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Simple Mindsets That Can Make You Calm And Happy Every Day

Simple Mindsets That Can Make You Calm And Happy Every Day

Our mindset influences every single aspect of our life, so it’s important to be conscious of how we’re thinking and what we believe about the world. With the right kind of mindset, you can reduce your stress levels, increase the number of positive emotions you feel, and feel more fulfilled with yourself and your life. Here are six mindsets that can help you feel more calm and happy:

1. Cultivate gratitude for what you have (rather than focusing on what you don’t)

An unfortunate side effect of the way our brains have evolved is that we are drawn to focus more on the negative than the positive. This has been necessary for our survival, but a biased focus on the negative in our daily life can dramatically affect our experience of life and our mood.

Luckily for us, thought patterns are like habits and we can gradually change them. Make sure that you’re paying as much attention to all the positive things that are happening in your life as you are to any negatives.

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2. Adopt a growth mindset

In her book Mindset, psychologist Carol Dweck talks about the fixed mindset versus the growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe personality traits like intelligence are fixed. They tend to think they’re either good at something or not, and to give up easily when challenged. They take failure personally and can find other people’s success intimidating or threatening.

People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, relish a challenge and persevere through frustration. They believe in people’s capacities to learn new skills and recognize the value of hard work. Someone with a growth mindset generally feels happier and calmer because they focus on the things they can control. They have a greater sense of freedom and achieve more than people with fixed mindsets.

3. Prioritise connection over validation

Fear of what other people think of us is a common worry and stressor. When we feel this fear, we tend to hide or adjust parts of ourselves so we become who we think the other person wants to see — so we can get validation from them. Even if they offer us validation, however, it tends to feel empty because we know deep down that the person they’re validating isn’t really us. It’s who we’re pretending to be.

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We can remove ourselves from this game entirely by going into conversations and interactions prioritizing connections over seeking validation. When we do this, we are less focused on whether or not the person likes us, and more focused on truly getting to know them.

4. Assume the best

Due to the negative bias mentioned above, we tend to jump to negative assumptions about other people, which can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.

Be generous with your assumptions about other people. Until they’ve demonstrated otherwise, assume the best about their words, intentions, and actions.

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5. Remember that other people’s choices do not affect whether or not you are enough in your own life

With social media, blogs, and other online media, it’s easier than ever to fall into the comparison trap. We see the edited highlights of other people’s lives online and start comparing our own behind-the-scenes to their Pinterest-perfect images.

The truth is that it doesn’t matter how other people are living their lives. What really matters is whether you are living your own life in alignment with your values, goals, and priorities. Remember that where other people go on holiday, how they look, or how successful they are has zero impact on whether you are the kind of person you want to be.

6. Dwell in possibility

Instead of shutting down dreams and ideas with thoughts like “I can’t” or “It will never work,” start asking yourself possibility-filled questions instead. Turn beliefs like “I can’t” into questions like “How can I?” and negative self-talk like “It will never work” into thought experiments like “How could this work?”

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The shift from internal statement to question is subtle but it helps us dwell in a place of possibility and opens up new doors and opportunities that we previously couldn’t see.

Featured photo credit: Alex Evans room via flickr.com

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Hannah Braime

Hannah is a coach who believes the world is a richer place when we have the courage to be fully self-expressed.

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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