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Psychologists and Scientists Unlock The Qualities Of Love Masters.

Psychologists and Scientists Unlock The Qualities Of Love Masters.

While we are given a lot of information on how to find, keep and get love back, there is simplicity in the overall formula. It seems like a mystery, how we feel love but actually Science has figured out a lot about love. Science has told us that the feeling of love is our fundamental need. Love and the way it makes us feel is what allows us to thrive. It actually comes from our origins as it’s supposed to make us want to reproduce. Here are some of the sure fire ways to make someone fall in love with you that secrets masters of love know.

Here are some Science stats about love:

  • The brain detects how your body is moving to decide if it’s getting signal of love or not. This is why 55% of falling in love consists of body language one way or another.
  • The voice contributes 38% of the decision to be in love. Based on the change in your frequency and tone, it sends a powerful message.
  • A lover’s choice of words dictates how you feel by 7%

1. They Know that Love is Nature’s Beautiful Trap

Psychopharmacology produced an article that created a comparison between behavioural addiction and social attachment. You’re not alone if you become addicted to someone else due to the reward you get for returned admiration and affection.

The triggers your body gives off are ways to instigate the emotion of love. Nature set up a trap and it’s something we can’t even fight against. The next time you feel dumb for falling in love with the wrong person, remember that you never really had a chance.

2. They Understand Why Eye Contact is So Essential

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eye contact love

    Psychotherapist Gary Newman has done studies on the Science of love revealing many ways we can force it rather than let it happen. If you’ve ever heard someone say that your eyes are the windows to your soul, there may be something to this.

    Science shows that people in love will automatically maintain consistent eye contact with each other 75% of the time. Psychologist Arthur Aron created the theory behind thirty-six questions which is the essential recipe for falling in love. The last deed to seal the deal is to stare into someone’s eyes for four minutes.

    3. They Realize the Importance of Being a Good Listener

    good listenr

      If you listen to your partner intently without reacting or making it about you, you will win their heart. Whether you’re newly dating or a few months in, listening makes a person feel good. It’s even better if you ask follow up questions and respond with passion.

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      4. They Know They Should Validate Their Potential Love

      When you validate your partner, they’re going to be your love slave for life (unless you stop of course). One of the main reasons a relationship or marriage fails is due to lack of appreciation. When you validate your partner, you make them better. If you can make someone better with your praise, they rely on you. Make them feel like a winner and they’ll easily fall in love with you.

      5. They Smile A lot

      couple smile

        When you smile at your partner, it naturally makes you look more attractive. They see you as someone who is positive and upbeat. Their minds tell them you’re a winner and the idea that you’re a happy person makes it easier for them to fall in love with you.

        6. They Remember the Art of Touching

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        art of touching

          A Harvard study on human nature proved that touch can lead to love quickly. It is the comfort that comes from your skin on someone else. It increases intimacy which changes chemicals in the brain, telling them that they have strong feelings which could lead to love. Within this reference of course includes the fine art of different kissing techniques as a way to boost all of the chemicals within the body.

          7. They are Passionate about the Other’s Passion

          If you have a partner or potential partner that is really passionate about something, jump on that band wagon. Be their cheerleader and embrace the emotion that they have about their passions. This makes them feel that what they care about is important. They associate the feelings they have for their passion with you because you’re supporting it.

          8. They Are Aware of the Three Stages of Love

          Studies about the Science of love were conducted at Rutgers University which revealed loves stages. These stages are lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage involves chemical reactions that differ from each other.

          Stage 1: Lust

          Lust is said to be the initial stage of getting involved with love. The feel of lust is basically backed up or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body. Lust involves oestrogen and testosterone which sends messages to the boy to get excited. This process turns into attraction as you explore the lust stage.

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          Stage 2: Attraction

          Attraction is said to be that amazing feeling you get, butterflies and all. It is where you begin to feel the love buzz and you become impatient to the point your brain only thinks about that person. The study concluded that your personality will actually change throughout this process. Adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin are the chemicals conjured up during attraction phase.

          Stage 3: Attachment

          If you can get past the lust and attraction phase, you can then begin to really form a bond. The bond will take you to a sustainable path where you can really commit to each other. Essentially, this is where a couple will want to have children and spend their lives together. The body instigates this at a cellular level. There are two hormones that create this. Oxytocin which is also called the cuddle hormone and Vasopressin which is a hormone released after sex. It promotes long lasting relationships, giving two people the ability to function together.

          9. They Know it Has Nothing to do With Looks

          Falling in love is more chemical and subconscious than just being turned on by someone’s curves. The major factors are the messages that flow to the brain. It is much deeper than the physical aspects of someone. Someone can be awful to you or you know they’re trouble before you even talk to them. Often it can be too late because you’ve already been hooked and you don’t even know it.

          10. They Understand and Use the Thirty Six Questions

          Thirty Six questions was originally created by the psychologists that were looking to figure out why people fall in love. They came up with three levels of questions (12 each) that would lead someone to invoke all the feelings of love from someone else. These questions make someone seem relevant, valid, important and cared about. They must open up with the questions which allows them to feel vulnerable, a feeling associated with love. As two people ask these questions, they both become vulnerable together. It has been proven to speed the process of falling in love. In fact, Mandy Len Catron the author of “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This” did some research on the validity of it all. She fell in love with her friend and is still with him today so there’s some proven effectiveness right there.

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          Ahmed Raza

          CEO of Samurais.co

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          Last Updated on January 16, 2020

          12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

          12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

          The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

          However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

          “Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

          Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

          1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

          When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

          Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

          2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

          That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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          Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

          3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

          If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

          For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

          People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

          This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

          4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

          Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

          Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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          Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

          Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

          “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

          5. Crack a smile.

          If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

          Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

          6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

          Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

          And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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          7. Groom yourself.

          This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

          A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

          8. Dress nicely.

          Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

          While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

          9. Do activities you enjoy.

          Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

          You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

          10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

          Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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          Why?

          Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

          Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

          Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

          11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

          Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

          Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

          12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

          Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

          The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

          Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

          Reference

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