“Happiness is a choice that requires efforts at times.”-Aeschylus.
Making choices is a hard thing to do. What could be even harder than that? Saying “no”, if you are a people-pleaser.
Some of us are hardwired with the need to say yes all the time which puts us in hard situations at times. When it is about either meeting your needs or pleasing others, you find yourself in a tricky situation.
You are afraid of being rude and you want to help because you are a kind soul. You don’t want to decline any requests you get but also you have your own needs to fulfill. The moment feels like it’s a “lose-lose” situation whichever option you choose. Finding a way out of such situations is a tough job.
Here below are some ways to meet your needs and make others happy at the same time.Advertising
1. Know the difference between self-care and selfishness
You don’t want to look selfish when you decline a request but self-care isn’t selfishness. Avoiding stressful moments isn’t selfishness – rather it is self-care. Selfishness is when you indulge too much in yourself without caring for the strings attached to you.
It isn’t healthy if you keep ignoring your own needs just because you are too good to say “no” or you have picked up a habit of saying “yes” to everything. You can’t care for others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
2. Realize that you have a choice
When you find yourself in a situation, reluctant to say “no” to a request, the first thing you should bear in mind is that you are free to make your own choice.
You don’t always have to say “yes” to propositions that conflict with your needs. You can choose to say “no” and any reasonable person will respect your choice. The choice is yours. You don’t really need to sacrifice your needs to make others happy. It’s just that you need a little self-care at the moment so that you can be of much more help to them in the future.
3. Propose something else
Now that you have made your choice to decline the request, everything else from that moment onwards depends only on the way you present your choice to the other party. Support your decision with good reasons and suggest something else to help.Advertising
This shows your willingness to help but unfortunately, you can’t take them up on their request. The notion is to keep everyone happy. If you can’t give your time to the request, perhaps suggest someone else who could tend to it. That ought to keep your nose out of it.
4. Present yourself non-aggressively
You have to make sure that you choose only the polite words as you explain yourself to the other person. Sometimes, pushy people tend to get on our nerves but presenting yourself angry and aggressive will certainly play against you in any situation. It is not different in this situation.
It would be wise to avoid dealing with such people. The wiser thing to do would be to anticipate the request and to decline it gently before they even get the opportunity to put it through to you. Anger is the worst enemy of mankind. Keep calm at all times and tackle the situation with your wit.
5. Understand that you are of equal worth to anybody else
Do not undermine yourself. You don’t have to agree to everything that other people say just because you feel that they are worth more than yourself. That’s the first step towards your peace of mind. Do not succumb to bullying or whining. If you don’t respect yourself, it opens the door for others to disrespect you as well.
We have been taught to “give” and “love” and never to expect anything from anyone, but you can always give and love and expect everything from yourself. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to reject requests at times when it matters.Advertising
6. Set priorities and clear boundaries
Ask yourself “What are the most important things to me?” – then schedule them accordingly. Knowing your priorities helps you take the right decision.
A rather clinical approach to take care of the situation would be to weight your needs against the need of the other party and decide on whichever option is likely to bring the greater value of happiness. Know your limits and set boundaries to keep yourself within your comfort zone.
7. Be assertive
Assertiveness is the character of leaders. When you voice out your thoughts with a good deal of assertion, you paint a good image of yourself in people’s mind. Then, people tend to go with whatever you say. Be firm and not very apologetic. Your strong persona does all the work for you here.
But if your statements seem to lack respect, it backfires on you. People take it for rudeness. So, make sure you are being polite and respectful. It helps a lot if you practice choosing the right words for the right scenario.
8. Understand that the happier you are, the more capable you are of making others happy
A positive energy radiates out when you are happy. Happiness is contagious.Advertising
Try and be happy with the choices you make. Happy people make other people happy. If you don’t make yourself happy first, you won’t be able to make anyone else happy. When your loved ones see you happy, it brings happiness in them as well.
9. Learn and accept the fact that sometimes making compromise is a must
Understand that sometimes compromises must be made. It’s all a matter of priorities. If for instance, you’re busy building your website, that’s clearly important. But what if your friend calls in that his home is on fire and he needs you to help? That’s not only important but also urgent. So you have to leave your job and compromise. In other words, sometimes what people are asking of you could be of higher priority to be attended to than your own needs.
You should make a compromise if the request outweighs your needs. Buddha said, “Being generous, just helping one’s relatives and being blameless in one’s actions; this is the best good luck”
10. Go easy on yourself
Realize that you can’t be everything to everyone. Acknowledge that you can’t do everything, after all, everybody has limits. Explain your reasons sincerely. Keep it simple and go easy on yourself.
Avoid the self-conflict by being sincere to yourself. Self-soothe by telling yourself that “what I did is in the best interest of everybody”. You’ll do just fine in every situation.
Featured photo credit: Smiling Girl via upload.wikimedia.org
Last Updated on August 7, 2018
10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On
Failure occurs everyday, in school, jobs, housework, and within families. It is unavoidable, irritating and causes pessimism.
While the thought of flinging your hands in the air and walking away is all too appealing, take a second to connect with the people who have been there and survived.
Here are 10 famous failures to success stories around the world that will inspire you to keep going and achieve greatness:
1. J.K. Rowling
During a Harvard commencement speech, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling outlined the importance and value of failure.
