Advertising
Advertising

How To Control The Way You React (part two)

How To Control The Way You React (part two)

    In part one we began to look at how we deal with, or react to, the various happenings in our world. I observed that we have reacting and we have thinking and for some of us, the two don’t merge very often. And therein lies the problem; something happens and we respond without thinking, planning, assessing or considering the consequences of our reaction. If we are serious about creating the new-and-improved version of us then we need to find a way to insert some reason, logic and consciousness into our reactions. Of course I am talking about reactions to significant events and challenges here, not our incidental, daily blips on the radar.

    Advertising

    Positive and Negative Reactions.

    For many people, their biggest day-to day-challenge lies in learning to react differently. For some their inability to control their reactions may one day ruin their life. They are often volatile, irrational, inconsiderate, unaware and self-centred. At one end of the scale a negative reaction might temporarily damage a relationship or create some kind of short term problem between friends or colleagues, while at the other end of the scale, an irrational, unthinking reaction (brain snap) might see a person spend the rest of their life in jail; a life ruined (and possibly another one ended) because of a reaction.

    Creating Better Outcomes

    In order to create better outcomes in our world and turn those negative reactions into positive ones, we must learn to put some space between the event (the thing we’re about to react to) and our response. A little thinking music of sorts. They say that “time is the great healer”, well it can also be the great “preventer of regrettable and stupid reactions” when we insert it between the stimulus (event, situation, circumstance, problem) and our subsequent behaviour.

    Advertising

    We’re all Different

    As with any prescription (exercise, food, medication, psychotherapy), there’s no blanket solution for this challenge but there are certain things we can do to minimise our chances of doing something we’ll regret; reacting negatively. I can’t provide you with a three-step process which will be universally effective for combating negative reactions because we’re all wired differently and what pushes our buttons varies greatly. What will stress me, won’t bother you and vice-versa. What will cause a ‘reaction’ in you will go un-noticed by me.

    Here are my suggestions. Use what’s relevant and meaningful for you.

    1. Embrace calm. Obvious I know, but the more stressed, anxious and volatile we are in our general living (thinking, behaviours, conversations, habits, relationships), the more likely we are to react inappropriately in those moments. Calm, peaceful, balanced people rarely become axe murderers. And you won’t see too many Buddhists jumping out of their car with a baseball bat either. Even if you did cut them off. Do Buddhists even play baseball? Sorry, I digress.

    Advertising

    2. Put space between the event and the reaction. I remember one of my school teachers telling us kids to count to one hundred when we got angry. She was pretty smart; she was teaching us to put some space between the event and our reaction. Of course different things work for different people but you and I need to find a way to create a time buffer so that we don’t do something regrettable. Once you’ve punched your neighbour in the mouth, you can’t really undo that! Finding that time buffer might mean hanging up the phone and calling back in ten minutes, it could mean going for a walk, or it may mean completely shifting your attention to something else for a while and then coming back to that issue, situation or person later. These days my self-control is pretty good but when I was a young (insecure) alpha male, I would often walk away from a (potentially volatile) situation and address it later when I was in a better place (emotionally). It worked for me.

    3. Ask different questions. I have spoken many times about how the quality of our questions affects our behaviours (reactions), the quality of our outcomes and in turn, our life reality. When we ask better (smarter, more thoughtful) questions, we typically create better outcomes.

    Advertising

    4. Invest your emotional energy wisely. Earlier this year I wrote an article on how and where we spend our emotional dollars. Let’s just say that many of us don’t invest wisely and as a result, don’t get a great return on our investment. You might want to re-visit that article when you have a chance.

    5. Wear a wrist band. Call it your calm band. Call it your positive reaction band. Call it whatever you want but wear it as a reminder of what and who you’re becoming; someone who reacts differently. Someone who creates better outcomes. Someone who manages their emotions rather than someone who is managed. Someone who is more aware, more evolved, more balanced and more in control. It’s about raising your consciousness and awareness. Of course the band is symbolic but used the right way, it can help you keep your head – thinking, attitudes, internal dialogue, reactions – where they need to be. I have worked with many people who firmly believe that wearing their wrist band helped them in a real, practical and measurable way. It was a constant physical reminder of their commitment to do, be and create better in their life. For some people, a band is a simple tool that will help them stay aware, conscious and productive. For others, it’s simply another stupid idea. Funny that.

