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10 Enemies You May Have That Could Ruin Your Life

10 Enemies You May Have That Could Ruin Your Life

Enemies don’t always come in human form. But we pick them up, nurture them, and sometimes they stay with us forever, slowly draining away our happiness, sense of worth, and even our professional success. The good news is that, once we do identify them, we can take steps to embrace them and lovingly send them on their way. Take this little “test” and see if any of these 10 creatures are lurking about!

1. Ignoring Important Things

If there is a leak in your roof, you can choose to ignore it. But every time it rains, the leak will get worse and damage more plywood and support beams. And so it is with life’s important problems/issues. They are not going away, and the earlier you deal with them, the less you will have to deal with. Suppose, for example, you have a colleague at work or a family member who continually takes advantage of you – perhaps borrowing money or eating up your time with incessant complaining and/or drama. Ignoring these behaviors in the hopes that they will soon end is a “pipe dream.” As difficult as it may be, you need to be calm but firm. Each time there is a request for money or your time, you simply do not have it to loan or to give. Eventually, they will “move on.” When you continue to ignore issues that should be dealt with, you become resentful, irritable and angry – not good emotions and feelings to have! But when you deal with them and resolve them, you get a sense of relief, comfort, and peace – how about those feelings?

2. Envy

We can all find others who have more – more money, better relationships, more career success, and we can choose to spend our energy being envious of all that others have. And we can spend time being envious of them. There is the family in the neighborhood that always have new cars, goes on great vacations, and is just living in a “style” we covet. There is the colleague who got a promotion that we felt we deserved; there is the friend who inherited a great deal and is now living a much “larger” life. Envy, while we often don’t realize it, leads to resentment and dis-satisfaction that masks all of the great things about our own lives. This is a difficult enemy to transform, but you can do it. Begin with making a list of all that you have to be grateful for. You will find that it is quite long. How many others would envy your life? Quite a few, actually! Place signs with the word “gratitude” in easily seen places around your home – on the mirror in your bedroom, on your refrigerator – you need to remind yourself on a daily basis that you have many things that inspire gratitude. The more you focus on these, the less you will focus on what others have.

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3. Insecurity

Do you need to be in control? Do you bully others? Do you deflect compliments? Are you a people pleaser, always saying “yes” when you really want to say “no?” Do you get defensive when others provide constructive criticism or suggest that you could do something differently? These are all signs of insecurity. Insecurity is a deep-seated enemy, and “he” is hard to transform. You begin by embracing and accepting it. By holding this enemy very close, you can get to know him intimately; you can see the behaviors that are resulting from it, and you can the reverse those behaviors as they “rear up,” one by one. Those are how the habits of insecurity get changed. You are a unique person with wonderful qualities – start living those!

4. Indecisiveness

You only move forward when you make decisions. Not making decisions is paralyzing, whether it is which car to buy, which job to take, or something as simple as what color to paint a wall. This “enemy” is easy to identify, because you are simply stalled, and then you do the following:

  • You play “what if” games, as you ponder each option, and you never stop
  • You continue to ask others for their advice, and you never stop.

Here’s the thing: You are never going to make the right decision every time, and you don’t always have to be right. So ask yourself this. What is the worst that could happen if I make a wrong decision? You will have made a mistake, you will learn from it, and you will fix it as best you can. But you will survive! And start learning to trust your “gut” rather than the advice of others. Set a time limit for the decision and stick to it!

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5. Intolerance

This is an “enemy” that most people with it fail to identify. We consider ourselves to have strong opinions about things, and most often we tell ourselves that these are based upon our basic principles and values. But when we use those “strong opinions” to be judgmental of others in negative ways, we become intolerant, and intolerance can then make us rigid, unforgiving, and unwilling to accept change. When we become these things, others do not want to be around us, we stall in our careers, and we miss out on so much rich diversity that exists in this world. So, start with something small. When you next stand in a line and there is an individual ahead of or behind you who, because of his/her dress, hair color, etc., you have always judged negatively, start a simple conversation. You may be quite amazed that the young man with his pants low and underwear showing is actually personable and able to carry on a conversation! You may find that the young lady with the tattoos and piercings that you have always condemned, is quite friendly and nice. Tolerance must be practiced on a daily basis, and it makes us so much easier for others to be around!

