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15 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Multiple Sclerosis

15 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Multiple Sclerosis

Has someone important to you been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS)?  This disease can be hard for patients — as well as their family and friends — to live with.  Here are some important things to remember if you love someone with this disease.

1. They Value Their Independence

Many MS patients, as the diseases progresses, can have problems with muscle control and mobility — and everyday tasks like preparing a meal, walking or going to the bathroom can become a challenge.  But they want to maintain their independence and do for themselves for as long as they possibly can.  It is an important part of their dignity.

2. They Live in Hope

MS is a progressive disease and there is no cure for it. However, they do have hope that this might change.  And research is underway around the world to help find eventually find a cure for this difficult disease. And in the meantime, new MS treatments are offering the hope for a better quality of life.

3. They Want to be Acknowledged

As the MS advances, many patients will often become confined to a wheelchair and may have difficulty speaking and some short term memory loss. Oftentimes, other people will feel uncomfortable about this and talk to relatives or doctors as though the patient is not there. People with MS want to be acknowledged and spoken to directly: their IQ is not affected by this disease and they want to be able to communicate just like everyone else.

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4. They are Not Helpless

People with MS can be empowered to take control of managing their disease through many lifestyle choices.  Diet, for instance, can play an important role in MS management and although it cannot cure the disease, it can help with the health of the immune system and the body in general.

5. They are Not Alone

Over 2.5 million people all around the world live with multiple sclerosis every day.  There are 400,000 in the United States alone and around 200 new people are diagnosed with this disease each week.  Because of its prevalence, there are MS support groups all over the country and many people find that joining a support group and getting connected with other who also struggle with this disease is emotionally helpful.

6. They Have Choices

Many patients with MS are choosing the route of complementary and alternative medicines to help manage with condition. Some will do this along with traditional treatments and some in place of them.  These alternatives include herbal therapy, acupuncture and massage therapy, among others.

7. They Do Not All Have the Same Signs and Symptoms

Multiple sclerosis is not a “one size fits all” disease!  It is different for each person who experiences it. There are four types of multiple sclerosis and each one can be mild, moderate or severe.  Not all people with MS will wind up with walkers or wheelchairs.  Not all will have vision or memory problems, either.

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8. They Do Not Have a Fatal Disease

Multiple sclerosis is not considered to be a fatal disease. The life expectancy of someone with MS is only 5-10 years less than that of the general population and with new treatments and better understanding of the disease, even that gap is beginning to close. It is important to note, however, that some complications from MS, like pneumonia, can become life-threatening.

9. They have the Same Interests as Everyone Else

People with MS enjoying going out to eat with friends, visiting a park or museum or going to a place of worship — in short, they have much the same interests as everyone else!  While it can take more planning and preparation to do these things with MS, it is still possible and still an enjoyable experience to get out and live life as fully as possible.

10. They Like to Be Active

Don’t assume that because someone has to use a walker or a wheelchair that they have to “rest” or “take it easy” all the time.  Even as the disease progresses, exercise within reason is considered to be beneficial for MS patients and activity in general can help to keep to boost the immune system and help with symptoms like depression.

11. They Can Struggle with Depression

Because multiple sclerosis can lead to a loss of independence as the diseases progresses and because this disease has no cure, people with MS can struggle with feelings of depression.  It is important to talk to the doctor about these feelings and seek therapy and/or medications — but loving support from family and friends can really help them, too.

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12. They Can Have Vision Problems, Too

Multiple sclerosis affects nerves throughout the body — including the optic nerve which controls vision.  As a result of this, people with MS can struggle with vision at times and have symptoms like blurred or double vision, difficulty controlling the movements of their eyes or even blindness (this is usually in just one eye and usually temporary).

13. They Might have Periods of Remission

Depending upon the type of MS a person has, they can have periods of remission, where the signs and symptoms of the disease seem to get better. This does not mean that they are cured of the disease, however, and these times should be enjoyed as a sort of reprieve when it is possible to get out and do more.  Keep in mind, though, that sooner or later, the MS symptoms will return.

14. They are Sexual Beings like Everyone Else

Even in an age of rights for the disabled, many people are uncomfortable with the idea that people with disabilities have sexual thoughts and feelings — and are capable of sexual expression.  While sex with MS can be more challenging, it is still possible for a couple to have a intimate and satisfying sex life even with this disease.  Good communication between the sexual partners is very important — just as it is in any relationship!

15. They Can Still Have Children

Women who get MS are often diagnosed in their 20’s or 30’s — when they are still of childbearing age.  And many women with this disease go on to have healthy pregnancies and give birth to healthy children — though often they must deliver by Caesarian section (C-section).  Don’t assume that because a young woman has MS that she is infertile and not interested in having children.

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So if someone you love has MS, keep these things in mind.  Because as with many chronic diseases, the loving support of family and friends is vital for emotional health and a good quality of life.

Featured photo credit: IM Free via depositphotos.com

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Brian Wu

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

Reference

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