    Okay, I’m off to find my baseball bat.

    Clearly, I’m not the Buddhist I should be.

    More by this author

    Craig Harper

    Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

    Do You Make These 10 Common Mistakes Before Weighing Yourself? If your Childhood Sucked – It’s Time to Stop Blaming Your Parents! Exploring Relationships with the Single Weirdo Education Should be More than Academic Basics How to Stop Being an Over-Thinker

    Trending in Lifestyle

    1 How to Live Longer? 21 Ways to Live a Long Life 2 15 Brain Foods That Will Super Boost Your Brain Power 3 13 Essential Self-Care Tips for Busy People 4 How to Reduce Mental Stress Quickly (And Naturally) 5 Overcome Fear and Anxiety with These 4 Mindset Shifts

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on March 25, 2020

    How to Live Longer? 21 Ways to Live a Long Life

    How to Live Longer? 21 Ways to Live a Long Life

    When it comes to living long, genes aren’t everything. Research has revealed a number of simple lifestyle changes you can make that could help to extend your life, and some of them may surprise you.

    So, how to live longer? Here are 21 ways to help you live a long life

    1. Exercise

    It’s no secret that physical activity is good for you. Exercise helps you maintain a healthy body weight and lowers your blood pressure, both of which contribute to heart health and a reduced risk of heart disease–the top worldwide cause of death.

    2. Drink in Moderation

    I know you’re probably picturing a glass of red wine right now, but recent research suggests that indulging in one to three glasses of any type of alcohol every day may help to increase longevity.[1] Studies have found that heavy drinkers as well as abstainers seem to have a higher risk of early mortality than moderate drinkers.

    3. Reduce Stress in Your Life

    Stress causes your body to release a hormone called cortisol. At high levels, this hormone can increase blood pressure and cause storage of abdominal fat, both of which can lead to an increased risk of heart disease.

    4. Watch Less Television

    A 2008 study found that people who watch six hours of television per day will likely die an average of 4.8 years earlier than those who don’t.[2] It also found that, after the age of 25, every hour of television watched decreases life expectancy by 22 minutes.

    Advertising

    Television promotes inactivity and disengagement from the world, both of which can shorten your lifespan.

    5. Eat Less Red Meat

    Red meat consumption is linked to an increased risk of heart disease and cancer.[3] Swapping out your steaks for healthy proteins, like fish, may help to increase longevity.

    If you can’t stand the idea of a steak-free life, reducing your consumption to less than two to three servings a week can still incur health benefits.

    6. Don’t Smoke

    This isn’t exactly a revelation. As you probably well know, smoking significantly increases your risk of cancer.

    7. Socialize

    Studies suggest that having social relationships promotes longevity.[4] Although scientists are unsure of the reasons behind this, they speculate that socializing leads to increased self esteem as well as peer pressure to maintain health.

    8. Eat Foods Rich in Omega-3 Fatty Acids

    Omega-3 fatty acids decrease the risk of heart disease[5] and perhaps even Alzheimer’s disease.[6] Salmon and walnuts are two of the best sources of Omega-3s.

    Advertising

    9. Be Optimistic

    Studies suggest that optimists are at a lower risk for heart disease and, generally, live longer than pessimists.[7] Researchers speculate that optimists have a healthier approach to life in general–exercising more, socializing, and actively seeking out medical advice. Thus, their risk of early mortality is lower.

    10. Own a Pet

    Having a furry-friend leads to decreased stress, increased immunity, and a lessened risk of heart disease.[8] Depending on the type of pet, they can also motivate you to be more active.

    11. Drink Coffee

    Studies have found a link between coffee consumption and longer life.[9] Although the reasons for this aren’t entirely clear, coffee’s high levels of antioxidants may play a role. Remember, though, drowning your cup of joe in sugar and whipped cream could counter whatever health benefits it may hold.

