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10 Enemies You May Have That Could Ruin Your Life

10 Enemies You May Have That Could Ruin Your Life

Enemies don’t always come in human form. But we pick them up, nurture them, and sometimes they stay with us forever, slowly draining away our happiness, sense of worth, and even our professional success. The good news is that, once we do identify them, we can take steps to embrace them and lovingly send them on their way. Take this little “test” and see if any of these 10 creatures are lurking about!

1. Ignoring Important Things

If there is a leak in your roof, you can choose to ignore it. But every time it rains, the leak will get worse and damage more plywood and support beams. And so it is with life’s important problems/issues. They are not going away, and the earlier you deal with them, the less you will have to deal with. Suppose, for example, you have a colleague at work or a family member who continually takes advantage of you – perhaps borrowing money or eating up your time with incessant complaining and/or drama. Ignoring these behaviors in the hopes that they will soon end is a “pipe dream.” As difficult as it may be, you need to be calm but firm. Each time there is a request for money or your time, you simply do not have it to loan or to give. Eventually, they will “move on.” When you continue to ignore issues that should be dealt with, you become resentful, irritable and angry – not good emotions and feelings to have! But when you deal with them and resolve them, you get a sense of relief, comfort, and peace – how about those feelings?

2. Envy

We can all find others who have more – more money, better relationships, more career success, and we can choose to spend our energy being envious of all that others have. And we can spend time being envious of them. There is the family in the neighborhood that always have new cars, goes on great vacations, and is just living in a “style” we covet. There is the colleague who got a promotion that we felt we deserved; there is the friend who inherited a great deal and is now living a much “larger” life. Envy, while we often don’t realize it, leads to resentment and dis-satisfaction that masks all of the great things about our own lives. This is a difficult enemy to transform, but you can do it. Begin with making a list of all that you have to be grateful for. You will find that it is quite long. How many others would envy your life? Quite a few, actually! Place signs with the word “gratitude” in easily seen places around your home – on the mirror in your bedroom, on your refrigerator – you need to remind yourself on a daily basis that you have many things that inspire gratitude. The more you focus on these, the less you will focus on what others have.

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3. Insecurity

Do you need to be in control? Do you bully others? Do you deflect compliments? Are you a people pleaser, always saying “yes” when you really want to say “no?” Do you get defensive when others provide constructive criticism or suggest that you could do something differently? These are all signs of insecurity. Insecurity is a deep-seated enemy, and “he” is hard to transform. You begin by embracing and accepting it. By holding this enemy very close, you can get to know him intimately; you can see the behaviors that are resulting from it, and you can the reverse those behaviors as they “rear up,” one by one. Those are how the habits of insecurity get changed. You are a unique person with wonderful qualities – start living those!

4. Indecisiveness

You only move forward when you make decisions. Not making decisions is paralyzing, whether it is which car to buy, which job to take, or something as simple as what color to paint a wall. This “enemy” is easy to identify, because you are simply stalled, and then you do the following:

  • You play “what if” games, as you ponder each option, and you never stop
  • You continue to ask others for their advice, and you never stop.

Here’s the thing: You are never going to make the right decision every time, and you don’t always have to be right. So ask yourself this. What is the worst that could happen if I make a wrong decision? You will have made a mistake, you will learn from it, and you will fix it as best you can. But you will survive! And start learning to trust your “gut” rather than the advice of others. Set a time limit for the decision and stick to it!

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5. Intolerance

This is an “enemy” that most people with it fail to identify. We consider ourselves to have strong opinions about things, and most often we tell ourselves that these are based upon our basic principles and values. But when we use those “strong opinions” to be judgmental of others in negative ways, we become intolerant, and intolerance can then make us rigid, unforgiving, and unwilling to accept change. When we become these things, others do not want to be around us, we stall in our careers, and we miss out on so much rich diversity that exists in this world. So, start with something small. When you next stand in a line and there is an individual ahead of or behind you who, because of his/her dress, hair color, etc., you have always judged negatively, start a simple conversation. You may be quite amazed that the young man with his pants low and underwear showing is actually personable and able to carry on a conversation! You may find that the young lady with the tattoos and piercings that you have always condemned, is quite friendly and nice. Tolerance must be practiced on a daily basis, and it makes us so much easier for others to be around!

