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Have A Confident Mindset In A Way Most People Don’t Know

Have A Confident Mindset In A Way Most People Don’t Know

Being a confident person has a lot of benefits at work and at play. It can make you feel and be more successful. Showing you are confident starts with having and cultivating a mindset of confidence.

1. Be honest

Sometimes we wear a mask with others, or keep our guard up, which means people never get to know who we really are or what’s important to us. If you are a manager or leader,  that can make you seem distant or ambiguous, and can cause anxiety among your team. Being honest about yourself helps to open people up to you and your point of view. You appear to be what you are – a human being with flaws just like everyone else. Expressing your true thoughts can make people like you more, or at least know where you stand, because you have the confidence to show your authentic self. This doesn’t mean sharing your intimate secrets, or being overly personal. It means sharing what’s relevant in the context and being open to criticism and challenge from others on your views. To do that, and to accept it, you need to be confident.

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2. Express your ideas

Sharing your views on something isn’t about speaking louder or longer than others. It’s about providing thoughtful input to conversations. If you don’t know what you think, take time to figure it out. You don’t get points for speaking out, and sometimes saying things just to participate can hurt you, if you have to live with those ideas later. Don’t worry about what other people might say, or how they might react to your views. Share with others what you think the best approach is to solving problems or creating new programs or systems, and ask for feedback. Sometimes it takes one confident person to start the ball rolling. Why not you?

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3. Be Brave

Take on new challenges, even if they seem daunting, and do it with an open mind. Some things we try, even those we are passionate about, just don’t work out. But if we don’t explore new areas, or try new things, we can get in a rut that’s hard to get out of. By achieving new things, we build our confidence, and that comes through loud and clear when you convey ideas and approaches that make sense to others.

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4. Think Positive

If we have a negative mindset about things that worry or scare us, we can’t function confidently. We can get stuck on the negative possibilities, and that leads us to second guess our decisions, or not make recommendations at all. Being negative and talking about all the things that could go wrong will make others afraid and concerned about  the potential success of a new venture as well. Whether you are contributing to something as part of a team, or leading it, think about and write down all the positive outcomes that are possible and share those with others. It will make you feel more confident, and others will as well. That confidence can lead to brainstorming and greater chance of success. When people bring up potential negative outcomes or consequences, try to figure out how they could be avoided, or transformed into positive ones. Lead the discussion in that direction and watch others get on board.

5. Feel Good

Taking care of yourself is a major part of feeling confident. It’s not about having the latest gadget, or fashion item, it’s about feeling well and likely yourself. Some people enjoy exercising daily, others less often. Some people avoid sweets and others follow strict diets, all to be healthy. Whatever approach you take to eating, exercise, and dressing, if you look in the mirror and like yourself, you will convey that to others. Being confident is a state of mind which comes across to others in how you communicate, and that means how you present yourself to the world as well as what you say. Being kind to yourself is a powerful thing and can make you feel more confident to take on the challenges of everyday life, and hair raising times of stress.

Featured photo credit: Hands tear a paper with text via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on October 16, 2019

Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Your Mistakes

Invaluable Lessons You Can Learn From Your Mistakes

Do you like making mistakes?

I certainly don’t.

Making mistakes is inevitable. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be at ease with them?

Perhaps there is a way to think of them differently and see their benefits.

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Why Mistakes Feel Dangerous

Mistakes often feel dangerous. Throughout human history, our errors have often been treated as dangerous for a variety of reasons:

  • Our vulnerability. We have limited and fragile support systems. When those systems fail, people often lose their lives.
  • Real dangers. Nature can be dangerous, and making mistakes can put us at the mercy of nature and its animal residents seeking a meal.
  • Ignorance. Many cultures scapegoats someone whenever there is a failure of some kind. Scapegoating can be serious and deadly.
  • Order. Many societies punish those who do not conform to the prevailing orthodoxy and treat difference and non-conformity as a mistake. Even our brains flash an error message whenever we go against prevailing social norms.

We have a history of handling mistakes and failure in an unpleasant way. Since each of us carries our human history with us, it can be a challenge to overcome the fear of making mistakes.

