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How To Stop Self-Blaming And Start Forgiving Yourself

How To Stop Self-Blaming And Start Forgiving Yourself

Everybody makes mistakes. It’s a cliche that you may or may not believe, but it’s true. You might look at a success story and say, “Well what about him? He does everything right.” That’s definitely not true. The difference is, successful people have stopped blaming themselves for mistakes. They move past their mistakes in order to move forward in life. Dwelling on a bad decision will only serve to exacerbate the negative feelings you have toward yourself. It may be tough, but in order to get where you want to be, you have to start forgiving yourself.

1. Take responsibility, don’t place blame

When you take responsibility for your actions, you accept that you made a mistake. Don’t try to shift the blame onto others. It takes a strong-willed person to admit they made a mistake, and it needs to be done in order to clear your conscious. If you don’t accept responsibility, you run the risk of having others blame you relentlessly throughout your life. By accepting responsibility, you make it clear that you were wrong and now want to work toward bettering yourself.

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2. Love yourself

When you blame yourself, you cast yourself in a negative light. When you accept responsibility for your actions, you are able to focus on your positive traits (responsibility being one of them). Be kind to yourself. Be realistic about your shortcomings, but also about your strengths as well. By doing so, you can focus on strengthening your weaknesses, while also supplementing the positive aspects of your personality.

3. Seek out help

There’s a misconception that seeking mental help is a sign of weakness. This is definitely untrue. In fact, deciding to see a therapist is a sign that you want to get better. Don’t let the social stigma of seeing a mental health professional dissuade you from getting the help you need. For example, think about this parallel of going to the gym. There’s no stigma behind going to the gym, which is a way to keep your physical self in shape. Going to a therapist is simply a way of keeping your mental and spiritual health finely tuned.

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4. Help others

You undoubtedly have many talents, but if you spend your days wallowing in self-pity, you’ll never end up using them. Use your expertise to help others and give back to your community. You will feel yourself floating farther and farther away from the mistakes you have made. Start defining yourself by the charitable actions you undertake. Volunteering is also a great way to gain perspective about the world around you. It could also be a way to find your true calling in life.

5. Don’t be critical

If you’re critical of yourself, chances are you are critical of others too, perhaps without even realizing it. Judging others is a waste of your own time, which could have been spent bettering yourself in some way. Instead of judging others, look for the good in everyone you meet. Try to see things from their point of view. Furthermore, those who judge others tend to be paranoid and think that others are judging them. Let go of the idea that everyone else is out to get you, and you’ll be free to live your life to the fullest.

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6. Forgive freely

Like I said: Everyone makes mistakes. The first step toward forgiving yourself for making a mistake is to be more forgiving of others. Once you fully understand that everyone makes mistakes, you’ll be more apt to forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect — because nobody is. You just need to be the best you that you can be. This all starts with forgiving yourself and moving on with your life.

7. Learn and move on

A mistake that’s made more than once is not a mistake. If you didn’t learn the first time, don’t expect sympathy from anyone the second time you mess up. Own up to your actions, and use the experience as a stepping stone. Don’t become stagnant. Also, don’t let yourself fall into old habits. If nobody ever made mistakes, nobody would ever improve themselves. A mistake you’ve made doesn’t have to spell the end of times for you. Keep pressing forward, carrying with you the knowledge you learned throughout your toughest moments.

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Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm9.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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