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10 Things to Remember When a Friend is Suffering a Loss

10 Things to Remember When a Friend is Suffering a Loss

When someone you know loses a loved one, it’s difficult to know what to say. Do we risk saying too much and upsetting them, or saying too little and isolating them? It’s a tricky tight rope but the key is being there. We can’t tell you what to say to help because there are no magic words. Honestly, it is better to be the friend who said the wrong thing, not the friend who said nothing at all.

1. Don’t let it become taboo.

Friendships can be tattered by that unspoken support, the repressed elephant cowering in the corner of the room. Relieve the tension, be part of your friend’s life, and you’ll both feel closer no matter how it goes.

2. If you can’t come up with the right words, make a kind gesture.

Some people aren’t the best at communication and can’t quite wrap their head around the verbalising of emotions. So why not fix the broken window for them, clean their house while they’re away planning the funeral, or simply just show up for a coffee as often as you can? The little things go a long way when our friends are suffering.

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3. Be cool.

Everyone else is acting weird so be the reliable friend, be normal. Your friend has been through a lot and could do with some normalcy and a return to routine. So be yourself and remind them that life hasn’t completely changed, because you haven’t.

4. When in doubt, hug.

Human contact can do wonders. So offer that tight hug and show that you are there and feeling deep empathy for your friend in their loss. Because sometimes it’s as simple as that.

5. Don’t panic.

Because there is no right thing to say. There’s no sentence you can use to fix everything, to make things easy, to make your friend all better and happy. It’s a rocky road and there’s nothing you can do to take the pain away. So the pressure’s off and don’t be worried if something you say triggers emotions. It’s part of the process.

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6. Surround them with their favorite things.

Flowers, chocolates, a good movie, whatever the order of the day, make sure you remind them that they are known and loved and very much alive.

7. Be a breath of fresh air.

Teach your friend the new karate moves you’ve learned, tell them about your busy day, or just talk about your pets. Don’t be too ecstatic but keep their brain occupied with new things.

8. Keep them active.

Encourage your friend to come for a run, to go for a cycle, to beat you at the gym circuit. The blood has to keep pumping so those endorphins can multiply and save the day.

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9. Talk about HeWhoMustNotBeNamed.

And no, I’m not talking about Voldemort. It’s easy to assume that the widow will break down at the mention of her husband’s name, that the orphan will flinch at the mention of parents, that any reference to the departed could remind your suffering friend of the loss and awake new realms of pain. But your friend already thinks about said lost partner, parent, sibling, all day. It’s not a post-it note that gets forgotten, it’s a constant shadow, so talking about it is therapeutic and calming.

10. Don’t flinch.

It’s easily done. Doling out emotional support and sentimental cliches is a tiring and difficult business and our natural reflex is often to change the subject and run away from hard conversations. Don’t flinch – your friend is bound to try and bury their head in the sand or run away from what has happened and it’s up to you to help them break this trend – rather than giving in to it.

Feature photo credit: Ed Gregory

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Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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