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Psychologists and Scientists Unlock The Qualities Of Love Masters.

Psychologists and Scientists Unlock The Qualities Of Love Masters.

While we are given a lot of information on how to find, keep and get love back, there is simplicity in the overall formula. It seems like a mystery, how we feel love but actually Science has figured out a lot about love. Science has told us that the feeling of love is our fundamental need. Love and the way it makes us feel is what allows us to thrive. It actually comes from our origins as it’s supposed to make us want to reproduce. Here are some of the sure fire ways to make someone fall in love with you that secrets masters of love know.

Here are some Science stats about love:

  • The brain detects how your body is moving to decide if it’s getting signal of love or not. This is why 55% of falling in love consists of body language one way or another.
  • The voice contributes 38% of the decision to be in love. Based on the change in your frequency and tone, it sends a powerful message.
  • A lover’s choice of words dictates how you feel by 7%

1. They Know that Love is Nature’s Beautiful Trap

Psychopharmacology produced an article that created a comparison between behavioural addiction and social attachment. You’re not alone if you become addicted to someone else due to the reward you get for returned admiration and affection.

The triggers your body gives off are ways to instigate the emotion of love. Nature set up a trap and it’s something we can’t even fight against. The next time you feel dumb for falling in love with the wrong person, remember that you never really had a chance.

2. They Understand Why Eye Contact is So Essential

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eye contact love

    Psychotherapist Gary Newman has done studies on the Science of love revealing many ways we can force it rather than let it happen. If you’ve ever heard someone say that your eyes are the windows to your soul, there may be something to this.

    Science shows that people in love will automatically maintain consistent eye contact with each other 75% of the time. Psychologist Arthur Aron created the theory behind thirty-six questions which is the essential recipe for falling in love. The last deed to seal the deal is to stare into someone’s eyes for four minutes.

    3. They Realize the Importance of Being a Good Listener

    good listenr

      If you listen to your partner intently without reacting or making it about you, you will win their heart. Whether you’re newly dating or a few months in, listening makes a person feel good. It’s even better if you ask follow up questions and respond with passion.

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      4. They Know They Should Validate Their Potential Love

      When you validate your partner, they’re going to be your love slave for life (unless you stop of course). One of the main reasons a relationship or marriage fails is due to lack of appreciation. When you validate your partner, you make them better. If you can make someone better with your praise, they rely on you. Make them feel like a winner and they’ll easily fall in love with you.

      5. They Smile A lot

      couple smile

        When you smile at your partner, it naturally makes you look more attractive. They see you as someone who is positive and upbeat. Their minds tell them you’re a winner and the idea that you’re a happy person makes it easier for them to fall in love with you.

        6. They Remember the Art of Touching

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        art of touching

          A Harvard study on human nature proved that touch can lead to love quickly. It is the comfort that comes from your skin on someone else. It increases intimacy which changes chemicals in the brain, telling them that they have strong feelings which could lead to love. Within this reference of course includes the fine art of different kissing techniques as a way to boost all of the chemicals within the body.

          7. They are Passionate about the Other’s Passion

          If you have a partner or potential partner that is really passionate about something, jump on that band wagon. Be their cheerleader and embrace the emotion that they have about their passions. This makes them feel that what they care about is important. They associate the feelings they have for their passion with you because you’re supporting it.

          8. They Are Aware of the Three Stages of Love

          Studies about the Science of love were conducted at Rutgers University which revealed loves stages. These stages are lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage involves chemical reactions that differ from each other.

          Stage 1: Lust

          Lust is said to be the initial stage of getting involved with love. The feel of lust is basically backed up or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body. Lust involves oestrogen and testosterone which sends messages to the boy to get excited. This process turns into attraction as you explore the lust stage.

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          Stage 2: Attraction

          Attraction is said to be that amazing feeling you get, butterflies and all. It is where you begin to feel the love buzz and you become impatient to the point your brain only thinks about that person. The study concluded that your personality will actually change throughout this process. Adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin are the chemicals conjured up during attraction phase.

          Stage 3: Attachment

          If you can get past the lust and attraction phase, you can then begin to really form a bond. The bond will take you to a sustainable path where you can really commit to each other. Essentially, this is where a couple will want to have children and spend their lives together. The body instigates this at a cellular level. There are two hormones that create this. Oxytocin which is also called the cuddle hormone and Vasopressin which is a hormone released after sex. It promotes long lasting relationships, giving two people the ability to function together.

          9. They Know it Has Nothing to do With Looks

          Falling in love is more chemical and subconscious than just being turned on by someone’s curves. The major factors are the messages that flow to the brain. It is much deeper than the physical aspects of someone. Someone can be awful to you or you know they’re trouble before you even talk to them. Often it can be too late because you’ve already been hooked and you don’t even know it.

          10. They Understand and Use the Thirty Six Questions

          Thirty Six questions was originally created by the psychologists that were looking to figure out why people fall in love. They came up with three levels of questions (12 each) that would lead someone to invoke all the feelings of love from someone else. These questions make someone seem relevant, valid, important and cared about. They must open up with the questions which allows them to feel vulnerable, a feeling associated with love. As two people ask these questions, they both become vulnerable together. It has been proven to speed the process of falling in love. In fact, Mandy Len Catron the author of “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This” did some research on the validity of it all. She fell in love with her friend and is still with him today so there’s some proven effectiveness right there.

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          Ahmed Raza

          CEO of Samurais.co

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          Last Updated on April 11, 2019

          How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

          How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

          Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

          I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

          I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

          Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

          How Communication Skills Help Your Success

          Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

          Create a Positive Experience

          Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

          When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

          What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

          Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

          As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

          Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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          Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

          Help Leadership Skills

          It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

          Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

          As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

          Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

          If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

          Build Better Teams

          Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

          In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

          If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

          When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

          Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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          How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

          There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

          Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

          1. Listen

          Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

          Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

          People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

          Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

          Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

          2. Know Your Audience

          Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

          Here is a good way to think about it:

          Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

          You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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          3. Minimize

          I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

          He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

          Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

          State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

          The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

          4. Over Communicate

          So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

          What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

          Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

          Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

          Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

          There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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          5. Body Language

          The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

          When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

          In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

          When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

          Conclusion

          Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

          Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

          There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

          Now go communicate your way to success.

          More Resources About Effective Communication

          Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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