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10 Things Only People Who Love Their Career From the Heart Would Understand

10 Things Only People Who Love Their Career From the Heart Would Understand

I used to have jobs, positions where I put in my best effort and was paid in return, but who I was and what I did for a living were two disparate things. Once I had the focus and bravery to address and say out loud, “I’m a writer,” everything changed. I began doing what I love and the world became an expansive and breathtaking place.

There’s no shame in doing what you have to do to make ends meet, but getting to a point in life where you can realize and seize what you’re truly built to do is nothing short of exhilarating.

Here are some things known only by people who love their careers from the heart. And if you’re not there yet, I hope this encourages you toward achieving it.

1. You feel invigorated after a long day of work

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you’ll never feel tired again. Some days after hours of staring at the screen; dealing with the administrative aspects of entrepreneurship; graciously, yet as realistically as possible, interacting with clients regarding rates; and, oh yeah, writing, I am pooped.

But I lay down at night glowing with the satisfaction that I’ve earned this rest and that I’ve made some real strides with my day.

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2. You wake up with a sense of contentment and excitement

There have been times in life when I would feel consciousness creep over me with a sense of dread. When one day is too much like the last, or a mind-numbing row of hours lay ahead, it’s easy to get bogged down.

But when you open your eyes and your mind starts assessing what to tackle today and how you’re going to get it onto your “done” list, you feel a sense of furor that only comes when you’re using your skills to shape the career and life you’ve wanted.

3. You feel the world expanding

Your perception shifts when you find you’re validated in things you only used to vaguely dream about. You kind of always knew you could do it, but you were intimidated. You knew you had skills but didn’t know how those skills could apply to the real world.

When you find your skills clicking in real live interaction with the larger picture, and you meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise, you realize that promise is truly endless. What a thrilling feeling.

4. You feel more connected to humankind

When you make new connections and particularly when you see your work has helped people in one way or another, it reinforces the fascinating symbiotic successes we can achieve only through collaborating with others.

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This feeling is powerful and brings about a whole new level of the human experience.

5. You feel charged, rather than bummed, when it’s time to head back from a break

Everyone needs breaks. Working in beast-mode all day every day will wipe you out and hurt you in the long run. But the difference when you’re doing what you love is that breaks are nice, but getting back to it is nice too.

No sense of dread or counting down the hours ’till you can finally call it quits for the day.

Hours are tools you can’t wait to get your hands on.

6. You love it when someone asks you what you do

When someone inquires as to your career, your heart swells.

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When the words come out of your mouth, it makes sense to you, it feels right to you. In fact, if they’re interested to hear more, you could really talk their ear off about it. That’s a good sign.

7. You feel aspects of yourself come alive when you work

I’m a big believer in the fact that we all have inherent talents which are the hardware of our functioning in the world. The skills and ideas we take in allow these bits and pieces to really spark and ignite the way they were made to.

When you do what you love, you’re alive in a way you could never be otherwise.

8. You feel a deep sense of purpose

You’re driven by something other than money. You don’t punch in and out, you embrace each work day as your own. You have a reason to do what you do and it’s inextricable from who you are.

It’s a psychological principle that the harder you have to work for something, the more pleasure you get out of it. Sayonara instant gratification! Challenges are now opportunities.

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9. You feel disappointments to the core

Gone is the luxury of indifference. When you really care, your heart is on the line and the more you feel it when things go awry.

When you love what you do, it’s an extension of yourself, and there are agonizing times when that makes you incredibly vulnerable. But it’s worth it.

10. You see the future as holding promise, rather than uncertainty

You have goals that you know you can achieve. You frequently review the progress you’ve made and look to what’s next, both short-term and long-term, and your consciousness swells with potential energy.

There will be days of doubt, days of discouragement, but, all in all, your mind is on the precipice of all that is possible; just breathing it in deeply and ready.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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