Advertising
Advertising

How Tango Forever Changed My Life Both Professionally and Personally

How Tango Forever Changed My Life Both Professionally and Personally

Tango: this beautifully addictive way to connect total strangers, transforming them into artists who paint a story with their emotions on a canvas called the dance floor. This is more than just a simple society dance. It can easily turn into a way of life. It can literally bring you to life, while also bringing joy into the mundane. What better way to disconnect from the Typical You? What better way of Letting Go? What easier way of being True to Yourself? Simply put it, tango is life.

I challenge you to read this article and I challenge you to try out tango at least for a month. Challenge Accepted? 

Tango at a Glance, or Should I Say Mirada?

Mirada comes from the Spanish term of “look” or “gaze”.  In tango, it implies making eye-contact with a potential dance partner in the same room and kindly inviting her (if you are a man) or accepting him (if you are a woman). Then, the two unite and start telling a story through their body movements and facial expressions. Traditional “mirada” is also referred to as “cabeceo”. This is the old-school way of asking a woman to dance. It is still widely used in milongas, tango parties where people dress nice, take off their masks and just enjoy the music and the company of others, while dancing. But let’s take it all, step by step, ocho by ocho.

My first encounter with tango was a couple of months ago. Dragos Roua, who is also a top contributor here on LifeHack wouldn’t stop talking about tango and how he became a tango teacher. He introduced me to the magic of tango in a time in which I had lost my sense of direction in life. I think we all go through that. I was 24 back then. I could have been 30, 40 or 50 – it still had the same effect – the tango. I felt transformed with each lesson. I felt joy and bliss in the beginning of the class and great sadness when the class ended.

My First Tango Lessons. My First Milonga. My First Life Lesson

As opposed to other schools, these classes were developing fast: in two months I learned what others teach in one year. If there is excitement and time, why not fasten the process? I didn’t regret a thing: it opened up a whole new experience.

First Tango Lessons

By the end of first month, I could already do a couple of Tango Nuevo moves (open embrace, ganchos and flirty moves), which is more acrobatic than Argentine Tango (the closed embrace dance). My tango partner back then was as new as me in this. He was also my life partner. We had classes two days per week, two hours per class. Four hours of tango per week is merely enough to keep you connected with the idea of tango. It wasn’t enough to make you fall in love with tango or to determine you to want more than what you already had. And we only did four hours per week because that’s what my partner could do. I was dependent on his time and willingness to tango. And I wanted more. I always wanted more than what I currently had. Story of my life. 

The first lesson tango has taught me was that you can’t have all you want from the beginning: it’s a step-by-step process, it improves as time passes by. As long as you really want to and as long as you practice. I did all I could that time. And so…

My First Milonga

I started in September 2013. I attended my first Milonga, traditionally an event or place where the tango is danced, by the end of October. It was a beautiful autumn night, warm and delightful, like a typical Bucharest October night. I dressed up nicely in a black dress, did my make-up and went out. My life and tango partner did not want to attend the Milonga. I didn’t want to give up, so I went on my own. I had a close friend attend the party with me, but he didn’t know how to dance tango.

The milonga took place in an old building in Bucharest, probably from the early 1900s. Everyone was dressed up like in an exceptional ’60s movies. The air was mesmerizing. Guys wearing tuxedos and manly bows, women wearing stylish dresses, vulnerably waiting to be invited by a good looking stranger. An orchestra played the best tango music I’ve ever heard. Piano tunes would interfere, softly, from time to time and make a switch from tango to waltz.

I was a beginner, but I could feel the tango all around me. I danced with two people that night, both beginners just like me. I felt alive. I felt like I had  sense of direction. And then it came:

Advertising

My First Life Lesson

Tango transforms you on all levels: personally, mentally, emotionally, professionally. My first life lesson came in shortly after I finished the beginner courses: I started to fall in love with tango and out of love with the person who supposedly was the “love of my life”. When we first started dancing tango, I thought,”it will make our relationship more solid.” I did not expect to drift me away from him. Tango showed me how incompatible we were.

That is why Tango isn’t for anyone: you must be prepared to embrace the reality this dance reveals, even if it doesn’t fit “your reality”. 