6. Fear of Failure

This enemy is a cousin to indecisiveness, and it causes us not to take risks. Without taking risks, we may never know our full potential, and how sad is that? Without risk-taking, we stay in our rut while the rest of the world pushes forward into the unknown and the exciting. Do people fail when they take risks? Absolutely! But they learn, and they get back up much wiser for the next risk they take. So, again, start with something small. Change your hair color or style; grow a beard; accept that blind date you friend has offered. When you get used to taking risks in small ways, an amazing thing happens. You find that it can be exciting and fun (even if the blind date was a disaster, you’ll have a good laugh). You may decide that you will turn that great idea into a business. And if you fail, so what?

7. Workaholism

It’s so easy to justify 16 hour work days and working weekends. All of these tasks and projects – no one else can get them completed, and it just has to be up to you! Here’s what psychologists say about workaholics – they are compensating for lacks in other parts of their lives. So, if you are a workaholic, you have to identify that first, and then you have to identify what you lack in other parts of your life. Maybe you are avoiding relationships because you have been badly “burned.” Maybe you are afraid of “getting out there” and meeting new people or working on a social life. You must begin with an activity or hobby of some sort, if you are to slay this dragon. Force yourself to take a class; force yourself to join the “Y;” force yourself to say “yes” to the next happy hour invite; even if you cannot force social interactions yet, at least get outside, walk through a park trail and get around nature. The goal? To learn that life outside of work is not an unpleasant or scary place!

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Interesting: 11 Differences Between Busy People And Productive People

8. Impatience

Many are able to identify this enemy and its consequences, but embracing it and then changing it – well – that is quite another matter. We all have a tendency to want what we want right now. And when we don’t get that, we become frustrated, angry, and often unhappy. When people are impatient about the “things” they want, they go into debt to get them; when they want more rapid career advancement, they become more aggressive and perhaps make enemies along the way. Impatience is contagious in that it tends to carry over into all aspects of one’s life, so that the individual has a difficult waiting for even the smallest things – the coffee pot to finish percolating before getting that cup filled, the cars ahead to move faster when the light turns green, or the people in line at the checkout. Impatience creates impulsivity, frustration and even anger. Getting rid of this enemy depends upon how it manifests. If, for example, you are deep in debt because of it, you cut up those credit cards and vow to stay off of shopping sites and out of stores. If it manifests itself in your being rushed all of the time, deliberately drive 3-5 miles under the speed limit as often as possible. Patience is a habit that is built over time, so be patient about it!

9. Insensitivity

This enemy is insidious because so often we have no idea that we exhibit insensitivity to others. We are simply used to “telling it like it is,” to verbalizing every thought that comes into our heads, and we rarely stop to consider whether what we do or say injures others. Sometimes, another person will tell you that you have been insensitive. Rather than get all defensive, make a note of it. It is probably not the first time you have heard this. And when you have offended or upset enough people in your environments, you reap the consequences. You won’t be invited to social gatherings; you won’t be asked to join co-workers for lunch. The first step in the homicide of insensitivity is to admit that you are brash, brazen, and too outspoken. The second step is to practice compliment-giving. Find something nice to say to everyone you encounter in the course of your day. Bit your tongue when you are about to spout off with some opinion. Try it for a week and the ways in which others respond to you will begin to transform. You will like what you see, so keep it up!

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10. Rumination

You can’t sleep because an incident from the day is still bothering you. You are running scenarios of it in your head, going over all of the conversation that occurred, thinking of things you could have said instead. Or you can’t sleep because you are worried about next week, or next year, of 10 years from now. You are definitely a ruminator and this enemy is stealing your time, your energy, and your happiness. So, why let him stay in your life? Can you have a “do-over” of what happened today? No. Are you psychic enough that you know what next week or next year will bring? No. The only time you can control is right now, and if you choose to spend the “now” in the past or future, you will never find contentment. So when the ruminating begins, stop yourself and say, “What should I be doing right now?” Or get your thought on something pleasant in the “now.” Is there a bird at your feeder or a child having fun outside your window? Is there that leftover pie in the fridge? Give it a try – you’ll actually be far more productive too!

Real enemies do not surrender without a fight, but you have a lot more fight and power than they do – remember that!

Featured photo credit: Michael Carian via imcreator.com

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Last Updated on May 28, 2020

9 Things Successful People Do To Always Get What They Want

9 Things Successful People Do To Always Get What They Want

One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was to take on the job of hosting my own weekly radio show. My radio show is about finding some of the most successful people in the world and bringing them on my show to ask them about what they did to become so successful in life and business.

