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24 Funny Things to Tweet When You’re Out of Ideas

24 Funny Things to Tweet When You’re Out of Ideas

Twitter is a very handy social media outlet that can be used to expand your audience and help you make some friends. Try to think of tweets that you would want to read or tweets that you would share with your own followers in order to get the biggest bang out of each 140 character string of words. Try to stick with safe and relatable humor for the best response. You do not want to turn people off with crude humor, especially if you are representing a business or brand.

Let’s face it: sometimes, it can be a challenge to keep your Twitter account exciting and fun. Here are some ideas of funny things to tweet when you’re out of ideas.

Funny one-liners.

Quick and funny tweets are always winners on Twitter. Here are some examples:

1. 43 percent of statistics are made up.

2. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

3. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

4. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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5. Borrow money from a pessimist–they don’t expect it back.

6. Always remember that you are unique–just like everyone else.

Something funny or ironic to think about.

There are many questions that can’t really be answered, but are intriguing. Asking questions or making statements about them will surely get a response from your followers. Some possible tweets include:

7. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

8. All generalizations are false.

9. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Sad but true statements.

Struggles in life are relatable. When you point them out with a little humor, you are sure to get responses and many shares. Basically, if something is bugging you, try to think of something funny about the situation. Here are some examples:

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10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

12. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

13. Gravity always gets me down.

14. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

15. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

16. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

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Oxymoron statements.

Statements or complaints that include oxymorons and make you do a double-take are always winners. Some examples include:

17. Ask me about my vow of silence.

18. The word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary.

19. Honk if you like peace and quiet.

Daily life commentary.

People respond best to things they can relate to, so any and all comments about daily life are a great way to get re-tweets. Some examples include:

20. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

21. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

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22. Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”

23. Go 3 days without your favorite thing. Then go 3 days without sleep. It turns out sleep is actually your favorite thing.

24. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Bonus idea:

Some ecards.com

If you have not heard of someecards.com, you should definitely head over there. These funny photos and statements can be shared on Twitter with the click of a button and are sure to get a response.

Share your favorite articles, recipes, photos and more.

Many websites nowadays have share buttons so you can share the love (like the lovely button you see on the left..hint hint). Followers appreciate being presented with interesting articles and new websites to check out.

Remember, in order to expand your network on Twitter, share funny and relatable information or nuggets of wisdom/knowledge. Now get to tweeting!

More by this author

Amanda DeWitt

Writer. Photographer. Instagrammer. Future Educator.

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Last Updated on February 15, 2019

7 Tools to Help Keep Track of Goals and Habits Effectively

7 Tools to Help Keep Track of Goals and Habits Effectively

Now that 2011 is well underway and most people have fallen off the bandwagon when it comes to their New Year’s resolutions (myself included), it’s a good time to step back and take an honest look at our habits and the goals that we want to achieve.

Something that I have learned over the past few years is that if you track something, be it your eating habits, exercise, writing time, work time, etc. you become aware of the reality of the situation. This is why most diet gurus tell you to track what you eat for a week so you have an awareness of the of how you really eat before you start your diet and exercise regimen.

Tracking daily habits and progress towards goals is another way to see reality and create a way for you clearly review what you have accomplished over a set period of time. Tracking helps motivate you too; if I can make a change in my life and do it once a day for a period of time it makes me more apt to keep doing it.

So, if you have some goals and habits in mind that need tracked, all you need is a tracking tool. Today we’ll look at 7 different tools to help you keep track of your habits and goals.

Joe’s Goals

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    Joe’s Goals is a web-based tool that allows users to track their habits and goals in an easy to use interface. Users can add as many goals/habits as they want and also check multiple times per day for those “extra productive days”. Something that is unique about Joe’s Goals is the way that you can keep track of negative habits such as eating out, smoking, etc. This can help you visualize the good things that you are doing as well as the negative things that you are doing in your life.

    Joe’s Goals is free with a subscription version giving you no ads and the “latest version” for $12 a year.

    Daytum

      Daytum

      is an in depth way of counting things that you do during the day and then presenting them to you in many different reports and groups. With Daytum you can add several different items to different custom categories such as work, school, home, etc. to keep track of your habits in each focus area of your life.

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      Daytum is extremely in depth and there are a ton of settings for users to tweak. There is a free version that is pretty standard, but if you want more features and unlimited items and categories you’ll need Daytum Plus which is $4 a month.

      Excel or Numbers

        If you are the spreadsheet number cruncher type and the thought of using someone else’s idea of how you should track your habits turns you off, then creating your own Excel/Numbers/Google spreadsheet is the way to go. Not only do you have pretty much limitless ways to view, enter, and manipulate your goal and habit data, but you have complete control over your stuff and can make it private.

        What’s nice about spreadsheets is you can create reports and can customize your views in any way you see fit. Also, by using Dropbox, you can keep your tracker sheets anywhere you have a connection.

        Evernote

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          I must admit, I am an Evernote junky, mostly because this tool is so ubiquitous. There are several ways you can implement habit/goal tracking with Evernote. You won’t be able to get nifty reports and graphs and such, but you will be able to access your goal tracking anywhere your are, be it iPhone, Android, Mac, PC, or web. With Evernote you pretty much have no excuse for not entering your daily habit and goal information as it is available anywhere.

          Evernote is free with a premium version available.

          Access or Bento

            If you like the idea of creating your own tracker via Excel or Numbers, you may be compelled to get even more creative with database tools like Access for Windows or Bento for Mac. These tools allow you to set up relational databases and even give you the option of setting up custom interfaces to interact with your data. Access is pretty powerful for personal database applications, and using it with other MS products, you can come up with some pretty awesome, in depth analysis and tracking of your habits and goals.

            Bento is extremely powerful and user friendly. Also with Bento you can get the iPhone and iPad app to keep your data anywhere you go.

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            You can check out Access and the Office Suite here and Bento here.

            Analog Bonus: Pen and Paper

            All these digital tools are pretty nifty and have all sorts of bells and whistles, but there are some people out there that still swear by a notebook and pen. Just like using spreadsheets or personal databases, pen and paper gives you ultimate freedom and control when it comes to your set up. It also doesn’t lock you into anyone else’s idea of just how you should track your habits.

            Conclusion

            I can’t necessarily recommend which tool is the best for tracking your personal habits and goals, as all of them have their quirks. What I can do however (yes, it’s a bit of a cop-out) is tell you that the tool to use is whatever works best for you. I personally keep track of my daily habits and personal goals with a combo Evernote for input and then a Google spreadsheet for long-term tracking.

            What this all comes down to is not how or what tool you use, but finding what you are comfortable with and then getting busy with creating lasting habits and accomplishing short- and long-term goals.

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