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8 Struggles Only Introverted Parents Would Understand

8 Struggles Only Introverted Parents Would Understand

Whether you are a parent or not, if you openly declare yourself to be an introvert, you are likely to come across extroverts who will tell you that you are not an introvert. They tell you that the things you feel are the same as everyone else feels. They don’t really get it. Sorry extroverts, but you don’t. Nobody is 100% introverted or extroverted of course, it’s a scale. We can all exhibit traits of both at different times, but almost all of us will be predominantly more one way than the other.

One of the key differences is that introverts get their energy from being alone, and extroverts get their’s from being around people. That doesn’t mean that introverts never enjoy being with others, or that extroverts never want to be alone, it’s just about what we need in order to recharge. The manifestation is that introverts are more likely to feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations than extroverts.

When we understand the differences, it becomes clear that there are certain struggles which are going to be more pronounced for introverted parents.

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1. We lose our alone time

Before having kids, we naturally had regular alone time. It was way easier to factor it in, but from the moment baby arrives, our alone time is gone, and that can be hard. It has nothing to do with love. We love our kids more than we thought possible, but remember that as an introvert, we NEED alone time to recharge. Suddenly, that becomes much more difficult to arrange, and we feel guilty for craving it.

2. We find other parents a bit scary

We see them clustered around the school gates, or at activity drop-off and pick-up times, chatting animatedly together, and it makes us nervous. We want to join in, but we don’t know how.

3. We have to be more social than we might want

Prior to becoming parents, we might have avoided hosting parties, or taking part in lots of social events, but once the kids arrive we have to step up. We’re happy to do it for them because we love seeing them enjoy it. We know that socializing is an important part of their development, but that doesn’t stop us from experiencing varying levels of anxiety as the event day approaches.

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4. We worry that our kids will miss out on invitations

This applies less and less the older they get, but when kids are smaller, it is mainly the parents that decide who to invite to play-dates and parties. Understandably, those early invitations will often go to the kids of parents they have interacted with. Therefore, we worry that our lack of ability to actively engage with other parents will mean our kids miss out.

5. We get misunderstood a lot

People mistake our awkwardness and lack of engagement for aloofness. They think we’re looking down on them. This obviously applies to non-parent introverts too, but it somehow becomes more pronounced once we are parents – particularly if our children are interacting with the other children and we are not really doing so with the parents. It can give the impression that we don’t approve of our child interacting with their children. Sometimes we try to just smile a lot, hoping that gives out a signal that we are friendly, but an awkward forced smile just makes it worse.

6. We feel guilty if one of our kids is introverted

Whether introversion is genetic, learned, or random, we worry that we may in some way be responsible for our child’s introversion, knowing the struggles they will have to deal with.

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7. We feel guilty if one of our kids is extroverted

Yep, there’s guilt here too. While we’re delighted for them that they are confident and outgoing, we feel guilty that we can’t always be the way they want us to be. They want us to be much more social, outgoing, and assertive like they are. They can also feel frustrated at times by our more withdrawn avoidance approach to life.

8. We find that strangers talk to us more

From the moment we have a small baby in tow (or for the moms, from the moment our tummy bump appears), we apparently send out an open invitation for anyone and everyone to talk to us. A short friendly exchange with a stranger can be pleasant (even for an introvert), but the full-on unexpected grilling and life story exchange in the supermarket checkout line can be overwhelming for an introvert.

If you are an introverted parent, can you relate to these? At least take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Rather than looking enviously at those animated extroverted parents, look around for the more withdrawn ones like yourself. Seek them out. Now you’ll both have someone to stand next to while you smile around awkwardly.

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Featured photo credit: Little Girl in Amusement Park/Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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