We’ve all got that bestie for the restie. You know each other’s sleeping patterns (because you’re messaging each other every waking hour), you know each other’s allergies, and you’re the only person who knows the full story about the broken curtain on the gym shower (and the resulting indecent exposure).
But what don’t you know? What secret traits and unseen sides lie hidden beneath that persona that you know so well? Here are 20 things that will help you find out – there may be even more reasons than you realize to love your best friend.
1. Visit your best friend at work
You’re used to seeing them in leggings or sweats, with cookie crumbs on their face. But what about in a tie and white button-down, laying down the law and being all serious and powerful? It might just take you aback.
2. Live together for an extended period of time
Leave dirty dishes around the house, use the last of the shampoo, draw a territorial line on the carpet – living together will push you two to your breaking points. You’ll see those snappy red-mist moments in each other like never before. And your friendship will be the stronger for it.
3. Visit a place neither of you have ever been
Time to whack out the rucksacks, the cameras, and the sunglasses and discover a new part of the world together. Expand your horizons as one and discover a new way to hang out. And of course, no trip is complete without an obnoxious picture posted on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
4. Try the Insanity workout program together
This task comes with some fine print: You have to vow to stay by each other’s side (it may be the most difficult mission of your life). Because suffering together always brings people closer.
5. Share tapas in a public place
When you can negotiate meals and swap and share your dishes, you know you have found a true friend. Because most people are like Joey. And Joey doesn’t share food.
6. Be the big spoon after a night on the town
There’s nothing like a platonic cuddle to get you to sleep after a night of shots, tall drinks, shots, dancing, and shots. And it’s a plus to have your friend on hand for when your hair needs holding back in the toilet in the morning…
7. Attempt the impossible together
Whether this means climbing a mountain, starting a business together, or simply finishing the whole rack of ribs in TGIF, you’ll find new strengths, new weaknesses, and new glue to keep you stuck.
8. Confront your worst fears as a team
Whether your bestie drops hot tea all over their lap, or calmly finds a book heavy enough to squash the eight-eyed monster gatecrashing your evening, you’re sure to find out about the real them during times of such extreme stress.
9. Get lost on a road trip
Roof down, music up, wind in your hair – hell, this one’s just an excuse for a holiday! And getting lost is the best part, so go off-road and find new paths in each other.
10. Go clubbing together stone cold sober
Do you both still bust out those moves and drop it like it’s hot in the middle of the dance floor when you haven’t knocked back a single stiff one? Only one way to find out…
11. Double date
When you’re vetting the new lad or lady on the scene, why not vet each other while you’re at it? Does your bestie act differently on a date? Do they nibble their lettuce leaves instead of tucking into that pork pie?
12. Start a club together
Dancing, life drawing, archery – whatever floats your boat. How is your bestie with an arrow? How are they when they lose? Meet the sweaty, tackling, red-faced version of your best friend and learn a hell of a lot about their competitive streak.
13. No texting for a week
Can you make it through? It might be worth it to see your friend in the real rather than the virtual. See how excited you are when you meet up and have ALL of the things to talk about!
14. Buy a pet together
Whether it’s a fish or a donkey, enjoy mothering something cute and fluffy and watch the parental urges come to the fore.
15. Spend a night in jail together
Inadvisable, but definitely perspective-changing.
16. Write a song together
Get those creative juices flowing and who knows where they could take you – record deals, overnight fame, or perhaps just to a better understanding of each others’ sensitive souls.
17. Write a book together
You really want to know those deep, dark, weird spaces of your best friend’s mind? Brainstorm the perfect story and watch it wind out of control as you create your masterpiece together.
18. Have that raging argument that’s been building for weeks
Let off some steam and let it all out in the open – you’ll both feel the better for it, and you’ll unleash some tensions while resolving some issues. And of course you’ll bounce right back.
19. Witness your best friend brush their teeth
You’ll never look at them the same way again. It’s an intimate moment – all that frothing and spitting. And it’s a great look into the domestic life of your bestie.
20. Be there to watch them grow up and grow old
You’re best friends. You’ve seen it all. You’ve been there for each other. So stay there. Right to the end.
You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.
Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:
1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically
According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.
“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor
Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:
If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.
If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.
Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:
Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.
Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.
To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.
Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.
Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.
Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.
Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.
Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:
2. Focus on your goal
One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.
Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’
Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.
Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.
If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.
3. Convert negativity to positivity
There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?
‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’
It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.
Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”
Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.
Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:
4. Understand your content
Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.
However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.
“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor
Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.
Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.
One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.
5. Practice makes perfect
Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.
In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.
Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!
6. Be authentic
There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.
Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.
Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.
To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.
With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.
Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:
7. Post speech evaluation
Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.
Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation
We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.
You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.
Improve your next speech
As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:
How did I do?
Are there any areas for improvement?
Did I sound or look stressed?
Did I stumble on my words? Why?
Was I saying “um” too often?
How was the flow of the speech?
Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.
If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too: