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10 Things Our Dogs Teach Us About Healthy Communication

10 Things Our Dogs Teach Us About Healthy Communication

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.- Woodrow Wilson

The Humane Society reports that approximately 47% of U.S households own at least one dog, and when we refer to the dog as man’s best friend, we mean it so sincerely that according to clinical psychologist Dr. Suzanne Phillips, we treat our dogs better than our spouses: “What is interesting in my work with couples is that although couples may disagree vehemently on most topics, they usually both soften in tone and manner to agree that the dog, cat, bird, or horse is great.” As much as we love our four-legged, furry friends, they demand a lot of responsibility; they need food, shelter, medical care, and attention, but when they chew holes in our favorite pair of high-heels or toss their biscuits all over the newly-cleaned carpet, we forgive them.

The reason why we sometimes seem to develop stronger relationships with our dogs than with the humans in our lives is so simple that we easily overlook it. Dogs operate on the Golden Rule; they treat us the way we want to be treated, and we respond in kind. Here are 10 things our dogs can teach us about healthy communication in our relationships.

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1. They don’t hold grudges

According to a recent study led by ethologist Johan Lind at Stockholm University in Sweden, dogs’ short-term memory span is approximately 27 seconds. This might explain why your dog has no recollection of that vigorous game of tug you just played fifteen minutes ago and insists on whacking you around the legs with his rope for another go at it. On the other hand, this can actually work to our advantage. No matter what we do, whether it’s coming home late from work, snapping at them for wanting to play fetch when we’d rather watch TV, or boarding them at the vet for two weeks while we go on a family vacation, they still love us. A dog will never turn his back on you or withhold a snuggle, even when every other human in the vicinity declares you to be the most unlikable person they’ve had to deal with all day. Our dogs know we aren’t perfect, and because of this, they forgive our mistakes. IF we can learn one thing from this, let it be to never let the sun set on our anger. Our dogs certainly never do.

2. They always remember to say “I love you.”

One of the things I love most about my dog is his demonstrative displays of affection; tail-wagging, nuzzling, and licking are all ways to let me know he loves me. More than this, I love that I never have to ask him for it. Not only does he forgive me for being an absolute pain in the butt (which happens more often than I feel comfortable admitting), he reminds me that, however imperfect we are, we’re always worthy of love. Never miss an opportunity to tell a friend or family member you love them. It might be said that too much of a good thing is dangerous, but if we can learn anything from our dogs, it’s that this rule doesn’t apply to love.

3. They value quality time

Does your dog jump up eagerly every time he sees his leash or his favorite fetch toy? Does he nudge his nose between your hand and the laptop keyboard as you frantically type away, racing to meet a deadline? This is his way of reminding you that sometimes, work can wait. When we take fifteen minutes to jog around the block with our dogs or throw the Frisbee in the back-yard, we should also challenge ourselves to think about how we can transfer this practice to the relationships we cultivate with other people. Take a few minutes on your lunch-break to text your best friend and ask how her day is going. Stop by your girlfriend’s apartment after work with Chinese takeout and a bottle of wine and enjoy a few hours in her company. Time with our loved ones is finite, and since we can never know how much of it we have left, it’s a luxury we can’t afford to squander.

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4. They always listen to our problems

I love those classic sitcom or movie scenes with an angst-ridden teenage girl, sitting on the porch with her Golden Retriever, asking why the boy at school whom she’s convinced is her soulmate won’t give her a second look. In response, the dog simply wags his tail and licks her face, as if to say, “Whatever. He’s an idiot. I still love you.” Your dog will never roll his eyes at you when you complain about a coworker for the tenth time or wonder why your ex still seems to have you dancing on a string. Your dog also won’t tell you to just cut the cord yourself and stop replying to his texts, because that’s not what you want to hear. He just offers his big floppy ears as a vessel for your frustrations without complaint.

Think about this the next time you find yourself serving as a sounding board for someone else’s problems. Pretend, just for a few minutes, to be your dog, as if you can do nothing but listen sympathetically and nod. (Just don’t lick anyone’s face. It probably won’t end well).

5. They’re always happy to see a friend

Whether it’s been five seconds, five minutes, or five years, our dogs always greet us with a yip and a wagging tail. This likely has to do with that so-called short-term memory problem I mentioned earlier, but again, this works in our favor. A dog treats each time he sees someone he loves as an opportunity to rejoice and reunite. Imagine how much sweeter our interpersonal relationships would be if we treated each other that way.

