paralyze you. Just put one foot in front of the other and you’ll achieve success.

What other negative beliefs can you flip around just by re-arranging letters? How about this: instead of “No Way”, say “Now, ay!”

5. “Stay focused. Stay positive. Keep your chin up and your feet on the ground.”

Amy Sacco, founder and partner of the Bungalow 8 nightclub chain in New York City and London, tells herself this script every day while blasting her favorite songs.

Borrow this idea yourself and take your self-talk to a new level by playing the high-energy tunes you love while verbalizing the script out loud.

6. “Trust yourself and your gut rather than conventional wisdom.”

This script by Linda Boff, an executive director at GE, reminds you to be skeptical of the experts, to test everything, and base your decision on what you think will work for you.

Like Amy, Linda also accompanies her self-talk with music:

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“I love the theatre and often have a song going through my head. One that I frequently turn to in the morning as a motivator is the song ‘Defying Gravity,’ from ‘Wicked.’ It always picks me up and reminds me to trust myself and my gut rather than conventional wisdom.”

7. “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

Steve Jobs delivered this line during a commencement speech at Stanford University in 2005. He said that he was inspired by the final issue of The Whole Earth Catalog magazine:

“It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

And I have always wished that for myself.

And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.”

This script reminds you to keep pushing while being open to new ideas and opportunities.

8. “Failure is your stepping stone to greatness.”

This is a modified version of a quote by the super-successful Oprah Winfrey, who is no stranger to ups and downs in her life.

Obstacles and adversity are your best path to success and greatness, according to The Obstacle Is the Way. Only by trying and failing repeatedly and relentlessly will you develop a growth mindset, rather than a fixed one.

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9. “You are the greatest.”

Muhammad Ali said, “I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest.”

Tell yourself you are the best at what you do, and let that inspire you to take action to get there.

10. “What good shall I do this day?”

Benjamin Franklin asked himself this question first thing every morning.

The message is to first think about doing good. If you can solve other people’s problems, they will value you. This is a win-win mentality that accelerates success for you and everyone you interact with.

What do you think of these “flip it around” self-talk scripts? Comment below and click “Share” to inspire your friends!

Featured photo credit: Ashley Campbell via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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