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How To Stop Self-Blaming And Start Forgiving Yourself

How To Stop Self-Blaming And Start Forgiving Yourself

Everybody makes mistakes. It’s a cliche that you may or may not believe, but it’s true. You might look at a success story and say, “Well what about him? He does everything right.” That’s definitely not true. The difference is, successful people have stopped blaming themselves for mistakes. They move past their mistakes in order to move forward in life. Dwelling on a bad decision will only serve to exacerbate the negative feelings you have toward yourself. It may be tough, but in order to get where you want to be, you have to start forgiving yourself.

1. Take responsibility, don’t place blame

When you take responsibility for your actions, you accept that you made a mistake. Don’t try to shift the blame onto others. It takes a strong-willed person to admit they made a mistake, and it needs to be done in order to clear your conscious. If you don’t accept responsibility, you run the risk of having others blame you relentlessly throughout your life. By accepting responsibility, you make it clear that you were wrong and now want to work toward bettering yourself.

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2. Love yourself

When you blame yourself, you cast yourself in a negative light. When you accept responsibility for your actions, you are able to focus on your positive traits (responsibility being one of them). Be kind to yourself. Be realistic about your shortcomings, but also about your strengths as well. By doing so, you can focus on strengthening your weaknesses, while also supplementing the positive aspects of your personality.

3. Seek out help

There’s a misconception that seeking mental help is a sign of weakness. This is definitely untrue. In fact, deciding to see a therapist is a sign that you want to get better. Don’t let the social stigma of seeing a mental health professional dissuade you from getting the help you need. For example, think about this parallel of going to the gym. There’s no stigma behind going to the gym, which is a way to keep your physical self in shape. Going to a therapist is simply a way of keeping your mental and spiritual health finely tuned.

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4. Help others

You undoubtedly have many talents, but if you spend your days wallowing in self-pity, you’ll never end up using them. Use your expertise to help others and give back to your community. You will feel yourself floating farther and farther away from the mistakes you have made. Start defining yourself by the charitable actions you undertake. Volunteering is also a great way to gain perspective about the world around you. It could also be a way to find your true calling in life.

5. Don’t be critical

If you’re critical of yourself, chances are you are critical of others too, perhaps without even realizing it. Judging others is a waste of your own time, which could have been spent bettering yourself in some way. Instead of judging others, look for the good in everyone you meet. Try to see things from their point of view. Furthermore, those who judge others tend to be paranoid and think that others are judging them. Let go of the idea that everyone else is out to get you, and you’ll be free to live your life to the fullest.

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6. Forgive freely

Like I said: Everyone makes mistakes. The first step toward forgiving yourself for making a mistake is to be more forgiving of others. Once you fully understand that everyone makes mistakes, you’ll be more apt to forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect — because nobody is. You just need to be the best you that you can be. This all starts with forgiving yourself and moving on with your life.

7. Learn and move on

A mistake that’s made more than once is not a mistake. If you didn’t learn the first time, don’t expect sympathy from anyone the second time you mess up. Own up to your actions, and use the experience as a stepping stone. Don’t become stagnant. Also, don’t let yourself fall into old habits. If nobody ever made mistakes, nobody would ever improve themselves. A mistake you’ve made doesn’t have to spell the end of times for you. Keep pressing forward, carrying with you the knowledge you learned throughout your toughest moments.

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Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm9.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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