As he decided not to continue with the intermediate class. I decided to go for it. I found myself surrounded by friends, by music, by the magic of tango, by people who shared similar perspectives and a deep passion for this dance. They became a vivid part of my present.

I wasn’t shattered to pieces by the tango’s reality like I thought I would be. I had tango and friends to support me.

tango is life

    (lovely image from Storenvy.com)

    An Introspection Into 10 Months of Tango

    Tango is not just about personal development, but also about professional development and a lifting of self-set boundaries and limitations. For women, it is a chance to get in touch with your inner femininity; for men, a chance to learn how to connect with women and build moments together.

    Personal Development in Other Dances and in Tango

    Does this sound like a cliché? Most certainly not. Tango is personal development in its purest form. Before tango, I did ballet for many years. I wanted to achieve professional level. Eventually I gave up to reasons independent of me.

    The common link between tango and ballet or other dances is that it teaches you to accept yourself. The differences? Well, in other dances, when you’re in the Moment, you’re mostly alone. The partner has to let go of you at a certain point. It happens in ballet, in salsa, in ice skating etc.

    But with tango, it’s different. It won’t change you in a way in which you can’t recognize the person staring at you through the mirror. It will transform you. Tango is like a friend who you love from the bottom of your heart, but you can’t find the words to express it. You just accept it as it is, because having it in your life makes you a better person.

    Advertising

    With tango, the person you see in the glass is still you, only more beautiful, more sensitive, more human, more emotional. You suddenly realize that you didn’t change, you just improved significantly. With tango, you learn to (sometimes, literally) close an eye and forget about the past or the future: only the Moment matters.

    No one will applaud you because everyone is busy enjoying their own Moment. You share the happiness with another human being, be it a total stranger or a friend. The dance floor is this magical place where time stops. It’s not an empty stage: everyone is painting their story of love and vulnerability, of shared ancestral emotions. Your heart doesn’t bleed. Your heart smiles. 

    Tango teaches you to feel the present with every muscle in your body. It teaches you that you can be graceful, you can accept other people in your personal space, you can let go and be in the moment. And the best thing? You’re not alone in that moment. You share the moment with someone else. 

    When the moment is gone, you are not lost: you are found by the next partner, by the next 3-minute love story. And there’s always someone to take you by the hand, to thank you for being part of their moment, too and take you back to your seat.

    Best thing in tango? Free genuine hugs. 

    Professional Development in Tango

    I believe that tango can teach us important lessons in professional development, too. Here is what I learned after 10 months:

    1. Competitive much? – When you “work” with someone and share the Moment, you learn to be less competitive with the other party. There is no reason to be competitive with the person who is a complementary presence in your life. It could be a mere tango partner, or it could easily be a business partner. There’s no point in being competitive with others, really. You just have to compete with yourself. Remember: You are your closest friend and Your worst enemy!

    Tango has taught me how to save time, money and energy. And even friendships. 

    2. It takes two to tango – yes, the idea that you need support and cannot do it all alone is another important lesson learned. At some point, even if you start on your own, you need a teammate, you need a second opinion. Even if you’re a one-man-show, you still need friends and family by your side.

    Tango has taught me to be nicer to my family and to value my friends: those people who love me unconditionally, even when they don’t know how to show it. Tango has taught me to feel the warmth of others! 

    Advertising

    3. It’s not all about business – Human interaction is needed. You can’t do business without social. Social is important especially out of your professional circles. Why? Because after all, your business is done with regular people, so you don’t have to surround yourself with influencers. Regular people who do not share the same professional background as you can do you justice, too. You’ll learn how to interact with any type of people.

    Tango has taught me how to let people in and how to better communicate with others. 

    4. Diversity is good – meaning just like it helps become a better dancer if you dance with different people, it also helps become a better businessman (or woman, for that matter) if you diversify your professional life. If you have one business and it is going great, try adding a different product, service or even starting a second business in another niche/industry.

    Tango also taught me that diversity will not let you fall into boredom.

    5. Step out of your comfort zone – This is the most important lesson of them all. Yes, tango teaches you to do that. I believe there’s no such thing as two followers following the same or two leaders leading the same. There are as much tango styles out there as there are dancers. And each time you dance with a new partner, you step out of your comfort zone. Each time you try a new move or a new embrace, you step out of your comfort zone.

    As an entrepreneur, you have to step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself. This is what evolution is all about. We all have the seeds of evolution planted in us, why kill the plant before even giving it a chance to grow? Reinvention and transformation happen on a continuum which is filled with challenges. There’s no comfort zone on the road between point A and point B, there is always something unpredictable out there, even if you make the journey 100 times, over and over again.

    What Happens When You Take a Break From Tango?

    This is a tough one. It’s never easy taking a break from the things you love, but it does happen to all of us. I took three breaks over the course of 10 months: 3 weeks after beginner courses ended until advanced courses started; 3 months break during spring and 3 weeks now, during summer holidays.

    It’s a feeling of loneliness not easy to describe. Don’t imagine I tango 40 hrs per week. Now I currently dance around 10 hours per week, in practicas (tango practice places, more casual format than milonga) and one milonga/week. I have a dancing routine I practice at home or in the park of around 60 minutes/day, combining tango steps (the ones I can do on my own), ballet and gymnastics. The minute you take a break from a dance routine, it will immediately show on your body and emotional state.

    Dancing, and specifically tango has to be done regularly. I think the same applies with business and with life in general: to be successful in the things you do, you need to have a certain ethics and principles you maintain on a regular basis. No exceptions. Plus, practice and a regular schedule makes it for growth.

    Setting Goals and Reshaping Your Life

    These two are among the most valuable life lessons a dance has ever taught me. Setting goals has never been my thing and I’ve noticed people usually have trouble with breaking their personal and professional path into achievable milestones.

    Advertising

    Tango taught me how to reshape my life and add value to it, how to keep what matters and let go of all the unnecessary luggage (that we tend to bring in every new relationship we start – personal or professional). I started to set goals for myself in the reality provided by tango: that of human interaction. Here is what happened:

    1. I realized I cannot live alone, I enjoy saying good morning or good night to someone. Living in a flat all by myself was not beneficial. Instead of getting out more and socializing more, I started isolating myself in all aspects. My business suffered just as much as my social life. It started to become painful to dance tango and interact with people instead of being happy and enjoying the moment. Following the lessons provided by tango, I moved into the center of the city in a shared apartment. With a flatmate. 

    2. I realized I wasn’t in touch too much with my feminine side. I would only activate it from time to time during tango. This happened due to my business mode, in which I was alone. It was hard to separate the business side from the vulnerable side in tango. At some point, I couldn’t even properly dance and this turned into great frustration. Then I understood I needed a break to sort my life in order: get business associates, form a team, not do everything by myself. The idea of “taking two to tango” became a clear business solution to my struggles. 

    3. I realized I was too drawn to perfection. I remember a blogger – friend of mine – told me once that “Perfect is the enemy of getting stuff done”. Just like in Tango, you just need to let yourself go and enjoy the moment: you don’t dance to make it perfect, you dance to feel free and express your true self. I stopped trying to shape my life into being perfect and set my goals to be as imperfect as possible.

     

    Tango changed my life in personal and professional ways, probably more than any other type of dance or art. It challenged and keeps challenging me to become a better person, to open up, to not be afraid and to do things in my own pace. It has taught me how everything is adaptable and re-validated the idea that things done with passion on a regular basis can create wonderful moments and can open enjoyable journeys. All you need to do is stay true to yourself and conquer all challenges with an open heart.

    What are my challenges, you ask?

    1. Learn Argentine Tango the right way (in closed embrace – a more intimate connection between partners), now that I have what it takes to dance Tango Nuevo
    2. Find myself a stable tango partner and travel the world to tango together, teaching people what tango is all about (My 5year plan) 

    What are yours? 

     

    P.S. If you’re ever in Bucharest, Romania and want to try out tango, get in touch with me and I’ll connect you with the right people.

    Featured photo credit: Tango via s3.hipertextual.com

    More by this author

    Roxana Nasoi

    Jedi of all kinds

    Freelancing Success 35 Tools and Resources to Absolutely Hack Your Freelancing Success valentine's destinations digital nomads The Top Five Valentine’s Day Destinations for Digital Nomads Ways to generate and preserve startup revenue streams Entrepreneur Corner: 5 Ways to Generate and Preserve Revenue Streams in Your Startup Entrepreneurial Stress: 10 Scenarios and Their Solutions startup launch Startup Launch: 3 Ways to Get Your Business Ready for Takeoff [Infographic]

    Trending in Lifestyle

    1 10 Lower Body Workouts Anyone Can Try at Home 2 How to Stop Overeating the Healthy Way (Step-by-Step Guide) 3 How to Be Confident: 51 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence 4 10 Powerful Ways to Stop Worrying and Start Living Today 5 How To Be Successful In Life: 13 Life-Changing Tips

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on October 14, 2020

    How to Be Confident: 51 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

    How to Be Confident: 51 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

    When you learn how to be confident, you can use it in your everyday life to tackle all of your goals and challenges. However, not many people realize that learning how to gain self-confidence is like building a muscle—it grows in response to the level of performance required of it.

    Here I will give you 51 proven ways to overcome a lack of self-confidence and achieve more.

    1. Learn Something New

    Sign up for that evening class and enjoy it. Alternatively, read a book (or take an online course) on a topic you’ve always wanted to learn more about.

    Learning new things stretches your abilities, keeps your mind active, and most definitely improves your confidence in your ability to do new things.

    2. Ask Your Partner or a Friend What You Can Do For Them

    This can be something as easy as helping them with a chore they don’t like or have little time for. Through helping them, you’ll find that you feel better about yourself.

    3. Hit the Gym

    The physiological effects of going to the gym will leave you feeling great.

    Countless studies have shown that regular workouts at the gym can boost not only your sense of well-being, but can increase your self-esteem, too[1].

    4. Go to a Networking Event

    Rather than being nervous about your own stuff, focus on how to help others. Instead of going along with the aim of trying to sell yourself to others, why not change your approach and simply go along to see how you can help the people you meet?

    By doing this, you’ll come across as calm, confident, and someone that people will want to turn to again and again.

    5. Get Clear on the Things That Matter to You

    If these things are not in your life, you’ll need to bring them in.

    For example, if your daily work routine is currently as dull as dishwater—but you’d like it to be fun—then do something about it. Turn data entry into personal speed contests, paper filing into “screen-free” time, and interactions with your colleagues into enjoyable conversations.

    6. Remove Negativity From Your Life

    Write a list of the things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimize, or diminish each one.

    I personally like to do this with pen and paper as it feels just a little more real and definite than on screen. It’s also a good idea to put the priority items at the top of your list, so you can begin resolving these first.

    7. Celebrate Your Big and Small Wins

    Look at the big or small goals you’ve completed, and give yourself credit for your part in it.

    Recognizing your achievements is not egotistical, it’s healthy.

    8. Converse With New People

    Go and have a conversation with someone you don’t know. By doing this, you may be pleasantly surprised by what—or who—you’ll discover.

    You can also extend this trait by breaking outside of your normal social situations at your workplace. This will do wonders when learning how to be confident.

    9. Do Something You Would Normally Say No to

    Next time you talk yourself out of doing something (a party invite, a challenging project, etc.), go and do it anyway. This is a great way to boost personal development.

    10. Do One Thing Each Day That Makes You Smile

    This could be something as simple as sending a thank you email to a colleague that has been helpful to you, or leaving a surprise present for your partner that they’ll discover when they wake up.

    Life shouldn’t be drudgery, and we all need to make the effort to keep it light, loving, and fun.

    11. Give Yourself Good Advice

    Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or overthinking.

    Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back—what would you want to say to them?

    This is known as Soloman’s Paradox—we’re often quite good at solving others’ problems but not our own. Challenge this and take your own good advice next time[2].

    12. Ask Someone on a Date

    If you’re single and have met someone that you’re definitely attracted to—go ahead and ask them out.

    Advertising

    Even if they turn you down, it will help you learn how to be confident through the fact that you were decisive and made an effort. What’s the best thing that could happen? They might just say yes!

    13. Write Down 20 Things That Make You Feel Good

    Think of this as a gratitude list. Typical things you might include are: your partner, your kids, your parents, your pets, etc.

    I recommend writing this list at least once a month. And most importantly—make sure you’re giving the 20 things plenty of room in your life.

    14. Stop Playing Different Roles

    Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect of you.

