Advertising
Advertising

7 Things Truly Amazing Listeners Do Differently

7 Things Truly Amazing Listeners Do Differently

“We are given two ears, but only one mouth. This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.” — Anon

How many times have you switched off when somebody is talking to you? This is just one of the questions you should ask yourself if you think that you are a really good listener. Great listening skills are the foundations for effective communication in every walk of life, be they politics, relationships, business, parenting, religion, or international diplomacy.

Here are the seven things that make truly amazing listeners stand out from the crowd. When you read these, you might have to redefine your status of being a great listener, or you might just be able to pat yourself on the back.

Advertising

1. They really listen

You know the scene. You mention a curious fact or somebody interesting you met at the weekend and want to tell your friend. The amazing listener will actually listen to what you have to say and will not take this as a cue to start off on their own weekend. This is what they do instead:

  • Encourage you to give more details by asking about why, when and where.
  • Give you their full attention and they never start sending texts while listening.
  • Ask for clarification without giving the impression that they know more or better.
  • They can gently probe to discover fears.

Read the following sample from a nurses’ training guide about how active listening works.

2. They restate in a helpful manner

Because they are really present and giving you their full attention, they can actually restate what you are saying when you are troubled, perplexed or doubtful. They will be able to reiterate the points that can help you reflect and summarize what you are trying to get across. They often use the expression, “I’m hearing that … but you feel …”

Advertising

3. They know how to use eye contact

They know how to maintain eye contact. They know instinctively that it is a great help in keeping all the visual distractions at bay. There is nothing worse than a listener who fails to make eye contact, or keeps on shifting his or her gaze around the room, especially at a party or official reception. When Bill Clinton met a journalist in South Africa, his eye contact was more than effective as recounted below:

“Clinton looked me in the eyes and seemed to have a genuine interest in what I was saying. His gaze never left me. He made me feel like the most important person in the room at the time, and Microsoft founder Bill Gates was standing right next to us!”

4. They use body language effectively

Great listeners usually use body language to send the right signals that they are listening. Here is what they are so good at:

Advertising

  • Nodding when appropriate.
  • Leaning forward when sitting down.
  • Rarely crossing arms as it can give the impression of defensiveness or closure.
  • Being conscious of how mouth, hands and facial expression can help the speaker.
  • Keeping fidgeting such as drumming fingers under control.
  • Expressing interest and curiosity without being over the top.

5. They can follow up on conversations

There is nothing worse than coming up against a colleague or acquaintance who cannot remember essential facts from a previous exchange. The amazing listener has all this worked out. He or she is skilled at recalling facts. They are often distinguished by the following openers:

  • I remember that you told me you were …
  • How is X coming along?
  • I know you were worried about Y. Have there been any developments?
  • What happened when you asked your boss for that raise?

6. They listen smarter

Let’s face it. These listeners have very few preconceived ideas about what they are going to hear. All too often, bias is the default position when we listen. We give too much importance to our inner voice.

But the skilled listeners approach the story and the storyteller with an open mind so that no time is wasted in getting rid of certain assumptions. They also know that the 80 percent listening time versus the 20 percent speaking time ratio is usually right. They also know that efficient listening is going to prevent misunderstandings and trouble later on. It pays to listen smarter.

Advertising

7. They look for the right environment

You know how difficult it is to talk to somebody on the phone or with a desk in front of you. The amazing listeners know that the right listening environment does make a difference. They usually:

  • Move from behind the desk to sit beside the speaker.
  • Remove any other obstacles so that communication is maximized.
  • Make every effort to meet face to face.
  • Always turn off devices and minimize possible interruptions.

Read how counselors are trained to create the right listening environment for troubled children. There are lots of useful tips here for any listening session.

Great listeners are on a winning streak. They have enormous advantages over those who talk too much, dominate conversations and have few empathetic skills. It’s a win-win situation if you really are an amazing listener.

Advertising

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie

Featured photo credit: Symphony of love/ BK and Ben Grey via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

12 Ways to Work Smarter, Not Harder to Be More Productive 10 Reasons Why People Are Unmotivated (And How to Be Motivated) 10 Simple Morning Exercises to Make You Feel Great All Day What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It Write A Personal Mission Statement to Achieve Your Goal More Easily

Trending in Productivity

1 STOP Being Busy and Create More Time with these Productivity Hacks 2 7 Signs That You’re Way Too Busy (And Need to Change That) 3 5 Techniques to Tackle a Busy Schedule (And Create More Time) 4 8 Time Management Strategies for Busy People 5 Productivity Boost: How to start your day at 5:00 AM

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 1, 2021

7 Signs That You’re Way Too Busy (And Need to Change That)

7 Signs That You’re Way Too Busy (And Need to Change That)

“Busy” used to be a fair description of the typical schedule. More and more, though, “busy” simply doesn’t cut it.

“Busy” has been replaced with “too busy”, “far too busy”, or “absolutely buried.” It’s true that being productive often means being busy…but it’s only true up to a point.

As you likely know from personal experience, you can become so busy that you reach a tipping point…a point where your life tips over and falls apart because you can no longer withstand the weight of your commitments.

Once you’ve reached that point, it becomes fairly obvious that you’ve over-committed yourself.

Advertising

The trick, though, is to recognize the signs of “too busy” before you reach that tipping point. A little self-assessment and some proactive schedule-thinning can prevent you from having that meltdown.

To help you in that self-assessment, here are 7 signs that you’re way too busy:

1. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Took a Day Off

Occasional periods of rest are not unproductive, they are essential to productivity. Extended periods of non-stop activity result in fatigue, and fatigue results in lower-quality output. As Sydney J. Harris once said,

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”

2. Those Closest to You Have Stopped Asking for Your Time

Why? They simply know that you have no time to give them. Your loved ones will be persistent for a long time, but once you reach the point where they’ve stopped asking, you’ve reached a dangerous level of busy.

3. Activities like Eating Are Always Done in Tandem with Other Tasks

If you constantly find yourself using meal times, car rides, etc. as times to catch up on emails, phone calls, or calendar readjustments, it’s time to lighten the load.

It’s one thing to use your time efficiently. It’s a whole different ballgame, though, when you have so little time that you can’t even focus on feeding yourself.

4. You’re Consistently More Tired When You Get up in the Morning Than You Are When You Go to Bed

One of the surest signs of an overloaded schedule is morning fatigue. This is a good indication that you’ve not rested well during the night, which is a good sign that you’ve got way too much on your mind.

Advertising

If you’ve got so much to do that you can’t even shut your mind down when you’re laying in bed, you’re too busy.

5. The Most Exercise You Get Is Sprinting from One Commitment to the Next

It’s proven that exercise promotes healthy lives. If you don’t care about that, that’s one thing. If you’d like to exercise, though, but you just don’t have time for it, you’re too busy.

If the closest thing you get to exercise is running from your office to your car because you’re late for your ninth appointment of the day, it’s time to slow down.

Try these 5 Ways to Find Time for Exercise.

Advertising

6. You Dread Getting up in the Morning

If your days are so crammed full that you literally dread even starting them, you’re too busy. A new day should hold at least a small level of refreshment and excitement. Scale back until you find that place again.

7. “Survival Mode” Is Your Only Mode

If you can’t remember what it feels like to be ahead of schedule, or at least “caught up”, you’re too busy.

So, How To Get out of Busyness?

Take a look at this video:

And these articles to help you get unstuck:

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Khara Woods via unsplash.com

Read Next