Why? Simply because she was once a failure too.
A few short years after her graduation from college, her worst nightmares were realized. In her words,
“I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”
Coming out of this failure stronger and more determined was the key to her success.
2. Steve Jobs
The now revolutionary Apple started off with two men in a garage. Years later we all know it as a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees.
Yet, almost unbelievably, Steve Jobs was fired from the very company he began.
The dismissal made him realize that his passion for his work exceeded the disappointment of failure. Further ventures such as NeXT and Pixar eventually led Jobs back to the CEO position at Apple. Jobs said in 2005:
“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.”
Lost your job today? Keep kicking and you could be just like this guy!
3. Bill Gates
Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout. He co-owned a business called Traf-O-Data, which was a true failure.
However, skill and a passion for computer programming turned this failure into the pioneer of famous software company Microsoft, and the then 31-year-old into the world’s youngest self-made billionaire.
In his own words:
“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”
This isn’t to say that dropping out of Harvard will make you into a billionaire, but maybe that shiny degree isn’t worth as much as the drive and passion to succeed.
4. Albert Einstein
The word ‘Einstein’ is associated with intelligence and synonymous with genius. Yet it is a famous fact that the pioneer of the theory of general relativity, Albert Einstein himself, could not speak fluently until the age of nine. His rebellious nature led to expulsion from school, and he was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.
His earlier setbacks did not stop him from winning the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1921. After all, he believed that:
“Success is failure in progress.”
To this day, his research has influenced various aspects of life including culture, religion, art, and even late night TV.
Just because you haven’t achieved anything great yet, doesn’t mean you can’t be an Einstein yourself.
5. Abraham Lincoln
Failing in business in 1831, suffering a nervous breakdown in 1836, defeated in his run for president in 1856, Abraham Lincoln was no stranger to rejection and failure. Rather than taking these signs as a motivation for surrender, he refused to stop trying his best.
In this great man’s words:
“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”
Lincoln was elected in 1861 as the 16th President of the United States of America.
The amount of rejection you receive is not a defining factor. Success is still within your reach.
6. Michael Jordan
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
This quote by retired basketball legend Michael Jordan in a Nike advertisement speaks for itself.
It would be an easy misconception that Jordan’s basketball skills revolve around natural talent. In fact, in his earlier years, basketball coaches had trouble looking past the fact that Jordan didn’t reach the minimum height. It was years of effort, practice, and failure that made the star we know today.
7. Steven Spielberg
Regarded as one of the most influential filmmakers of all time, Steven Spielberg is a familiar household name. It is surprising to realize therefore that the genius behind Jaws and E.T. had poor grades in high school, getting him rejected from the University of Southern California three times.
While he was in college, he caught the eye of executives at Universal, who signed him as a television director in 1969. This meant that he would not finish his college degree for another 33 years.
Perseverance and acceptance of failure is the key to success, after all.
“Even though I get older, what I do never gets old, and that’s what I think keeps me hungry.”
Bad grades in high school aside, there is no questioning the genius involved.
To date, Spielberg has directed 51 films and has been awarded three Oscars.
8. Walt Disney
Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney dropped out of school at a young age in a failed attempt at joining the army. One of his earlier ventures, Laugh-o-Gram Studios, went bankrupt due to his lack of ability to run a successful business. He was once fired from a Missouri newspaper for “not being creative enough.”
Yet today, The genius behind Disney studios is responsible for generations of childhood memories and dreams. From Snow White to Frozen, Disney will continue to entertain the world for generations to come.
The logic behind this is simple:
“We don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
9. Vincent Van Gogh
During his lifetime, Vincent Van Gogh suffered mental illness, failed relationships, and committed suicide at the age of 37.
He only ever sold one painting in his life, pinning him a failure as an artist. However that did not put a damper on his enthusiasm and passion for art.
He would never know that years and years after his death he would become known as a key figure in the world of post-impressionism, and ultimately, one of the greatest artist that ever lived.
He would never know that he became a hot topic in art classes and his image was going to be used in TV, books and other forms of popular culture.
In the words of this great, but tragic man:
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”
10. Stephen King
As a paranoid, troubled child, tormented by nightmares and raised in poverty, it is no surprise that Stephen King grew up to the title: “Master of Horror”.
An addiction to drugs and alcohol were his mechanisms to cope with the unhappiness he felt with his life. The frustration he felt towards multiple rejections by publishers in combination with illicit substances caused him to mentally contemplate violence towards his own children.
These intense emotions were those that he focused onto his writing. And that’s why he said:
“We make up horros to help us cope with the real ones.”
Writing became his new coping mechanism, and this is how the master author we know today grew to success.
Fail more often in order to succeed
Like Albert Einstein said, failure really is just success in progress. If you’d rather not to fail, you will probably never succeed.
Success comes from moments of frustrations when you’ll be most uncomfortable with. But after you’ve gone through all those bitter times, you’ll become stronger and you’ll get closer to success.
Don’t be afraid to fail. In fact, start failing, and start failing often; that’s how you will succeed.
Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com
|||^||Harvard Magazine: The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination|
|||^||Money Watch: Celebs who went from failures to success stories|
|||^||Biography Online: Walt Disney Biography|
|||^||Mail Online: Stephen King’s Real Horror Story: How the novelist’s addiction to drink and drugs nearly killed him|