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7 Skillful Ways You Can Learn To Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence

7 Skillful Ways You Can Learn To Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence, often referred to as, EI or EQ, is a form of intelligence that affects people’s self-esteem and interaction with others. There are four aspects to emotional intelligence that lead to a centered lifestyle. These are self-awareness, self-management of emotions, social relationship, and relationship management. When you raise your EQ, negative emotions are lowered and more positive decisions can be followed through with. Through strengthening these core elements, a healthy lifestyle balance can be achieved and emotional intelligence is enhanced.

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    Pay Attention To Feelings

    Take time to assess how you feel about a situation. The identification of emotions strengthens the ability to recognize emotions as they arise. Learn to assess emotions even when they are discomforting. Appraise emotions through writing down how a situation or crisis is being addressed while avoiding interrupting the chain of emotions. Let yourself feel the full impact of how you are being affected by even strong emotions. This is an ongoing enterprise; take stock of feelings and emotions frequently. Through noting emotions, especially in a stressful situation, emotions can be brought under control.

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      Allow Feelings To Flow

      Avoid judging what is being felt. Feelings come unbidden and there is no sense in judging too harshly what is being felt. This allows feelings, even very strong ones, to lessen their impact over time. A person thus learns to give themselves and others a non-judgmental way of emotional release without reservation. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling without attempting to interrupt or avoid the feeling. Avoidance of feelings, especially very strong ones only tend to build up over time and become untenable and very difficult to live with.

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        Recognize and Manage Stress

        There is no doubt that life is stressful. How you manage stress has a direct impact on emotional intelligence. Enhancing time-management skills may be one area where stress can be reduced. Prioritize tasks and learn how to politely refuse requests that are time-consuming but not beneficial. For example, take time to help out a friend but leave the dishes for later. Make and act on those decisions that are best for you. Don’t spend time worrying about what others would do or what others think or believe about you. Take a walk to soothe and clear a mind cluttered with emotions.

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          Develop An Open Mind

          Learn to at least listen to the other side of an argument. Listening does not necessarily mean agreement. Be eager to learn and enhance your own natural intellectual curiosity. These tips help you to grow emotionally and intellectually. A means to understanding and getting along with others is in refusing to always be right; after all, no one is ever right all the time. You will also develop a means of dealing with conflict with confidence and poise. Frequently listen to debates, political and otherwise, on television and radio.

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            Develop Extrovert and Empathetic Tendencies

            Empathy is the ability to understand another’s reactions and emotions in a given situation. This important skill is developed through thinking about how others are being treated. Refuse to be isolated. Volunteering skills and getting to know people can help you develop extroversion. Through getting involved with others, you become a person who is selfless and helpful. Development of these tendencies make you a better person, more skilled toward benefiting and helping others. This does not mean allowing others to simply use or walk all over you. Rather, you become an individual willing to set boundaries and happily engage in social interactions.

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              Be Analytical and Responsive

              Think about how a decision will impact your life. Completely weigh options before acting. Be pro-active in decision-making. This is where a creative and imaginative mind serve you well. Consider the impact of hypothetical situations, such as changing jobs, getting involved in a new relationship, or moving. The consideration of a pretend scenario impacts the way a life changing situation can and will be addressed. Form goals, and write down short and long-term goals and the steps toward their ultimate achievement.

              To Thine Own Self Be True

              Ultimately, at the end of the day you must act on those decisions that impact you. Making decisions that are in alignment with your values and goal make decision-making easier. Learn to get to know yourself and like yourself both for who you are and who you will be. In recognizing your own emotions you will be more likely to develop the emotions and motivations of others around you. Know your motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. Through knowing what drives you, you will be better able to move forward with a sense of direction and confidence.

              You will gain a sense of ownership over decisions made and actions taken in your life. Engage others around you to share in all that life offers. In strengthening emotional intelligence you will cultivate a better self-esteem and a calm sense of reality.

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              References:

              http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htm

              http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/how-to-control-your-emotions/

              http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Emotional-Intelligence http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-mind-your-body/201201/10-ways-enhance-your-emotional-intelligence

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              Last Updated on August 20, 2019

              How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

              How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

              Your mind is the most powerful tool you have for the creation of good in your life, but if not used correctly, can also be the most destructive force in your life.

              Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affect your perception and therefore, your interpretation of reality. (And here’s Why Your Perception Is Your Reality.)

              I have heard that the average person thinks around 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a lot, especially if they are unproductive, self-abusive and just a general waste of energy.

              You can let your thoughts run amok, but why would you? It is your mind, your thoughts; isn’t it time to take your power back? Isn’t it time to take control?

              Choose to be the person who is actively, consciously thinking your thoughts. Become the master of your mind.

              When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings as well, and you will also eliminate the triggers that set off those feelings. Both of these outcomes provide you with a greater level of peace in your mind.

              I currently have few thoughts that are not of my own choosing or a response from my reprogramming. I am the master of my mind, so now my mind is quite peaceful. Yours can be too!

