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10 Misconceptions About Being in Love with An Introvert

10 Misconceptions About Being in Love with An Introvert

Many writers can relate with being an introvert. So it is something I am well aware of. The problem is that sometimes it is hard for others to figure us out. When you are in love with someone, you likely want to communicate with and treat them with care. Even when you are different than the person you love, you can be there for them. You are definitely lucky to love an introvert — many people find them to be better lovers than other types of people. Here are some common misconceptions about introverts and how to deal with them:

1. They are too quiet

Introverts are not quiet, they are processing. You should be concerned about what they have to say anytime they do say something. This is because introverts like to process their thoughts and take their time in spilling out words. Give them the opportunity to say as much as they can and do not be a constant interrupter. Allow them to think things through and give you their honest opinion.

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2. They demand your attention when they speak

It is not just about listening and offering them attention when they say something you should be concerned about what they have to say and make them know this. Try repeating what they have said and letting them know that you have been paying attention. Introverts want you to listen to you and prove you listened to what they said. They don’t mean this in a rude way.

3. They want to be ignored in a group

They may feel awkward and left out when they are in a group, especially among people who they have never met before. It is always considerate when you can involve them in a group discussion and acknowledging their presence by allowing them to start a topic of interest. An introvert may not be the first to jump into to a conversation but do like being included! Without these valuable personality types, we would be living in a loud, overwhelming world.

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4. They don’t appreciate grand gestures

Introverts will prefer to spend some quiet time alone with you and get the best out of your relationship rather than take you out on a big date with so many people. A grand gesture to them is different than having a large party celebrating a promotion or visiting a crowded place. To an introvert, a loving and grand gesture just might be a quiet date where they can spend time with someone they truly love. It is not as if they are shy or timid, they just want to get the best out of what they are familiar with.

5. They always want to write down their thoughts

Some introverts want to write down their thoughts because it gives them time to really thing. One of the best things about loving an introvert are the some amazing text messages, notes, or poems from them. Many introverts love to put their words on paper or in writing rather than just spilling them out. This does not mean they can’t communicate while speaking, it just means they prefer writing in many cases. So if you are finding it difficult communicating with them verbally, just let them do some writing for you.

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6. They like to sound smart

Don’t expect directionless chattering from an introvert. This is not because they want to sound smart or show off their intelligence, it is just that they do not prefer mindless conversations.  If you are concerned about them understand that aimless discussions will only put you on a back burner. They love abstract discussions, like who is your best philosopher, what really lives on Mars, what happens when we are asleep. They rarely talk about people who don’t matter or engage in gossips. They would prefer to be alone with their minds rather than be doing such. Loving an introvert can be challenging and fun!

7. They are good problem solvers

So rather than create problems for you, they would rather be looking for solutions for you. They are analytical and think things through. They could just be given you an inspired guess when they are put on the spot.

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8. They avoid you every once in a while

Being alone allows an introvert to recharge and should not be taken as a personal affront. Whether you want it or not, an introvert will need some time alone to deal with their personalities. Introverts are often introspective and may not be good sport at certain times since they use time alone to recharge their batteries.You might get boosted by other people while they only relax by gathering their thoughts, unwinding, or reading.

9. They can come across as snobs

It is easy to term them as snobs for their introverted nature because they do not always go out of their way to talk to people. An introvert isn’t being a snob, they just have a tough time coming out of their shell. It is easier for them to keep to themselves and be more comfortable in situations where they can keep to themselves. This doesn’t mean they are snobs or feel superior to others.

10. They are shy

There is a common perception that introverts are shy. They can do well in a social gathering it just depends on the situation they are facing. It is one thing to be quiet or shy and certainly it is another to appreciate solitude. Introverts try to tap into their internal energy by being alone. Even when they are in gathering they would love to recharge their energy at some point. They are not shy, it is just that being around people at certain times can be unsuitable to their nature. Loving an introvert can be very rewarding and pays off in the long-run.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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