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Ditch The “5 Easy Steps” and Conquer The One Trait You Need To Succeed

Ditch The “5 Easy Steps” and Conquer The One Trait You Need To Succeed

“Continuous effort—not strength or intelligence—is the key to unlocking our potential.” – Winston Churchill

The idea of success is talked about time and time again.

People everywhere preach that they’ve figured out the formula for success.

They say stuff like “5 Easy Step To Ultimate Mastery!” and “7 Steps To One Million Dollars!”

They complicate success and make it seem like you can go from zero to hero in two days tied in with a cheap sales pitch like, “Only available for a limited time so act now!”

Their intentions are probably good, but there promises are false.

Success is defined differently for each person. I can’t define success for you. But I can show you the one trait you need to reach your own definition of success.

It’s something that took me a long time to figure out, but now that I have it–I can’t be stopped.

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What am I talking about?

Persistence

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not; the world is full of educated failures.

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” – Calvin Coolidge

For most of my life, I have missed the mark on persistence. I have an addictive personality and have always gone full-fledged into whatever I’m interested in.

I did magic professionally when I was 13 years old. I competed with top level grapplers and future MMA fighters when I was 15 years old. I played poker professionally when I was 17 years old.

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I’ve done a lot of things, but have always quit or burnt out after a year’s time. It wasn’t until I understood the power of persistence that I figured out how to truly achieve success.

Ways To Boost Your Persistence

Persistence is just like will power–it can be strengthened.

Persistence is not something that you are born with.

You have to grow it by pushing your own limits.

There’s a reason why Mixed Martial Arts Fighters are the most persistent human beings on the planet. They take beatings each and every day so they can train their body for the true beating when they step into the cage. With each training session they are boosting their levels of persistence to unimaginable heights.

You can do the same without getting punched in the face.

All you have to do is push forward and push hard. Each and every day you must do what makes you come alive. Whatever that is, do it to the point where you usually stop.

Feel the fatigue and then push past it just a little bit. Spend an extra fifteen minutes this time. Then next time push it to 30 minutes extra.

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With time, you are going to boost your levels of persistence to the levels of top athletes and entrepreneurs.

Let’s do a simple visualization exercise to maximize your persistence. You can complete this exercise without pen and paper, but it’s much better to do it with pen and paper, as it will solidify the visualization.

1. Imagine yourself five years from now if you have persisted with your current goals. How old will you be? What will your life be like? Are you happy and fulfilled?

2. Imagine yourself ten years from now if you have persisted with your current goals. How old will you be? What will your life be like? How much more progress have you made? Are you happy and fulfilled?

3. Imagine yourself twenty years from now if you have persisted with your current goals. How old will you be? What will your life be like? How great does it feel to have stuck it out this far? How happy and fulfilled are you?

Now it’s time to do the exact opposite.

1. Imagine yourself five years from now if you have not persisted with your current goals. How old will you be? What will your life be like? What job will you be working? Are you happy and fulfilled?

2. Imagine yourself ten years from now if you have not persisted with your current goals. How old will you be? What will your life be like? Are you starting to feel regret? How happy and fulfilled are you?

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3. Imagine yourself twenty years from now if you have not persisted with your current goals. How old will you be? What will your life be like? Take yourself through an average day. How much regret do you have? How poorly do you feel?

This exercise works wonders to give you a greater perspective on life.

Personally I imagine myself five years from now having a drink with one of my other entrepreneur friends in a foreign city like Bangkok, Berlin, Madrid, or Paris. We are having a great time and talking about the early days and how glad we are that we stuck with it. That’s my fuel to the fire.

Reaching your goals can take a long time, and the path is definitely not linear.

You will hit plenty of bumps in the road. You may even find that you are looking down the wrong road.

But by using persistence, you change the game. No longer does success become a question of what or how, it becomes a question of when.

You keep moving forward, you keep putting in the hours and success becomes inevitable.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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