    Be your authentic self, the one who knows what to do and loves what they do. It’s easy to find this part of yourself as it’s inherent in your hobbies and your close friendships.

    If you can bring this authenticity into your work life, you’ll be surprised at how positively others will react to you.

    15. Cultivate a Positive Mindset

    Learn to catch yourself every time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get, or aren’t good enough to get what you want[3].

    Talk yourself up when learning how to be confident.

      Instead, tell yourself that you can have, will get, and are good enough to get what you want. Mindset is everything. Make sure yours is positive and dynamic.

      16. Take Yourself off Auto-Pilot

      Make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.

      For instance, if you normally work 9 to 5 but find yourself spending hours getting to and from work, why not negotiate with your boss to mix your hours up a bit?

      You might also suggest a day or two working from home. Sell this to your boss by reminding them that the time and stress lost to commuting can be neatly transferred to productive work hours.

      17. Listen Carefully to What You Tell Yourself

      Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself, and look for a way to improve your inner dialogue.

      If you normally find that your inner dialogue is negative, then break out of this by asking yourself questions such as:

      • What would make this easier?
      • Is there a different way of doing this?
      • Could research help?

      18. Laugh at Yourself

      Scared of looking silly? It’s no biggie, so don’t let it stop you.

      Whenever we try something new, there’s a fair chance that we’ll make fools of ourselves. But you’d be a bigger fool to let that stop you. Instead, laugh at your baby steps and watch your confidence soar as you begin to master your chosen activity.

      19. Listen to Your Doubts

      Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use them to your benefit as you move forwards. Other times, they are just doubts.

      The trick is to quickly determine if your doubts have validity. If they do, use them to shape your decisions.

      To illustrate this, imagine that you’ve had an enticing job offer, but you doubt whether you’re capable of doing the job. Spend a little time analyzing your doubts to see whether they reflect reality, or whether they are just negative thoughts that are trying to hold you back.

      20. Recall a Time When You Did a Great Job

      Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on position, and you were firing on all cylinders. What were you doing, and what’s the reason it felt so great? Can you emulate that passion and drive that you had?

      21. Tear up Your Rule Book

      You may not know it, but you’ve almost certainly got a whole bunch of outdated rules that determine what you do and don’t do. These rules limit your thinking and your behavior.

      It’s time to change them. Tear up this subconscious rule book and toss it in the fire. Once you’ve done this, you’ll immediately notice how free you feel to make challenging and exciting decisions.

      22. Ask Yourself What You Have Gained When You Lose

      Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn’t make the most of something or stepped back from an opportunity?

      Firstly, don’t beat yourself up because that’s just going to make you feel worse. Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and what you lost out on.

      Advertising

      Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a different choice you can make next time?

      23. Don’t Let People Put You Down

      If there’s someone in your life who puts you down or makes you feel small, you owe it to yourself to let them know that you expect something different from now on. 

      Trust me, once you’ve told them, they’ll change, and you will, too. Inevitably, you’ll boost both your confidence and happiness by taking control of your life in this way.

      Learn how to get out of toxic relationships in this article.

      24. Reveal a Little Bit of the Real You

      Relationships can be difficult. They can also lose their zest and become stale. If this happens in your relationship, then it’s time to add some magic to the mix.

      Try revealing something interesting about yourself or your past that your partner doesn’t currently know when learning how to be confident. Perhaps you never mentioned to them that you used to play in a rock band—and you still have the recordings to prove it!

      By adding new things to your relationship, you’ll deepen the bond and keep the spark alive.

      25. Be Your Own Hero

      Recognize that you’re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in—no matter how tough the going gets.

      We all love movies like Die Hard where ordinary people are driven to super-ordinary feats. But here’s the rub: you can be your own action hero.

      Whatever the situation, meet it head on and overcome it. Keep in mind the classic phrase: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

      26. Don’t Give in to the Instant Pay-off

      If I was to offer you $100 now for a day’s work tomorrow or $110 for the same work, but I won’t pay you for a week, which would you choose? Well, I can’t read your mind, but I do know that studies using a similar question to this have found that most people choose the instant, smaller payment over the latter, bigger payment. It seems that we’re hardwired for instant gratification.

      However, if you want to be a success in life, always look at the bigger picture. In the example above, if you could have only waited seven more days, you would have been $10 richer!

