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8 Signs That You’re Flattering But Not Respecting

8 Signs That You’re Flattering But Not Respecting

How do you view flattery? While it can be great to flatter someone, you should understand your motive and desire before you term it as respectful or not. In many cases, flattery can be manipulative and conniving. Better to know the signs that shows that you are flattering and not respecting.

“The ears of our generation have been made so delicate by the senseless multitude of flatterers that, as soon as we perceive anything of ours in not approved of, we cry out that we are being bitterly assailed; and when we can repel the truth by no other pretence, we escape by attributing bitterness, impatience, intemperance, to our adversaries.” – Martin Luther King

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You are not sincere

You are flattering another person but there is no sincerity attached with it. You are actually doing this to butter the other person’s ego. When you are not flattering another person your statements are sincere and you show appreciation for their work, their look or the kind of person they are.

You make the other person feel sad

Flattery rarely makes the other person feel good. With it comes some doubt and wariness. If you are respecting the other person on the other hand you are meant to make the person feel good. Your statements should be one that makes them encouraged, inspired and helps them to continue onward toward their goals.

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You are putting yourself ahead of the other person

Although flattery could seemingly appear positive. Yet it puts a brighter spotlight on you rather than the other person. It is as if you are better off and you really are not considering the other person’s advancement. This doesn’t help the other person’s self-esteem or show admiration to him/her.

You compliment the other person excessively

Yes compliment or praising the other person is great. But this should be done with a mild dose and should be effective in making the other person aware of his/her strengths. However, you do not show respect to the other person when you do praise them excessively.

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You have an agenda

People who can distinguish between praise and flattery know that with flattery comes an agenda. Most times people who flatter another person want something in return. In a way this can be manipulative, as if you really do not care about what the other person is truly about, but rather you are selfishly scheming for something you want from the other person.

You see the other person as an instrument

You flatter and disrespect the other person when you praise them excessively because you see something special about them that could serve as an instrument in helping you achieve your purpose. Respecting someone should make you know that they are not tools in helping you get what you want. Neither are they items for a specific purpose, to be used and dumped after. So if you are buttering someone to get something such as money, power, influence, or sex, then you are simply flattering the person.

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You spice up a negative quality and make it look positive

Flattery can be directed at an angry man and inform him how wonderful he is for knowing what he wants and being strong. You can tell a jealous woman how great she is in protecting her relationship with her lover or her husband. All these doesn’t paint the real picture but rather feeds on someone’s pride and ego by telling them what they want to hear.

You have the other person wondering

Most times, when you flatter someone you tend to have the other person wondering if he/she deserves it or not. But by respecting the other person you show to him/her that your words are true.

It is important to know how to be careful of people who flatter you. When you start becoming a person of influence you will have a lot of flatterers who would present themselves to you. Understand such signs and you will be more meticulous in dealing with them.

Featured photo credit: http://www.compfight.com via compfight.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on December 9, 2019

5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

Do any of the followings sound familiar…

You cringe at the thought of saying no. You obsess about what others think of you and whether you’re doing something to make them dislike you. You live your life based on the opinions of others because you are deathly afraid of disappointing them.

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser.

It’s hard not to struggle with people-pleasing at one time or another in our lives. As social beings, it’s in our nature to get along with others; our survival and success depend on it.

However, there is a fine line between healthy social behavior and the experience of emotional depletion caused by chronic people-pleasing. In addition to being emotionally drained, you may find yourself compromising on your principles and values in order to be accepted. As you help others to get what they want, your own health and well-being will suffer.

As a recovering people pleaser myself, I’ve observed these five common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

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Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you?

You understand a deep truth about decisions and opinions: they divide. However, it’s not in your nature to cause division by speaking up, so you remain silent to avoid conflict.

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

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Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have divergent opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

By speaking up, you may rock the boat. You may even be outvoted. But if you treat others with respect, they will respect you even when they disagree with your opinions and choices.

3. You’re Crushed When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true.

Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

4. You’re Resentful of Others but Are Not Sure Why

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

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Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

5. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries. You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth.

Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

Learn to set boundaries for good: How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

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Final Thoughts

You can be generous without allowing yourself to be used. You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be well-liked without having to sell your soul.

Don’t allow your fears and insecurities to turn you into a chronic people-pleaser. Instead, make time to please one of the most important people in your life: you.

Why? Because when you care for yourself, you can care for others out of the abundance of your own well-being. You will do this not because you are afraid of losing their affection, but simply because you want to. You will experience true freedom.

So decide today to give yourself the same love and attention you give to others. This is one decision you won’t regret.

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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