              Who Is Thinking My Thoughts?

              Before you can become the master of your mind, you must recognize that you are currently at the mercy of several unwanted “squatters” living in your mind, and they are in charge of your thoughts. If you want to be the boss of them, you must know who they are and what their motivation is, and then you can take charge and evict them.

              Here are four of the “squatters” in your head that create the most unhealthy and unproductive thoughts:

              1. The Inner Critic

              This is your constant abuser who is often a conglomeration of:

              • Other people’s words; many times your parents.
              • Thoughts you have created based on your own or other peoples expectations.
              • Comparing yourself to other people, including those in the media.
              • The things you told yourself as a result of painful experiences such as betrayal and rejection. Your interpretation creates your self-doubt and self-blame, which are most likely undeserved in cases of rejection and betrayal.

              The Inner Critic is motivated by pain, low self-esteem, lack of self-acceptance and lack of self-love.

              Why else would this person abuse you? And since this person is actually you– why else would you abuse yourself? Why would you let anyone treat you this badly?

              2. The Worrier

              This person lives in the future; in the world of “what ifs.”

              The Worrier is motivated by fear which is often irrational and with no basis for it. Occasionally, this person is motivated by fear that what happened in the past will happen again.

              3. The Reactor or Trouble-Maker

              This is the one that triggers anger, frustration and pain. These triggers stem from unhealed wounds of the past. Any experience that is even closely related to a past wound will set him off.

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              This person can be set off by words or feelings, and can even be set off by sounds and smells.

              The Reactor has no real motivation and has poor impulse control and is run by past programming that no longer serves you, if it ever did.

              4. The Sleep Depriver

              This can be a combination of any number of different squatters including the inner planner, the rehasher, and the ruminator, along with the inner critic and the worrier.

              The Sleep Depriver’s motivation can be:

              • As a reaction to silence, which he fights against
              • Taking care of the business you neglected during the day
              • Self-doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity and generalized anxiety
              • As listed above for the inner critic and worrier

              How can you control these squatters?

              How to Master Your Mind

              You are the thinker and the observer of your thoughts. You must pay attention to your thoughts so you can identify “who” is running the show; this will determine which technique you will want to use.

              Begin each day with the intention of paying attention to your thoughts and catching yourself when you are thinking undesirable thoughts.

              There are two ways to control your thoughts:

              • Technique A – Interrupt and replace them
              • Technique B – Eliminate them altogether

              This second option is what is known as peace of mind!

              The technique of interrupting and replacing is a means of reprogramming your subconscious mind. Eventually, the replacement thoughts will become the “go to” thoughts in the applicable situations.

              Use Technique A with the Inner Critic and Worrier; and Technique B with the Reactor and Sleep Depriver.

              For the Inner Critic

              When you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself (calling yourself names, disrespecting yourself, or berating yourself), interrupt it.

              You can yell (in your mind), “Stop! No!” or, “Enough! I’m in control now.” Then, whatever your negative thought was about yourself, replace it with an opposite or counter thought or an affirmation that begins with “I am.”

              For example, if your thought is, “I’m such a loser,” you can replace it with, “I am a Divine Creation of the Universal Spirit. I am a perfect spiritual being learning to master the human experience. I am a being of energy, light, and matter. I am magnificent, brilliant, and beautiful. I love and approve of myself just as I am.”

              You can also have a dialogue with yourself with the intention of discrediting the ‘voice’ that created the thought, if you know whose voice it is:

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              “Just because so-and-so said I was a loser doesn’t make it true. It was his or her opinion, not a statement of fact. Or maybe they were joking and I took it seriously because I’m insecure.”

              If you recognize that you have recurring self-critical thoughts, you can write out or pre-plan your counter thoughts or affirmation so you can be ready. This is the first squatter you should evict, forcefully, if necessary:

              • They rile up the Worrier.
              • The names you call yourself become triggers when called those names by others, so he also maintains the presence of the Reactor.
              • They are often present when you try to fall asleep so he perpetuates the Sleep Depriver.
              • They are a bully and is verbally and emotionally abusive.
              • They are the destroyer of self-esteem. They convince you that you’re not worthy. They’re a liar! In the interest of your self-worth, get them out!

              Eliminate your worst critic and you will also diminish the presence of the other three squatters.

              Replace them with your new best friends who support, encourage, and enhance your life. This is a presence you want in your mind.

              For the Worrier

              Prolonged anxiety is mentally, emotionally and physically unhealthy. It can have long-term health implications.

              Fear initiates the fight or flight response, creates worry in the mind and creates anxiety in the body.

              You should be able to recognize a “worry thought” immediately by how you feel. The physiological signs that the fight or flight response of fear has kicked in are:

              • Increased heart rate, blood pressure, or surge of adrenaline
              • Shallow breathing or breathlessness
              • Muscles tense

              Use the above stated method to interrupt any thought of worry and then replace it. But this time you will replace your thoughts of worry with thoughts of gratitude for the outcome you wish for.