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6. They teach us about sharing

We share our food, our beds, and our spot on the couch with them, and never once do we complain. If we do, it’s a half-hearted complaint while the dog casually raises his head from his position in the middle of the bed, gives a look that, roughly interpreted, means “Yeah, right,” and goes back to sleep. WE share the spaces in our homes and our hearts with our dogs not under a sense of obligation, but simply because we want to. Our willingness to reach out to other people in our lives, physically and emotionally, can be just as rewarding because we have the mutually beneficial experience of sharing our resources and making a connection with someone who might one day return the favor. No one is meant to walk through life alone.

7. They force us to listen

In addition to being great listeners themselves, our dogs force us to listen in order to understand their way of communicating. The yips, the whines, the barks, and the howls are all nuances of the canine vocabulary, and we learn whether Sparky is happy, sad, frightened, or feeling threatened based on the tenor of his bark. We can similarly improve our communication with others just by listening to their tone of voice, learning to recognize shades of emotion that can help us to show more sensitivity toward one another’s feelings.

8. They teach us about trust

When we take our dogs into our homes, they simply trust that we’ll treat them with love and kindness. They trust that we’ll feed them, walk them, and care for them when they’re sick because, having been domesticated, they’ve learned to depend on humans for survival. In doing so, they hold us accountable. They remind us that we need to show others with our actions that we’re worthy of their trust and respect. I sometimes think that if people saw in me whatever my dog does, I’d have a lot more friends.

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9. They remind us of the importance of physical contact

In this increasingly technological world, virtual is something of a buzz-word, but as convenient as having the world at our fingertips can be sometimes, it also eliminates a lot of the need for human contact. Even in the digital age, our dogs crave physical touch. They need pets, belly rubs, and scratches behind the ears as affirmation of our affection, and they reward us with licks and snuggles. Texts are great, but according to the National Institute of Health, our brains crave hugs. The release of oxytocin that hugs trigger creates feelings of pleasure by lowering blood pressure and stress hormones.

10. They teach us to read body language

While dogs communicate verbally by barking, they also use body language, much as humans do, to tell us how they feel. A wagging tail might indicate happiness, while a drooping tail and ears might indicate fear or sadness. I used to have a Labrador who would pace incessantly whenever he heard a crying baby. This was his way of alerting us to something unsettling that he knew required attention.

Recognizing these signs in our dogs’ nonverbal communication is easily transferable in our human relationships as well. Noticing posture, facial expressions, or hand gestures can help us to read between the lines in our conversations and gain a deeper understanding of each other’s emotions.

Featured photo credit: Walking the Dog via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on June 3, 2020

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

What is success?

Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame?

The late Zig Ziglar was one of the most respected modern day experts on success, motivation, and leading a balanced life. In his book Born to Win!, he argues that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things. One could argue that the definition depends on the individual and that one size does not fit all[1].

Here are 19 different definitions of success. Not all of these will resonate with you, but chances are at least a few of them will. Use these or find inspiration here to create your own definition of success that can be applied to your unique life.

1. Success is always doing your best.

Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.

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2. Success is properly setting concrete goals.

Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.

3. Success is having a place to call home.

Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.

4. Success is understanding the difference between need and want.

If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.

5. Success is believing you can.

If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.

6. Success is remembering to balance work with passion.

Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great. However, even if you aren’t, you can balance your formal job with hobbies or volunteer work you’re passionate about.

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7. Success is taking care of your needs.

Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Self-care is essential if you want to have any meaningful impact on the world around you.

8. Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no.

Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.

9. Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance.

Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.

10. Success is understanding you cannot keep what you don’t give away.

You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.

11. Success is overcoming fear.

Conquering a fear makes you feel invincible. Even if it’s confronting just one small fear each week, that is certainly something to feel proud of. The bigger fears will take more time, but any work you do to overcome fear will lead to success.

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12. Success is learning something new each day.

Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.

13. Success is learning that losing a few battles can help you win a war.

Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.

14. Success is loving and being loved back.

Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.

15. Success is standing your ground when you believe in something.

Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.

16. Success is not giving up.

Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.

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17. Success is celebrating small victories.

Anytime a goal is reached or an obstacle is overcome, take time to celebrate, even if it’s something small. All goals require smaller objectives to be achieved first, so each time you complete one, take time to appreciate the work you put into it.

18. Success is never letting a disability hold you back.

Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.

19. Success is understanding that you control your destiny.

Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.

The Bottom Line

Success can be defined in many ways. If you are experiencing happiness, love, or adventure in this moment, you’ve already found success. Keep it up.

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Featured photo credit: Dino Reichmuth via unsplash.com

Reference

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