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How To Stop Self-Blaming And Start Forgiving Yourself

How To Stop Self-Blaming And Start Forgiving Yourself

Everybody makes mistakes. It’s a cliche that you may or may not believe, but it’s true. You might look at a success story and say, “Well what about him? He does everything right.” That’s definitely not true. The difference is, successful people have stopped blaming themselves for mistakes. They move past their mistakes in order to move forward in life. Dwelling on a bad decision will only serve to exacerbate the negative feelings you have toward yourself. It may be tough, but in order to get where you want to be, you have to start forgiving yourself.

1. Take responsibility, don’t place blame

When you take responsibility for your actions, you accept that you made a mistake. Don’t try to shift the blame onto others. It takes a strong-willed person to admit they made a mistake, and it needs to be done in order to clear your conscious. If you don’t accept responsibility, you run the risk of having others blame you relentlessly throughout your life. By accepting responsibility, you make it clear that you were wrong and now want to work toward bettering yourself.

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2. Love yourself

When you blame yourself, you cast yourself in a negative light. When you accept responsibility for your actions, you are able to focus on your positive traits (responsibility being one of them). Be kind to yourself. Be realistic about your shortcomings, but also about your strengths as well. By doing so, you can focus on strengthening your weaknesses, while also supplementing the positive aspects of your personality.

3. Seek out help

There’s a misconception that seeking mental help is a sign of weakness. This is definitely untrue. In fact, deciding to see a therapist is a sign that you want to get better. Don’t let the social stigma of seeing a mental health professional dissuade you from getting the help you need. For example, think about this parallel of going to the gym. There’s no stigma behind going to the gym, which is a way to keep your physical self in shape. Going to a therapist is simply a way of keeping your mental and spiritual health finely tuned.

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4. Help others

You undoubtedly have many talents, but if you spend your days wallowing in self-pity, you’ll never end up using them. Use your expertise to help others and give back to your community. You will feel yourself floating farther and farther away from the mistakes you have made. Start defining yourself by the charitable actions you undertake. Volunteering is also a great way to gain perspective about the world around you. It could also be a way to find your true calling in life.

5. Don’t be critical

If you’re critical of yourself, chances are you are critical of others too, perhaps without even realizing it. Judging others is a waste of your own time, which could have been spent bettering yourself in some way. Instead of judging others, look for the good in everyone you meet. Try to see things from their point of view. Furthermore, those who judge others tend to be paranoid and think that others are judging them. Let go of the idea that everyone else is out to get you, and you’ll be free to live your life to the fullest.

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6. Forgive freely

Like I said: Everyone makes mistakes. The first step toward forgiving yourself for making a mistake is to be more forgiving of others. Once you fully understand that everyone makes mistakes, you’ll be more apt to forgive yourself. You don’t have to be perfect — because nobody is. You just need to be the best you that you can be. This all starts with forgiving yourself and moving on with your life.

7. Learn and move on

A mistake that’s made more than once is not a mistake. If you didn’t learn the first time, don’t expect sympathy from anyone the second time you mess up. Own up to your actions, and use the experience as a stepping stone. Don’t become stagnant. Also, don’t let yourself fall into old habits. If nobody ever made mistakes, nobody would ever improve themselves. A mistake you’ve made doesn’t have to spell the end of times for you. Keep pressing forward, carrying with you the knowledge you learned throughout your toughest moments.

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Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm9.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on October 6, 2020

15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

Highly confident people believe in their ability to achieve. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else put their faith in you? To walk with swagger and improve your self-confidence, watch out for these fifteen things highly confident people don’t do.

And if you want to know the difference between an arrogant person and a confident person, watch this video first:

 

1. They don’t make excuses.

Highly confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; they were late. They don’t excuse their short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; they make the time and they keep on improving until they are good enough.

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2. They don’t avoid doing the scary thing.

Highly confident people don’t let fear dominate their lives. They know that the things they are afraid of doing are often the very same things that they need to do in order to evolve into the person they are meant to be.

3. They don’t live in a bubble of comfort.

Highly confident people avoid the comfort zone, because they know this is a place where dreams die. They actively pursue a feeling of discomfort, because they know stretching themselves is mandatory for their success.

4. They don’t put things off until next week.

Highly confident people know that a good plan executed today is better than a great plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear of change. They take action here, now, today – because that’s where progress happens.

5. They don’t obsess over the opinions of others.

Highly confident people don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While they do care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world, they don’t get caught up in negative opinions that they can’t do anything about. They know that their true friends will accept them as they are, and they don’t concern themselves with the rest.

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6. They don’t judge people.

Highly confident people have no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. They don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. They are so comfortable in who they are that they feel no need to look down on other people.

7. They don’t let lack of resources stop them.

Highly confident people can make use of whatever resources they have, no matter how big or small. They know that all things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. They don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.

8. They don’t make comparisons.

Highly confident people know that they are not competing with any other person. They compete with no other individual except the person they were yesterday. They know that every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.

9. They don’t find joy in people-pleasing.

Highly confident people have no interest in pleasing every person they meet. They are aware that not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.

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10. They don’t need constant reassurance.

Highly confident people aren’t in need of hand-holding. They know that life isn’t fair and things won’t always go their way. While they can’t control every event in their life, they focus on their power to react in a positive way that moves them forward.

11. They don’t avoid life’s inconvenient truths.

Highly confident people confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. They know that problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. They would rather have an uncomfortable conversation with their partner today than sweep an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.

12. They don’t quit because of minor set-backs.

Highly confident people get back up every time they fall down. They know that failure is an unavoidable part of the growth process. They are like a detective, searching for clues that reveal why this approach didn’t work. After modifying their plan, they try again (but better this time).

13. They don’t require anyone’s permission to act.

Highly confident people take action without hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves, “If not me, who?”

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14. They don’t limit themselves to a small toolbox.

Highly confident people don’t limit themselves to Plan A. They make use of any and all weapons that are at their disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until they identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort.

15. They don’t blindly accept what they read on the Internet as “truth” without thinking about it.

Highly confident people don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. They look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. They maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to their lives, and forgetting about the rest. While articles like this are a fun and interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.

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