    12. Eat Less

    Japan has the longest average lifespan in the world, and the longest lived of the Japanese–the natives of the Ryukyu Islands–stop eating when they’re 80% full. Limiting your calorie intake means lower overall stress on the body.

    13. Meditate

    Meditation leads to stress reduction and lowered blood pressure.[10] Research suggests that it could also increase the activity of an enzyme associated with longevity.[11]

    Taking as little as 15 minutes a day to find your zen can have significant health benefits, and may even extend your life.

    Advertising

    How to meditate? Here’re 8 Meditation Techniques for Complete Beginners

    14. Maintain a Healthy Weight

    Being overweight puts stress on your cardiovascular system, increasing your risk of heart disease.[12] It may also increase the risk of cancer.[13] Maintaining a healthy weight is important for heart health and living a long and healthy life.

    15. Laugh Often

    Laughter reduces the levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, in your body. High levels of these hormones can weaken your immune system.

    16. Don’t Spend Too Much Time in the Sun

    Too much time in the sun can lead to an increased risk of skin cancer. However, sun exposure is an excellent way to increase levels of vitamin D, so soaking up a few rays–perhaps for around 15 minutes a day–can be healthy. The key is moderation.

    17. Cook Your Own Food

    When you eat at restaurants, you surrender control over your diet. Even salads tend to have a large number of additives, from sugar to saturated fats. Eating at home will enable you to monitor your food intake and ensure a healthy diet.

    Take a look at these 14 Healthy Easy Recipes for People on the Go and start to cook your own food.

    Advertising

    18. Eat Mushrooms

    Mushrooms are a central ingredient in Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s GOMBS disease fighting diet. They boost the immune system and may even reduce the risk of cancer.[14]

    19. Floss

    Flossing helps to stave off gum disease, which is linked to an increased risk of cancer.[15]

    20. Eat Foods Rich in Antioxidants

    Antioxidants fight against the harmful effects of free-radicals, toxins which can cause cell damage and an increased risk of disease when they accumulate in the body. Berries, green tea and broccoli are three excellent sources of antioxidants.

    Find out more antiosidants-rich foods here: 13 Delicious Antioxidant Foods That Are Great for Your Health

    21. Have Sex

    Getting down and dirty two to three times a week can have significant health benefits. Sex burns calories, decreases stress, improves sleep, and may even protect against heart disease.[16] It’s an easy and effective way to get exercise–so love long and prosper!

    More Health Tips

    Featured photo credit: Sweethearts/Patrick via flickr.com

    Reference

    [1] Wiley Online Library: Late‐Life Alcohol Consumption and 20‐Year Mortality
    [2] BMJ Journals: Television viewing time and reduced life expectancy: a life table analysis
    [3] Arch Intern Med.: Red Meat Consumption and Mortality
    [4] PLOS Medicine: Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review
    [5] JAMA: Fish and Omega-3 Fatty Acid Intake and Risk of Coronary Heart Disease in Women
    [6] NCBI: Effects of Omega‐3 Fatty Acids on Cognitive Function with Aging, Dementia, and Neurological Diseases: Summary
    [7] Mayo Clinic Proc: Prediction of all-cause mortality by the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory Optimism-Pessimism Scale scores: study of a college sample during a 40-year follow-up period.
    [8] Med Hypotheses.: Pet ownership protects against the risks and consequences of coronary heart disease.
    [9] The New England Journal of Medicine: Association of Coffee Drinking with Total and Cause-Specific Mortality
    [10] American Journal of Hypertension: Blood Pressure Response to Transcendental Meditation: A Meta-analysis
    [11] Science Direct: Intensive meditation training, immune cell telomerase activity, and psychological mediators
    [12] JAMA: The Disease Burden Associated With Overweight and Obesity
    [13] JAMA: The Disease Burden Associated With Overweight and Obesity
    [14] African Journal of Biotechnology: Anti-cancer effect of polysaccharides isolated from higher basidiomycetes mushrooms
    [15] Science Direct: Periodontal disease, tooth loss, and cancer risk in male health professionals: a prospective cohort study
    [16] AHA Journals: Sexual Activity and Cardiovascular Disease

    Read Next