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Facebook is Everywhere: Even in Your Divorce

Facebook is Everywhere: Even in Your Divorce

When a private investigator failed repeatedly to deliver a divorce summons to her husband, nurse Ellanora Baidoo asked the judge if she could get the job done via Facebook. Avoiding being served papers has been a common way to delay or stop a legal action and one that Baidoo’s husband, Victor Sena Blood-Dzraku, appeared to be employing.

When a process server is unable to contact a defendant, laws state that notice must be left at a last-known address or published in the newspaper. These two methods do not guarantee the defendant will know about the legal action, and he or she could use that in court to proclaim innocence.

The Manhattan judge who ruled in the wife’s favor explained, “The past decade has also seen the advent and ascendancy of social media . . . the next frontier in developing law of the service of process over the Internet is the use of social media sites as forums through which a summons can be delivered.” In England, serving court documents via Facebook has been accepted since 2012.

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Social Media and Infidelity

Facebook: The Virtual Pick-Up Lounge that’s Always Open

Convenient process serving isn’t the only way Facebook has been impacting modern divorce. According to Pew Study Research Center study, the Internet and American Life, one in five adults uses Facebook to flirt.  Fast-forward from that first innocent-seeming innuendo to a co-worker and it’s no surprise one-third of divorce petitions in the UK mentioned Facebook.

A 2015 study of 2,000 British citizens found one in seven respondents considered divorce because of their partner’s inappropriate activity on Facebook and other social media channels. The study also found that 25% had at least one argument a week related to social media use and 17% fought about it every day. In a chilling finding, 58% of respondents reported that they knew their partner’s passwords, either with or without the partner’s knowledge. Clearly, for a significant proportion of couples, Facebook detracts from rather than adds to their primary relationship.

Not surprising, American couples behave similarly to those across the pond. A survey conducted by American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported 81% of attorneys had seen an increase in mentions of Facebook and other social media networks in divorce petitions. The issues can be endless.

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Specific Facebook-related reasons for divorce mentioned in petitions include:

  • inappropriate messages
  • separated spouses posting nasty comments about each other
  • Facebook friends reporting spouses’ bad behavior

Couples worldwide haven’t yet grasped the impact of Facebook on their marriage. National Sleep Foundation studies reveal that 95% of Americans use electronic devices within one hour of bedtime. We’re combining activity on iPhones and iPads with slightly more passive television viewing as we multi-task. While the habit may have started innocently, Facebook updates and friend requests quickly lure us away from checking on family across the country or searching for a great restaurant for couples’ night for the upcoming weekend.

When Facebook Documents Too Much Evidence

Facebooking Illegal and Inappropriate Activity

Judges are allowing documents to be served via Facebook, and they use updates, profiles, friend connections and more from the channel as well. Petitioners and defendants trying to support their claims often find themselves undone by Facebook evidence.

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Some examples of real evidence attorneys have presented or face include:

  • a selfie photo of a marijuana-denying mother smoking a joint
  • a match.com profile of a custody-seeking man claiming he has no children
  • statements in updates and profiles that indicate personality disorders and anger issues

Once it’s on the Internet, it’s there forever.

Facebook Dos and Don’ts during Divorce

Don’t post while tired, emotionally overwrought or drinking

While Facebook can feel like a forum of friends to whom you turn for sympathy and support, it can have more negative impacts. Extreme emotion, fatigue and alcohol render reality in all kinds of exaggerated shapes and colors. Do yourself a favor and find another way to vent when in these conditions.

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Instead of venting your frustrations on your social media, use your social network to relieve stress. Get together in person with friends rather than connect with people via social media. Consider divorce support groups where people experiencing the same issues and feelings can lean on each other.

Consider, too, that messages posted to your wall may evoke sympathy and support from SOME friends, but don’t forget that you’re sending these to acquaintances and friends of friends as well. The majority may stay silent, but they will judge nonetheless. They may not see the situation as you do.

Turn off location-indicators

If you “check-in” at bars, concerts or other venues that will render a reaction in an ex and his or her friends, life becomes fraught with even more conflict. A screenshot of this “check-in” could appear in court, putting you in a poorer negotiating position for alimony, child support and custody.

Consider Unfriending Some

If you’ve had a Facebook account for over three years, you probably still have connections there you don’t even remember friending. Some of these people may take your ex-spouse’s side in the divorce. Even if they strive to stay neutral, it may be the time to review and strategically cut a few. You can send a polite message apologizing and remarking that you feel uncomfortable with the Facebook connection at this time.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Leuthard via flickr.com

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Peter Mueller

Founder of Father's Rights Law Center

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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