“Happiness is a choice that requires efforts at times.”-Aeschylus.
Making choices is a hard thing to do. What could be even harder than that? Saying “no”, if you are a people-pleaser.
Some of us are hardwired with the need to say yes all the time which puts us in hard situations at times. When it is about either meeting your needs or pleasing others, you find yourself in a tricky situation.
You are afraid of being rude and you want to help because you are a kind soul. You don’t want to decline any requests you get but also you have your own needs to fulfill. The moment feels like it’s a “lose-lose” situation whichever option you choose. Finding a way out of such situations is a tough job.
Here below are some ways to meet your needs and make others happy at the same time.Advertising
1. Know the difference between self-care and selfishness
You don’t want to look selfish when you decline a request but self-care isn’t selfishness. Avoiding stressful moments isn’t selfishness – rather it is self-care. Selfishness is when you indulge too much in yourself without caring for the strings attached to you.
It isn’t healthy if you keep ignoring your own needs just because you are too good to say “no” or you have picked up a habit of saying “yes” to everything. You can’t care for others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
2. Realize that you have a choice
When you find yourself in a situation, reluctant to say “no” to a request, the first thing you should bear in mind is that you are free to make your own choice.
You don’t always have to say “yes” to propositions that conflict with your needs. You can choose to say “no” and any reasonable person will respect your choice. The choice is yours. You don’t really need to sacrifice your needs to make others happy. It’s just that you need a little self-care at the moment so that you can be of much more help to them in the future.
3. Propose something else
Now that you have made your choice to decline the request, everything else from that moment onwards depends only on the way you present your choice to the other party. Support your decision with good reasons and suggest something else to help.Advertising
This shows your willingness to help but unfortunately, you can’t take them up on their request. The notion is to keep everyone happy. If you can’t give your time to the request, perhaps suggest someone else who could tend to it. That ought to keep your nose out of it.
4. Present yourself non-aggressively
You have to make sure that you choose only the polite words as you explain yourself to the other person. Sometimes, pushy people tend to get on our nerves but presenting yourself angry and aggressive will certainly play against you in any situation. It is not different in this situation.
It would be wise to avoid dealing with such people. The wiser thing to do would be to anticipate the request and to decline it gently before they even get the opportunity to put it through to you. Anger is the worst enemy of mankind. Keep calm at all times and tackle the situation with your wit.
5. Understand that you are of equal worth to anybody else
Do not undermine yourself. You don’t have to agree to everything that other people say just because you feel that they are worth more than yourself. That’s the first step towards your peace of mind. Do not succumb to bullying or whining. If you don’t respect yourself, it opens the door for others to disrespect you as well.
We have been taught to “give” and “love” and never to expect anything from anyone, but you can always give and love and expect everything from yourself. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to reject requests at times when it matters.Advertising
6. Set priorities and clear boundaries
Ask yourself “What are the most important things to me?” – then schedule them accordingly. Knowing your priorities helps you take the right decision.
A rather clinical approach to take care of the situation would be to weight your needs against the need of the other party and decide on whichever option is likely to bring the greater value of happiness. Know your limits and set boundaries to keep yourself within your comfort zone.
7. Be assertive
Assertiveness is the character of leaders. When you voice out your thoughts with a good deal of assertion, you paint a good image of yourself in people’s mind. Then, people tend to go with whatever you say. Be firm and not very apologetic. Your strong persona does all the work for you here.
But if your statements seem to lack respect, it backfires on you. People take it for rudeness. So, make sure you are being polite and respectful. It helps a lot if you practice choosing the right words for the right scenario.
8. Understand that the happier you are, the more capable you are of making others happy
A positive energy radiates out when you are happy. Happiness is contagious.Advertising
Try and be happy with the choices you make. Happy people make other people happy. If you don’t make yourself happy first, you won’t be able to make anyone else happy. When your loved ones see you happy, it brings happiness in them as well.
9. Learn and accept the fact that sometimes making compromise is a must
Understand that sometimes compromises must be made. It’s all a matter of priorities. If for instance, you’re busy building your website, that’s clearly important. But what if your friend calls in that his home is on fire and he needs you to help? That’s not only important but also urgent. So you have to leave your job and compromise. In other words, sometimes what people are asking of you could be of higher priority to be attended to than your own needs.
You should make a compromise if the request outweighs your needs. Buddha said, “Being generous, just helping one’s relatives and being blameless in one’s actions; this is the best good luck”
10. Go easy on yourself
Realize that you can’t be everything to everyone. Acknowledge that you can’t do everything, after all, everybody has limits. Explain your reasons sincerely. Keep it simple and go easy on yourself.
Avoid the self-conflict by being sincere to yourself. Self-soothe by telling yourself that “what I did is in the best interest of everybody”. You’ll do just fine in every situation.
Featured photo credit: Smiling Girl via upload.wikimedia.org
Last Updated on November 4, 2020
15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life
Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be. However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.
Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today. So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!
1. Be willing to work hard.
As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it. This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins. It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there. Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.
2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.
Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great. We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it. So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.
3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.
Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you. Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are. It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it. You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.
4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.
Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion. One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance. So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening? Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.
5. Always be consistent.
A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things. For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it? Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!
6. Go and find your happy place.
No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there. Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented. Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.
7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.
In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful. It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go. Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.
8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.
The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of. It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.
So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!
9. Be on hand to help others.
Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make. Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.
10. Live in the present moment.
A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now. It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things. Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!
11. Learn something new.
There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people. If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!
Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:
12. Exercise daily.
This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit. We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often? Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out! With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.
13. Go to new places, travel a bit.
I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard. Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day. If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer. You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people. Anything new is good, so get out there!
14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.
If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing. When was the last time you really let go? Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go? Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good. Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!
15. Get up earlier than normal.
This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs! If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so. So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning? Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day. Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!
More on Self-Improvement
Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com