6. Fear of Failure

This enemy is a cousin to indecisiveness, and it causes us not to take risks. Without taking risks, we may never know our full potential, and how sad is that? Without risk-taking, we stay in our rut while the rest of the world pushes forward into the unknown and the exciting. Do people fail when they take risks? Absolutely! But they learn, and they get back up much wiser for the next risk they take. So, again, start with something small. Change your hair color or style; grow a beard; accept that blind date you friend has offered. When you get used to taking risks in small ways, an amazing thing happens. You find that it can be exciting and fun (even if the blind date was a disaster, you’ll have a good laugh). You may decide that you will turn that great idea into a business. And if you fail, so what?

7. Workaholism

It’s so easy to justify 16 hour work days and working weekends. All of these tasks and projects – no one else can get them completed, and it just has to be up to you! Here’s what psychologists say about workaholics – they are compensating for lacks in other parts of their lives. So, if you are a workaholic, you have to identify that first, and then you have to identify what you lack in other parts of your life. Maybe you are avoiding relationships because you have been badly “burned.” Maybe you are afraid of “getting out there” and meeting new people or working on a social life. You must begin with an activity or hobby of some sort, if you are to slay this dragon. Force yourself to take a class; force yourself to join the “Y;” force yourself to say “yes” to the next happy hour invite; even if you cannot force social interactions yet, at least get outside, walk through a park trail and get around nature. The goal? To learn that life outside of work is not an unpleasant or scary place!

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Interesting: 11 Differences Between Busy People And Productive People

8. Impatience

Many are able to identify this enemy and its consequences, but embracing it and then changing it – well – that is quite another matter. We all have a tendency to want what we want right now. And when we don’t get that, we become frustrated, angry, and often unhappy. When people are impatient about the “things” they want, they go into debt to get them; when they want more rapid career advancement, they become more aggressive and perhaps make enemies along the way. Impatience is contagious in that it tends to carry over into all aspects of one’s life, so that the individual has a difficult waiting for even the smallest things – the coffee pot to finish percolating before getting that cup filled, the cars ahead to move faster when the light turns green, or the people in line at the checkout. Impatience creates impulsivity, frustration and even anger. Getting rid of this enemy depends upon how it manifests. If, for example, you are deep in debt because of it, you cut up those credit cards and vow to stay off of shopping sites and out of stores. If it manifests itself in your being rushed all of the time, deliberately drive 3-5 miles under the speed limit as often as possible. Patience is a habit that is built over time, so be patient about it!

9. Insensitivity

This enemy is insidious because so often we have no idea that we exhibit insensitivity to others. We are simply used to “telling it like it is,” to verbalizing every thought that comes into our heads, and we rarely stop to consider whether what we do or say injures others. Sometimes, another person will tell you that you have been insensitive. Rather than get all defensive, make a note of it. It is probably not the first time you have heard this. And when you have offended or upset enough people in your environments, you reap the consequences. You won’t be invited to social gatherings; you won’t be asked to join co-workers for lunch. The first step in the homicide of insensitivity is to admit that you are brash, brazen, and too outspoken. The second step is to practice compliment-giving. Find something nice to say to everyone you encounter in the course of your day. Bit your tongue when you are about to spout off with some opinion. Try it for a week and the ways in which others respond to you will begin to transform. You will like what you see, so keep it up!

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10. Rumination

You can’t sleep because an incident from the day is still bothering you. You are running scenarios of it in your head, going over all of the conversation that occurred, thinking of things you could have said instead. Or you can’t sleep because you are worried about next week, or next year, of 10 years from now. You are definitely a ruminator and this enemy is stealing your time, your energy, and your happiness. So, why let him stay in your life? Can you have a “do-over” of what happened today? No. Are you psychic enough that you know what next week or next year will bring? No. The only time you can control is right now, and if you choose to spend the “now” in the past or future, you will never find contentment. So when the ruminating begins, stop yourself and say, “What should I be doing right now?” Or get your thought on something pleasant in the “now.” Is there a bird at your feeder or a child having fun outside your window? Is there that leftover pie in the fridge? Give it a try – you’ll actually be far more productive too!

Real enemies do not surrender without a fight, but you have a lot more fight and power than they do – remember that!

Featured photo credit: Michael Carian via imcreator.com

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Last Updated on May 22, 2019

The Pomodoro Technique: Is It Right for You to Boost Productivity?

The Pomodoro Technique: Is It Right for You to Boost Productivity?

If you spend any time at all researching life hacks, you’ve probably heard of the famous Pomodoro Technique.

