Advertising

How to Prevent Arguments & Feel More Connected with Your Partner

Advertising
How to Prevent Arguments & Feel More Connected with Your Partner

The New Science is Here

The New Science of Relationship helps us understand how to prevent arguments and stay connected. One of the most powerful ways to do that is through an exercise developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin: “The Welcome Home Exercise.” With the Welcome Home Exercise, you sync up nervous systems with your partner in order to build a connection at the deeper, unconscious level. Without words, the welcome home exercise gives you both a sense of being tethered and relaxing into each other. That can prevent arguments before they even happen and provide a deep sense of connection.

Most of Our Partner Interaction is Unconscious

The welcome home exercise works on a simple premise. Most what our brain is processing during partner interactions is unconscious (as much as 90%!). Much of that is happening in the simple, more primitive part of the brain that determines safety and threat. The fight or flight system, if you will. When our partner is that close, the brain makes a calculation that they must be safe to us, otherwise they would be eating us like a tiger. Unless your partner is actually eating you like a tiger, then that assumption of safety relaxes the fight or flight system.

Advertising

Sync up For The Win!

The exercise also relies on another important premise. Our guts have more neurons than the spinal cord. When we hug belly to belly, these neurons start to sync up with each other, literally getting on the same wavelength. When partners take the time to relax into each other, the syncing up generates a real sense of being in harmony with one another. This foundational sense of connection telegraphs safety to the thinking brain, which helps it stay out of trouble.

Advertising

Welcome Home

    How to do it

    So, in order to do the welcome home exercise properly, these are the important components:

    • Hug belly to belly before words are exchanged
    • Hold the hug until both partners relax
    • Do not let others (dogs or kids) interfere with the process

    Basically, you need to take the time to feel your partner relax. You’re waiting for a sigh, or a drop of tension in their muscles. Prioritize each other and the reunion before you turn to others. And wait to talk until the ‘syncing’ has happened. At that point, it can be nice to make eye contact and ask about your partner’s day, etc., or greet the kids. The unconscious brain is already feeling safer and more connected.

    Advertising

    Using Physiology Masterfully

    The welcome home exercise is just one example of how to use the power of brain science to make life with your partner easier. These are true life hacks. Once you understand how to speak directly to the more primitive part of the brain, you can get important things done quickly, like soothing your partner, helping them feel loved, and keeping a sense of connection between you.

    The Transition To Together

    You can use this welcome home exercise anytime you need it, and anytime you’ve been apart. For example, if you have been in separate rooms of the house for a couple of hours, do the Welcome Home before you start interacting together in the same room again. It will connect you more quickly and at a deeper level than talking at the usual distance can.

    Advertising

    Few people know that when we are by ourselves, even for an hour, our nervous system syncs to itself and we become accustomed to our individual state of being. This can make it difficult to jump smoothly into another person’s space. Transitioning the nervous system to interacting with another person takes longer for some folks than for others, but we all need some sort of transition. The welcome home exercise is one of the most effective ways to bridge that gap quickly and avoid arguments before the thinking brain comes up with them. Have fun with it!

     

    Advertising

     

    Featured photo credit: ostill / 123RF Stock Photo via 123rf.com

    More by this author

    The Real Rules of Attraction We Should Stop Neglecting A Step-by-Step Guide To Picking Your Best Mate Common Meditation Mistakes You Can Avoid Now Are You in Love or in Lust? 10 Ways to Prevent Cheating in Relationship

    Trending in Family

    1 The Heartbreak of Addiction: Coping When Your Significant Other Relapses 2 25 Super Fun Things to Do With Family to Strengthen Your Bond 3 25 Fabulously Fun Family Activities To Bring You Closer Together 4 How to Set Family Goals to Build a Happy Family (With Examples) 5 15 Best Father’s Day Gifts Your Father Won’t Buy On His Own

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on August 12, 2021

    Learn How To Make Coffee 38 Different Ways With This Stunning Guide

    Advertising
    Learn How To Make Coffee 38 Different Ways With This Stunning Guide

     

    If you make your own coffee in the morning, chances are you’re only making the same boring kind everyday. Now it’s time to put an end to the cynical habit and turn you into an instant coffee connoisseur.

    For those who don’t know, there are officially 38 different ways to make coffee. All, except decaffeinated versions will give you the same buzz that can either make you extremely productive or give you anxiety.

    The only difference here is taste. And when it comes to coffee, taste matters. A lot.

    Most of the methods and ingredients from the chart above dates back hundreds of years and have been traditionally passed down from generation to generation. Hence, it’s actually possible to tell where a person came from based on the type of coffee he or she drinks!

    asfdasdfasfdasdfasd

      38 ways to make a perfect Coffee | Visual.ly

      Read Next