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8 Signs That You’re Flattering But Not Respecting

8 Signs That You’re Flattering But Not Respecting

How do you view flattery? While it can be great to flatter someone, you should understand your motive and desire before you term it as respectful or not. In many cases, flattery can be manipulative and conniving. Better to know the signs that shows that you are flattering and not respecting.

“The ears of our generation have been made so delicate by the senseless multitude of flatterers that, as soon as we perceive anything of ours in not approved of, we cry out that we are being bitterly assailed; and when we can repel the truth by no other pretence, we escape by attributing bitterness, impatience, intemperance, to our adversaries.” – Martin Luther King

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You are not sincere

You are flattering another person but there is no sincerity attached with it. You are actually doing this to butter the other person’s ego. When you are not flattering another person your statements are sincere and you show appreciation for their work, their look or the kind of person they are.

You make the other person feel sad

Flattery rarely makes the other person feel good. With it comes some doubt and wariness. If you are respecting the other person on the other hand you are meant to make the person feel good. Your statements should be one that makes them encouraged, inspired and helps them to continue onward toward their goals.

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You are putting yourself ahead of the other person

Although flattery could seemingly appear positive. Yet it puts a brighter spotlight on you rather than the other person. It is as if you are better off and you really are not considering the other person’s advancement. This doesn’t help the other person’s self-esteem or show admiration to him/her.

You compliment the other person excessively

Yes compliment or praising the other person is great. But this should be done with a mild dose and should be effective in making the other person aware of his/her strengths. However, you do not show respect to the other person when you do praise them excessively.

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You have an agenda

People who can distinguish between praise and flattery know that with flattery comes an agenda. Most times people who flatter another person want something in return. In a way this can be manipulative, as if you really do not care about what the other person is truly about, but rather you are selfishly scheming for something you want from the other person.

You see the other person as an instrument

You flatter and disrespect the other person when you praise them excessively because you see something special about them that could serve as an instrument in helping you achieve your purpose. Respecting someone should make you know that they are not tools in helping you get what you want. Neither are they items for a specific purpose, to be used and dumped after. So if you are buttering someone to get something such as money, power, influence, or sex, then you are simply flattering the person.

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You spice up a negative quality and make it look positive

Flattery can be directed at an angry man and inform him how wonderful he is for knowing what he wants and being strong. You can tell a jealous woman how great she is in protecting her relationship with her lover or her husband. All these doesn’t paint the real picture but rather feeds on someone’s pride and ego by telling them what they want to hear.

You have the other person wondering

Most times, when you flatter someone you tend to have the other person wondering if he/she deserves it or not. But by respecting the other person you show to him/her that your words are true.

It is important to know how to be careful of people who flatter you. When you start becoming a person of influence you will have a lot of flatterers who would present themselves to you. Understand such signs and you will be more meticulous in dealing with them.

Featured photo credit: http://www.compfight.com via compfight.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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