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Psychologists and Scientists Unlock The Qualities Of Love Masters.

Psychologists and Scientists Unlock The Qualities Of Love Masters.

While we are given a lot of information on how to find, keep and get love back, there is simplicity in the overall formula. It seems like a mystery, how we feel love but actually Science has figured out a lot about love. Science has told us that the feeling of love is our fundamental need. Love and the way it makes us feel is what allows us to thrive. It actually comes from our origins as it’s supposed to make us want to reproduce. Here are some of the sure fire ways to make someone fall in love with you that secrets masters of love know.

Here are some Science stats about love:

  • The brain detects how your body is moving to decide if it’s getting signal of love or not. This is why 55% of falling in love consists of body language one way or another.
  • The voice contributes 38% of the decision to be in love. Based on the change in your frequency and tone, it sends a powerful message.
  • A lover’s choice of words dictates how you feel by 7%

1. They Know that Love is Nature’s Beautiful Trap

Psychopharmacology produced an article that created a comparison between behavioural addiction and social attachment. You’re not alone if you become addicted to someone else due to the reward you get for returned admiration and affection.

The triggers your body gives off are ways to instigate the emotion of love. Nature set up a trap and it’s something we can’t even fight against. The next time you feel dumb for falling in love with the wrong person, remember that you never really had a chance.

2. They Understand Why Eye Contact is So Essential

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eye contact love

    Psychotherapist Gary Newman has done studies on the Science of love revealing many ways we can force it rather than let it happen. If you’ve ever heard someone say that your eyes are the windows to your soul, there may be something to this.

    Science shows that people in love will automatically maintain consistent eye contact with each other 75% of the time. Psychologist Arthur Aron created the theory behind thirty-six questions which is the essential recipe for falling in love. The last deed to seal the deal is to stare into someone’s eyes for four minutes.

    3. They Realize the Importance of Being a Good Listener

    good listenr

      If you listen to your partner intently without reacting or making it about you, you will win their heart. Whether you’re newly dating or a few months in, listening makes a person feel good. It’s even better if you ask follow up questions and respond with passion.

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      4. They Know They Should Validate Their Potential Love

      When you validate your partner, they’re going to be your love slave for life (unless you stop of course). One of the main reasons a relationship or marriage fails is due to lack of appreciation. When you validate your partner, you make them better. If you can make someone better with your praise, they rely on you. Make them feel like a winner and they’ll easily fall in love with you.

      5. They Smile A lot

      couple smile

        When you smile at your partner, it naturally makes you look more attractive. They see you as someone who is positive and upbeat. Their minds tell them you’re a winner and the idea that you’re a happy person makes it easier for them to fall in love with you.

        6. They Remember the Art of Touching

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        art of touching

          A Harvard study on human nature proved that touch can lead to love quickly. It is the comfort that comes from your skin on someone else. It increases intimacy which changes chemicals in the brain, telling them that they have strong feelings which could lead to love. Within this reference of course includes the fine art of different kissing techniques as a way to boost all of the chemicals within the body.

          7. They are Passionate about the Other’s Passion

          If you have a partner or potential partner that is really passionate about something, jump on that band wagon. Be their cheerleader and embrace the emotion that they have about their passions. This makes them feel that what they care about is important. They associate the feelings they have for their passion with you because you’re supporting it.

          8. They Are Aware of the Three Stages of Love

          Studies about the Science of love were conducted at Rutgers University which revealed loves stages. These stages are lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage involves chemical reactions that differ from each other.

          Stage 1: Lust

          Lust is said to be the initial stage of getting involved with love. The feel of lust is basically backed up or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body. Lust involves oestrogen and testosterone which sends messages to the boy to get excited. This process turns into attraction as you explore the lust stage.

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          Stage 2: Attraction

          Attraction is said to be that amazing feeling you get, butterflies and all. It is where you begin to feel the love buzz and you become impatient to the point your brain only thinks about that person. The study concluded that your personality will actually change throughout this process. Adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin are the chemicals conjured up during attraction phase.

          Stage 3: Attachment

          If you can get past the lust and attraction phase, you can then begin to really form a bond. The bond will take you to a sustainable path where you can really commit to each other. Essentially, this is where a couple will want to have children and spend their lives together. The body instigates this at a cellular level. There are two hormones that create this. Oxytocin which is also called the cuddle hormone and Vasopressin which is a hormone released after sex. It promotes long lasting relationships, giving two people the ability to function together.

          9. They Know it Has Nothing to do With Looks

          Falling in love is more chemical and subconscious than just being turned on by someone’s curves. The major factors are the messages that flow to the brain. It is much deeper than the physical aspects of someone. Someone can be awful to you or you know they’re trouble before you even talk to them. Often it can be too late because you’ve already been hooked and you don’t even know it.

          10. They Understand and Use the Thirty Six Questions

          Thirty Six questions was originally created by the psychologists that were looking to figure out why people fall in love. They came up with three levels of questions (12 each) that would lead someone to invoke all the feelings of love from someone else. These questions make someone seem relevant, valid, important and cared about. They must open up with the questions which allows them to feel vulnerable, a feeling associated with love. As two people ask these questions, they both become vulnerable together. It has been proven to speed the process of falling in love. In fact, Mandy Len Catron the author of “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This” did some research on the validity of it all. She fell in love with her friend and is still with him today so there’s some proven effectiveness right there.

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          Ahmed Raza

          CEO of Samurais.co

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          Published on May 4, 2021

          How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

          How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

          They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

          In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

          How to Spot Fake People?

          When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

          Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

          1. Full of Themselves

          Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

          Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

          2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

          Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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          It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

          3. Zero Self-Reflection

          To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

          Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

          4. Unrealistic Perceptions

          Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

          A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

          5. Love Attention

          As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

          6. People Pleaser

          Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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          Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

          7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

          Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

          8. Crappy friend

          Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

          It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

          The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

          How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

          It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

          There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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          1. Boundaries

          Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

          2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

          Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

          3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

          If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

          4. Ask for Advice

          If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

          Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

          5. Dig Deeper

          Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

          Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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          6. Practice Self-Care!

          Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

          Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

          Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

          Final Thoughts

          Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

          We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

          More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

          Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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