Created in the 1980s by Francesco Cirillo, the Pomodoro Technique is one of the more popular time management life hacks used today. But this method isn’t for everyone, and for every person who is a passionate adherent of the system, there is another person who is critical of the results.

Is the Pomodoro Technique right for you? It’s a matter of personal preference. But if you are curious about the benefits of using the technique, this article will break down the basic information you will need to decide if this technique is worth trying out.

What is the Pomodoro Technique?

The Pomodoro Technique is a time management philosophy that aims to provide the user with maximum focus and creative freshness, thereby allowing them to complete projects faster with less mental fatigue.

The process is simple:

For every project throughout the day, you budget your time into short increments and take breaks periodically.

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You work for 25 minutes, then take break for five minutes.

Each 25-minute work period is called a “pomodoro”, named after the Italian word for tomato. Francesco Cirillo used a kitchen timer shaped like a tomato as his personal timer, and thus the method’s name.

After four “pomodoros” have passed, (100 minutes of work time with 15 minutes of break time) you then take a 15-20 minute break.

Every time you finish a pomodoro, you mark your progress with an “X”, and note the number of times you had the impulse to procrastinate or switch gears to work on another task for each 25-minute chunk of time.

How the Pomodoro Technique boosts your productivity

Frequent breaks keep your mind fresh and focused. According to the official Pomodoro website, the system is easy to use and you will see results very quickly:

“You will probably begin to notice a difference in your work or study process within a day or two. True mastery of the technique takes from seven to twenty days of constant use.”

If you have a large and varied to-do list, using the Pomodoro Technique can help you crank through projects faster by forcing you to adhere to strict timing.

Watching the timer wind down can spur you to wrap up your current task more quickly, and spreading a task over two or three pomodoros can keep you from getting frustrated.

The constant timing of your activities makes you more accountable for your tasks and minimizes the time you spend procrastinating.

You’ll grow to “respect the tomato”, and that can help you to better handle your workload.

Successful people who love it

Steven Sande of The Unofficial Apple Weblog is a fan of the system, and has compiled a great list of Apple-compatible Pomodoro tools.

Before he started using the technique, he said,

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“Sometimes I couldn’t figure out how to organize a single day in my calendar, simply because I would jump around to all sorts of projects and never get even one of them accomplished.”

Another proponent of the Pomodoro Technique is Sue Shellenbarger of the Wall Street Journal. Shellenbarger tried out this system along with several other similar methods for time management, and said,

“It eased my anxiety over the passing of time and also made me more efficient; refreshed by breaks, for example, I halved the total time required to fact-check a column.”

Any cons for the Pomodoro Technique?

Despite the number of Pomodoro-heads out there, the system isn’t without its critics. Colin T. Miller, a Yahoo! employee and blogger, tried using the Pomodoro Technique and had some issues:[1]

“Pomodoros are an all or nothing affair. Either you work for 25 minutes straight to mark your X or you don’t complete a pomodoro. Since marking that X is the measurable sign of progress, you start to shy away from engaging in an activity if it won’t result in an X. For instance…meetings get in the way of pomodoros. Say I have a meeting set for 4:30pm. It is currently 4:10pm, meaning I only have 20 minutes between now and the meeting…In these instances I tend to not start a pomodoro because I won’t have enough time to complete it anyway.”

Another critic is Mario Fusco, who argues that the Pomodoro Technique is…well…sort of ridiculous:[2]

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“Aren’t we really able to keep ourselves concentrated without a timer ticketing on our desk?… Have you ever seen a civil engineer using a timer to keep his concentration while working on his projects?… I think that, like any other serious professional, I can stay concentrated on what I am doing for hours… Bring back your timer to your kitchen and start working in a more professional and effective way.”

Conclusion

One of the best things about the Pomodoro Technique is that it’s free. Yeah, you can fork over some bills to get a tomato-shaped timer if you want… or you can use any timer program on your computer or phone. So even if you try it and hate it, you haven’t lost any cash.

The process isn’t ideal for every person, or in any line of work. But if you need a systematic way to tackle your daily to-do list, the Pomodoro Technique may fit your needs.

If you want to learn more about the Pomodoro Technique, check out this article: How to Make the Pomodoro Technique More Productive

Reference

[1] Aspirations of a Software Developer: A Month of the Pomodoro Technique
[2] InfoQ: A Critique of the Pomodoro Technique

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