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20 Signs You Have The Coolest Dad In The World

20 Signs You Have The Coolest Dad In The World

I am part of Generation X, which has experiences the recession, the Tech Bust 5 and the Credit Crisis. Wages have been relatively flat the last ten years so most Generation X households have both parents working. When dads get home there is still much to be done around the house because Mom is just getting home from work too. I am not the father my Dad was. I wish I were. I am learning how to be a cool Dad in the society that exists now. There are many good messages a household with two working parents give to their children. Examples of partnership and equality, but I can’t help wish that I could stop the duties that begin after I get home to spend more time with my children. Here are things my Father did with me and I am trying to find time to do. He was a cool Dad.

To make you feel like you are the whole world to them even when you have other siblings, that is what makes a Dad cool. When all the external pressures they are under never seep into the space you occupy with them. That makes a Dad cool.  A Dad can create that for a child by doing little things all the time. As children we do have the fond memories of a few big vacations with the family. Some of those fond memories are the ones of vacations that may not have gone so smoothly. The memories we have that are the clearest however are the times that were consistent and were small gestures. In this day and age it is growing more difficult for children and parents to have those moments together. Times they can just focus on eachother. Dad may have a cell phone he is always looking down at, or the child may be the one with the phone.

Here are 20 signs that you have the coolest Dad in the world.

1. Every summer day after work he takes you to the neighborhood pool to play catch in the water.

I loved playing catch with my father and brothers. I also loved the fact that the pool was away from the house. It allowed us to really focus on eachother without any outside distractions. My Dad had a gym bag in his closet by his shoes that was always packed with balls for the pool. He would slip off his shoes and quickly change and grab the bag. Taking his kids to a pool makes them feel appreciated.

2. He wrestles with you and lets you win until you are 13…then all bets are off.  How else are you going to learn to be a man?

My Dad was perfect at “fake losing” and as we got older we realized he was no longer doing that. My Dad was strong and a good athlete, but he never competed with us. He saw any time together as quality time.

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3. He is your soccer coach even if he doesn’t want to be, and you think he wants to be.

My Dad hated being the coach. He only did it because our first coach quit out of the blue. We were a terrible team. My Dad did his best and I’ll always love and respect him for it. If a father does something selfless for his children and their friends, this is how they can tell he really cares about them.

4. He gets up at dawn to pack the car for your family vacation, and always makes every suitcase fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle or the video game tetris.

No one, and I mean no one, could pack a car like my father. A father has a duty to teach his kids life skills, even if they may seem simple, they will help his children to get along in their future.

5. He has the route to your family vacation spot memorized and doesn’t need a map.

I thought this was a special power until my third trip to California with my family. After you drive a route a few times the first of which you’re under deress you never forget your turnoffs. In many ways a dad is also a role model for his kids.

6. Before there were thermometers in cars he pressed the back of his hand to his car door window to see what the temperature was outside instead of rolling down the window creating a huricane in the car.

I once had a girl develop a crush on me in college because I did this. I swear it’s the truth. Children look up to their dads if they have smart and extraordinary ways of doing simple things.

7. He puts your homemade pen holder on his desk at work and actually uses it.

I was not artistic. He was so proud. If your dad is proud of your childish creations, he really cares about you.

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8. He will act silly infront of you like pretending to play the guitar on a tennis racket in his underwear with a child’s cowboy hat on his head.

My mother has actual photographic documentation of this. Dad’s lucky there wasn’t social media back then. Still, nothing makes a dad happier than to see his children laugh.

9. He wears a Halloween costume every Halloween.

I’ve started doing this. My kids love it. Older kids will give me a nod of approval as well. You’ve got to stay young at heart.

10. He’s the first person you shared a beer with.

It takes the mistery out of drinking. I think it helps kids not binge drink because drinking is not so forbiden.

11. He’ll drink scotch with you even though he doesn’t like scotch.

My Dad is a wine drinker. But he’ll try anything if it means we can sit on the back porch and talk longer.

12. He is proud of you and wants you to live your life and not the one he didn’t get to live.

I didn’t even know what sports my Dad played in high school until I was in high school. He also down played his major in college. Still he never made me feel bad about not persuing his career because their children’s happiness is the only that matters to a father.

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13. He teaches you to respect people and prepares you to know that you must earn respect.

My Dad was a hard worker to put food on the table. He never brought his problems home and he treated my Mom and us three boys with respect. That made it easy for us to respect him.

14. He doesn’t shave on vacations. He also knows that there is a time and a place where personal hygene is less important, like on a camping trip.

I’ve continued this tradition. It is important for kids to see that their father can let go and simply enjoy time with his family now and then.

15. If you get injured in sports or playing with your friends he tells you to “shake it off” and teaches you the difference between a “battle wound” and a serious injury.

I wish I saw more of this in kids today. My son has a few “battle wounds”. He’s tough. But it’s the responsibility of a father to teach this lesson.

16. He treats your Mom like a Queen, and is a good role model for how to treat a spouse.

My parents are true partners and respect eachother. Teaching his kids to treat women with respect is one of the most important tasks a father has.

17. He treats every failure you have as a learning experience and allows you to fail. He gives guidance but does not let it interfere with you choosing your own path.

My Dad wanted us to live our own lives and be our own persons. He used to say that my brothers and I were all very different people.

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18. He understands why you want to be dropped off 100 yards away from where you and your friends are meeting girls at the mall (or boys at the mall).

I never did this. I had a friend who would make his Grandma drop us off this way. She took it in stride. Great lady.

19. When you have a bad game or race he knows it is not the time to “coach”.

I have adopted this from my father. I know my son appreciates it. No one is harder on you than you. Nothing is as bad as you think it really is. My Dad once told me that people are concered with their own lives, they are not giving you much thought.

20. He understands what builds your relationship are the small things. The everyday moments you spend together.

The big vacations were great, but they are fading in my memory. The day to day experiences are what I remember.

Featured photo credit: http://www.wealthysinglemommy.com/ via google.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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