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8 Signs You Are An Ambivert Even If You Don’t Feel You Are

8 Signs You Are An Ambivert Even If You Don’t Feel You Are

I always hated putting labels on things, especially people, because it implies that whatever a thing or person is labeled as is set in stone. Saying someone is an introvert conjures up images of a reclusive individual who reads and talks to her cat all day, while the word “extrovert” brings to mind a party-hard, boisterous frat boy. But nobody is simply one or the other. In fact, most people probably fall in the middle of the scale, and can consider themselves ambiverts. Okay, I guess that is a label, but it’s much more fluid than either extreme. So, you might be an ambivert if:

1. You’re comfortable in a variety of social settings

In high school and college, it was always considered weird to eat alone. I never really understood that, and to be honest, I usually felt a bit uncomfortable when a classmate would come and sit by me when they saw I was sitting by myself. I understand they just didn’t want me to feel lonely or left out, but it never occurred to them that I actively sought out an empty table at which to eat a quiet lunch by myself.

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On the other hand, (in my college days, at least) I was more than happy to get a group of five or six people together and hit the bars for a night on the town. I definitely would never find myself at a bar in my college town by myself, that’s for sure. It all depends on the situation, and your current mood.

2. You have a “happy-medium” point when spending time with others

My wife is a perfect example of this. When I get together with my friends, we tend to go into overkill mode, mostly because we rarely see each other anymore. We’ll overstay our welcome at each other’s homes, or we’ll try to keep the night going even though all of us just want to go back to bed. My wife, on the other hand, is more than happy visiting friends for an hour or two, and coming back home to relax for the rest of the night. She is one of the most outgoing people I know, and makes friends quickly wherever she goes, but she also needs time to recharge and be away from even the ones she cares about the most.

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3. You stay pretty even-keel

This doesn’t mean you experience sudden mood swings, however. Ambiverts are pretty flexible, and because of that, they don’t tend to go to extremes. They won’t fly off the handle, but they also won’t sit there “stewing in their own juices” either. Ambiverts can deal with negative situations in positive ways to ensure a better outcome for all involved. Because of this, they’re often seen as leaders who can navigate bad waters, and get teams or groups through awful situations.

4. You’re a “Jack of all trades”

Ambiverts usually have a variety of talents, but often don’t specialize in just one area. Again, because you’re easily adaptable to a variety of situations, you’re often the “go-to” person when it comes to getting things done. You often get the ball rolling on projects, and are the one to seek out advice from those more knowledgeable about certain topics than yourself. Though you are the one to get everyone up out of their seat and moving, you also will take a backseat and listen to what others have to say.

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5. You enjoy meeting new people, but usually through friends

You’re not the kind of person that would just go up to someone and initiate conversation, but you’re not a misanthrope, either. You like meeting people through friends because you know there’s a better chance you have something in common. Since you don’t have to waste time on small talk, you can dive right into each other’s interests, and can spend time deep in meaningful conversation. For introverts, networking is usually a nightmare; but for ambiverts, knowing the people around you share common interests is enough to push you into the fray.

6. You wear different hats depending on the situation

You don’t just fit in at one spot. Since you’re flexible, you adjust your personality based on the situation. At a concert, you’ll be up dancing and singing with the rest of the superfans. At a bookstore, you’re more than happy to curl up in the corner with a new novel without saying a word for hours on end. At dinners with friends you can come just short of causing a scene, while on a dinner date with your girlfriend’s parents you dress well and engage in polite conversation. This doesn’t mean you’re phony: it means you understand that different settings call for different behavior, and you have the ability to adjust yourself accordingly.

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7. You balance yourself depending on who you’re with

I definitely find myself on either side of this category. When I’m with my wife, who is generally well-reserved when in public, I’m always the one doing something silly just to get a rise out of her, and make each moment as memorable as possible. On the other hand, some of my friends are the wackiest people I’ve ever met; when they get in the zone, I tend to sit back and enjoy the show. It’s always good to have a person in the group to entertain everyone else, but it’s definitely best to have someone to keep everyone grounded.

8. You often face an inner battle between fear of missing out and resting up

Some Fridays, you just want to stay home all weekend and catch up on sleep, chores, and errands. Then happy hour comes around and you wish you could split yourself in two so one side of you could get that stuff done, and the other could go out and unwind with your pals. Thinking about it, being an ambivert is the worst! You have so many needs to cover, and so little time to cover them in. Wouldn’t it be nice if you actually didn’t want to go out, and could be happy spending a weekend all by yourself without the anxious feeling that you’re missing something awesome happening?

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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