      27. Instead of Yelling “I Deserve Better,” Say “I Can Be Better”

      Too often I hear people complaining about their personal circumstances but refusing to do anything about it. Don’t be like them.

      If things aren’t going your way, find solutions and implement them. Your boldness and decisiveness will boost your confidence and help you rapidly climb the ladder of success.

      28. Admit You’re Wrong

      It may not be easy, but you should always be prepared to hold your hands up and change your mind if things are going south. Not every idea you have will be a winning one. The trick is to know when things are clearly not working out.

      You can either attempt to get them back on track or kill them off completely (sometimes that’s the best way).

      29. Trust Your Instincts

      We all have our gut feelings and intuitions, but many people choose to ignore them and rely only on facts, facts, and more facts! While this may work for many scenarios, there will be other times when you’ll need to rely on your instincts.

      30. Imagine Your Confident Future Self

      Imagine you’re visited by a successful, confident, attractive, and vibrant version of you from the future, a version of you who’s everything you hope to be. What do they want to tell you?

      They might praise your efforts, but they may also criticize your lack of planning and weak goals.

      Luckily, if you listen closely to what they tell you, you’ll be able to rapidly shift gears in your life and become the you of the future!

      31. Ask for Help

      This is a common issue. We take on way too many responsibilities and end up either burning ourselves out or just doing a bad job!

      The secret is to put the vast majority of your energy and efforts into what you do well. Give the stuff you don’t do well to others who have a gift for it. Sometimes the most confident and effective thing to do is ask for help.

      32. Be Around People Who Make You Feel Like You

      Do this by spending more time with the people who support and encourage you and less time with those who undermine you.

      At work, don’t be ruined by negative, petty people. Instead, make sure you surround yourself with colleagues who make you laugh and feel good about yourself.

      Advertising

      33. Participate in the World Around You

      Ask yourself this question: “What can I participate in that’s important to me?”

      Typically, this could be your church, a sports club, or even just a weekly get together with your best friend.

      34. Develop Skills to Work on Things That Matter to You

      What can you practice that would radically improve your chances of winning?

      If you want to climb the corporate ladder, for example, then develop the skills needed to do this. These might include: effective project management skills, powerful presentation abilities, and superb goal setting skills.

      Of course, don’t forget that emulating those who have already achieved your goal is one of the quickest and most reliable ways for you to achieve your aims, too.

      35. Act Until You Make It

      The body is a mirror for the mind, so shifting your body language into a confident state can have surprising results.

      This is all about acting. If you want to come across as tough, act tough. If you want to come across as successful, act successful. And if you want to come across as confident, act confident.

      Try doing these things, and you’ll be amazed by the results.

      36. Push Through When You Want to Give up

      Don’t get disheartened or demotivated when you get to 90% with something you’re working on. Push through, and you’ll see that the last 10% is where the magic happens.

      37. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

      Keep comparing yourself to others? Stop it. If you want to learn how to be confident, don’t try to validate yourself through comparison—you’re just peachy as you are.

      Social media often makes this difficult. Try stepping away from your Facebook page for a few days and reconnect with the great things in your own life.

      You can get started with this guide.

      38. Speak up When You Can Make a Difference

      Speak up if there’s something you think could be improved or if you have an idea you think has legs.

      Have you noticed that quiet people at work rarely get the promotions? It’s not that they are incapable or lacking talent, but their abilities are usually overlooked as they don’t know how to engage with others or how to sell themselves.

      Step out of your comfort zone and be sure that you’re an active player. Speak up in meetings by suggesting ideas and offering constructive criticism.

      39. Stop Struggling and Start Accepting

      If there’s something you’ve been struggling to understand for a while, stop trying to understand it. Accept it just as it is, fully and wholly.

      Life offers endless mysteries. If you try to resolve them all you’ll drive yourself insane. Instead, let some mysteries remain, and keep your mind focused on your goals and dreams.

      40. It’s Okay to Be Shy

      There’s nothing wrong with being shy, and it doesn’t mean you’re not a confident person.

      If you suffer from shyness, you might think it’s a major weakness of yours. However, introverted people have the edge in many ways, such as: they’re first-rate listeners, they have excellent observational skills, and they’re easier to trust[4].