If we can embrace the reality of mistakes, we can free ourselves to be more creative in our lives and dig up some interesting insights.

Why We Can’t Avoid Making Mistakes

Many people operate under the notion that making mistakes is an aberration, a mistake if you will. You can call it perfectionism but it is a more substantial problem. It is really a demand for order and continuity.

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When we think we can eliminate mistakes, we are often working from a perspective that sees the world as a fixed place. The world, however, is not so obliging. Like it or not, the world, and everything in it, is constantly changing.

Change is more constant and pervasive than we can see with our own eyes which is why we often miss it. Our bodies are constantly changing. The natural conditions of the earth change constantly as well. Everything, including economic and cultural systems have life cycles. Everything is in a constant state of flux.

We cannot see all of the changes going on around us since rates of change vary. Unfortunately, when we try to create a feeling of certainty and solidity in our lives or operate from the illusion of stability and order, we are fighting reality and our natural evolution which is built on adapting to change.

It is better to continually bend into this reality rather than fight every change we experience. Fighting it can cause us to make more mistakes. Finding the benefits in change can be useful and help us minimize unnecessary mistakes.

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Lessons Learned from Making Mistakes

Life has so many uncertainties and variables that mistakes are inevitable. Fortunately, there are many things you can learn from making mistakes.

Here is a list of ways to harness the mistakes you make for your benefit.

  1. Point us to something we did not know.
  2. Reveal a nuance we missed.
  3. Deepen our knowledge.
  4. Tell us something about our skill levels.
  5. Help us see what matters and what does not.
  6. Inform us more about our values.
  7. Teach us more about others.
  8. Let us recognize changing circumstances.
  9. Show us when someone else has changed.
  10. Keep us connected to what works and what doesn’t work.
  11. Remind us of our humanity.
  12. Spur us to want to better work which helps us all.
  13. Promote compassion for ourselves and others.
  14. Teach us to value forgiveness.
  15. Help us to pace ourselves better.
  16. Invite us to better choices.
  17. Can teach us how to experiment.
  18. Can reveal a new insight.
  19. Can suggest new options we had not considered.
  20. Can serve as a warning.
  21. Show us hidden fault lines in our lives which can lead us to more productive arrangements.
  22. Point out structural problems in our lives.
  23. Prompt us to learn more about ourselves.
  24. Remind us how we are like others.
  25. Make us more humble.
  26. Help us rectify injustices in our lives.
  27. Show us where to create more balance in our lives.
  28. Tell us when the time to move on has occurred.
  29. Reveal where our passion is and where it is not.
  30. Expose our true feelings.
  31. Bring out problems in a relationship.
  32. Can be a red flag for our misjudgments.
  33. Point us in a more creative direction.
  34. Show us when we are not listening.
  35. Wake us up to our authentic selves.
  36. Can create distance with someone else.
  37. Slow us down when we need to.
  38. Can hasten change.
  39. Reveal our blind spots.
  40. Are the invisible made visible.

Reframe Reality to Handle Mistakes More Easily

The secret to handling mistakes is to:

  • Expect them as part of the process of growth and development.
  • Have an experimental mindset.
  • Think in evolutional rather than fixed terms.

When we accept change as the natural structure of the world, our vulnerability and humanness lets us work with the ebb and flow of life.

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When we recognize the inevitability of mistakes as part of the ongoing experiment which life is, then we can relax more. In doing so we may make fewer of them.

It also helps to keep in mind that trial and error is an organic natural way of living. It is how we have evolved over time. It is better to be with our natural evolution than to fight it and make life harder.

When we adopt an evolutional mindset and see ourselves as part of the ongoing human experiment, we can appreciate that all that has been built up over time which includes the many mistakes our ancestors have made over thousands of years. Each one of us today is a part of that human tradition of learning and experimenting,

Mistakes are part of the trial and error, experimental nature of life. The more you adopt the experimental, evolutional frame, the easier it becomes to handle mistakes.

Handling mistakes well can help you relax and enjoy all aspects of life more.

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Featured photo credit: Sarah Kilian via unsplash.com

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