              If you believe in a higher power, this is the time to engage with it. Here is an example:

              Instead of worrying about my loved ones traveling in bad weather, I say the following (I call it a prayer):

              “Thank you great spirit for watching over _______. Thank you for watching over his/her car and keeping it safe, road-worthy, and free of maintenance issues without warning. Thank you for surrounding him/her with only safe, conscientious, and alert drivers. And thank you for keeping him/her safe, conscientious, and alert.”

              Smile when you think about it or say it aloud, and phrase it in the present tense; both of these will help you feel it and possibly even start to believe it.

              If you can visualize what you are praying for, the visualization will enhance the feeling so you will increase the impact in your vibrational field.

              Now take a calming breath, slowly in through your nose, and slowly out through the mouth. Take as many as you like!

              Replacing fearful thoughts with gratitude will decrease reactionary behavior, taking the steam out of the Reactor.

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              For example:

              If your child gets lost in the mall, the typical parental reaction that follows the fearful thoughts when finding them is to yell at them.

              “I told you never to leave my sight.” This reaction just adds to the child’s fear level from being lost in the first place. Plus, it also teaches them that mom and/or dad will get mad when he or she makes a mistake, which may make them lie to you or not tell you things in the future.

              Change those fearful thoughts when they happen:

              “Thank You (your choice of Higher Power) for watching over my child and keeping him safe. Thank you for helping me find him soon.”

              Then, when you see your child after this thought process, your only reaction will be gratitude, and that seems like a better alternative for all people involved.

              For the Trouble-Maker, Reactor or Over-Reactor

              Permanently eliminating this squatter will take a bit more attention and reflection after the fact to identify and heal the causes of the triggers; but until then, you can prevent the Reactor from getting out of control by initiating conscious breathing as soon as you recognize his presence.

              The Reactor’s thoughts or feelings activate the fight or flight response just like with the Worrier. The physiological signs of his presence will be the same. With a little attention, you should be able to tell the difference between anxiety, anger, frustration, or pain:

              • Increased heart rate and blood pressure; surge of adrenaline
              • Shallow breathing or breathlessness
              • Muscles tension

              I’m sure you’ve heard the suggestion to count to ten when you get angry—well, you can make those ten seconds much more productive if you are breathing consciously during that time.

              Conscious breathing is as simple as it sounds; just be conscious of your breathing. Pay attention to the air going in and coming out.

              Breathe in through your nose:

              • Feel the air entering your nostrils.
              • Feel your lungs filling and expanding.
              • Focus on your belly rising.

              Breathe out through your nose:

              • Feel your lungs emptying.
              • Focus on your belly falling.
              • Feel the air exiting your nostrils.

              Do this for as long as you like. Leave the situation if you want. This gives the adrenaline time to normalize.

              Now you can address the situation with a calmer, more rational perspective and avoid damaging behavior.

              One of the troubles this squatter causes is that it adds to the sleep depriver’s issues. By evicting, or at least controlling the Reactor, you will decrease reactionary behavior, which will decrease the need for the rehashing and ruminating that may keep you from falling asleep.

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              Master your mind and stop the Reactor from bringing stress to you and your relationships!

              For the Sleep Depriver

              (They’re made up of the Inner Planner, the Rehasher and the Ruminator, along with the Inner Critic and the Worrier.)

              I was plagued with a very common problem: not being able to turn off my mind at bedtime. This inability prevented me from falling asleep and thus, getting a restful and restorative night’s sleep.

              Here’s how I mastered my mind and evicted the Sleep Depriver and all his cronies.

              1. I started by focusing on my breathing—paying attention to the rise and fall of my belly—but that didn’t keep the thoughts out for long. (Actually, I now start with checking my at-rest mouth position to keep me from clenching.)
              2. Then I came up with replacement strategy that eliminated uncontrolled thinking—imagining the word in while breathing in and thinking the word out when breathing out. I would (and do) elongate the word to match the length of my breath.

              When I catch myself thinking, I shift back to in, out. With this technique, I am still thinking, sort of, but the wheels are no longer spinning out of control. I am in control of my mind and I choose quiet.

              From the first time I tried this method I started to yawn after only a few cycles and am usually asleep within ten minutes.

              For really difficult nights, I add an increase of attention by holding my eyes in a looking-up position (Closed, of course!). Sometimes I try to look toward my third eye but that really hurts my eyes.

              If you have trouble falling asleep because you can’t shut off your mind, I strongly recommend you try this technique. I still use it every night. You can start sleeping better tonight!

              You can also use this technique any time you want to:

              • Fall back to sleep if you wake up too soon.
              • Shut down your thinking.
              • Calm your feelings.
              • Simply focus on the present moment. 

              The Bottom Line

              Your mind is a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for constructive purposes or for destructive purposes.

              You can allow your mind to be occupied by unwanted, undesirable and destructive tenants, or you can choose desirable tenants like peace, gratitude, compassion, love, and joy.

              Your mind can become your best friend, your biggest supporter, and someone you can count on to be there and encourage you. The choice is yours!

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              Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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