      41. Clean up Your Environment

      Your environment directly impacts your self-perception. So, if you’re surrounded by clutter, paperwork, and rubbish, put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get organized.

      42. Write a List of Things You Would Love to Do

      Write yourself a list of the amazing things you’d love to do in your life, and make a start by simply looking into the first one or two things that leap out at you. This will help you get started as you learn how to be confident

      Even if you don’t currently have the means to live your dreams, you can, at the very least, make a start. The best way to do this is to write out the things you’d love to do. These may include cool stuff, such as travelling the world, learning a new language, or climbing a mountain.

      Once you’ve added the items to your list, don’t stop there. Begin researching and preparing ways to turn your dreams into realities.

      43. Make Your Self-Worth Independent From Others’ Validation

      Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else.

      Advertising

      While it’s difficult to admit it, we often find ourselves rating our self-esteem by the value other people put on us.

      For instance, you may have a super-positive boss who is always encouraging and supportive. They make you feel upbeat and confident at all times.

      However, imagine if they left and your new boss was the complete opposite. They constantly look for faults in your work and regularly criticize you. Would you still feel confident in those circumstances?

      If you’ve answered no, then you need to reappraise your self-worth, as it shouldn’t be dependent on the validation of others.

      44. Use Your Strengths

      We all have our weaknesses, but they only undermine your confidence if you let them.

      For instance, are you aware that Virgin’s founder Richard Branson suffers from dyslexia? He never let this hold him back or destroy his confidence. Today, he is one of the world’s most successful men, with a net worth of approximately $5 billion[5].

      45. Complete a To-Do List

      The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list, the more it’ll drain you, and the bigger it’ll seem. Get it done and free yourself up.

      If you have a big goal, break it down into smaller tasks. For instance, instead of trying to write a whole chapter of your book in one go, how about just writing the opening paragraph?

      46. Treat Your Body Well

      When learning how to be confident, our body image does matter, because if you have a bad relationship with your body, you won’t feel confident in yourself.

      What’s one of the first things most of us do when we get up in the morning? We look in the mirror. If we don’t like what we see there, then our day starts off with negative self-talk. If, on the other hand, we look in the mirror and feel proud of our appearance, then we start the day off in an upbeat, positive way.

      If you’re unhappy with your body and looks, do something to improve them. Exercise, diet, and styling are common ways of improving your body image—and your confidence.

      47. Learn to Say No

      Don’t say yes to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat. You can politely decline requests you can’t meet without needing to create excuses.

      While saying yes to everything that comes your way might feel like you’re being helpful and in demand, in the long run, you’ll burn yourself out.

      48. Learn From Confident People

      Look at the people you respect who seem confident. Don’t copy them, but identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it.

      People-watching is not only fun, but it can be informative, too. Look closely at successful people you know, or those being interviewed on TV, and over time you’ll begin to notice common traits, beliefs, and behaviors that they exhibit.

      49. Follow Through on Your Plans

      Most people find it easy to write plans. The hard part, of course, is seeing them through. To stand out from the crowd, make sure that you know exactly how to complete your plans.

      If you need to, write down a step-by-step guide and begin following it. Not only will this drive you towards the completion of your plans—but experiencing the progress will also give you a continuous boost to your self-esteem.

      50. Shift Your Focus When You Doubt Yourself

      When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralyzed with doubt or fear, switch to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with.

      I remember one of my writing tutors telling me that when the words stop flowing, it’s time to take a break— preferably a walk in the park. It’s sound advice as it’s very easy to get caught up with our thoughts and emotions and be unable to make progress.

      51. Never Beat Yourself up for Failing

      Life is guaranteed to not always be a barrel of laughs. Instead, it’s much more like a roller coaster. There will be ups and downs, so ride them out.

      The art of living is to know how to handle whatever comes you way. The best way to achieve this is by developing an iron core that is unhindered by the topsy-turvy outside world.

      Final Thoughts

      Here I’ve given you 51 different ways to start building self-confidence Take action on the ways that you’re drawn to.

      It’s not enough to read about them. For them to work, you must adopt them into your daily life. Do this, and you’ll start to feel your confidence soar.

      More on How to Be Confident

      Featured photo credit: Matheus Ferrero via unsplash.com

      Reference

      Read Next