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How To Control The Way You React (part one)

How To Control The Way You React (part one)

    You’ve probably heard sayings like:

    “It’s not what happens that matters but how you react (to what happens) that matters”

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    “It’s not about the situation or the circumstance, it’s about you in it”

    “Things only have the meaning we give them”

    “People only treat you the way you let them”

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    You the Reactor

    All of the above sayings refer to how we deal with, manage and react to what happens in our world. In extreme cases a momentary reaction can influence, if not shape, the next ten (twenty, fifty) years of our life. For good or bad. And on a completely different scale, many reactions will be unconscious, almost meaningless blips on the radar of our life. From the moment you and I get out of bed each day we are reacting (consciously or not) to our dynamic environment. Fortunately we don’t live in a static world; how boring would that be? We react to a broad range of stimuli hundreds of times every day and while the majority of our reactions are incidental and largely inconsequential (catching the falling spoon from the edge of the table, changing stations when we don’t like the music, answering a simple question), others will play a significant role in our future – although we may not be aware of it at the time.

    Finding the Bad

    Some of us have mastered the ‘habit’ of reacting negatively; of finding the bad, rather than finding the lesson or finding the good. For many people, the “what can I learn from this” question doesn’t feature nearly as much as the “why do these morons make my life a misery” or “why does this always happen to me” questions.

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    A Hypothetical

    Two people go through the same event (a minor traffic accident perhaps). One emerges from his vehicle wielding an iron bar, frothing at the mouth, screaming obscenities and threatening violence, while the other calmly searches for a pen and paper to exchange insurance details. The psycho gets arrested for attempted assault and battery with a weapon, while Mr Calm drives home with a small scratch on his car, kisses his wife and kids and carries on with his happy life. Rather than learning a lesson from the experience and vowing to change his ways, the angry psycho gets even angrier at the cops, the judge, the legal system, the government and the rest of the world for victimising him. Following his arrest and conviction, he continues to stumble from one (self-created and perpetuated) drama to the next. Never realising that in the middle of all these catastrophes, he is the common denominator. He is the reason. He is the creator of the mayhem. He is the problem. And the solution; should he choose to be. If only he would learn to manage the events of his life differently (react differently), his life experience (his reality) would change dramatically. But as long as he continues to do the same (react poorly), he will continue to produce the same type of negative, destructive outcomes.

    Calm in the Middle of the Chaos

    The sooner we realise that we can have a great day, every day, despite what does or doesn’t happen on that day, the sooner we will move away from the chaos and into the calm. Keeping in mind that we exist in a physical world but do most of our living in our head. With practice you and I can be the calm in the middle of chaos. For the most part, the only environment you and I can control is our internal one, so how we react, how we interpret situations and the type of questions we ask ourselves will play a big role in that process. Even though we have the ability to control our internal environment (our reality), sadly, many of us hand over that power to situations, circumstances, events, ‘luck’ and my (least) favourite, other people. As long as our internal environment is merely a reflection of our external reality then our happiness will always be held to ransom by something beyond our control.

    Daily Challenge

    Every day of our lives you and I are presented with situations, circumstances, events, challenges and conversations which will elicit a reaction from us (one way or the other). For some this will produce an emotional, volatile, irrational, spontaneous or even disastrous response, while for other folk it will be a more measured, calm, considerate and strategic response to the happenings in their world. Emotion is what drives us, but logic and intelligence is what should be steering us.

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    So why do we do react stupidly when we know better?

    Because in ‘that moment’ our response invariably has nothing to do with logic, understanding or intelligence and everything to do with emotion (insecurity, anger, fear, resentment, jealousy). We don’t actually think, consider or plan, we just react. Rather than (us) managing our emotions, all of a sudden our emotions are running the show. Often with dire results. All that ‘self-help stuff’ goes flying out the window. Yep, seen it. Done it even. Sitting at our computer reading an article like this is the easy bit; it all makes sense. We’re in complete control. We’re calm, cerebral, logical, rational, philosophical and evolved. We ‘get’ it. Well, we get the theory of it anyway. But sitting at our computer is not really when we’re put to the test, is it? It’s when that person pisses us off (again)… and all the personal development lessons from this website go straight out the window. Or hopefully not.

    So how do we react differently?

    I’ll tell you in part two.

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    Last Updated on October 9, 2018

    How to Write a Personal Mission Statement to Ensure Peak Productivity

    How to Write a Personal Mission Statement to Ensure Peak Productivity

    Most of you made personal, one sentence resolutions like “I want to lose weight” or “I vow to go back to school.” It is a tradition to start the New Year with things you want to achieve, but under the influence resolutions are often unrealistic.

    If you’re wondering when will be a good time to write a mission statement, NOW is the time to take a personal inventory to make this year your most productive year ever. You may be asking yourself, “How am I going to do that?” You, my friends, are going to write personal mission statements.

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    A large number of corporations use mission statements to define the purpose of the company’s existence. Sony wants to “become the company most known for changing the worldwide poor-quality image of Japanese products” and 3M wants “to solve unsolved problems innovatively”. A personal mission statement is different than a corporate mission statement, but the fundamentals are the same.

    So why do you need one? A personal statement will help you identify your core values and beliefs in one fluid tapestry of content that you can read anytime and anywhere to stay on task toward success.

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    For example, Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire came to the realization that he had lost track of what was important to him. After writing a personal mission statement, we saw him start his own business and he got the girl, Renee Zelleweger. Not bad, wouldn’t you say? A personal mission statement will make sure that, through all the texting, emailing and constant bombardment of on-the-go activity, you won’t lose sight of what is most important to you.

    Mission statements can be simple and concise while others are longer and filled with detail. The length of your personal mission statement will not be determined until you follow this simple equation to create your motivational springboard for 2008.

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    To begin your internal cleansing, you will need to jot down the required information in the following five steps:

    1. What are your values? Values steer your actions and determine where you spend time, energy, and most importantly, money. Be specific and unique to yourself. Too much generalization will not be as effective. It is called a “personal” mission statement for a reason.
    2. What are three important goals you hope to achieve this year? Keep your list of important goals small and give them a date. It is better to focus on the horizon and not the stars. Realistic goals are keys to ultimate success.
    3. What image do you hope to project to yourself? How you see yourself is how the world will view you. Think about this carefully. Your image should encompass what you look like and feel after you have achieved your goals.
    4. Write down action statements from each value describing how you will use those values to achieve your three goals. Start with “I will…”
    5. Rewrite your statement to include only your action statements. Make portable copies for your wallet, car or office.

    If you followed the steps above, congratulations! You have just written your first personal mission statement. Your personal statement will change over the years as your goals change. You can have more than one statement for the different compartments of your life such as your career, family, marriage, etc.

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    Writing a personal mission statement is an effective method to ensure your productivity is at its peak. It is an ideal tradition to start so that when next year rolls around, the outdated practice of resolutions will be something you permanently left in the past.

    Featured photo credit: Álvaro Serrano via unsplash.com

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