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5 Reasons You May Be Doing This Introvert Thing All Wrong

5 Reasons You May Be Doing This Introvert Thing All Wrong

So you’ve done all the quizzes, watched the talks, read the books and discovered you are in fact, an introvert. You are now well-versed, and well-positioned to begin your confident and happy life as an out and proud intro; no apologies or explanations, right? So why do you feel stuck? With all the information to hand, you’ve somehow fallen right back into the cycle of pre-self discovery and have unfortunately gone back to your closeted introvert ways. Things just aren’t falling into place, you’re more drained than ever, and no one seems to understand your needs.

Chances are, you’ve gone about this introvert thing all wrong, and you’re not alone. Many introverts have found that once the initial ‘hype’ calms down, what they’re left with is pretty much the same thing they had before they put a name to their introverted nature. But there’s still hope.

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Let’s look at a few reasons why you may be struggling, as we suggest ways to help you, and keep you introvert happy!

1. You don’t know what type of introvert you are.

Are you an extreme introvert who requires the maximum amount of solitude in order to function? Perhaps you’re a social introvert, who loves mixing it up with people, but requires the odd break in between to keep going? Or maybe you’re an Ambivert – that balance between extrovert and introvert. Either way, it’s important to find out, and focus on your own unique ‘-vert’ status. All the best introvert advice in the world will do nothing for you if you haven’t discovered where you sit on the spectrum. It just won’t fit. Discovering just how much recharging time you may actually need will begin to set you on a more peaceful, stress-free and less confusing path in understanding. Allowing you to really begin to appreciate your introverted nature.

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2. You’re still having trouble saying, “No.”

You’re still hanging out at parties way past the time you actually want to leave, still afraid you’ll look anti-social. You’re attending your third get-together this weekend because you felt pressured to do so, but you’d rather be at home, enjoying some much needed down time. Unfortunately, it’s likely you still haven’t let go of your introvert insecurities. Those insecurities that once followed you around pre-knowledge, forcing you to conform to the social ‘norms’. And saying “no” is still a problem. The difference is however, you can no longer feign ignorance of your introvert needs, as you resentfully go against all you now know, and continue to allow those earlier insecurities to dictate. The good news is, you now have the tools and information at hand to help you put a stop to the madness. So “no” more excuses!

3. You’re not carving out time to recharge.

This is a tough one for most introverts. You’ve probably spent most of your life trying to do the opposite, as to not appear rude, or weird. It’s a challenge at first, to begin requesting and actually carving out some alone time for yourself, but it is essential, and is at the heart of being an introvert; you need time-outs, to recharge and recoup so you can get right back in there and start swinging! You have to get serious about how and when you recharge – it’s totally down to you. You have to take charge on this one. There’s nothing cute about a frazzled, burnt-out introvert just trying to hold it all together.

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4. You’re focusing on the wrong things.

You’ve probably been taught most of your life to party or chat your worries away. And though this may seem like great advice, it simply doesn’t work that way for most introverts. Sure, it’ll be fun, and you won’t be thinking about your problems when you’re laughing it up with your buddies, but unlike an extrovert, introverts need that time to get away and think things through. Not least because the constant fun doesn’t mean the brain switches off. Oh no. In fact, the introvert brain is usually just as busy as the body during these rather social moments, which can be extremely exhausting when you’re trying to forget about it all, even for a few hours. This can lead to total burn out.

The solution: focus inward. What you need may not be out there, but within. Your rich inner life is a thing of wonder; tap into it. By giving yourself time to maul things over first, you’ll have a clearer head, leaving you free to have fun, and get on with life.

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5. You have people in your life who still don’t understand.

Unfortunately, such is the life of most introverts that not many people close to you will understand your new found need for alone or recharge time. They’ve known you to be the life and soul of the party, or the chatty one in the group, or someone who doesn’t mind them dropping in unannounced (gasp!). Truth is, you did all those things, partly, as a way to accommodate, while negating your own need to recharge. Now, your requests for alone time appear harsh, and friends and family feel personally slighted whenever you turn down an invite. Full disclosure is your best option here. No one likes to be left in the dark, or made to feel like they’re being left behind, so speak up.

By letting those close to you know what you need, they will in turn begin to understand, and will hopefully begin to cut you some slack. Not only will this make you feel more comfortable in your own understanding of your introvert needs, it will also help you let go of those annoying insecurities, and set you free to love being you.

That’s a happy and confident introvert all round!

Featured photo credit: Enjoying View in Adrspach Mountains/Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Patricia C. Osei-Oppong

Writer, Poet, Marketer

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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