In this article, I’m going to share with you some of the key takeaways I’ve picked up from talking to – and reading about – thought leaders from various fields about the things successful people do. Here, you can get some insights on how to get what you want.

Ready to dive in? Let’s go.

1. They Know What They Want

The first and most important thing that successful people do to always get what they want is so simple that most people forget about it: they figure out what they actually want.

When you know what you want, you will also know how to get what you want. If you’re unsure about what you want in life and business, I’d suggest picking up some career and self-improvement books to help you gain some clarity and focus.

2. They Are Assertive

Successful people know that they need to be both bold and sincere. Balancing these two characteristics is the essence of assertiveness.

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Oh, and by the way – being assertive is not a natural talent someone is born with. Assertiveness is a learned skill and anyone can do it, including you!

3. They Learn

You may have heard of the old saying, “great leaders are readers”. For the most part, I’d say this is true.

Let me give you an example. On my radio show, I regularly ask successful people about their habits that lead to success. Do you want to know something really neat? Every single one of them reads books.

Successful people read and learn as much as they can about what they want so that they can get what they want. If you’re curious about how to get what you want, then start reading a book. If you’re low on time, subscribe to a book summary site to get the core concepts of the books in your industry quickly.

4. They Make Things Meaningful

One of the most powerful things successful people do to always get what they want is that they make things meaningful. That is, they ensure that whatever endeavor they decide to embark upon is meaningful to them (and not necessarily to anyone else). They know and understand that it’s only worth it if it matters.

5. They Ask

One big thing that successful people always do to get what they want is this: they ask.

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Most people are too shy to ask for what they really want. If you are too shy to ask, you may never know how to get what you want. So, don’t be like most people.

Here’s an exercise you can do to get over it: next time you’re buying something, regardless of what it is, ask for a discount. Just do it. The worst-case scenario is that you’ll get a chuckle from the Barrista at Starbucks. The best-case scenario is that you’ll get comfortable with negotiating when it’s time to buy your next car.

6. They Take Action

Insight without action is useless. Successful people know that to always get what they want, they’ve got to take massive action.

One of the most powerful exercises I’ve ever discovered is this: never leave the sight of a goal without taking some kind of action towards its achievement. In other words, as soon as you decide you want something or as soon as you set a goal of some kind, do something – anything – that shifts you closer towards getting it.

7. They Use Their Time Wisely

Have you ever heard of NET time? It stands for “No Extra Time”.

For example: when you’re driving and sitting in traffic, are you listening to Mylie Cyrus? Or are you listening to an audiobook?

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Successful people take NET time seriously. Get yourself some audiobook so you can start listening to the best business and self-improvement books available – all while you’re on your way to work in the morning.

8. They Choose to Lead

You don’t need to have formal authority to become a leader. You just need to choose yourself. All successful people know this, and so should you. Knowing how to get what you want requires knowing how to lead the way for others and yourself.

Don’t wait for anyone else to do it, because the truth is that most people want to be led anyway. So, just step up and claim authority. Be the leader you wish you always had.

9. They Contribute

Successful people know that to get what they want, they have to be willing to help other people get what they want.

What happens when you stop doing your job? What happens when you stop caring about your schoolwork? What happens when you become emotionally disconnected from a relationship?

You suffer – that’s what happens. Successful people know and understand that in order to succeed, they need to contribute. They need to add value to the lives of others. They need to do their best so that they can become the best.

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So, Now What?

I hope this article has re-ignited the fire that you already had within you to be successful at any endeavor. The reason why I’m stressing the fact that you’ve already got everything you need to succeed and get what you want is that you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t already motivated to be successful.

At the end of the day, however, all the insights in the world are worth nothing unless you combine them with action. When it’s all said and done, it’s your decision what you do with this list and how you apply it to your life and career.

But if I may, here’s what I would suggest you consider as you get started doing the things to help you succeed:

Review this list of the 9 things successful people do to always get what they want and then compare it with where you currently are at each one of these 9 things. Rate yourself in each one of the 9 things. Next, pick just ONE of them to work on every week.

For example, if you find that you’d like to learn more about the business side of the company you work for, then go read the best business books to help you do that.

Never stop learning. Always feed your mind with the knowledge you need to become as successful as possible within your area or industry. It doesn’t matter how busy you are. We’re all busy. Make the time to expand your knowledge.

And remember: every key learning should be immediately followed with action.

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Featured photo credit: Austin Distel via unsplash.com

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